your child is transgendered

[chinangel]

this is for everyone but as a transgirl myself, I have become curious.

Let's say you have a child and as they grow up you notice they're not like other kids. THey're either unusually effeminate or tomboyish, liking my little pony or transformers over what you would normally expect for a child.

And they're not growing out of it. In fact they're expressing a strong desire to become the opposite gender, saying that they want medicine to change them....

How, as a parent, would you handle this? Bear in mind we are talking about someone roughly around 13 years old.

What would you do, and why?

EDIT:

Wow, the rampant ignorance in what it means to be transgendered in here is getting pretty depressing. I would hope people would actually research what it means to be transgendered before playing armchair psychologist.

Secondly, people are focusing way too much on children's interests. I was using that as an example but there are many other ways one can see that their child is different which is the angle I was going for in the first place.

ONe final note...You cannot 'convince' someone they are the wrong gender. To suggest otherwise is quite silly. The process of getting cleared for hormones alone weeds out those who are not truly transgendered with t hose who are.

Trying to convince someone they're the wrong gender is like trying to convince a fish they can walk. No matter how much you talk, it just isn't going to happen.

 

[senordesol]

Educate myself and my child first and foremost. 13 is probably too young to do anything permanent, so no 'operations' just yet; but take the claim seriously nontheless.

Probably encourage the child to get involved with some LBTQ groups so they can hear from the experiences of others.

If, around 15 or 16, they're still insisting on making the switch; we talk to the doctor.

 

[Fappy]

I would talk to them about it a lot, reference studies and talk to medical/psychology professionals (with them). I would encourage them to figure out who they are and who they want to be, but I wouldn't allow them to make any kind of permanent changes (or even take hormone medication) until they're 18, and old enough to decide for themselves.

 

[The Lunatic]

I would talk to them about it a lot, reference studies and talk to medical/psychology professionals (with them). I would encourage them to figure out who they are and who they want to be, but I wouldn't allow them to make any kind of permanent changes (or even take hormone medication) until they're 18, and old enough to decide for themselves.

Pretty the same camp I'm in.

I can't claim I'd ever understand them completely, but, I'd certainly try, and try to help them as much as possible.

However, I simply couldn't trust them before a certain age to make a decision that big.

 

[Casual Shinji]

If they would want to get a sex chance just because they're effeminate/tomboyish and like My Little Pony/Transformers, I would clear that shit up right quick and say that that's no reason at all to get surgery done. I liked My Little Pony when I was a kid, I also liked hitting things with a stick.

If, beyond what they choose to wear or play with, they told me they just don't feel comfortable in their own body, I would still wait for when they'd turn 18 and get some medical expert's opinion on it in the meantime.

 

[Sleepy Sol]

If they are strongly expressing such a desire I'd speak with them about it, mention that they are not alone in their situation, and take them to the appropriate medical and psychological professionals to figure out what his/her first steps should be into the process following their absolute confirmation of their desires.

If we're speaking at about 13 years of age I'm thinking that since it's around when puberty would begin, it would probably be better to begin hormonal treatments and such before their body really develops further into the opposite of the gender appearance they want. And I'd also say 13 years old is generally old enough for a child to know what they want as far as their entire gender identity goes.

I'm not really sure how the entire process works, however. And everyone isn't going to have the same experience either.

I guess, basically, I would start looking into preliminary steps at 13 and guide them through the years and if they show a great amount of relief or comfort in being able to attain their desired appearance or identity, I would go right ahead with further treatment.

 

[Someone Depressing]

Talk it over with them. If they want to look convincing as the opposite gender, then about puberty would be a good time to transition, though a decision like that given to a child could be disastrous.

The best thing to do would seek counseling and educate my theoretical child in question about gender identity, the LGBT community, and whether they want to be part of that wonderful clusterfuck and all that stuff you teach to an LGBT child.

 

[stroopwafel]

That's a difficult question. If a child is already very convinced it was born in 'the wrong body' you probably want to give anti-androgens before puberty kicks in. Afer secondary sexual characteristics have formed you don't want to start hormonal treatments to 'undo' this entire process when you already knew the child wasn't happy the way he/she was born in the first place. Not only is it more invasive on the endocrinological system(with higher onset of side-effects) you also have a much less nicer effect. On the other hand you don't want to give a child these types of medication(let alone surgery) on a whim either. So yeah, that's a judgement call I hopefully never have to make.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I don't really know. I don't think I could answer honestly until I was in that position.

