Zero Punctuation: Duke Nukem Forever (for real this time)

[Trishbot]

Can I just pretend the original review was the "real" review and blissfully go about my day?

 

[Atmos Duality]

Well, it's as I've been saying all along: If anyone thought there was going to be 14 years worth of dev-content in this game, they were/are a fucking idiot.

All told, there isn't 14 years. It's more like 2; the standard bake-until-done FPS with a few funny jokes (which are NOT all purely referential as Yahtzee claims, there is context for many of them, but hey, why have honest journalism when you can be "controversial" and get more ad hits and useless comments?) and quite a few unfunny or "meh" ones.

It's rather hilarious in certain instances where you watch the game take the piss out of gaming franchises that itself is borrowing mechanics from (my friends and I all had a chuckle at the Halo Power Armor joke until one of us pointed out how Duke now has only two weapons and regenerating health).
Then the joke became self ironic; comparable to a retard making fun of his other retarded classmates because he thinks they're "special".

 

[Frankfurter4444]

I was actually expecting a lot more bile and anger from this video. Most reviewers have said this game sucks and I expected Yahtzee to be the king of it. This was actually one of his more restrained reviews.

That's kind of strange, actually.

(And I found the attempt to explain away the joke review unnecessary. Duke Nukem was announced as canceled when he made that video. And the video itself was pretty funny. So anyone who jabs at him for that is pretty stupid...in my opinion)

 

[I want to leave because extra credits is gone]

DNF never should have been released. It probably did more financial damage to all parties involved than it generated in revenue.

 

[Zudarkness]

LOL Best review yet. Just like The Simpons movie. Took about 10 years to make. Medo-orcher at best

 

[Zudarkness]

LOL Best review yet. Just like The Simpons movie. Took about 10 years to make. Medo-orcher at best

 

[yundex]

I never actually got into the "Duke Nukem" franchise growing up. And from the looks of things, I never will. (Unless I can buy it really, really cheap and get some easy trophies out of it.)

It's not even worth it for free, let alone really really cheap. I got to play it for free, and just stopped. It was the least fun game I've played in a good while.

Did Yahtzee review just the XBox version or the PC version as well? A lot of the technical gripes (load time, frame rate tanking) only affect the really terrible port to the XBox.

While a lot of the disappointments are still in the PC version, on the PC DNF becomes something that is at least fun to play, whereas it's an unstable wavy frame rate hard to aim mess on the XBox and I imagine not much better on the PS3 except for better loading times and frame rate.

No... just no. I have an i7 920 and gtx280 (not brand new but still decent), and the game took FOREVER to load. Then, the game looked like shit afterward. What exactly was it loading? Shit?

As for FPS issues, I don't think I had any, but I couldn't be sure.

I'm not trying to personally insult you, but I just have to say BULL FUCKING SHIT.
Post a fraps recording of your load times, if it's taking forever (lol pun) to load than there is something wrong on your end (or a bug that affects only certain machines). The load times on my i7 gtx560 ti rig are like 3 seconds, the only reason they even exist is because it's a port.

I'm not defending the actual game though, I think it's a huge disappointment and not worth the 50 bucks. I'm surprised yahtzee didn't rip on the whole "can only carry two weapons" thing, that really pissed me off.

On a side note, I really wish yahtzee would get a decent PC. You would think it would be part of the job requirement if you are reviewing video games.

 

[Hamster at Dawn]

So Yahtzee was disappointed with the amount that he was disappointed? Coming from a cynic like him, that means that the game must really suck. I still want to play it though just to see if it really is all that bad.

 

[Arcane Azmadi]

Hmmmm, this wasn't actually as scathing as I expected after all the bad stuff I've heard on other reviews, though the overall feel was still clear and what we all should have expected really: that this game was always going to be a mess. It's a shame as I'd really like an amusing FPS that focused more on single-player rather than shoving all of the resources into a multiplayer I barely use but alas this wasn't to be.

I think that was the point- Yahtzee thought the game was shit, but in the case of this particular game he found it too depressing to get worked up enough to give it a good blasting. And really, the story of Duke Nukem Forever IS tragic- for years the biggest joke of the industry for being a highly anticipated game that never comes out, it finally comes out and... is completely humdrum and disappointing, a game that would have been obsolete even a few years before its release, with nothing to make it stand out apart from some tasteless humour and the fact that it is Duke Nukem Forever. It's gone from gaming's biggest joke to gaming's biggest tragedy. While the game is certainly not as bad as Daikatana and nobody had the same kind of expectations of it any more, it's certainly in the same league of disappoinment when you consider how long it took.

 

[Stabby Joe]

Huh... that was... pretty tame actually. Seriously, while he obviously takes a swing at the game, Yahtzee has been very bitter in the past and compared to the hat this game has got, huge contrast despite similar reception.

As for DNF, I actually found it OK-ish. A couple of fun interesting moments but then again I never held out huge hope for it to begin with.

Also, good you pointed out the hive level being unusually dark from out of nowhere.

 

[mikev7.0]

The way he went from believing in a possible maturation of the Duke character to slapping wall tits so NFM almost made me fall out of my chair! Very funny review Yahtzee as always, now if ya'll don't mind I've got an RPG duel with a GInormous Pigcop to finish.... ^ ^

 

[ZippyDSMlee]

the only thing disappointing about DNF is they made it like every other game out there instead of making it better, more classical or at least unique.

 

[Aprilgold]

I think, OH SHIT MY OWN OPINION HAT! Alright, as I was saying, that Duke Nukem survived so long BECAUSE of the promise of tits, until 3d where the game was so GOOD that you had no choice BUT to get it because it was so good, sure there were better, but its humour was icing on the cake. It was also quite sad that Yahtzee was depressed over the game being so shit. Lets all have a soul and swing on his legs, help a fella out.

 

[Goldhawk777]

This game made me cry. No. No joke, the graphics, the target crosshairs, the terrible way people had of talking, this crap could have come out long ago for the PS1 and the Xbox. I'm hella pissed I bought this game. And I waited for Yahtzee to crucify the game but he just shakes his head and walks away. WHAT?

 

[xdiesp]

2 elements keep popping up in Duke Forever reviewers:

- feeling betrayed by hype they themselves fed
- living this bash as a coming of age realization

If they limited themselves to slamming the graphics and gameplay, I would take them more seriously. It's also good to know that fps games nowadays are so much more evolved than Duke's mindless shooting, almost philosophy.

 

[Lazy Kitty]

Long loading times you say?
I haven't noticed them at all...
The loading times are only about a second (maybe 2 seconds) each...
Oblivion has longer loading times...
Especially with all the mods...

 

[Valdsator]

It's a shame Yahtzee didn't play the PC version. Obviously the content isn't different, but the controls, graphics, frame rate, and loading times are a lot better.

 

[Imp_Emissary]

This is the first time I've heard him sound kinda depressed about being forced to hate on a game.

Yeah. This was depressing. I really didn't think it would be like this. I am almost more sad than entertained. I didn't think that even Yahtzee didn't think the game would be this bad. Yahtzee is all about never having hope that a game will be great, but DNF made him have hope....and then killed it just like the twins.

 

[funguy2121]

My God, really? I said this, on here, not a week ago: Duke Nukem has damned near N64-era aliasing, and just like the fuckin' Wayans Brothers movies, pointlessly refers to things and calls it "satire" because its "writers" don't know what a simulacrum is.

"Where's the beef?"

See? I'm a brilliant satirist!


...and that, Escapists, is how you do sarcasm.

 

[SageRuffin]

Wow... he actually sounded like he was about to start crying in the middle of the video.