Your Mission: Kill Deadpool

[Korenith]

If I recalled or rather the Deadpool stories and summaries I have read, there has been these factors that can killed Deadpool in "theory".

1. By removing aka curse Deadpool of his cancer, his healing factor may overwhelm and killed him since his healing factor are what keeping the cancer at bay. That what killed the Super Skull Deadpools during the Secret Invasion.

If I remember rightly Norman Osbourne created a cure for cancer with exactly this in mind immediately after the Skrull invasion so the obvious answer would be to steal/purchase said weaponised cure for cancer (seriously, only Norman friggin' Osbourne could turn that into a weapon) and end Deadpool that way since he wouldn't bother to dodge a bullet.

The other in-universe way to deal with healing factor is carbonadium I think so that'd be the other way to go. Deadpool had a sword made of the stuff at one point so maybe somehow steal that?

 

[Hero in a half shell]

Convince Thanos to remove the curse and then send him to go and kill Deadpool.

To do it you'd just need to persuade Thanos that he wants Deadpool dead more than anything else, and needs to kill him Just convince him that Deadpool is truly super happy now that he's married and has 'gotten over' his love of Death, so killing him and finally allowing him to be with Death (whom he has effectively just cheated on so she is probably pretty pissed) would be the most cruel thing to do to him now, and it needs to happen now because his marriage probably won't last and then Death may forgive him, but if he dies a married man then Death will be annoyed at him for all eternity. How cruel.

Then sit back and watch as Thanos removes his curse and decimates his body to a level it can't recover from (burnt in Magma/vapourised/thrown in the sun etc.)

 

[Imp_Emissary]

I have access to any equipment reasonably available in the universe?

Alright, I get my own copy of, or buy from Deadpool that sword he used to kill Wolverine that negates healing abilities.

I have scientists and mystics study the blade, figure out how it works, make more metal like it, use that metal to make kick ass robot assassins with weapons made of the metal too, and hire Deadpool to be a test dummy without him knowing what their made of.

He doesn't think they can kill him so he lets them attack, he gets chopped up into bits, and I have some of the robots carry all the bits into lava pools.

May work, but if it doesn't I'm sure I can cash the check before Deadpool is back, then offer him half for surviving and to make peace.
Plus, I'll have an army of killer robots who can kill even Wolverine. I should be fine. xD

 

[ryderawsome]

Acid.Melt him. Melt him real good like!

 

[SonOfVoorhees]

Cut him up into six pieces and put each piece in a box and bury in locations across the planet. Apart from his head, i would shoot his head into space...gagged.

 

[Armadox]

Step one is to plant false evidence that Deadpool committed a massacre of unforgivable size, and distribute that so that that evidence will come to light at a future point of my choosing. Once that farce is set up, then phase two happens. Breaking into the abandoned weapon X laboratories, I start with the replicator tubes. Mixing the dna sample of Leech that they have on file with degenerate moloid dna. After getting a mind control tech off the black market so I can control my army of power draining moloid minions that will turn to sludge in a few days once freed from their cells.

While I got the mind control tech out, I'd trick the Weasel into recording a voice message onto a phone that is set up to play at a certain time. Then I could kill Weasel or lock him up.. I dunno.. whichever I feel at the time.

Next comes setting up Deadpool, a murder here a hostage there. Nothing to fancy, I'm not trying to drop the hammer on him, only get the attention of one man, The Punisher. Everyone is waiting for Deadpool to snap anyways, so it wouldn't be to hard to get the Punisher after him. With that in place, and Deadpool preoccupied with the Punisher I unleash my moloids to set in place underneath the streets of Manhattan and lay in wait. I detonate the labs so no evidence I was there can be found, and go to watch the show.

With Deadpool on the run from the Punisher, he'll receive a message from his buddy, that he found out who set him up and he'll need to head to Manhattan to stop this. As the two of them duke it out in the streets, Deadpool'll stand in the spot I told him to be, and the moment they are in place my moloid slaves will break for the surface and wave over the two "heroes". One touch is all I need for Deadpool's healing power to leave him, and there's a lot of hands.

When Deadpool's powers have weakened, I will sit forward and see him shot through the head by his own friend Cable, sent back in time to stop a terrible massacre at any cost. Knowing conventions would send him to this moment, right before the "massacre" would happen. And if not Cable then the Punisher'll finish the job.

No monologue, I just walk away as everyone goes after the moloid army that has begun rampaging through the city, and who's cells will pop in a few hours leaving no evidence there but a sludge of disjointed dna and biomass. Perhaps I'll get a smoothie after to celebrate my own victory.

