Your Views on Marriage

[vampirekid.13]

Hey everyone.
I recently had an arguement with a person about marriage. This person believes that marriage is just a label.

I also believed that marriage is a special bond and promise between two people that shows that they will only love and be with each other until they die.

I've always kind of considered marraige sacred (so to speak) and I think if you take the leap, you should be ready for the long haul.
I also always thought that by being married, you may have the extra incentive to try harder to work through problems and try to figure things out.

What is your view of marriage?

i fully agree with you. now if only i could find a girl that thinks that and isnt idiotic in real life ill be set for life.

i've always wanted to get married, but i've never been able to find someone i love and feel safe marrying :\

edit to clarify im not saying you're idiotic IRL, im saying i cant find a person like that in real life.

 

[axia777]

Also, just for the record. While I was married and it was good(the first 7 years) it was the best thing ever. As in EVAR.

Let me tell you all that have never been married, that when it does work, it is the best thing that you can have in life. I miss it. I really, really, really do.

Being married with a person that works(And I mean REALLY works) is like having your best friend, lover, confident, and partner all in one place. It is worth more than you can imagine. Not that I can guarantee that it will work. I can't. That is the crap shoot part. But if it does work for life it is worth more than it's weight in gold.

Damn this makes me depressed.

This is just for the people who care to pay attention.

 

[Nickolai77]

Many children nowadays grow up without a farther figure because of high divorce rates, whilst their mother has to work for their upkeep.

Ever heard of alamony?

Also, both mother and father should be working even if they're married, otherwise it could be detrimental to the childrens development if they start to believe that a womans place is taking care of children and taying in the kitchen all day...

I know many mothers who choose to stay at home rather than work, my own mother is often envious of them! If a mother works or not is something entirely up to them, if they like the traditional house wife role, thats fine. If they want to pursue a professional career, that's fine, if they want to do a bit of both and work part time, that too is fine. It's a matter of personal choice.
After some googling, it seems alamony is financial support to their spouse. Maybe we call it a different name in my country. Good point though, as i can see that means that the mother could find more time to spend with children because of the finicial support. However that does not solve the potential problem of a lack of a farther figure. Also, alamony alone, may not completely solve any financial problems experienced by the mother.

 

[silasbufu]

So a compromise must be made .

Meaning that the woman in this instance will have to give up marriage.

Aint marriage a *****? It's impossible to really compromise about it. Either you're married or you aren't. Can't do something "in between" the two. XD

I meant that we should neither rush into marriage in our early 20's like most women would want, nor wait till we're 50 , which I would love obviously but I bet she wouldn't . So I guess the compromise would for women to be able to wait untill the oportune moment and for us men not to take forever.

 

[Sebenko]

four and a half years. Marriage? It's not an issue. Unless you want a civil partnership.
Personally, I don't care.

Of course, in my mind, love is considering an evening of TF2 romantic because your partner is on the same team. (extra points if you're a Heavy/Medic pair).

 

[beddo]

Hey everyone.
I recently had an arguement with a person about marriage. This person believes that marriage is just a label.

I also believed that marriage is a special bond and promise between two people that shows that they will only love and be with each other until they die.

I've always kind of considered marraige sacred (so to speak) and I think if you take the leap, you should be ready for the long haul.
I also always thought that by being married, you may have the extra incentive to try harder to work through problems and try to figure things out.

What is your view of marriage?

As a married man I have to say I agree. Though for some people the promise seems vaguely empty, for example, celebrities.

It's more than just a label, it's a choice to make a lifelong commitment to each other. A couple is just a label, you just say you're a couple. To get married involves so much more, it's about a couple promising themselves to each other for life and it's about confirming that with friends and family and everyone coming together to celebrate and support it. It takes much time, thought and consideration.

A lot of people say it's just a certificate. Maybe it is to them but not to the people who get married. To me it's a marriage, with or without the approval of society or the law.

 

[beddo]

Many children nowadays grow up without a farther figure because of high divorce rates, whilst their mother has to work for their upkeep.

Ever heard of alamony?

Also, both mother and father should be working even if they're married, otherwise it could be detrimental to the childrens development if they start to believe that a womans place is taking care of children and taying in the kitchen all day...

Ironic that you assume it would be the mother staying home to look after the children and the housework.

I fail to see why that is detrimental, when the father comes home there's nothing stopping them from helping in the evenings which would show the importance of sharing work between family members.

