Yvonne the Cow Runs Amok in Germany's Forests

[The Human Torch]

Animal psychics? Really? What is wrong with you people?!

 

[zehydra]

I can't help but notice a double standard going on here. I mean, if this was a human who had managed to get out of prison, then nobody would be rooting for the man, but now, since it's a cow, everybody's like "LOL, GO BOVINE!!11"






lol

 

[Twilight_guy]

Di you try tipping her over?

Well, I have to admit that I didn't see the run away cow story on the Escapist coming. I don't know how to respond to this except with: They really need to get moo-ving and catch that cow before it utterly decimates the landscape.

 

[funksobeefy]

apparently there are no efficient cowboys in Europe

 

[Formica Archonis]

Animal rights activists, meanwhile, want her brought in alive, but the food traps they've put out have been ignored, as were "companion cows" meant to draw her out.

Okay, clever ninja cow. Cool.

he's brought in an animal psychic, who he hopes will help locate the cow and perhaps even convince her to come in.

Wow, that went from zero to retard in six words flat.

"Ernst" is plan B: "the George Clooney of bulls," as Aufhauser described him, a massive, musky bull "with a deep baritone moo" that the cows apparently find irresistible. Aufhauser has also managed to track down Yvonne's two-year-old son Friesi, who is now undergoing intensive training in order to learn how to best call to his mother. "We know the bond between mother cows and their sons is very strong," he said. "She will not be able to ignore him."

Prostitution and psychological warfare. Against a cow.

 

[Andy Chalk]

Before anyone says anything it is going to be killed either way. If it is captured alive it will be returned to its owner, who had already planned on butchering it. There is no promised land for this cow.

Actually, the cow's owner has agreed to sell her to the sanctuary guy for 600 euros if she's taken alive. It's not the pure freedom of the forest but it's better than death and meat.

 

[Jodah]

Before anyone says anything it is going to be killed either way. If it is captured alive it will be returned to its owner, who had already planned on butchering it. There is no promised land for this cow.

Actually, the cow's owner has agreed to sell her to the sanctuary guy for 600 euros if she's taken alive. It's not the pure freedom of the forest but it's better than death and meat.

In that case I withdraw my comment about dieing either way.

 

[ThriKreen]

oh you
wait
>red name
what sorcery is this...

I dunno, maybe I'm special or something.

 

[The Last Nomad]

Why not just let it be? I'm not an animal activist or anything, they can shoot the shit out of it for all I care, but its a fucking cow, its hardly causing any problems, and it would cost way more money to catch/kill it than the cow is worth to anybody.

And also, Animal psychics? Fuck's sake, people are stupid.

 

[thenumberthirteen]

This article contains the phrases "problem bear" and "a deep baritone moo". This is the best story of the day.

Animal psychics.

The biggest frauds ever.

As opposed to those other, far more reputable, human psychics?

Animal Psychics are regular psychics that couldn't cut it on the circuit.

Also since the cow is on the lam (HA!) it means he didn't even look at the cow, but just pulled it out of his ass in his office or whatever. Good range he's got there.

 

[C117]

Runaway cows? Animal psychics? Macho bulls?

This... is wierd...

 

[Ldude893]

So much trouble over a single runaway cow?

 

[JMan]

"Oh god! Jack get the gun! There's a wild cow in the yard! Who knows how much carnage it will do to the lawn if we don't kill it now!"

Ah! This just made my day.

and this post made mine.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Pun sense tingling....

Nah...just far too easy. I can get ten without even trying.

Instead: Maestro?