Zero Punctuation: Assassin's Creed: Chronicles

[vallorn]

Judging by how Red Faction Guerrilla (one of the best open world games ever made, and probably in my top 20 games of all time list) was followed by the drab, linear corridor shooter of Red Faction: Armageddon... Part of me wonders how they could possibly make Assassin's Creed any blander. I mean, sure, setting the entire game in areas that make previously important gameplay mechanics is possible, look at the death of climbing in Syndicate. But, I think it Assassin's Creed: Armageddon came out we might have a game to knock Battlefront EA off of "Blandest corporate cash in ever devised by a questionably sentient mind".

 

[Groverfield]

Assassin's Creed: Armageddon, the one with the extra stabby Jesus expy: Jesus.

 

[008Zulu_v1legacy]

I really must get around to completing Chronic China. Though Chronic India can fuck off with its' timed levels. I hear the 3rd will be set in Chronic Russia, so as long as they cut the pressured time limits, i'm all over that as Russia brings pleasant feelings for some reason.

That's probably just the vodka talking. I wonder if you will play as Putin, he does have considerable influence. Would be funny to see.

 

[NerfedFalcon]

Good review as always. When are you gonna review Yakuza 5? It's a proper disco stomping fiesta like 4, so there's no reason why you wouldn't enjoy it.

 

[mysecondlife]

I got a free copy of Assassin's Creed Syndicate when I bought a Samsung SSD. It seemed like Ubisoft is really begging us to take it from them.

I hope its not as bad as YZ suggests though.

 

[NerfedFalcon]

I got a free copy of Assassin's Creed Syndicate when I bought a Samsung SSD. It seemed like Ubisoft is really begging us to take it from them.

I hope its not as bad as YZ suggests though.

It's by no means bad. It's probably the best 'pure' AC game since 2, though it still has a few issues. If you literally can't stand modern sandbox world design, then you'll probably hate it, but otherwise it's pretty good.

 

[Bob_McMillan]

Uh, Yahtzee, if I am not mistaken, all three of these games came out in 2015, and only the collection came out this year.

So your first 30 seconds is kinda useless.

 

[wasneeplus]

They finally visit some interesting places, but they do it in the 2d games that nobody's interested in. Thanks Ubisoft.

Oh and Yahtzee, I appreciate your advice about arguing on the internet, but I still don't think it's a waste of time. I have seen people change their minds because of it, and I've changed my mind on issues as well. Have some faith in people.

 

[Zydrate]

I'm an AC collector at this point, owning most of them over steam (And a few on Xbox before I got a computer), and I still won't be getting India. I have China but I'm not terribly interested in the gameplay. I have Mark of the Ninja and I wasn't very good at that, either.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

I really must get around to completing Chronic China. Though Chronic India can fuck off with its' timed levels. I hear the 3rd will be set in Chronic Russia, so as long as they cut the pressured time limits, i'm all over that as Russia brings pleasant feelings for some reason.

That's probably just the vodka talking. I wonder if you will play as Putin, he does have considerable influence. Would be funny to see.

It most probably is the vodka, it never knows when to keep a lid on it.
Putin as an assassin sounds hilariously apt, i hope we get to use polonium tea as a gimmick item. Actually, somebody should photoshop Putin into an assassin's coat, that would be fantastic! I have nary the skills or equipment to pull off such feats.

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

Assassin's Creed: Revelations
Assassin's Creed: Chronicles
Assassin's Creed: Kings
Assassin's Creed: Genesis
The Book of Assassins
The Song of Assassins
Acts of the Assassins

A Song of Assassins and Fire? (The shortened version would be "A Song of Ass and Fire" which would be a hilarious South Park refrence.)
Game of Assassins?
Assassins in Exile?

On topic: That ableist Michale J. Fox joke caught me off guard, one of the few genuine laughs ZP has drawn from me in a long while. I am so going to hell.

 

[Naldan]

I could swear I heard a bird in the background, around the end of the first third.

 

[StatusNil]

Uh, Yahtzee, if I am not mistaken, all three of these games came out in 2015, and only the collection came out this year.

So your first 30 seconds is kinda useless.

Alas, you are indeed mistaken. China came out in 2015, India is brand new. And Russia isn't out yet.

OT: Timed levels? Well, that calls for an annoyed grunt. Nowadays I'm into all these budget tie-in games of massive franchises, like these and the Halo twin-stick shooters. It's the Famous Brand, for less money and effort in completing it!

 

[Jburton9]

Thank you for the review

The next Ubi AC release will be an unruly graphic adventure game where witty dialog is exchanged back and forth and used as combat maneuvers. It will be called Ah'sassin's Creed. : P

So back on track, I wonder what time frame the next one will take place? If it is in the semi future, like a digital scrambling hoodie with facial recognition blocker could create a new look the main character.

 

[PunkRex]

Assassin's Creed: Revelations
Assassin's Creed: Chronicles
Assassin's Creed: Kings
Assassin's Creed: Genesis
The Book of Assassins
The Song of Assassins
Acts of the Assassins

A Song of Assassins and Fire? (The shortened version would be "A Song of Ass and Fire" which would be a hilarious South Park refrence.)
Game of Assassins?
Assassins in Exile?

Dances with Assassins
Assassin with the Wind
Assassin Flew Over the Eagle's Nest
A55a55in: Tokyo Drift

 

[Thanatos2k]

We already had Assassin's Creed Armageddon. It was Assassin's Creed 3.....

Wait... That game had both an asteroid AND Bruce Willis it it? Or was it because the game, itself, was a disaster?

Both. The game was a disaster, and the future plot had Desmond preventing an armageddon.

 

[Random Wanderer]

Ubisoft should just bring back Prince of Persia instead of running Ass Creed further into the ground.

...Yeah, that's all I have to say. I liked the PoP games better than any of the Ass Creed games, so... yeah.

 

[Transdude1996]

Ubisoft should just bring back Prince of Persia instead of running Ass Creed further into the ground.

...Yeah, that's all I have to say. I liked the PoP games better than any of the Ass Creed games, so... yeah.

While I do agree, that's one of those "Good luck with that" kind of situations since Ubisoft doesn't actually own the PoP IP. Jordan Mechner (The guy who designed the original PoP) owns it, and Ubisoft doesn't want to go and split up the money between themselves and Mechner if they were to do another PoP. So, to solve that problem, Ubisoft took what was originally a PoP spinoff called PoP: Assassins and developed it into their own IP, which is now known as Assassin's Creed.

 

[praetor_alpha]

I've been saying it for years. Why do we not have Assassin's Creed: Blood Dragon yet?

 

[Miral]

"debating on the Internet is like trying to head-butt a brontosaurus to death"

Sad, funny, and true.

In a way, it's actually been attempted. Scientists put their heads together and declared that the Brontosaurus no longer exists... so that's sort of like headbutting them to death, except more genocidal. Although later other scientists came along and declared that actually it does exist, so the simile might break down at that point, or just agree with its ineffectiveness.