I'd obviously bring them to talk to the right medical and psychological professionals (and probably talk to someone myself, to try to make sure that I'm dealing with it in a way that's helpful for both of us). Thirteen seems a little young to be making those kinds of decisions in relation to hormone therapies or surgery but I'm completely clueless about this sort of thing so I'd probably be influenced by how it was affecting the child at the time, lots of research and medical advice.

I'd want them to be happy and I'd try to do my best for them but I'd also want to protect them from doing anything they might regret later in life so I really don't know.

I'd probably just make a total balls of the situation.

 

[Angelowl]

Support them all the way. Talk with the teachers at the school, help them get clothes they need, get them in touch with a LGBTQ-group for younglings, steamroll the broken healthcare system until they get hormone blockers at least. If my partner complains then they can leave.

Provided the scenario that I have a child then I am NOT loosing them to suicide due to dysphoria, bullying or harrasment.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

13 seems like a little too early to tell. I'd wait until he/she was 16-17 and then I don't know, support the kid any way I can. I'd rather that not be the case though. Not because being trans is bad, but because it's a tough world as it is without having to overcome additional social barriers.

 

[JoJo]

Another one here for the hormone blockers option, it prevents difficult to reverse changes due to puberty while not being permanent so the kid gets a free choice when they're older. Not that that matters much in my eyes, give them some credit, a thirteen year old is old enough to know if they are trans. Not sure anyone would choose any other option really.

 

[Asita]

If they would want to get a sex chance just because they're effeminate/tomboyish and like My Little Pony/Transformers, I would clear that shit up right quick and say that that's no reason at all to get surgery done. I liked My Little Pony when I was a kid, I also liked hitting things with a stick.

Seconded. If they define themselves as male or female on the grounds of gender stereotypes, then I'm going to treat the matter much the same as the claim that the boy down the street is gay because he'd rather watch the Sound of Music than the Superbowl...which is to say I'd roll my eyes and explain the difference between interests and gender identity/sexual orientation. Now, if they could give me a better reason than that, then I'd start doing research in earnest and talking to doctors and psychiatrists about the suggested course of action. Based on my current (admittedly lacking) knowledge, MarsAtlas's solution seems the most reasonable to me.

 

[JoJo]

a thirteen year old is old enough to know if they are trans.

I'm not sure they are - it isn't a simple concept, though I say that from the point of view of a person who's never really needed to give it any thought. I don't know what I was thinking about when I was 13, but it was probably Megadrives, and maybe Wheel of Time. I don't doubt that some people would know, but 13 really is incredibly young in the scheme of things.

I'd want any child of mine to be happy, but I've no idea about what actual steps I'd take since I don't have a child of mine (or anyone else's AFAIK).

I don't know, it's always seemed fairly simple to me, just 'a boy who was born in a girl's body' or vice versa. If reports from transgender people I've read are to be believed, it seems to be common that they were aware of being physically the wrong gender from preschool age, even if they weren't able to name exactly what it was at the time. Certainly by thirteen most children should be able to understand a concept that basic, I've known kids half a decade younger than that able to hold their own in a debate about religion and theology, something far more complicated and less tangible than gender stuff we encounter every day.

 

[Prime_Hunter_H01]

Spoiler: Ok...

If it weren't for the low content thing I would have liked to say the tags text and leave it at that thought for the same effect I use an immediate spoiler. I would go along with it and figure it out with them, there would probably be people to turn to and help us both with that. Also I would love the fact that I would be in full rights to completely explode on someone if they gave my child a hard time for it, It just seems fun to be both in the right and able to shout in someones face.

Captcha: my beating heart

Uhh... I guess someone could figure out how that's appropriate for the topic, it seems like it would be but I cant think of specifics

 

[Queen Michael]

Let's say you have a child and as they grow up you notice they're not like other kids. THey're either unusually effeminate or tomboyish, liking my little pony or transformers over what you would normally expect for a child.

I liked My Little Pony as a little boy. Didn't make me trans. It just meant I liked a good cartoon (and an earlier, okay one). You're not trans ebcause you don't fit gender stereotypes.