Queen Michael said:
How does one "dabble" in BDSM? I've been with a girl who was
heavily into it, and it was OK (which, now that I think about it, is one of the many things I'm "in the closet" about) but it seemed like a very much all-or-nothing thing. You're doing it, or you 'aint, you can't really half-ass it
OT: I'm keeping more secrets (from real people, that is; you internet guys don't count ;-)) than I can keep track of. I try to keep as much as I can a secret from my family and friends out of teenage habit, I guess;
- Nobody except my therapist knows how much I
actually drink on a daily basis, and how much it disturbs me.
- Being a liberal, all-men-are-equal type it really freaks me out that I can occasionally have knee-jerk racist thoughts. Not bringing
that up anytime soon.
- I try to keep it quiet that I am terrified, all the time. I'm an agnostic, who if he were religious would probably be a deist, but (probably thanks to a Catholic upbringing) sometimes lies awake at night scared shitless that he's going to Hell. I sometimes get totally freaked out by noises in the night, especially when I'm in the flat alone. Walking past rudeboys on the street makes me tense up, and I try to avoid eye contact. Talking to strangers freaks me the fuck out, even if it's the cashier in a shop and I'm just buying some milk, because I feel like they're judging me and it scares me to imagine what they think of me. I hear planes coming into land, and my mind conflates the sound with that of falling bombs, and I irrationally wonder if I'm just about to die. I'm in pain a lot of the time, and I always wonder if there's something seriously wrong at every new ache, twinge or headache. Pretty much all the time, I'm scared of something. It amazes me that I'm even able to push this stuff out of my head for moments at a time, let alone function as a member of society
- Other stuff which I'm not even going to tell the internet anonymously. That shit goes to the grave with me, because everyone has some secrets they won't tell anyone.