Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII
- Thread starter Yahtzee Croshaw
- Start date
Recommended Videos
I so wanted to fight Titan too! Preferrably with around 500M HP, so that it can last about as long as Yiazmat in FFXII. Unfortunately they went "casual" and the ultimate mission is a 6 minute fight that you have to grind 15 hours for. Bleh.Bokra said:
I'm in the rather comfortable position to watch my roommate play Final Fantasy 13 and so far, I 90 Percent agree with the review. The linear levels are laughable. I think the most offensive things are the "forks" where you can decide to take the short route and save two seconds or take the long route and find a chest. Whoa, that's a tough decission. But I like the irony of the game - the characters entering the game on a train, without knowing that they will never leave it's tracks.
Anyway, I really like the black guy. He is the only likable figure in the game. The rest sucks. Like Yahtzee, I especially dislike Vanilla - her breasts are sooo large for what they should be like that playing this game makes me file like I'm the target audience for a game for perverts - or wait, I'm not playing this game, my roommate is.
And when "Hope" appeared, we exchanged looks and said "oh, here is the mandatory traumatized emo kid! I never got into that character Type (i didnt't like evangelion), but I didn't mind it in Final Fantasy 7 because at that time it was a novum in the final fantasy series. I hated 8 though and stopped playing it after battling the same stupid spider boss monster for about 10 times in a row. I came back later for a quick glance at Tydus and his complex relationship with his emotionaly detached father who is the captain of a local football team as well as a big monster trying to eat the world. Yes!
For the most part, I like the final fantasy way of storytelling. I like the mixture of fantasy and science fiction that the western world is seriously lacking. The stories always have a twist in them that I rarely see coming (or at least I did before I started reading spoilers on the internet). But the character design gets worse and worse and has reached the degree of nerdiness that even I can't get into anymore...
Anyway, I really like the black guy. He is the only likable figure in the game. The rest sucks. Like Yahtzee, I especially dislike Vanilla - her breasts are sooo large for what they should be like that playing this game makes me file like I'm the target audience for a game for perverts - or wait, I'm not playing this game, my roommate is.
And when "Hope" appeared, we exchanged looks and said "oh, here is the mandatory traumatized emo kid! I never got into that character Type (i didnt't like evangelion), but I didn't mind it in Final Fantasy 7 because at that time it was a novum in the final fantasy series. I hated 8 though and stopped playing it after battling the same stupid spider boss monster for about 10 times in a row. I came back later for a quick glance at Tydus and his complex relationship with his emotionaly detached father who is the captain of a local football team as well as a big monster trying to eat the world. Yes!
For the most part, I like the final fantasy way of storytelling. I like the mixture of fantasy and science fiction that the western world is seriously lacking. The stories always have a twist in them that I rarely see coming (or at least I did before I started reading spoilers on the internet). But the character design gets worse and worse and has reached the degree of nerdiness that even I can't get into anymore...
FF6 was the best game in the series? No. FF7 by far. FF6 had shallow characters and a generic storyline that didn't even try to go deeper than "save the world from evil empire". It wasn't a bad game, it was just the STANDARD for RPGs at the time. It also had very a very basic system for character improvement that involved little or no ingenuity, as opposed to, say, Materia, Junction, Ability learning, the Sphere-Grid/Chrystarium/Weapon "leveling", and the License Board. FF7 made RPGs into something far more involved.
As for FFXIII, one of the few legitimate complaints Yahtzee made (from a critic standpoint; his hatred for the characters only acts as humor) was that the game should've been good from the start, and not taken a while to get momentum. Many games are like this, but FFXIII had an especially long "tutorial" period. Nevertheless, had he actually played for longer, he (or rather, fact) would've attested to vast improvements in the storyline and gameplay. Complaining about the storyline and the characters lacks substance when you've only spent five hours with the game. After all, no good story allows you to know everything you want to at the beginning. Still, the review was amusing.
