Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

[Darkwolf9]

I can say I'm not suprised by his reaction at all. In fact had there been one I could have easily won the betting pool on what he'd harp on. With that said the combat in the XIII is a bit boring till later on. Later it becomes a fun strategic mini game between running around a field doing kill quests. With that said, I still find enjoyment in the game even though it is a bit 2-D.

 

[solidstatemind]

HA!

Thank you, yet again, for a moment of Wednesday Mirth, Yahtzee.

That is all.

 

[Rayansaki]

I can't say anything about Fang because I haven't acquired her yet. Sorry for the extremely long post, but I felt like I had to say this and even though I know most of the people who are viewing this thread are here to make fun of EVERY aspect of this game, I just wanted to get my two cents in.

If you haven't reached the point where you get Fang you don't even know 10% of the character's motivations and progression curve (some of them are significantly different towards the end), so what you wrote is completely inaccurate.

 

[SirMax]

I can't say anything about Fang because I haven't acquired her yet. Sorry for the extremely long post, but I felt like I had to say this and even though I know most of the people who are viewing this thread are here to make fun of EVERY aspect of this game, I just wanted to get my two cents in.

If you haven't reached the point where you get Fang you don't even know 10% of the character's motivations and progression curve (some of them are significantly different towards the end), so what you wrote is completely inaccurate.

Out of curiosity, Comet, how many hours have you played FF13?

 

[Awexsome]

Hah hah, it was predictable and saw it coming like a mile away but it was still funny.

Won't change the fact that it is a good game but Yahtzee can make anything seem horrible and be hilarious while doing.

 

[ohuvi]

as soon as i heard him say that he liked final fantasy 6 (also my favorite) my mouth dropped open in shock. Keep up the hilarious reviews Yahtzee!

 

[Flamingpenguin]

As my friend put it, that kooky character is "getting progressively more British" as the game goes on. I laughed at that one.

 

[yanipheonu]

OK I feel like this needs to be said.

Yes lots of people are hating on this game, but you know what, lots more people are finding this game EXTREMELY ENJOYABLE. Just because you don't like it, certianly doesn't mean it's the worst game ever created.

This holds true to the guys bringing up FF7... for some reason. Yes, I get you hate the game. But so many people love it, you just come off as some douche.

Finally, don't let haters make you not try/buy FFXIII. I didn't listen and I absolutely loved it. Just give it a try and see for yourself, you might just find a great experience. Even if you dislike it, you at least have a game with great production values and gorgeous environments.

 

[flosy]

Very funny review! Shame its wrong!!!

 

[BlueInkAlchemist]

The "Spice" bit was very well done, but my favorite line was regarding the painting of the fireworks display.

I will see the Mana Bar someday. Mark my words.

Someday.

 

[ZippyDSMlee]

Looks like my fears on 13 are founded. But I've wasted my life away on WoW so I suppose I can tolerate Final Fantasy Seven-2 13 well enough.

No no FF7 was actually playable this is FFX-3.

 

[edgeofblade]

Yahtzee, if you were busy, no one would fault you for skipping this game all together. I mean, you do review "games", meaning an interactive video product where your actually PLAYING something. Nowhere in your contract are you required to review FMV games...

 

[Kyouki1980]

I LOVE the final fantasy series, I love sitting back and relaxing with the combat menu and dont have to button mash, I love not having to look in every direction at once for snipers like in some reality shooters.
BUT then the series changed after 9. Changed from open map to grindy linear corridors. WTF IS WITH THAT SHIT! 10 was ok despite that. Had almost all the gameplay elements I liked to play while relaxing as did 10-2.
However 12 was the biggest pile of shit I had ever played. I WANT TO CONTROL THE FUCKING CHARACTERS! And where the FUCK did my relaxing game go? Now I'm running all over the fucking battle screen just hitting attack at everything cause the battles are so easy there's no point in even bothering to use any magic or items. 24 game hours into 12 I said fuck this shit and returned it to the store.
Now we come to FFXIII. Now its at this point I'd like to reiterate that I have a massive hard-on for J-RPGS. I love them right in their emo ass. BUT (again) FFXIII with its linear corridor game-play, 20+ hour cap before it "gets good" and retard proof combat system has taken gaming design for morons to a whole new level I cannot fucking stand and WILL NOT be playing or buying this hyperised piece of SHIT!
Squeenix should be ashamed for releasing such unmitigated crap.

I don't want my fucking hand held while playing the game, I don't want the game to play it for me. I WANT TO PLAY THE FUCKER MYSELF! AND ENJOY IT! Hard battles and all. I want the challenge back that used to be there and the exploration.
I feel like Squeenix has bent me over and said "your gonna like this" and shafted me so hard I could feel my spleen pop into my throat.

*Breathes* That's how I feel about that ^_^

 

[Velocity Eleven]

does anybody else think that he just did this to have a go at the genre? I mean, he talked about the actual gameplay very little and almost every single one of his complaints were based off the stereotypes that all JRPG haters tend to have... and none of those complaints have ever made sense to me... (and respouting them doesnt make them sensical)

 

[neilsaccount]

i think that he should have done metro 2033 instead of ff13

 

[Kyouki1980]

Yahtzee, if you were busy, no one would fault you for skipping this game all together. I mean, you do review "games", meaning an interactive video product where your actually PLAYING something. Nowhere in your contract are you required to review FMV games...

I have to agree. FFXIII isnt a game. Its a bad movie. And expensive bad and boring movie.

 

[Grey_Focks]

CITIZEN SNIPSSSSSSSSSSSS!

wait, wait, wait. you liked Zell? Really? not gonna lie, I find this disturbing.


OT: Actually agree with yahtzee for once. I too haven't liked a Final Fantasy since 6. Ever since 7 it really has been more about the spectacle and "pushing the visual limits" instead of making a good game and writing a good story. 8 and 10 in particular had some of the worst story/writing in any game I've played in ages, though they did look pretty for when they were released.

 

[Jamvaan1992]

I'm 100% on your side with this one, but the only difference is I'm the type of idiot that kept going even after the fifth hour, and the sixth, and the seventh. When it finally got to the point where the world opened up (25 GODDAMN HOURS LATER!) I threw my hands up in frustration, traded it in and bought Mass Effect 2. Never again Final Fantasy, never again.

 

[Ickorus]

Yeah, I thought Final Fantasy VI was the peak of the series too.

FFVI is so damned overrated i die a little inside whenever someone says it's amazing.

I'm enjoying FFXIII but i do have some of the same problems, i'm in the final chapter of the game and i still don't really understand what the hell is going on.

Also: Hope is a whiny little bastard, i refuse to have him in my team.

 

[mew4ever23]

Couldn't have called todays review being a Final Fantasy game. I was thinking that he would go for God of War 3...