 

[Veldel]

That's easy recruit Squirrel Girl she's unbeatable.

I'd take some of the money and donate it to somthing she likes as payment

 

[Mangod]

Kill Deadpool, the 4th wall-breaking lunatic? Easy, I kill the people writing Deadpool stories.

Fight fire with fire.

 

[EHKOS]

So, if I understand correctly, he's like Majin Buu in the fact that if there's even a tiny bit of him left he can regenerate? Then I could take him to the future and use the Future Punisher's atom smashy, disintegraty, thingy.

I could also take the Mishima route and just launch him into space with a rocket that detaches the cargo hold from the controls. In theory he might not be able to healing factor his way out of asphyxiation, or at least constant asphyxiation. Otherwise I don't see how he could get back to earth.

 

[tilmoph]

Marvel verse has freeze rays, right? Freeze the bastard so he can't move.

I know marvel has dimensional portals. So, draw him out and place one under the ground. Variant plan; portal him to moon, open portal to the punch dimension that Cyclopses eye beams come from. Keep deadpool eternally trapped in infinite punches from the punch dimension. On the moon.

 

[talker]

Get a clone of yourself. Rig a building with enough C4 to blow up half the city, kill Samantha from Samantha's Tacos and send a video message to Deadpool where to find you. Tie your clone to a chair and blow up the building once DP's inside. His healing factor's good, but I doubt it will withstand being vaporized in a giant fireball.

 

[twistedmic]

I'd hire an expert hacker to transfer all of my employer's financial holdings (bank accounts, stock investments, etc.) business holdings and properties over to me, then I'd tell Deadpool that someone was gunning for him. After that I would give Deadpool all the guns, ammo, booze and chimichangas that he wanted to keep me on his good side.

 

[Rebel_Raven]

The same way evil Deadpool got killed. Healing factor destroying serum. Kinda rare, but do-able. Especially if Deadpool's in his "I wanna die" phase.

Less likely is the anti-healing factor katana (I forget the deets on it) that he used to kill Wolverine among the rest of the marvel universe. And then many other deadpools.
Then there's the arsenal of weapons deadpool used to kill deadpool.

Kinda bland, really, but what ya gunna do?

Might just pulp'em, and stick'em in a very tiny box that doesn't leak, so he's unable to reform.

Or a shipping container buried under ground. Didn't kill him, but it made him even crazier. And lead (no pun intended) to one of my fav deadpool scenes where he annihilates an army of robots screaming bullets, and firing his gun most impressively. Right up there with his Shoryuken on Kitty Pride.

 

[digipinky75910]

Would it be within the rules to use the money to pay off Squirrel Girl to do it for me, and then pull up a chair to watch the show? Everybody has their price, and infinite resources can buy a lot of nuts. Just saying.

O sure that'd be allowed. My question is how you get the two of them in a room together trying to kill one another - not saying it's impossible, but hey, I'll bring the popcorn.

Who here wants to see Deadpool versus killer squirrels? Just nutty enough to work.

 

[digipinky75910]

Hmm, while it is impossible to actually kill the guy without completely messing about with the timespace continuum, there are a couple of options. If I have absolutely no limits, then tossing him into a black hole should do something so long as i do not mistake a black hole for a worm hole. If I am limited to earthly means then carving him up and putting each piece in its small box and then burying said boxes at the bottom of the ocean under the North pole should work too. Well, so long as no one digs him up again.

Unfortunately, I have no clue of how to get him into that situation in the first place.

Gah! Finally someone guessed my plan - Starfish Deadpool.

Getting some lovely creative ideas all, nice.

I love a good fandom-fueled thought experiment.

 

[digipinky75910]

I have access to any equipment reasonably available in the universe?

If I recalled or rather the Deadpool stories and summaries I have read, there has been these factors that can killed Deadpool in "theory".

Okay, I got this. First, find Dr. Jonathan Ohnn (The Spot!) and explain the situation.

There are so many feasible methods within the Marvel U it is kinda hard for me to chose one. I guess I will go with time-fuckery

Work with Ant-Man, have him shrink to atomic size, and then reconfigure Deadpool's DNA from the inside so he no longer possesses the healing factor.

Convince Thanos to remove the curse and then send him to go and kill Deadpool.

No monologue, I just walk away as everyone goes after the moloid army that has begun rampaging through the city, and who's cells will pop in a few hours leaving no evidence there but a sludge of disjointed dna and biomass. Perhaps I'll get a smoothie after to celebrate my own victory.

All You guys really are amazing, I don't even know how to pick the best one.