Zero Punctuation: Grand Theft Auto 5

[duchaked]

I actually like the story. Well, enjoyed is more the word. The thing is, that even though a lot of the characters are whiny, the sum ends up being better than the whole of its parts. I found myself engaged by the story threads. I actually spent a lot more time actually doing missions in this game than dicking around, which is relatively unqie for sandboxes. I got like 30 hours out of Saints Row 3, despite it being a 5 hour game, because I didn't touch most of the story missions for a loooooooong time.

yeah I found myself actually rushing to do story missions because the characters were fun to watch. I didn't find them "whiny" but selfish oh hell yea very much so loll but I feel like it kinda fits for...well a freaking GTA game. Franklin was very much a Connor-esque paperboy being led along by everyone, but it was Lamar who annoyed the crap about me with his "homies for life" deal until the end when he redeemed himself haha. and I legitimately liked Michael whose struggles to reconnect with his family while staving off a midlife crisis was a nice touch and not something I've really seen before in a game. and I hated/loved Trevor because...well he's Trevor lol

 

[charliesbass]

Michael's justification for doing terrible things is the same justification Walter White uses, in my opinion. His life is boring, middle class and materialistic. Doing bank heists and pulling down peoples houses off cliffs is what makes him feel alive in his humdrum daily pointless life.
With Franklin, he wants to get out of the bad neighborhood and start a new life in a good area, with possibly a new family to bring up. Even if he does have to do bad things, he has to get out of that area.
With Trevor, he's just crazy. That's all.

That's just my opinion anyway.

 

[cthulhuspawn82]

I know for a fact they can program planes to be easy to fly, the same way I know games can program sniper rifles to not bounce around like an epileptic on a trampoline. But they want to "simulate difficulty" and apparently, shitty controls are how they do that.

The planes were easy enough to fly for me.

Yes they could program them to be "easier to fly" but they could have also programmed the game with more hand holding auto aim and missile bullets, it just wouldn't be very challenging and would probably feel pretty soulless.

You exaggerate the turbulence you experience in planes (even with the lowest possible flying skill) that I have to wonder if you even played the game.
On maxed out shooting skill your sniper rifle doesn't wave around in the slightest and stays perfectly steady.
Shitty controls? Can you give an example of what you mean? Are you aware that the other two things you mentioned have nothing to do with the "controls" of the game?
You are exaggerating these things so much that it makes me wonder if you even played the game before posting these complaints.

My sniper rifle comment was more about how it works in games in general, here it doesn't seem so bad.

I still hate the flying controls and Yhahtzee seems to agree. Its a problem when I cant do things like "go forward" or "turn right" without nearly crashing the helicopter. In fact it seems as if the game is aware of its bad controls and tries to make "challenges" out of them. That's why you get points for things like flying under bridges. You don't get points for driving a car trough a tunnel because making the car go in a strait line without crashing into every wall isnt a challenge.

 

[Arcane Azmadi]

Despite not saying it's a bad game I'm sure this review will piss off plenty of GTA fanboys.

Fuck 'em.

Oddly enough I was hoping he would do Shadow Warrior this week. Maybe he will use it to cleanse his palate of the 'meh' that is his opinion of gtaV.

Spoiler: MEH

Actually, so was I. Being one of the miniscule number of people who didn't give a FUCK about GTAV, I'd actually forgotten he was likely to be doing it, so I was hoping he'd be doing Shadow Warrior too. I just hope it isn't a massive disappointment to him like Duke Nukem Forever was- it already starts with an automatic strike against it by being a reboot of a classic property with the exact same name as the original.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

It's interesting how when Yahtzee doesn't want to like a game, he brings up plot points that he doesn't particularly like and focuses on them. He did the same thing with the Last of Us.

Honestly, I miss the days when Zero Punctuation was about criticizing games due to actual issues with the gameplay and mechanics. There was hardly a word here about the gameplay itself. Yeah, the planes handle poorly but that's all that I got from this review. It really just seems lazy to me and an attempt to run against the mainstream. It's like he watched some character footage on YouTube and based the entire video on that.

I mean seriously, let's do a play-by-play. The first 45 seconds is complaining about the advertising. Then he complains about the fact that it's named GTA V even though there are more than 5 games, a joke he's made several times already about the same series. Then he complains about GTA IV. Next he describes the characters, saying they're all poorly written but gives no actual examples of them being poorly written other then that Franklin is whiny and misinterpreting Michael's overall character. After that he brings up the problem of linearity within the mission structure and the poor flight controls which I definitely agree with. The rest of the review he talks about not being able to play online yet and then saying it was ok but not great. That's just simply weak criticism and it's really disappointing.

