Your Greatest Witticisms / Responses
- Thread starter KampfVerein
- Start date
I went through high school with a pony tail. (I'm a guy by the way.) This might not seem a big deal but i live in a highly right wing conservative area and therefore all the highschoolers are made of plastic,(injections and enhancements) drive brand new cars their parents bought them and they hate anything not like them. Me for instance. This however gave me pleanty of time to build an arsenal of combacks for the little pricks that tried to taunt me. For example, one day this happened.
Him- "What the hell is wrong with you. Your hair makes you look like a chick."
Me- "The difference between you and me is that i can cut my hair on a whim, but with a face like, that you'll look like a bi*ch forever."
He froze for a second and all his friends started laughing. It was gloryius.
Him- "What the hell is wrong with you. Your hair makes you look like a chick."
Me- "The difference between you and me is that i can cut my hair on a whim, but with a face like, that you'll look like a bi*ch forever."
He froze for a second and all his friends started laughing. It was gloryius.
Oh, me and my dad where in this argument over something i either wrote or said.
He took the wrong avenue saying that it was a quip about him, or something along those lines. And i got sick of arguing so i said
"Take my words and do what you want with them"
And i left.
Oh, this one time this Dude was hitting on me in theatre. And it was really pissing me off, so i decided to screw with his head (the way he was hitting on me was almost as obnoxious as an unskilled drunk man at the bar).
I said to him,
"Sorry, i like my boys straight" then continued to flirt with the girl next to me.
He took the wrong avenue saying that it was a quip about him, or something along those lines. And i got sick of arguing so i said
"Take my words and do what you want with them"
And i left.
Oh, this one time this Dude was hitting on me in theatre. And it was really pissing me off, so i decided to screw with his head (the way he was hitting on me was almost as obnoxious as an unskilled drunk man at the bar).
I said to him,
"Sorry, i like my boys straight" then continued to flirt with the girl next to me.
I often use a quote from Mr. Show as a general purpose response:
"Listen, lady. I don?t come to where you work and slap the dick out of your mouth."
"Listen, lady. I don?t come to where you work and slap the dick out of your mouth."
"Is that what the walking STD factory told you?"
A personal favorite of mine...it's sarcastic and downgrading!
A personal favorite of mine...it's sarcastic and downgrading!
My Greatest Witticism was in a debate round. It was an in class round and quickly turned to a shits-and-giggles fest(which is annoying if you're actually trying to practice). I was a senior, our teacher was the judge, our entire class of 35 or so students was watching and...
I said something that some could find offensive given recent circumstances so...
My teacher was chewing on a pencil and it literally fell out of his mouth from shock. Everything was quite for a few seconds as everyone realized what I had said, then the entire class started laughing. I won the round and came out top speaker, my teacher(judge) found it hilarious and witty, but told me that if I ever did that in a real round he would skin me alive. He didn't write me up either, damn he was cool teacher.
I said something that some could find offensive given recent circumstances so...
I said in my second constructive(4th speech of the round) "The validity of this debate is going down faster than Micheal Jackson on a four year old."
My teacher was chewing on a pencil and it literally fell out of his mouth from shock. Everything was quite for a few seconds as everyone realized what I had said, then the entire class started laughing. I won the round and came out top speaker, my teacher(judge) found it hilarious and witty, but told me that if I ever did that in a real round he would skin me alive. He didn't write me up either, damn he was cool teacher.
humour isn't exactly my strong point.
i have said things that a considered funny at the time, but i can never really remember them, and i rarely get any responses to them.
i suppose... on aq worlds, i was playing with a few friends, and one of them had recently got a new weapon in the form of a fish that could be used to batter enemies. conversation went as follows.
friend 1: where did you get that.
friend 2: noo, i wont tell you. you cannot have my delicious fish.
friend 1: what makes it delicious exactly?
me: of course it's delicious, he keeps tenderising it.
...it's the best i have... i think. i might have something better, but this is what springs to my mind at the moment.
i have said things that a considered funny at the time, but i can never really remember them, and i rarely get any responses to them.
i suppose... on aq worlds, i was playing with a few friends, and one of them had recently got a new weapon in the form of a fish that could be used to batter enemies. conversation went as follows.
friend 1: where did you get that.
friend 2: noo, i wont tell you. you cannot have my delicious fish.
friend 1: what makes it delicious exactly?
me: of course it's delicious, he keeps tenderising it.
...it's the best i have... i think. i might have something better, but this is what springs to my mind at the moment.
My art teacher asked me at random what I would do if I got a girl pregnant. I quickly responded
"At least I got laid."
Everyone in class, including my teacher, laughed. It was the best moment ever.
"At least I got laid."
Everyone in class, including my teacher, laughed. It was the best moment ever.
I make many witty remarks...prehaps too many to remember. This seems to be the case here, I can't think of any at the moment. This may be because it's 2 am.
I can't remember any specific ones right now, which pisses me off cos I'm normally good at these. There's a couple I use in many situations, but none of them are especially funny.
"No, you're a towel!"
This one needs no context. You can use it in any conversation, even when it doesn't make sense.
"Shush, *insert food you're eating*" eg, "Shush, bagel."
"No, you're a towel!"
This one needs no context. You can use it in any conversation, even when it doesn't make sense.
"Shush, *insert food you're eating*" eg, "Shush, bagel."
i had something similar:War Penguin said:
after a mate asked me the same question i replied: "make sure i extend your sister's room so the nursery will fit"
i got a lot of blank stares as with most of my remarks but i was quietly proud of myself
One of my co-workers is pretty lippy.
Him: You know everything's bigger with black people!
Me: Your rap sheet and stack of unpaid child support bills agrees with you.
Him: You know everything's bigger with black people!
Me: Your rap sheet and stack of unpaid child support bills agrees with you.
Cliff diving at the local big water spot nearby there was a girl who was scared to jump off a three story bridge so at the bottom I said,"DON'T WORRY I'LL CATCH YOU!"
She's dead now, isn't she? You cheeky bastard!Straitjacketeering said:
You know the sauce into which you dip pieces of food? Usually a mix of cheeses, wine and seasonings, kept warm by a flame.Glefistus said:
