Your favorite groaners!
- Thread starter Kolby Jack
- Start date
So a guy asks a girl out to the prom that he's wanted to go out with for a long time and she says yes. Overjoyed he makes a list of all the things he has to get for the prom:
1. He needs flowers
2. He needs a Tuxedo
3. He needs a limousine.
So he goes to the florist and sees that there is a massive flower line of people buying flowers for their prom dates, but he decides to wait it out and buys the flowers.
He then goes to rent a tux from the suit hire shop and when he gets there there's a massive line to get suits, he decides to wait knowing it'll all be worth it in the end.
So he's got his tux and his flowers, now all he needs is a limousine so he gets to the limousine place and what does he see? A long limousine line, but he waits and waits and finally gets it.
Finally the night of the prom rolls around and his date says, "Hey, I'm really thirst can you get me something to drink?" The guy says sure and goes over to the punch bowl and there was no punchline.
Captcha: The nightman cometh
1. He needs flowers
2. He needs a Tuxedo
3. He needs a limousine.
So he goes to the florist and sees that there is a massive flower line of people buying flowers for their prom dates, but he decides to wait it out and buys the flowers.
He then goes to rent a tux from the suit hire shop and when he gets there there's a massive line to get suits, he decides to wait knowing it'll all be worth it in the end.
So he's got his tux and his flowers, now all he needs is a limousine so he gets to the limousine place and what does he see? A long limousine line, but he waits and waits and finally gets it.
Finally the night of the prom rolls around and his date says, "Hey, I'm really thirst can you get me something to drink?" The guy says sure and goes over to the punch bowl and there was no punchline.
Captcha: The nightman cometh
How do you kill an elephant ?
with an elephant gun
How do you kill a blue elephant ?
with a blue elephant gun
how do you kill a pink elephant ?
hold its trunk till it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
with an elephant gun
How do you kill a blue elephant ?
with a blue elephant gun
how do you kill a pink elephant ?
hold its trunk till it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
Q. what do you call a murdering fish?
A. jack the kipper
Q. what do fish pray to?
A. the alimighty cod
I found a yellow fish on the bottom of my shoe, turns out it was a lemon sole
Q. What do you call a contrevertial fish author?
A. Salmon Rushdie
Is it obvious that I've been writing fish puns?
A. jack the kipper
Q. what do fish pray to?
A. the alimighty cod
I found a yellow fish on the bottom of my shoe, turns out it was a lemon sole
Q. What do you call a contrevertial fish author?
A. Salmon Rushdie
Is it obvious that I've been writing fish puns?
See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum and one night they decide they don?t like living in an asylum any more. They decide they?re going to escape! Sothey get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light? stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y?see, he?s afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea. He says, ?Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I?ll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!? But the second guy just shakes his head. He says, ?Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You?d turn it off when I was half way across!
SonofaJohannes said:
Not goin' lie I thought of something completely different when I read the title.
OT:A neutron walks into a bar and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender says, "for you? no charge."
That's gotta be smoothest effing gif I've ever seen in my life.Andrewtheeviscerator said:SonofaJohannes said:
Not goin' lie I thought of something completely different when I read the title.
OT:A neutron walks into a bar and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender says, "for you? no charge."
It...it just flows
Me too, it'd be a shame if it flounders. I'm having a whale of a time. (thats right, I'm not afraid to do mammal puns (nor judging by my last post crustacean ones) as well).the_duke_CC said:
I can't look at that gif any more. It makes me laugh too hard.Andrewtheeviscerator said:SonofaJohannes said:
Not goin' lie I thought of something completely different when I read the title.
OT:A neutron walks into a bar and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender says, "for you? no charge."
OT:
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: Whatever you want, he ain't comin' any way.
Q: Why couldn't the plumber break into stand-up comedy?
A: Nobody was interested in toilet humor.
Q: What's the difference between organized crime and law enforcement?
A: One of them is organized.
Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.
Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: Tame way, unique up on it.
Q: Why wasn't John Wayne brand toilet paper very popular?
A: It was rough, it was tough, and it didn't take shit off nobody.
So, these two cannibals are eating a clown. And one asks the other "Hey, does this taste funny to you?"
So, this scientist clones himself, but due to a genetic defect, the clone can only say the F word. The scientist gets so sick of hearing it that he pushes him out the window. Thepolice wheren't sure what to charge him with, so they arrested him for making an obscene clone fall.
So, this piece of rope walks into a bar. The bartender says "Get out! We don't serve your kind here." So, the piece of rope leaves, ties himself in a knot, messes his ends up a bit, and walks back in. The bartender says "Hey, you can't fool me! You're that piece of rope from before!" And the rope says "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."
So, this scientist clones himself, but due to a genetic defect, the clone can only say the F word. The scientist gets so sick of hearing it that he pushes him out the window. Thepolice wheren't sure what to charge him with, so they arrested him for making an obscene clone fall.
So, this piece of rope walks into a bar. The bartender says "Get out! We don't serve your kind here." So, the piece of rope leaves, ties himself in a knot, messes his ends up a bit, and walks back in. The bartender says "Hey, you can't fool me! You're that piece of rope from before!" And the rope says "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."