Also, alimony is only payment between a couple in the process of divorce though it can last afterwards. it's not an indefinite payment between married couples. Given the significant bias over child custody I can't say I agree with the main idea of alimony as the law currently enforces it.

 

[ffs-dontcare]

I believe in marriage, but I also believe that it comes down to the parties involved. If the two people just aren't right for each other, it's obviously not going to work out well.

That being said, if two people get along better out of marriage than in it, then they shouldn't get married. It's that simple. Do what works best when it comes to deciding whether or not to get married. But marriage is supposed to be a serious commitment. Hell, most types of relationships are.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

I know many mothers who choose to stay at home rather than work, my own mother is often envious of them! If a mother works or not is something entirely up to them, if they like the traditional house wife role, thats fine. If they want to pursue a professional career, that's fine, if they want to do a bit of both and work part time, that too is fine. It's a matter of personal choice.
After some googling, it seems alamony is financial support to their spouse. Maybe we call it a different name in my country. Good point though, as i can see that means that the mother could find more time to spend with children because of the finicial support. However that does not solve the potential problem of a lack of a farther figure. Also, alamony alone, may not completely solve any financial problems experienced by the mother.

oops, didn't really mean alamony. In fact I find that alamony is a stupid concept. (you shouldn't owe a previous spouse money. If you're divorced then you're divorced, it's up to them to find a job and pay their own expenses).

What I really meant was child support. If you sire children you are by law required to pay a certain amount of money every month which goes to the parent who the child lives with, meant to help pay for expenses for the child.'

Also, there really sin't much science to conclude that a lack of a father figure is detrimental to the childs development. For instance there are many children who've been adopted by lesbian parents and they turned out just fine (apart from the fact that some ignorant kids at school might have behaved bad about it that is).

So the "father figure/mother figure" concepts and the importance of them hasn't really been proven...

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

Ironic that you assume it would be the mother staying home to look after the children and the housework.

I fail to see why that is detrimental, when the father comes home there's nothing stopping them from helping in the evenings which would show the importance of sharing work between family members.

Also, alimony is only payment between a couple in the process of divorce though it can last afterwards. it's not an indefinite payment between married couples. Given the significant bias over child custody I can't say I agree with the main idea of alimony as the law currently enforces it.

Please read the response I wrote for Nickola77.

 

[WlknCntrdiction]

Omg, who would've thought that so many people on hear share the same views as me on marriage(though I knew it wasn't impossible that others might too).
I don't ever plan to get married, maybe back in the day the message was there, but nowadays there's nothing that is special about marriage tbh and I think it's quite a pompous and competitive thing, especially amongst women.

You've all seen and heard it before "My bf paid £2000.00 for my engagement ring"
"That's nothing, my bf paid £5000.00 for mine"

It's all about who can spend the most money and have the better wedding amongst their friends, the real message(if there was one in the first place)has been long lost.
Also I feel there's a slight snootiness to people to who are planning to marry or are already married when they're talking to unmarried couples or people who have no intention of getting married, like being married itself is somehow a superior act that only those who truely love each other do, it pisses me off to no end.

I can have trust, love, respect, etc, all the things that a marriage supposedly gives to the couple, without being married myself, if anything I think the fact that if you don't marry and still have that commitment to the same person after 20 oddy ears shows you're more commited than someone in marriage who has been married for the same amount of time. A couple I know, who come into where I work often have been bf and gf for 22 years, they jokingly call each other "wife" and "husband" though, it just proves that you don't NEED to get married.

The bog standard answer for me though would be "you don't need a piece of paper to say that you love someone" but it's already been said, and you don't need to prove to anyone but your other half that you love them, if people want to get uppity about you not getting married and that you're not truely showing that you love the person then fuck em'.

 

[Eagle Est1986]

It does seem a little needless in this day and age, great excuse for an awesome party followed by a nice relaxing holiday though. Also, I would want my kids to have my surname.

 

[Shadowfaze]

it depends on your chosen partner. if you are with the right person, you will know it, and marriage is great. if you choose wrong, or have doubts, prepare for a world of misery.

 

[Artemis923]

Marriage is a religious thing, so that alone makes me completely uninterested in it. Though looking at it from a purely legal standpoint, all it does is say "Now if you break up with your girlfriend she gets half your shit." I don't know, I personally couldn't see myself committing to one person forever, because no matter who it is or how much you love them, you will get tired of seeing them every day of your life eventually, and I'm not too keen on losing half my shit, so it definitely isn't for me. Really I think that it's just the amplification of a method of religious control through political validation.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[Fraeir]

Hey everyone.
I recently had an arguement with a person about marriage. This person believes that marriage is just a label.

