Your Greatest Witticisms / Responses

[KampfVerein]

Well, go on. Immortalize yourself here by recounting your greatest turn-of-phrase, forum response or what-have-you. It can be grand...sweeping...epic, if you will...or perhaps merely quietly brilliant. It can be a stunning moment of "OWNED-ership," or maybe just a funny saying that popped into your head and onto the screen.

For example, my response to a currently active thread about cheese:

If you flame in a cheese thread, is it fondue?

 

[Gxas]

My favorite got me banned on the Halo 3 forums at Bungie.net.

*Ahem*

"Might I recommend this [http://www.hookedonphonics.com/]?"

This was in reply to a fully unintelligible wall of text having to do with the battle rifle change from Halo 2 to Halo 3.

 

[AkJay]

"Short answer: No. Long answer: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

 

[Ranis]

My favorite got me banned on the Halo 3 forums at Bungie.net.

*Ahem*

"Might I recommend this [http://www.hookedonphonics.com/]?"

This was in reply to a fully unintelligible wall of text having to do with the battle rifle change from Halo 2 to Halo 3.

Holy God i wish i was able to think of something that amazing on the spot

 

[KampfVerein]

My favorite got me banned on the Halo 3 forums at Bungie.net.

*Ahem*

"Might I recommend this [http://www.hookedonphonics.com/]?"

This was in reply to a fully unintelligible wall of text having to do with the battle rifle change from Halo 2 to Halo 3.

Short and oh-so-sweet.

"Short answer: No. Long answer: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

Quoting Yahtzee is always effective.

 

[Captain Lag]

There was some guy here on the escapist talking about how he hated people who just would quote someone and then put "this" after it, so I quoted him and put "This" after it.

 

[Vimbert]

A few years ago, an emo girl was ranting about how the whole emo/goth thing was such a "revolution" and "more than what the jocks and cheerleaders say". She then accused others of "stereotyping". My reply?

"Hot Topic. If this is such an underground, ground-breaking thing, then why is there a well-established national chain catering solely to its needs?"

 

[Ranis]

A few years ago, an emo girl was ranting about how the whole emo/goth thing was such a "revolution" and "more than what the jocks and cheerleaders say". She then accused others of "stereotyping". My reply?

"Hot Topic. If this is such an underground, ground-breaking thing, then why is there a well-established national chain catering solely to its needs?"

badass and so true

 

[KampfVerein]

There was some guy here on the escapist talking about how he hated people who just would quote someone and then put "this" after it, so I quoted him and put "This" after it.

Well-played, sir.

Well...uh...so is your FACE!

I'm sorry, but I am not a master of wit. I'm the kind of guy who thinks of a great comeback an hour later and thinks "Ah, I should have said that!"

That is why we have the Internet, sir, so that the very moment your searing saying is ready, your enemy will by notified of it via email.

That phenomenon has a name, actually: l'esprit de l'escalier. Quite literally "the wit of the staircase," as in one only thinks of these great jabs when one is leaving an event...heading down a staircase, for instance. From Diderot's Paradoxe sur le Comédien.

A few years ago, an emo girl was ranting about how the whole emo/goth thing was such a "revolution" and "more than what the jocks and cheerleaders say". She then accused others of "stereotyping". My reply?

"Hot Topic. If this is such an underground, ground-breaking thing, then why is there a well-established national chain catering solely to its needs?"

Immediately after this crushing blow, you should've said, "Now you run on home, honey. And remember: it's down the road, not across the street. Make it count!"

 

[Mekado]

A friend of mine was telling me all about how he re-subbed to Wow and it was better and i should re-sub too and blablabla...

My answer in msn was ;
/heroicly refrains from passing out from caring so little

he couldn't do anything but laugh

 

[Vimbert]

A few years ago, an emo girl was ranting about how the whole emo/goth thing was such a "revolution" and "more than what the jocks and cheerleaders say". She then accused others of "stereotyping". My reply?

"Hot Topic. If this is such an underground, ground-breaking thing, then why is there a well-established national chain catering solely to its needs?"

Immediately after this crushing blow, you should've said, "Now you run on home, honey. And remember: it's down the road, not across the street. Make it count!"

Eh... there was enough of that in the conversation as it was. I didn't think I needed to go on from there.

 

[wizzerd229]

I reject your reality and substitute my own.

 

[DaxStrife]

A friend of mine was playing a game of Team Fortress Classic some years back, 2Fort I believe. An enemy Heavy Weapons Guy just starts dominating his team, wiping out everyone and being a dick about it, spamming "I AM A GOD HERE!" repeatedly in the chat.
My friend is playing an engineer, so he sets up a trap: a breadcrumb trail of dropped ammo packs, which the HWG picks up and follows around the corner, where he's waiting with an EMP grenade. One lob later and the HWG blows up like a Roman candle. He gives this a couple seconds to sink in, then types:
"You've just met an atheist."

 

[KampfVerein]

A friend of mine was playing a game of Team Fortress Classic some years back, 2Fort I believe. An enemy Heavy Weapons Guy just starts dominating his team, wiping out everyone and being a dick about it, spamming "I AM A GOD HERE!" repeatedly in the chat.
My friend is playing an engineer, so he sets up a trap: a breadcrumb trail of dropped ammo packs, which the HWG picks up and follows around the corner, where he's waiting with an EMP grenade. One lob later and the HWG blows up like a Roman candle. He gives this a couple seconds to sink in, then types:
"You've just met an atheist."

(Starts the slow, cinematic clap.)

 

[Generator]

One time, my sister's boss was giving her a huge hassle, and I was tired of hearing about it, so I told her to tell her boss, "Exit the ride". When her boss asks, "What ride?", my sister would say, "My ass." Sounds kind of cheesy in print, but I swear it was utter brilliance in its original form.

 

[HT_Black]

Yo momma so white dat when Robert Pattenson walks up to her he says "Damn girl, get some sun!"

...I'm a bit short at the moment.

 

[Captain Lag]

There was this other time where this kid was picking on one of my friends at school, so I intervened between the two and engaged in some banter saying how the bullie's father was actually a woman and that his mom was a lesbian. After some more conversation that just matured further he ran off, and my friend said, "Run home and cry to your mom!", and then I said, "Yeah both of them!". Keep in mind this was in the 6th grade. I still keep this gem in my chest of witty remarks however.