I would have respected it a lot more if he brought up the fact that the traffic AI is pretty bad and the gunplay feels sticky and weird or maybe the brought up the texture popping and characters and cars randomly disappearing. But as far as I'm concerned there's no actual evidence that he even played the game.

I truly don't have a problem with people disliking what I don't like. Metal Gear Solid is a favorite of mine and I didn't have a problem with his MGS4 review. I also like Dead Space, Gears of War, and Borderlands. My problem is when the criticism isn't well thought out.

I can tell you firsthand that Saints Row 4 is absolute garbage and not even accidentally good. It's not even a matter of opinion. It's glitchy, boring, has absolutely no sense of pacing, most of the content is literally copy-pasted from Saints Row 3, the missions are insultingly easy, and the superpowers simply break the game.

Yeah, I still like Yahtzee reviews, but he does lack the cutting barbs he once had here. I remember back in college when I thought I could be a movie critic, so I just watched a ton of movies and wrote about every one of them. The problem with reviewing movies is that most of them are okay. Not great, not terrible. Alright. And it is really really hard to write anything about a movie that's average. I'm only like 40% into GTA 5 and I'm enjoying it, but I would be hard pressed to provide any truly positive or negative insight other than "it's really pretty." However, I do detest one particular 40 minute triathlon race, but it can be argued that I brought that on myself. I also dislike the lack of fast travel of taxis that GTA 4 had.

That said, it's pretty much "another GTA game" and it's more than enough for me.

 

[OuendanCyrus]

Well, I am both.

But you know, I looked at your played games on XBL (since you were kind enough to link your GT), and I'm not really seeing much that would qualify as having "more" than that. And hell, the comparison of stuff to do with RDR just seems...Wrong. Flat out wrong.

But whatever. I'm not here to judge. I just find it weird.

But hey, I'm not particularly a fan of the GTA series. I played 3 mostly because everyone said I must, and the open world was a bit of a revolution at the time, so it was something I could appreciate. IV sucked ass in my opinion, highlighting ockstar's tendency for "ooh shiny" over substance, so I sort of get where you're coming from. But V? Well, they still haven't figured out how to do competent gameplay, you pretty much need aim assist to compensate for some of the worst firearm controls in the history of games, and there's an emphasis on shiny, but....

I actually like the story. Well, enjoyed is more the word. The thing is, that even though a lot of the characters are whiny, the sum ends up being better than the whole of its parts. I found myself engaged by the story threads. I actually spent a lot more time actually doing missions in this game than dicking around, which is relatively unqie for sandboxes. I got like 30 hours out of Saints Row 3, despite it being a 5 hour game, because I didn't touch most of the story missions for a loooooooong time.

I actually haven't touched my 360 since I completed Skyrim nearly 2 years ago. The main reason that I can't enjoy GTA V is mainly how the world is so large, yet feels like there's not much to do; sure, there's strip clubs, yes, there's golf and tennis, but I never found out whether they contributed to the gameplay. I understand that they are just distractions that are meant to make the player feel more immersed in the game, but I would have preferred it if those distractions actually helped me in the game as opposed to feeling like a time waster. (I did try playing Tennis for a bit because I thought it would raise my Stamina but I don't think it did) Look at Just Cause 2 for example, it has a huge world filled with bases you can take over, and in doing so, you earn more cash and upgrades, in Saint's Row IV, you collect data clusters to improve your super powers, in Red Dead Redemption and Far Cry 3, you can do animal and bounty hunts to get money and improve your character.

I never played GTA IV, but I felt that the cops in GTA V were a bit too efficient, if that makes sense; you cause a bit of mayhem and you get two stars, at which point, you can either stay and continue to fight the cops, earning your more stars, thus making you easier to kill, or try to escape and evade them for a large period of time, I think the game does too good of a job for punishing you, especially for a game where most of the fun is generated by you doing crimes. It's like when someone hands you a bazooka and tells you to have fun in a city, and then immediately snatches it away from you and slaps you across the face for having too much fun, it just doesn't seem right to me. But then again, maybe I'm just awful at GTA games (and awful at driving). Whatever the case, I am geniunely upset that I can't enjoy GTA V, and I am incredibly envious that a lot of people are, I wish I could be you, if you love the game, good for you.

 

[LysanderNemoinis]

I think something has been lost in all the talk about whether or not GTA5 is good and whether or not Yahtzee is going to need a bodyguard from now on, and that's Mr. Croshaw's utterly offensive and reprehensible joke about honey badgers. As a honey badger, I found it extremely upsetting that he would call me incontinent and say that people like myself live in brothels. It's just disgusting, and I truly wish for Yahtzee to make a full apology to all honey badgers for his flagrantly crude remarks. And if you say I'm not a honey badger because I don't have a tail, then you're just a badgerphobe.

 

[NiPah]

What's with this flameshild bullshit? From my end you guys are by far more annoying and immature then the one or two pro-GTA posts. You've got to stop with that crap, it's beyond overused now and it wasn't funny when 4chan invented it 10 years ago, if you've superseded the annoying fanboys as the idiots in a forum topic it's time you take a look at the quality of your posts.

 

[BoredRolePlayer]

I do agree the story was a bit of a mess, having to ask a co-worker why I was helping the FIB stop the AIC (and he was not as far in the game as me). And I was confused about why the trever who was ex airforce couldn't fly the plane for the heist (again story being a mess). But this was a fun game, first GTA game I've beaten (and I've played them all pretty much) if that means anything. Also the first page being "haha take this flame shield" is not funny guys.

 

[Kingjackl]

I was kind of hoping for more elaboration on why he thought the characters were badly written. Considering those three were the main focus of this game, and considering that Yahtzee has gone on record as saying Nico Bellic is one of his favourite game protagonists, there probably should have been more of a comparison beyond 'Michael is a hypocrite' (agreed) and 'Franklin is whiny' (and Nico wasn't?). I guess he was so proud of his observations about the fucking advertising that he felt he could afford to sacrifice a quarter of his review talking about it, as opposed to actual critical commentary.

 

[synobal]

Lets face it Rockstar are doing the COD thing and are basically coasting on the reputation of the series now.

 

[Mikejames]

Laughed pretty hard at the closer.

Having more than 2-3 people writing a single character's dialogue is a terrible idea. Even then, it's really one writing and two editing.

So comics are a horrible idea?
You know how many people have written dialog for spiderman? Still manages to be a consistent character.

I'm not sure if any long-running comic book character can claim to be consistent.

 

[MrHide-Patten]

Well my mate said the waters the best looking he's ever seen in a game sooooooo... I'll wait till Christmas, or my Birthday... or till they've fixed all the fun nerphing bugs.

But GTA4 didn't cream my crumpets so I'll expect more of the same.

 

[DataSnake]

I can tell you firsthand that Saints Row 4 is absolute garbage and not even accidentally good. It's not even a matter of opinion. It's glitchy, boring, has absolutely no sense of pacing, most of the content is literally copy-pasted from Saints Row 3, the missions are insultingly easy, and the superpowers simply break the game.

I'm not sure you and I have the same definition of "opinion". Here's a list of things in that last sentence that are, in fact, your opinion:
1. boring
2. no sense of pacing
3. insultingly easy
4. superpowers break the game

 

[Worgen]

Despite not saying it's a bad game I'm sure this review will piss off plenty of GTA fanboys.

Fuck 'em.

Oddly enough I was hoping he would do Shadow Warrior this week. Maybe he will use it to cleanse his palate of the 'meh' that is his opinion of gtaV.

Spoiler: MEH

Actually, so was I. Being one of the miniscule number of people who didn't give a FUCK about GTAV, I'd actually forgotten he was likely to be doing it, so I was hoping he'd be doing Shadow Warrior too. I just hope it isn't a massive disappointment to him like Duke Nukem Forever was- it already starts with an automatic strike against it by being a reboot of a classic property with the exact same name as the original.

Its not, I got the game at launch and its a remake done right, the melee feels really good and its got interesting weapons. Its linear but there are plenty of secrets and places to explore, its also got a health regen component that for my money is regening health done right. You press d twice then right mouse button to regen your health but you cant fully regen it, and if you get hit, it knocks you out of doing it, plus the hit does much more damage.

 

[4Aces]

FanFan - Fanatic Fan
FanHater - Fanatic Hater
RegPeople - The last of us (there are only a few left)

Best line - "I just remembered I'm a murderer! Let's just murder whomever has a narc on and then take a bath in his wife."
Best joke - Flip a coin and it comes up "Fuck You" (gonna make me some of those!)