As for FFXIII, one of the few legitimate complaints Yahtzee made (from a critic standpoint; his hatred for the characters only acts as humor) was that the game should've been good from the start, and not taken a while to get momentum. Many games are like this, but FFXIII had an especially long "tutorial" period. Nevertheless, had he actually played for longer, he (or rather, fact) would've attested to vast improvements in the storyline and gameplay. Complaining about the storyline and the characters lacks substance when you've only spent five hours with the game. After all, no good story allows you to know everything you want to at the beginning. Still, the review was amusing.
FF 6 gave all characters unique abilities - I don't think any other final fantasy game had that. You could do street fighter moves with sabin are play the slot machine with Setzer. FF VII made characters much less distinct in battles because you could bring everybody into every role by.Rift Reilous said:
Have you played tactics?
Anyway review Red Steel 2. It's a good game.
No not by Wii standards, by standards, it's a good game.
Anyway review Red Steel 2. It's a good game.
No not by Wii standards, by standards, it's a good game.
I'm glad someone could take their heads out of their asses for once and realise the truth about this eyeball raping experience... The game's beyond shocking and people have been treating it like the Second coming of Jesus......
Yes we understand maybe the 5 more hours of CGI was worth the playing.PayJ567 said:
But Final Fantasy kind of has lost it's footing off the actual storyline, so they try to fill in the holes that the last one leaves sloppily. Now there really is no storyline to jump off of.
F?? you for this review yahtzee, if you?re a RPG hater then ?STOP PLAYING? BI?.CH. Final Fantasy XIII was a very good game .your review was like leasing to an idiot talk ?trying to imitate Simon Cowell? just some wannabe game critic stick to what you do best review first-person shooting games ?where the plot is always terrorist attached .go kill them ? SHIT.And if you think you are good Enough to critic other people work try making a game as good as Final Fantasy XIII ? the 3d that you call flashy and if you look at from the side its 2d that alone shows what an ignorant small minded and un educated BI?.CH?
he does it for comedy, not to satisfy your views in games.Zeni Geba said:
anyway i understand the complaints, but the little bit of time i had in the game i enjoyed. only things i hate are the hope and vanille characters.
WELL excuse me for having to be on retard patrol because of the sudden increase of report faries. It's also not my fault some people are a tad too dense to realise I am being sarcastic when I am. Don't have a go at me for it, have a go at them making me do it.Mortagog said:
Interestingly, I read a review of the game from someone , not a game critic, just a regular person, who said EXACTLY the same thing. Linear as fuck, 2D characters, a plot that went nowhere, gameplay that was as sparse as grass in the Sahara Desert, and an overabundance of movies. Might as well have made another film, rather than attempt to make a game out of it.
Funnily enough, I didn't start liking this game 'til just after the 5-hour mark. I was so disappointed at the beginning, I'm a big Final Fantasy fan and it was so easy and dull for the first 5 1/2 hours (mash A for auto-battle, defeat, encounter, mash A for auto-battle, and so it went on EXACTLY THE SAME WAY FOR FIVE FREAKIN' HOURS). I don't really know what changed after that, but 13 hours in and I'm really enjoying it.
Honestly, though, it shouldn't take more than a few hours to get to the better bits. An hour, maybe, but five/six? I haven't attached to any of the characters so far, usually I'd have a favourite by now, and I ask again: what the HECK is up with Vanille's accent? Fang's is pretty dodgy, too.
I loved the chewing-own-face picture, that made me snort Red Bull out of my nose.
Honestly, though, it shouldn't take more than a few hours to get to the better bits. An hour, maybe, but five/six? I haven't attached to any of the characters so far, usually I'd have a favourite by now, and I ask again: what the HECK is up with Vanille's accent? Fang's is pretty dodgy, too.
I loved the chewing-own-face picture, that made me snort Red Bull out of my nose.
That. And you have to give Yahtzee some credit. I'm ten hours in and none of his complaints would be any different with another five hours. I mean, some of the characters have an inkling of depth now, but the Ethnic Spice is still the only enjoyable character, I'm really tired of walking down another obviously contrived and incredibly narrow corridor, the menu system has managed to get more convoluted, the plot is still moving along just as slowly as he so wonderfully illustrated, and the only reason I've gotten as far as I have is via small doses every so often. I'm not sold on this game by any means, but the combat is more engaging the FF12 so that's something.Tharticus said:
Still, this is Squenix here. With their history, they have no excuse at this point.
