your child is transgendered

[Clive Howlitzer]

I'd generally support whatever it was that they wanted to do. I am already of the mindset that everyone has gender roles way too defined anyway. We are all humans, works for me. If my kid wanted to be male, female, a horse, whatever floats your boat.

I'd obviously try and guide them in such a way as to avoid them dealing with the likely negative reaction of a lot of ignorant folks but in the end, they know themselves better than I do. That said though, a lot of people don't actually know what they are, or what they want, at that age. They tend to grow out of phases. However, I'd still support it to an extent. If we are starting to talk things like hormones, and surgery though. That would require a lot more discussion as making permanent decisions like that when you are still a clueless teenager is not ideal.

 

[Vault101]

Being gay isn't something that's made a big deal of anymore (at least in Europe), from either straight or gay people, yet Trans for some people is something they feel the need to yell from the rooftops or become extremely exclusionary of people who are "cis". Fight for equality rights by all means, but they moment you stop being all "HELLO I'M TRANS I'M SUCH A BIG DEAL", is when people start treating you equally. Equality also includes equally not having your sexuality/gender state made anything of.

yeeeeaaah that's called [I/]existing[/I] bud....you'll find everyone does it

but on that note I think your overstating how many trans-people are "out" (given all the shit it entails) in fact an interesting recent cracked article from the perspective of a trans man pointed out that quite a few transmen go along with the whole "butch woman/butch lesbian thing because it makes dating less impossible/less of a nightmare

Well I can assure you I was far more pro trans before trans people started calling me cis piece of shit. a "cishit" if you will. But hey, if you want to turn people away from you, and make your "enemies" dig in their heels and push back harder, by all mean go around and keep insulting and deriding the vast majority of people.
.

I have to wonder why they were calling you that...

 

[Jesterscup]

Yet, the pervasive attitude is that we're just a bunch of whiny emo kids who comb our hair over our eyes. We're the 'problem children'. And really, what can we say to that? No one will separate us from the 'trans umbrella' that has crossdressers and transvestites shoehorned into it. Anything we say, any fortitude we demonstrate for standing up for ourselves is easily dismissed as 'just more whining and attention grabbing'. We are such an inconvenience we have even been marginalized within our own term.

I get what you are saying here, and to an extent I have to agree, but I'm also going to have to disagree. It's a sad fact that most humans think of trans individuals as some sort of weird sexual fetish ( yeah thank you porn ), and for some ( lets for the sake of argument call them cross-dressers) thats the case. But there really is a spectrum, from those that dress for sexual pleasure, to those that are/have transitioned. I know transvestites who live as women full-time but will never transition. For my own part, I'm at best 'part-time' an occasional transvestite yet also I'm a drag queen ( for lack of a better term ). Yes the 'umbrella'/'spectrum' is pretty wide, but simply dismissing those who can't/won't/don't transition isn't really all that constructive. We are divided enough as it is, if we can't be inclusive in our own little umbrella how can be expect the rest of society to be?

 

[Proto Taco]

Yet, the pervasive attitude is that we're just a bunch of whiny emo kids who comb our hair over our eyes. We're the 'problem children'. And really, what can we say to that? No one will separate us from the 'trans umbrella' that has crossdressers and transvestites shoehorned into it. Anything we say, any fortitude we demonstrate for standing up for ourselves is easily dismissed as 'just more whining and attention grabbing'. We are such an inconvenience we have even been marginalized within our own term.

I get what you are saying here, and to an extent I have to agree, but I'm also going to have to disagree. It's a sad fact that most humans think of trans individuals as some sort of weird sexual fetish ( yeah thank you porn ), and for some ( lets for the sake of argument call them cross-dressers) thats the case. But there really is a spectrum, from those that dress for sexual pleasure, to those that are/have transitioned. I know transvestites who live as women full-time but will never transition. For my own part, I'm at best 'part-time' an occasional transvestite yet also I'm a drag queen ( for lack of a better term ). Yes the 'umbrella'/'spectrum' is pretty wide, but simply dismissing those who can't/won't/don't transition isn't really all that constructive. We are divided enough as it is, if we can't be inclusive in our own little umbrella how can be expect the rest of society to be?

Respectfully, that 'umbrella/spectrum' still writes off trans individuals who need medical attention as simply needing to crossdress more to solve their problem. I know a transwoman who was born with a small, underdeveloped uterus. I know still more who are intersexed in other ways. Every one of them cannot function properly without being on HRT. That is definitively different from a crossdresser crossdressing for most of their life. With or without 'fabulous' clothing, people like my friends and I need HRT in order to function, not express ourselves, not 'be who we were meant to be', just for baseline mental/emotional functioning.

We ARE different than crossdressers, and we DON'T belong lumped under the same umbrella with a bunch of men and women who'd really just rather dress as women and men. And as long as we are lumped into that group no actual progress will be made because people will still be writing HRT off as 'elective', giving us a Ross giftcard and sending us on our way.

 

[Dollabillyall]

Just a quick PSA, and I'll say this in the most "I'm not mad just saying lighthearted" way I can: "transgendered" is not a proper term as transgender is not a verb that happens to you. You wouldn't call a black person a "blackened" person. It's just transgender. They are/you are transgender people.

I'm so angryed that you would dare to post that! Reading these types of posts is what furiouses me with you people! And you can't call me a bigot, because I have tons of gayed friends! Rabble rabble rabble! Rabble rabble rabble rabble!