Gameplay fails as listed in the review (for the short attention span(dicates) and FanFans claiming Yahtzee was just randomly spouting.
- Constantly swapping between three random protagonists, none of which are likeable due to their poor writing and inconsistency

- Random pedestrians flag you down to hand out hit missions (like Hobos have that kind of cash)

- Heist Mission = Instruction Following Simulator (a la AssCred3 and SlurpingDoggies), where you get the massive choice of mission type A or B, and then which person to take. They have their own stats which could improve if they were not only available for two heists each (in the *whole* game), they are meaningless.

- You have stats, which are about as useless as the ones for the heist members. The difference between starting point and maxed out is very little, so why bother?

- The game *forced* a plane flying tutorial *after* the plane flying mission. Bass Ackwards.

- GTA5 is a lot of unrelated, over-tutorialized, clunky features that were rammed together without a proper game design.

- There are story threads, but no strong over-arching one (unlike Skyrim or FarCry 3)

- There is some fun (and color!), even with the buy-able properties (unlike AssCred3, or Skyrim), and the physics engine does not suck as much as it used to (but does that actually make it good?).

- There are no gob-smacking moments where new features are worth any kind of exclamation though, either good or bad, so it is mostly just a meh-rehash of GTA4. There is nothing to really drive you in the game. If you want a random fantasy world simulator where you can murder random people for little to no reason, then this is for you. But then again, there are better games (Far Cry 3), where you can do the same thing but with a reason (and moral authority). If you really want to steal cars, kill people in an urban setting, and be a total dick, this game is for you (but so is Vanilla flavored Thorazine).

Just remember, it is always better to use drugs than guns (at the mall, cinema, or any other public place).

GOTY is going to be Wasteland 2. Bio:Infinite was more hype than delivery, so it should not win. Then again, this has been one hyped-up mess of a year. Hell, let's give it to Colonial Marines and make everyone's head explode!

 

[FallenMessiah88]

Just like all the previous GTA games, the biggest strength of GTA V lies in the freedom it gives you to just fuck around. At least that's my imppression from so far.

 

[IrisNetwork]

So, its also a mess but not the fun mess that was SR4. Lets see some "whine out of 10" once this gets on YouTube.
What did Yahtzee say in the ending? I didn't quite catch it but damn it was frikin funny.

 

[sXeth]

Hmm okay, he didn't like it that much I guess.

One thing I don't understand though, why is Saints Row considered 'fun' and the later GTA aren't? Because you can run around with a dildo and other wacky stuff? That's wacky. Not necessarily fun. I didn't play GTAV of course (having only a PC and stuff), but I definitely had tons more fun with GTA IV then SR2+3 combined and if GTA had the same stupid wacky humor everywhere, I'd like it less.

Saints Row doesn't try and do broody serious story business in the middle of your aforementioned hooker piling, driving jeeps out of planes, sandbox. The tone is more consistent overall and less clashy.

GTA also seems to have a real issue with terrible minigames too. To take GTA V vs SR3 in side activites, we have

GTA V:
Golf, Tennis, Yoga (which is just quicktime event spam, that isn't even timed), Skydiving, Hiking, Strip Clubs (which is again a press A madly to win thing)

Saints Row 3:
Stealing cars (oddly, I can't think of any GTA where this has been a mainstay activity in the sense of it giving you cash, despite the name of the game. V does have four missions of it, and screws you over for pay, granted), drug trafficing, driving hookers around, going on rampages with various vehicles/weapons, the deathmatchy Genki mazes, territory defenses.

GTA's sandbox efforts don't really jive in well with its mechanics, and a lot of them can be just plain boring once the initial prettyness wears off. Even with the much lauded heist mechanics, you never get to do one outside of the four or five story missions, which are heavily scripted (some don't even give the two path option). You can only rob a handful of liquor stores/convenience shops, and the regular shops if you use a half-glitch. Choosing a vehicle, a heist time, driving out a route to plan an escape, and executing doesn't seem like it should be miles outside the doable range, but they apparently went with making fake internet and mediocre QTE games instead.

 

[webby]

I also dislike the lack of fast travel of taxis that GTA 4 had.

You... you realise you have a taxi company in your contact list from the start of the game right? You also realise that taxis seem to work in exactly the same way as before? I have skipped more journeys in this game than a skipper skipping stones whilst skipping.

The talk of SR4 being "intentionally" glitchy made me do a double take. So my game was meant to crash every time I tried to superjump forcing me to restart my system, load everything up again, intentionally die and then hope beyond hope that it stayed fixed for a while and didn't shit the bed again? Good to know, I just thought it was a poorly programmed mess because it was an expansion pack that got bumped up to a full release.

There's some serious bullshit being thrown around in here and it is glorious to watch.