Zero Punctuation: Age of Conan

[The9mm]

fanboy^^

..How? I mean, I remember him saying that, oh no I've got a good memory. I've never even played Haze or Age of Conan and Just Cause has some fun guerrilla stu-..Oh right, troll. Nevermind.

your a yahtzee-fanboy for remembering his exact words
not a game-fanboy
that i dont know about^^
dont take it so seriously

 

[Cid Silverwing]

Finally! Someone stabbed the very game that stole away an unacceptable number of people off WoW (not that I would care as much now anyway) right where it hurts the most. Where that spot is I'll leave to your imaginations.

 

[Zephirius]

your a yahtzee-fanboy for remembering his exact words

How would you know I didn't watch the Haze review for the first time two days ago and watched the AoC one after that? And besides, it's still mainly that I have a good memory, only saw that review twice. (And in case you didn't notice most people that watch his reviews watch them at least twice). If he recommends a game I'll at least check it out because that's so rare and psychonauts did entertain me so I know our tastes are at least somewhat smilar but the negative reviews are purely comedic value. I hate being called a fanboy unless it involves Star Trek or Jim Carrey. >_> Anywho, not going to reply to further bullcrap arguments as to why my good memory = fanboy. Super, take care now, bye bye then.

 

[Klonoa Prower]

I think the big question is... since he had to spread oil on his thighs to play Age of Conan... doesn't that mean he was upset the entire time he played the game because he only like marshmallow fluff there?

 

[Vitalix]

Can't help but feel Vitalix is right... Yahtzee was never briliant at the whole review thing- usually preferring to skip lightly over most criticisms and focus on one or two. This one felt far more like a blog entry than anything else- a bit like Living in Oblivion. Yes, it was funny but it also felt tired. Maybe he's been having too many late nights.

Thanks. It's very easy to slip in verbal hyperbole and rant that Yahtzee has "sold out" or that he "totally sucks now." That's not true though. He's still witty and insightful. I just don't understand how he can wave the story-flag in his reviews and then bash story in AoC when it appears.

I wonder if Yahtzee's decision to play his character nude is a hint to us that he never really gave this review or this game his full and serious attention.

 

[GoblinOnFire]

If Gamespot has taught me anything it's that Yahtzee will be fired by the escapist for not licking Age of Conan's balls.

hehehe. The now famous "Jeffgate" episode cost GS alot of readers/forumdwellers/troll/flamers..

 

[Cyclomega]

If Gamespot has taught me anything it's that Yahtzee will be fired by the escapist for not licking Age of Conan's balls.

hehehe. The now famous "Jeffgate" episode cost GS alot of readers/forumdwellers/troll/flamers..

The Jeffgate incident was deplorable, but most of the time I found myself disagreeing on Gertsmann for the very reasons he roasted a game.
When he reviewed Quake 4 on X360, I felt like he was whining "It's not as pretty as on a PC, ergo it sucks". How much of an argument is that ? aren't you supposed to review a game for a console by the console's standards, and not say that a PC port sucks because it's not playing on a high-end PC ? I felt confused by this.

Same goes for Kane & Lynch. My roommate talked me into buying it because he had a lot of fun with his copy last year before selling with his whole 360 console and collection due to harsh problems with his bank, and after an initial 10 minutes of whining about unintuitive radar, limited on-screen infos, Wolverine syndrome regarding health management and confusing as shit split-screen co-op, I found out I was having fun.
The cover system is maybe a bit too context-sensitive, but once you get it, the game is surprisingly easy to control, except some parts missing clarity (like when you enter the bank, took me some attempts before seeing exactly what I was supposed to do).
Same goes for their abuse of f*ck... when a game is rated M, I can't see any reason not to abuse on swearing, especially when you play insane convicts bent on bloody revenge. But I suppose people will remind me of the children, and I will remind again that when parents let kids play GTA, it's not my fault, since I'm not a shop clerk nor taking part, but just telling them to READ ratings before blindly buying and letting the game babysit the kids...

TL;DR, back to the subject :

I liked the review a lot, it did not made me laugh as hard as Yahtzee did sometimes, but I liked his way of poking the game. The idea of playing naked seems funny too.

I don't play mumorpegers, some friends insisted I joined them on Guild Wars, Anarchy Online or Cabal Online, and while Cabal's beta was cool and now the game offers tailored susbcriptions in addition of a core game now free, I feel that I am already wasting my time enough like that with all my unfinished games and things I like for playing a undending grind-fest and socializing at the same time on top of that...

Maybe I'm pessimistic, but I wonder if you can truly make friends in an MMO... especially if you can't be arsed to play daily, or weekly... I know my roommate met some really great people, and some promiscuous girls who after 5 minutes of questing in your party were a little too eager to show off everything and act explicitly on MSN, but still...

 

[Melaisis]

Acne-ridden schoolgirls.

Essex.

Genius.