I would also try to explain that one cannot become the opposite gender biologically.

as I understand this mostly relates to stuff that is no ones buisness aside from the person in question and their partner

when you see somone on the street you don't know what chromozomes they have

But this is not about someone on the street, this is about your own child considering a transition. So then it is my responsibility as parent to make sure my child knows and understands some facts about what it means in real terms, including his or her inability to grow a uterus / grow testicles. I don't know how that would relate in your mind to being "passable" as your chosen gender to strangers on the street.

The longer you delay hormone blockers on a trans teenager, the more puberty affects them, which makes it harder for them to pass, which exposes their visibility as a trans person, which makes it more likely that they face discrimination or violence on the basis of being trans. "Passing" quite literally is a life-saver, and many people go to extreme lengths to make sure that nobody recognizes them as being trans, like cutting off all links to their pre-transition life, even if that means no more friends, family, and means never using your prior job history and sometimes even education.

So you're saying that at the slightest hint of gender identity questions a parent should brand-and-label the child "trans" just so they have a greater chance to pass for the chosen identity? That is messed up mate. A lot of people that go through gender identity doubts are not actually transgendered but might be literally any other concievable deviation from conservative norms including homosexual, feminine males/masculine females or even just cisgenedered people who are not impressed as much by traditional divisions of gender.
Also, the point that I was trying to make is that it's a parent's responsibility to make sure a child knows what is and isn't realistic. If a child, fully knowing what it means to be transgendered and to what extent a body can be changed to emulate that of the gender it identifies with, chooses to go through with a transition that is fine. It's not fine however if after 8 years of hormone treatments and perhaps some plastic surgery a child realises that it might not be as transgendered as previously thought and/or does not find a transition "worth it" because a trans woman will never have a uterus or periods and then has to deal with choices that where made with too little information and thought all because the parent wanted to make 100% sure that the child would be "passable".
It's just not okay to withhold information or force a decision with lacking information for this type of life-altering choices. A parent should support life choices of his or her child, but a parent should also make sure those choices are well-informed and properly thought out.

 

[Random Fella]

OP's avatar is freaking me out, it's staring into my soul.

OT: I would like to think that I would be fully supportive of whatever my child decides, though I would definitely not allow them to take such drastic measures at such a young age, these can be phases that kids go through, that some parents take way too far.
But even if over the whole time to when my child is old enough to prove to me that they are serious about their incorrect gender, and decide to take it to the next level, I don't think I could be supporting of that. Obviously I would still love them as my child, but it's too hard to say weather or not I could condone a sex change by my child. I wouldn't abandon them or anything, but it wouldn't make me happy I don't think. Again, you never know how you'll truly react unless put in the situation.

 

[CymbaIine]

If my son did this (which I doubt because I would have expected some sign of it before now) I would do a lot of research. I am okay with medical intervention to postpone puberty in theory, however I have a gay (female) friend who thought she was trans until after puberty hit when she realised that actually she was gay. She is quite a feminine person now too. So I dunno, I would really struggle. On one hand I would be loathe to force my kid through puberty knowing it will impact them if they transition when they are older... on the other hand what if they are actually gay?

 

[inmunitas]

If my son did this (which I doubt because I would have expected some sign of it before now) I would do a lot of research. I am okay with medical intervention to postpone puberty in theory, however I have a gay (female) friend who thought she was trans until after puberty hit when she realised that actually she was gay. She is quite a feminine person now too. So I dunno, I would really struggle. On one hand I would be loathe to force my kid through puberty knowing it will impact them if they transition when they are older... on the other hand what if they are actually gay?

I get the impression that you are over simplifying it, you can't just look at someones behavior and make assumptions like that about them. There is no right or wrong way for someone to behave, every individual is unique.

 

[CymbaIine]

I get the impression that you are over simplifying it, you can't just look at someones behavior and make assumptions like that about them. There is no right or wrong way for someone to behave, every individual is unique.

You're going to have to be specific as I have no idea what you are talking about. My post implies that it is complicated, not simple and I never implied there was a right way for somebody to behave.

 

[Lilani]

Millennial kids seem a little too quick on the life-altering decisions. There's no deliberate or long term foresights in mind, The decision making and thought process is too impulsive and reckless because they acted completely different to what their genders supposed to act like at thirteen. I won't let them change their gender at thirteen. I will wait 10 years until I let the kids do what they want. Given my circumstance, I also played the dolls, watched girly cartoons with my sisters and very well-behaved most of my school life. Despite the odds, I didn't have a gender problem. Having the personal experience of not acting like normal 13 year old boy, I'd say let the kid grow up more before going under the knife. I feel the sudden technological advancement made a lot of transgressive effects on the kids, mainly having some sort of self-control and a lot of patience.

On a fundamental level, transgenderism is very different from a simple interest in things which are considered suited for the opposite sex. It's a fully-invested belief that they ARE of that gender, down to even a discomfort with their genitals and depression from the distress of having a shaky identity. It isn't a passing phase, it's something that presents itself early and persists over the years. It isn't just about playing with toys, it's distress over being told they're one thing and knowing they're not. There was a family whose 6-year-old won the right to use the boy's bathroom [http://www.people.com/article/parents-video-raising-transgender-child] at school, and they said there was a point where they realized this wasn't just a phase.

Also, the treatment for children exhibiting these symptoms is hormone blockers to postpone puberty. The treatment isn't making an immediate decision, on the contrary it's about delaying things to create time so the decision can be made thoughtfully and carefully, and in conjunction with therapy.