Your worst joke

[DarthHK]

-Knock knock.
-Who's there?
-KGB.
-KGB Who-
-WE WILL ASK THE QUESTIONS!

My personal favorite bad joke is this:

Spoiler

One day a small boy was walking to school. On his journey he passed a gardener. The gardener got bitten by a snake and yelled, "Oh mushrooms!" The little boy thought it was funny and laughed about it all the way to class. After the class got settled the teacher asked the little boy to answer the simple math problem, 2+2. The boy answered 7 and got it wrong. He yelled, "Oh mushrooms!" The teacher got angry and sent him down to the principal's office. The principal asked the boy why his teacher kicked him out of class. The boy told him that he yelled "Oh mushrooms!" in class. The principal suspended the boy. When the boy got home his mother asked why he was suspended. The little boy told her that he yelled "Oh mushrooms!" in class. His mother locked him into his room and told him to think about what he did until his father came home. Hours later, his father came home and asked the boy why his mother locked him in his room. The boy told him that he yelled "Oh mushrooms!" in class. His father kicked him out. So, the boy was wandering the streets when a police officer came up and stopped him. The police officer said "Aren't you a little young to be on the streets at this hour?" and asked why he was on the streets. The little boy told him that he yelled "Oh mushrooms!" in class. The police officer threw him in jail for 25 years. When he got out of jail he saw one of his old friends from school across the street. He began to cross the street and got hit by a car. The moral of the story is... always look both ways before crossing the street.

 

[ssgt splatter]

What has 100 balls and fucks rabbits?

A Shotgun.


Why do the French plant trees alongside their roads?

So the Germans can march in the shade.

This one came from a movie and I don't get it: What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord? My ass.

The film was Kung Pow (Enter the Fist) and both it and this joke are AMAZING

Really geeky joke coming up...

Why can't you cross a mosquito with a climber?

You can't cross a scalar with a vector!

Pedant-mode activated! Surely those should be the otherway round?

I know what movie it's from i just don't understand the joke...if it's a joke at all.

 

[ChromeAlchemist]

A priest, a rabbi, and an atheist are on a plane crossing the Atlantic Ocean. There is engine trouble, and one of the wings catches on fire. The plane starts to go down. Luckily, there are enough parachutes for everyone. Evacuation is orderly.

I couldn't not laugh at that one, actually.

 

[ChromeAlchemist]

-snip-

The variant on that one is:

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Getting Raped.

 

[deleted_scifidownbeat]

DELETED

 

[SharPhoe]

The other.
Me: "Check out this watch. It has magic powers."
Pretty Lady: "What does it do?"
Me: "It lets me know what kind of panties you're wearing."
Lady: "Really, now. What kind am I wearing."
I put my ear to the watch.
Me: "It says you're not wearing any."
Lady: "No, I'm wearing a pair."
Me: "Hm." I prod at the watch. "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

I think that might just be the funniest pick-up line I've ever heard.

 

[talin4]

Why did 4 beat 5 home? Because he was able to take the square root!

 

[Yoshi-Pop]

2 guys walk into a bar.
The third guy ducks.

 

[catalyst8]

Q: What do you get if you cross a motorway with a wheelbarrow?

A: Run over.


Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the light bulb's got to want to change.

 

[the captain]

What did the fish say after he swam into a wall?


Dam!


God, I hate myself.

 

[theeconomy]

3 explorers go to a remote village in south america. An Englishman, a New yorker and a, Frenchman. A tribal chief catches them and says, "We kill all trespassers and turn their skin into boats. I however, will allow you to kill yourself in any way you wish." So the Englishman says, "I'll take a gun". The chief gives him a gun the Englishman he says, "God save the Queen!" Then shoots himself in the head. The Frenchman says, "I'll take poison." The chief gives him the poison and he shouts, "Viva la France!" Then drinks the poison. The New Yorker says, "I'll take a fork." The chief gives him the fork. The New Yorker stabs himself all over and shouts, "So much for your boat assholes!"

 

[deleted_scifidownbeat]

DELETED

 

[Time Travelling Toaster]

-snip-

That was .... long :| and the worst bit ? I read it twice and stil didn't get it . Could you explain kindly ?.

On topic. 6 blondes and a brunette were holding on to a rope for dear life, but it could'nt support all their weight, and when they need someone to let go the brunette volunteers.
After a long emotional goodbye to her friends, all of the blondes start crying then start clapping and fall . That's a bad joke :|.

 

[Shapsters]

OH reallllly horrible one I learned a while ago, it's long so sit tight. Sorry (in advance) if I wasted 10 minutes of your time.

I don't mean to be rude here but, WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!? In no way do I understand your essay. Could it please be explained?

 

[Shapsters]

OH reallllly horrible one I learned a while ago, it's long so sit tight. Sorry (in advance) if I wasted 10 minutes of your time.

I don't mean to be rude here but, WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!? In no way do I understand your essay. Could it please be explained?

i somewhat understand it. his son died because he was trying to find where the golf balls went, so he went insane, started talking to his son's tombstone, and whenever he thought about golf balls, he hears the beep of the truck. am i close scifidownbeat?

Well, I get that, but how in the world is that a joke?

 

[lenneth]

Q. What do you get when you burn down Woolworths?

A. Coles

 

[cheesemanxl]

What do you call a monkey filled with helium?
A hot-air baboon.

You mean a woman?

hey oh

 

[Teh_Doomage]

Here it comes......

Fox News.



Couldn't help myself, I crack up everytime.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I started writing poetry the other day:

POETR

That's coming along nicely.

 

[FrostyV3]

I'm tempted to write the racist bar-joke from Gran Torino ... but I don't think the mods would like that It had me in stitches though.

A) What's Red And Smells Like Blue Paint?
B) I Don't Know, What?
A) Red Paint.

~Frosty.