I also believed that marriage is a special bond and promise between two people that shows that they will only love and be with each other until they die.

I've always kind of considered marraige sacred (so to speak) and I think if you take the leap, you should be ready for the long haul.
I also always thought that by being married, you may have the extra incentive to try harder to work through problems and try to figure things out.

What is your view of marriage?

It's just a very expensive label, with a religious traditional background, which is just as necessary in life as it is to eat dirt..

Okay sorry, that was harsh, but I will still laugh at people who marry before they reach the age of 20. It takes up to five years (read: max five years) until that initial butterfly-stomach feeling of love for someone fades, and if, if you still enjoy each others company after that... then it's a green light for spending the money to marry. (I pretty much ripped that viewpoint from a friend of mine whose mother works as a relationship therapist)

It's a good point though; Never marry someone when your like 17 or when you've known someone for a few months or a single year... It's just a waste of money and will leave you both looking retarded for jumping into something that you went way over your head by.

To me, marriage isn't even necessary. If you do care about someone, you saying so should be enough to staple that fact. However, if it means -that- much to whoever girl I eventually find (and the initial lovey dovey thing passes, etc.) I would propose.. Otherwise, no.

 

[UnearthedArcana]

It's superficial. I did want it for the longest time, but I've come to realise that it's utterly unnecessary; it is entirely peripheral to being in love. I would get married to my girlfriend if I felt it was what I had to do to prove I loved her, but I've got nothing to prove, and it
wouldn't really prove anything in the end.

It might prove that I know how to waste a few grand, and if I had a few grand to throw around, I'd get her something better than a diamond ring, because what good does that do her?

 

[WlknCntrdiction]

What a great way to start off the marriage though, a few grand in debt from the wedding itself and the honeymoon. No wonder there's so many divorces, a problem has already been created that could have been prevented

 

[A random person]

I think marriage has 2 purposes: to help with children and to sentimentally express love.

As for my opinions on divorce, I'm one of the few who thinks it should be pretty much painless and not have the property dividing. The couples who actually "love" (in quotation marks so I don't seem like a softy) each other would stay together without a legal bind, and it would stop gold-diggers.

 

[Samurai Goomba]

I think people should spend a lot of time together before they get married. As in, they should date for several years at least. Because if you can't stand somebody for six years, how can you stand them for a lifetime? I think that, even if things don't work out, people should PLAN to be in it for the long haul when they get married. They should use a little common sense and planning.

 

[ffs-dontcare]

I think it's quite a pompous and competitive thing, especially amongst women.

You've all seen and heard it before "My bf paid £2000.00 for my engagement ring"
"That's nothing, my bf paid £5000.00 for mine"

It's all about who can spend the most money and have the better wedding amongst their friends, the real message(if there was one in the first place)has been long lost.
Also I feel there's a slight snootiness to people to who are planning to marry or are already married when they're talking to unmarried couples or people who have no intention of getting married, like being married itself is somehow a superior act that only those who truely love each other do, it pisses me off to no end.

On that note, I plan to have a nice, modest wedding somewhere pretty, like on a beach during sunset, with only family and possibly our closest friends as guests, if we were to have guests at all. I'd rather we spent all that wedding money on USEFUL stuff, like a HOUSE to live in, or even on furniture to populate said house, not on extravagant wedding dresses and rings and shit. If my wife-to-be wants a fancy wedding, she can pay for the extravagant stuff herself. Come to think of it, I hope I never end up with someone like that. Nor would I want to marry the kind of girl who ends up turning into (and I hate this word) a "Bridezilla".

Besides, it's not the overall cost that makes the wedding, but the wedding itself. If that makes sense. Hence why I want a nice beautiful wedding on a beach at sunset (or a wedding just as beautiful or even more). Y'see, the sunset not only serves as something beautiful, but also serves as symbolism that one chapter of life is ending and another, equally brilliant chapter is beginning the moment we kiss. Yes, I know it's corny, but go ahead and keep a straight face while you tell me that it's no more romantic than having some generic old guy tell you to kiss your bride in front of a massive crowd of people, most of whom you don't even get along with, staring at that ridiculous tuxedo you're wearing while you try nearly in vain to fit an overly expensive and completely unnecessary diamond ring on her fat finger just for the sake of fulfilling what has essentially become a half-assed trad... sorry - an entire set of half-assed traditions.