 

[yourkie1921]

Nice review as always yathzee. I never thought paying for a game every month was a good idea so i just played one of those free Korean MMORPG's, Silk Road online to be specific. Argh! When are you gonna review rock band?

You can't review silkroad online because of the F-n bots. and I wouldn't enjoy a review of free MMORPG's that are online unless it's many reviews in one week. The closest thing I'd tolerate is a runescape review but only because it's basically because it's almost as popular as Halo and sucks ass.

 

[Knorke]

Hey Yahtzee, how about turning "The adventures of Thinderella: The necromantic naturist." into a small show in form of small, 30 seconds long clips after a review? I bet people here would love it and appreciate the additional effort.
Well, just my 3 ?-Cents. I think it's a great idea.

 

[Necromantic-Nerd-of-Doom]

I freaking hate MMOs. I admit that I have only played Runescape, EVE Online and Wow. But alas, the smacktards have spoiled things for me. Although in comparison to Runescape, EVE is pretty friendly.

Then again, its a bit wrong for me to refer to Runescape as an actual MMORPG. Its just a sweary little program with bad graphics that slowly melt your brain. If I ever need to be verbally abused I'd rather just go to my local Tescos, thanks.

Okay, I've lost my trail of thought... OKAY! Great review, Yahtzee!

 

[skoomaeater]

That one was really funny. I agree with everything that was said.


One thing I firmly believe is the only MMORPG that will ever overthrow WoW will be another MMO made by Blizzard, the company who made WoW. And with 2 MMO's not Warcraft or Diablo related in the works. My money is on World of Starcraft.

A fair point, It's sad that the only MMO to properly 'overthrow' WoW will be one made by the same team of blokes. I'd really like someone to come along and make an MMO that does something really different to shake things up a little but the grind formula is just too addictive. Thats why games like Bejeweled are so popular thats another grind-fest.

Good review though, although I am always afraid to watch Yahtzee's videos for fear I'll wind up hating all the games I play except portal.

 

[Taranaich]

Oh by the way, I must mention one thing Yahtzee did get wrong in the review: that of the big nerd. The big nerd who would complain about Daisy McSword-Boobs's haircolor does not exist around the Conan franchise.

You should drop by the official Robert E. Howard forums, there are TONS of these big nerds who have complained about hair colour and things like that. Such as myself.

Conan is a pulp production, nothing else. People are not in it for the fine wristings of a linguist who invents fictional languages to all races in the book; but for the gore, ale and whores, ok? This game is not about pretty re-creations of Rivendell with fine limbed elves gracefully gliding around paradize on Middle-Earth. No, this is about vice, plain and simple.

Conan is a pulp production, certainly, but it has far more depth than many people give it credit for. The gore, ale and whores are the DRESSING, not the meat: that's the philosophical musings of the duality of barbarism vs civilization, the tragic heroism of fighting a battle you cannot win, man and his role as a human and animal, order and chaos, personal freedom and civic responsibility, and all manner of deep philosophical stuff that elevates it above garbage like Thongor or Jarik or whatever. A perusal of http://www.thecimmerian.org will show just how philosophical Conan can get.

This was something which annoyed me in Yahtzee's review: like so many, he dismisses the Conan mythos as being nothing more than adolescent wish-fulfillment about a big oiled-up dunderhead having lots of sex with simpering wenches. Dismissing Howard's Conan like this is the equivalent of ignoring "The Dark Knight Returns" based on the (at the time) far more well known Batman TV show, or Burrough's Tarzan on the Weissmuller movies.

So no... the Big Nerd is not here. /S

Most "Conan" fans couldn't care less about authenticity to Howard, or even the stories, since they are in it for the blood, sex and gore. Fans of Howard's Conan are in it for that, and something more.

 

[c0rruptioN]

man is there anything you can't make funny? ^_^

 

[Akelah]

This one was a bit meh...

I play AoC and I really liked the points he made about blance in the classes, but the reason he wasn't hampered by not wearing armour, is because he took the easy-mode caster class xD

 

[FACT.50]

I loved that you named your minions after an obscure 60's Garage Rock band. lol

 

[TZer0]

Just what I hoped to see.. I already pointed out the balancing-issues to my friends.. but no one listens to me.. of course.. -.- They also made the mistake of high hardware requirements (minimum reqs that is)

I really hope my AoC-playing friends watch this.

 

[doffmann]

forget all the sexy violence ye gimp

and there like super armor in clouth really lol

how about making a char that needs armor

and why o why play on a pvp sever ofc your going to run into the scum of the online world
and how about the game look noting about the grafics

 

[Zombie_King]

shirth floment

This is going to rock! As usual

Sweet!

Nice one, as usual!

Why did the first four get banned? Rule change?

 

[Sagelyone]

Definitely worth a good laugh, which I needed. The one thing that bothered me the most was his statement that "Everything is trying to be like WoW" as if it were the creator of the genre. Definitely not true, as WoW followed in the steps of many MMOs before it, and until technology takes a huge leap many more will follow them still.