Preface
Two things: One. Yahtzee is biased. Email him, he'll tell you himself. He doesn't like JRPGs and he doesn't like fighting games. Regardless of quality, he'll always give games from those two genres negative reviews. Two. Yahtzee's funny, I enjoy him and I watch his show every week, but he's about as much a game reviewer as Jon Stewart is a newscaster. Taking his reviews seriously and actually using them to base your future purchases on is like going out and voting republican because you really enjoyed "That's My Bush" back when it was on Comedy Central. Three. I'm not a disgruntled FF fanboy. I'm actually pretty much on the boat with Yahtzee. I've really detested the series after FFVII and I've found each consecutive game less enjoyable than the last.
Now, with that out of the way, I have a few issues with this video:
2 minutes in: There's actually a very good reason why Vanille acts way out of the game's established social context: she's not from the same f***ing world! Had he played the game for more than 5 hours, he'd know that. That's why you don't review games you don't know dick about.
3 minutes in: "How about we just walk up to the enemy and press one button that bonks them on the head."
Later on...
3:40: "You only control the party leader directly and even then I just picked auto-attack every round."
Way to bash a game for doing exactly what you said you wanted it to do 40 f***ing seconds ago! Brilliant!
4:20: "This is not good storytelling! You're supposed to weave exposition into into the narrative not hand the audience a f***ing glossery in the theatre."
Yes, because nothing is better than when characters talk about the plot for the audience's sake in a movie. I'm sure Robert McKee and Joseph Campbell stand behind you 100% there.
Ultimately, what I'm saying is that you have to develop your own opinion of something and not let some hilarious though well-read goofball from Australia validate your opinion for you, especially when his favorite game of the generation is Saints Row 2.
Two things: One. Yahtzee is biased. Email him, he'll tell you himself. He doesn't like JRPGs and he doesn't like fighting games. Regardless of quality, he'll always give games from those two genres negative reviews. Two. Yahtzee's funny, I enjoy him and I watch his show every week, but he's about as much a game reviewer as Jon Stewart is a newscaster. Taking his reviews seriously and actually using them to base your future purchases on is like going out and voting republican because you really enjoyed "That's My Bush" back when it was on Comedy Central. Three. I'm not a disgruntled FF fanboy. I'm actually pretty much on the boat with Yahtzee. I've really detested the series after FFVII and I've found each consecutive game less enjoyable than the last.
Now, with that out of the way, I have a few issues with this video:
2 minutes in: There's actually a very good reason why Vanille acts way out of the game's established social context: she's not from the same f***ing world! Had he played the game for more than 5 hours, he'd know that. That's why you don't review games you don't know dick about.
3 minutes in: "How about we just walk up to the enemy and press one button that bonks them on the head."
Later on...
3:40: "You only control the party leader directly and even then I just picked auto-attack every round."
Way to bash a game for doing exactly what you said you wanted it to do 40 f***ing seconds ago! Brilliant!
4:20: "This is not good storytelling! You're supposed to weave exposition into into the narrative not hand the audience a f***ing glossery in the theatre."
Yes, because nothing is better than when characters talk about the plot for the audience's sake in a movie. I'm sure Robert McKee and Joseph Campbell stand behind you 100% there.
Ultimately, what I'm saying is that you have to develop your own opinion of something and not let some hilarious though well-read goofball from Australia validate your opinion for you, especially when his favorite game of the generation is Saints Row 2.
...except for the fact right in this review he said he liked Final Fantasy VI, in his Super Paper Mario review he said he liked Earthbound and the Paper Mario series, and in his Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story (which was, by his standards, a fairly positive review), he expanded that, saying said "I've never disliked a Mario RPG." So yeah, he may not like the JRPG genre, but he won't always give a JRPG a negative review.
