Zero Punctuation: Duke Nukem Forever (for real this time)

[excessum ado]

That ending analogy is quite possibly the funniest line of ZP dialogue ever.

 

[Toriver]

Whoa, Yahtzee actually didn't tear this game apart, and as others pointed out, was actually NICER to it than other reviewers. He even admitted that he wanted to like this game. Maybe he was trying a bit too hard to like it...

 

[Slogger]

Oh Yahtzee, Your so dadlike.

[snip]Also, I think it would've been cool if they used Yahtzee's storyline from the joke review (a broken and jaded Duke hiding under the alias "Vladimir Lestrade" etc). All in all, still a fun game, worth renting or playing the demo if nothing else.

Interesting that you brought this up, I went back and watched the old DNF review after watching the new one (As I bet most of you all did) and in the context I found that the Phoney one was much more funnier now that the game actually exists.

YMMV.

 

[Danzavare]

Wow, this seems to be the first game to cause such widespread depression for both Yahtzee and the followers of ZP. The review was good, but it looks like some part of him died while doing it.

 

[puffenstuff]

I've must have been watching WAY too many episodes of ZP, because I could notice something odd in Yahtzee's voice. People! He was SAD! As in really emotionally depressed. This time I really think he was not just doing his job of bashing at games (in the name of improvment, of course), no. He was mourning.

I mean, it's not like he has no reason to. This was supposed to be the "Lighting shuriken/ tits on fire" combo he(we) was(were) hoping for.

Let's all make a minute of silence, in name of what DNF could have been... before we conform and slap some walltits

This explains so much. I was thinking that Yahtzee was kind of pulling his punches on this one. Compared to some reviewers (Escapist [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/reviews/8949-Duke-Nukem-Forever-Review] and Ars Technica [http://arstechnica.com/gaming/reviews/2011/06/duke-nukem-forever-review-barely-playable-unfunny-and-rampantly-offensive.ars] in particular) he was downright kind. When Russ Pits refuses to make a serious video supplement and Yahtzee can't bring himself to teardown a game, something has gone horribly wrong.

Now I'm sad, and I always expected the game to be shit.

 

[CrawlingPastaHellion]

Cool, but now that the obligatory DNF review is out of the way can you do Alice?

I'm voting yes for this!!!

Nice, Alice's finally out. Gotta play this a.s.a.p.

Yeah, now it is apparent that Sam the Serious is the real heir to the king's throne.

 

[Siege_TF]

I just finished playing about 3/4ths of it and found it to be quite enjoyable. "Oh no, tits! Swear words! Alien orificies!" How ironic that the people focusing on these things are the ones who need to grow up. The real shortcomings are more that it's completely linear and has next to no replay value. The variety of weapons isn't great either, but then again it's not bad. That bit in the middle with the human centipede spliced in changes the pace nicely in a game that would have gotten stale like so very many brown shooters.

It reminds me of Moviebob's review of Green lantern; Green Lantern spends most of the movie looking lost, like he's in over his head. That's kind of like Batman spending the movie looking grim and brooding, isn't it?

 

[matt87_50]

I don't think this review was worth the wait.

 

[Giest4life]

For the first time--I think--our boy Yahtzee showed some emotion there. I felt a tinge of bitter sadness and acute disappointment from the review rather than frothing rage at the Game. But this settles it for me, I wasn't swayed either way by other reviewers (even on this site), I'll save my $49.99 for charity...just kidding, I'll just wait till MW3.

 

[Mister Linton]

He wasn't that hard on it... he must be afraid that The Render Group won't send him anymore pre-release copies-- oh, wait...

 

[Gigano]

Having played and enjoyed Duke Nukem 3D in its time, I had some interest in this; but seeing the whole "slap tits on wall" thing mentioned somewhere kind of sunk it, and the review only confirms that it's much too disjointed and messy to be saved even by nostalgia.

...Guess I'll simply buy Duke Nukem 3D again, see if it can hold up these days.

 

[Cyrus Hanley]

Huh. I found out earlier this week that Duke Nukem: Forever was released on the 10th of June and wondered if and/or when Yahtzee would review it.

Go figure.

*watches review*

 

[VondeVon]

You can't pay strippers to take their tops off? Well, definitely not buying it now.

 

[DeathWyrmNexus]

Ya know, it was nice to get an honest feeling review on the game rather than a hurling of bile. It is like Bizarro world, where Yahtzee is the fair sounding one and nearly every other critic is the Angry Gaming Nerd.

Then again, I'm still having fun with the game though I am taking a break to play Trenched.

 

[FallenMessiah88]

Well at least SOME good have come from all of this, since it made me boot up the old Duke Nukem 3D. I haven't had this much fun with a first person shooter since Call Of Duty 4.

 

[Charmi the ninja]

Oh Yahtzee, how tame you have become.
I'm still enjoying this game but i know its a piece of garbage. It definately deserved a bit more punishment from you. Sure, you probably didn't want to sound like every other reviewer, but it sounded like you didn't want to hurt Duke's feelings.
Stop being such a pansy.

 

[Sylocat]

Duke Nukem Forever was released before Half-Life 2: Episode 3.

Think about that for a moment.

 

[Pyramid Head]

I'd say swing on his legs and help him on the way. If his health bar is his ego bar then nothing will embarrass someone from the fast chaotic FPS generation being humiliated by a creature from a pre-rendered survival horror title that can't move faster than .5 MPH when carrying his trademark weapon. And if that doesn't kill him i'll chop all four of his balls off with my trademark weapon.

 

[DJ Jack]

Guys! We are looking at this wrong way! If what Yahtzee says is true, then Duke Nukem may by the perfect resource for learning about gaming history and development! I can see it now...

Teacher: Okay class, I want you to play chapters two through three by next Monday in Duke Nukem.

Student 1: Ahhh man! I rather read the Great Gatsby!

Student 2: Or the Scarlet Letter.

Student 1: Yeah! Can we read that? Duke is sooooo boring!

Teacher: Now class, how will ever respect the early periods of video games if you never take the time to explore the wonderful world of Duke?


-Oh yeah, I would take that class.

 

[Triforceformer]

While I do agree with Yahtzee somewhat, I still thought the game was far and beyond many FPSes of today. But Yahtzee, your biggest mistake with DNF was playing the 360 version. No matter what Randy Pitchford says, the console ports were rushed hack jobs, the PS3 version less so. But overall? I thought the PC version was pretty good for a game that took this long to make. Something that DNF has that no other game besides Bulletstorm has done for me has given me a sense of adventure. Around the time I was scaling the outside of Duke Burger, I was emerssed in the experience because while the game is chopped into levels, it felt continuous and plausible.

It made sense for the last few levels to be dark and industrial because it's the Hoover Dam, which we had gotten to via traversing the Mojave Desert in a monster truck. The 2-Weapon swap, while I don't mind it and actually sort of like it, doesn't fit with a Duke Nukem game no matter how you slice it. Not that DN5 should go back to 15 weapons on a whim, at least to me. what should the next Duke game do, then? I have no bloody idea. I mean, Duke Nukem Forever is out. That idea alone is surreal enough that making a sequel to it is just plain alien.

Also, I liked the ending, bite me. (Be sure to watch after the credits of the game).