Your personal one-liners!
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"Hey (insert name of friend),
I'm drunker than the last girl u had sex with."
I was 9 Martinis in at a bar hanging out with friends on the bar patio. I yelled this at someone (i know) as they got out of there car. I shouldnt drink in public.
I'm drunker than the last girl u had sex with."
I was 9 Martinis in at a bar hanging out with friends on the bar patio. I yelled this at someone (i know) as they got out of there car. I shouldnt drink in public.
Hmm...
In discussion that reach the point where my opponent is either being silly and impossible(or when I'm losing, and feel like being silly and impossible), I usually look my opponent square in the eye and say: "Yeah. And I've got a boner." It was orginally conceived by a friend of mine, but I can't remember WHY he thought it up.
Also, when something really awesome happens, a standard reply of mine is usually "I just came" or "I need a new set of pants."
EDIT: Oh, and I've got two more.
A friend of mine has the MGS codec-signal as his ringing tone on his cellphone. Last time I heard it, as he picked up, I put on my gruff voice and said "This is Snake. Ottacon, do you read me?"
Also, when I pick up the phone myself, depending on who's on the line I initiate with "Talk to me Goose!"
In discussion that reach the point where my opponent is either being silly and impossible(or when I'm losing, and feel like being silly and impossible), I usually look my opponent square in the eye and say: "Yeah. And I've got a boner." It was orginally conceived by a friend of mine, but I can't remember WHY he thought it up.
Also, when something really awesome happens, a standard reply of mine is usually "I just came" or "I need a new set of pants."
EDIT: Oh, and I've got two more.
A friend of mine has the MGS codec-signal as his ringing tone on his cellphone. Last time I heard it, as he picked up, I put on my gruff voice and said "This is Snake. Ottacon, do you read me?"
Also, when I pick up the phone myself, depending on who's on the line I initiate with "Talk to me Goose!"
Well, my dad is fond of the "That'd be your second mistake," then I'm about to do something stupid. If asked, the first mistake is always "Thinking about it."
A buddy of mine was scrawny and pissed everybody off in high school. If somebody started giving him shit, his response was "Oh yeah? You wanna take this to the showers?"
A buddy of mine was scrawny and pissed everybody off in high school. If somebody started giving him shit, his response was "Oh yeah? You wanna take this to the showers?"
My friend was getting all suited up in snowboarding gear when it was about -20 degrees not too long ago.
"Yay, now I'm all protected from the elements." he said, his hands now heating in the haven of his gloves, his mind in utter disregard of all but the new found warmth.
"Everything my friend... Except the element of surprise!" I exclaimed, pouncing from my place a few feet away to smite him with my friendly tackle.
"Yay, now I'm all protected from the elements." he said, his hands now heating in the haven of his gloves, his mind in utter disregard of all but the new found warmth.
"Everything my friend... Except the element of surprise!" I exclaimed, pouncing from my place a few feet away to smite him with my friendly tackle.
I'm guilty of 'running all the way!' then not moving at all, when asked to do stuff.
Also, I've used it here a few times, and it's more a two liner, but..
"Baseball caps are like pubic hair, you can remove it but there's still a **** underneath'
(replace according to how rude you want to be, also its aimed at chavs, not americans, I like most of those guys.)
Also, I've used it here a few times, and it's more a two liner, but..
"Baseball caps are like pubic hair, you can remove it but there's still a **** underneath'
(replace according to how rude you want to be, also its aimed at chavs, not americans, I like most of those guys.)
Havent actually used this yet. But I intend to when someone challenges me to a fight.
"LET THE REAPING BEGIN!!!".
Also I use this one frequently for no real reason most of the time.
"F*** Off".
"Bing Bong diddly diddly doo F***". When asked a question I cant be bothered to answer
"LET THE REAPING BEGIN!!!".
Also I use this one frequently for no real reason most of the time.
"F*** Off".
"Bing Bong diddly diddly doo F***". When asked a question I cant be bothered to answer
When someone's acting a fool in front of a few people, a good one is to say "Yeah, I remember my first drink too..."
But my own personal zinger was to a friend who, upon seeing an advert for the movie "Touching the Void" on TV, started getting really excited and loud, so everyone was listening. The conversation went thusly :
Excited Dude - "OMG man, that movie was awesome, has anyone here seen it?!"
So in equally excited tones (for a true parody slant) I said -
"Yeah, it was really awesome at the end when they finally get to touch it!"
Got a raucous laugh, and I was in a room of about 10 people. I felt like pure awesomeness.
But my own personal zinger was to a friend who, upon seeing an advert for the movie "Touching the Void" on TV, started getting really excited and loud, so everyone was listening. The conversation went thusly :
Excited Dude - "OMG man, that movie was awesome, has anyone here seen it?!"
So in equally excited tones (for a true parody slant) I said -
"Yeah, it was really awesome at the end when they finally get to touch it!"
Got a raucous laugh, and I was in a room of about 10 people. I felt like pure awesomeness.
"I'll garrote you with barbed wire." -Me
"If a piano were to plummet from Heaven, weighing a modest ton, and merge your face with the ground, I would still be cheerful." -Me
"If a piano were to plummet from Heaven, weighing a modest ton, and merge your face with the ground, I would still be cheerful." -Me
"Hit it with FIRE AND PAIN!"~My response to malfunctioning equipment.
"Curse you, Dan Rather!!!" If you stretch it out like Shatner, you can be awesome.
"Wait, you did what with a goat?" This is a good way to handle misinterpretations due to language barriers.
"You're not cleared for that, citizen." Best question evasion.
"Go on about your business, fair citizen." Ends any conversation.
"Please stop doing things that encourage me to rip out your esophagus and feed it to you intravenously." If that doesn't shut them up, little will.
"Curse you, Dan Rather!!!" If you stretch it out like Shatner, you can be awesome.
"Wait, you did what with a goat?" This is a good way to handle misinterpretations due to language barriers.
"You're not cleared for that, citizen." Best question evasion.
"Go on about your business, fair citizen." Ends any conversation.
"Please stop doing things that encourage me to rip out your esophagus and feed it to you intravenously." If that doesn't shut them up, little will.
My personnal favorite is when you show up to class or whatever late and the teacher asks why you're late you simply say "bettter late than pregnant" if that doesn't get so much as a chuckle from a teacher or student.... well your school is filled with a bunch of humor-less twilight loving dip shits.
Whenever I kill another player in a game where you can take their weapon (i.e. not TF2) I always take it off their (normally charred or finely sliced) corpse and say "My regards." This has some rather mixed results.
Here's a couple more.
"HA! That's so funny I forgot to laugh... excluding that first Ha. " - Stewie from Family Guy.
And
"Hold On...Im Gonna Go Get You Another Glass Of B!tch." from the movie Grind.
"HA! That's so funny I forgot to laugh... excluding that first Ha. " - Stewie from Family Guy.
And
"Hold On...Im Gonna Go Get You Another Glass Of B!tch." from the movie Grind.