Zero Punctuation: Halo: Reach

[MrGalactus]

I got kicked out of the library today because of the first joke. Got me totally off guard.

 

[Candidus]

Classic.. Half Life 2, a classic? Hahaha. Cool story bro.

The gameplay was changed up quite a lot this time (Reach)around, but you have to play on the higher difficulties to enable the improved AI. On legendary, up to 4 jackals will form a phalanx with their shields if you don't pick them off quickly when they're together, and hunters will fight back to back in order to protect the exposed Lekgolo (orange worms) if you assail them in legendary co-op!

Also, an amendment to one of Yahtzee's criticisms; the elites charging when you're reloading without your allies nearby- when they think they stand a reasonable chance of cutting your nipples off- is a vast improvement on the old state of affairs. This is something about Reach which brings the bar up- it's not a fault of any kind.

Entertaining critique, but a *bit* Valve fanboyish even for you. (A Valve fanboy cannot objectively review a Bungie game. Real true fact.)

 

[SinisterGehe]

You already made the "Hello, Goodbye" pun on the Halo 3 video... or was that intended...

I am actually surprised that he didn't tear it apart, but I still think that saying "a game has to stand up on single player alone" is a very silly statement. So is the quality of an MMO diminished because there's no mode to grind quests by yourself?

You can solo in MMO's but that is against the gameplay idea of a MMO. If I buy a game with only multi-player mode that is what I paid for, if I buy a game that only has single-player mode that is what I paid for. If I buy a game that contain both game-types I assume both of them being equal in quality. If I buy a bucket of grapes and half of them are spoiled of course I am going to be disappointed, and saying "At least half grapes are good" is not going to fix it. I paid for full bucket.

 

[biGBum333]

You already made the "Hello, Goodbye" pun on the Halo 3 video... or was that intended...

I am actually surprised that he didn't tear it apart, but I still think that saying "a game has to stand up on single player alone" is a very silly statement. So is the quality of an MMO diminished because there's no mode to grind quests by yourself?

of course a game should be able to stand up on single player. not everyone wants to play online with 12 yr old kids with quicker reflexes than a cat, sometimes people just want to unwind and be able to zone out and have their own experience where they dont have to worry about other online idiots...

OT: im suprised yahtzee had the balls to actually admit some good points of this game instead of senselessly bashing it the whole way through.

 

[ultrachicken]

I was expecting everything in that review except that he didn't talk about how the colors aren't restricted to grey, brown, and vomit green.

Funny, at least.

 

[Nomanslander]

Come on yahtzee, at least play firefight. You don't have to play it online just get some of your friends around and play it. It's not fair to the developers. They spent all this time and effort developing this game mode that you won't even look at.

Since when has Yahtzee ever been fair?

There's four things a game needs to be good in his book.

1. variety, game play needs to change up in various intervals or it just won't do no matter how good the mechanic might be.

2. story, if the gameplay sucks a good story will still make up for it.

3. silliness, if the game play sucks, story sucks, it's still fine! Just give him the chance to put on silly outfits and run around doing silly things and it'll still pass.

3. if the game is mostly MP, then it better have been made by valve....hence why we've never heard him complain about TF2 or L4D like he has for other MP games.

 

[Arionis]

oh shit he did do it...and he...slightly enjoyed it.....well Yahtzee you have shoved your dick into my skull and completely fucked my mind.

I was surprised as well. 0o

I LOVE REACH, I got the LEGENDARY edition, but I'm not blind to it's faults.

If he'd reviewed some of the multiplayer, I think he'd have enjoyed it less, since the spawn's are currently, well, broken.

Curious if he ever went into the armory. o0

Still, love REACH myself, surprised that Yahtzee didn't rip it's ass a new hole.

 

[Dectilon]

You know why I go to gaming sites? It's to gain support for my pre-determined opinions, and to think of incredibly douchey nicknames for people who like things I don't. I quote directly from the video the people reading the thread has just watched, adding to the ever-important white noise.

 

[Stoogie]

Thanks for the review Yahtzee!

 

[repeating integers]

I didn't need Yahtzee to tell ME that this game is a dud!

I still can't believe that people still play Halo when there are sooooo many other games that are soooo much better.

GAH! *quotes self*

Really, some people make me so damn annoyed. They seem to have made it their life's mission to try and destroy any games they don't like (and usually this means "games not made by Valve" on these forums). Do they care that some people don't give a shit about comparing Halo to some old game which supposedly has greater depth and more change, because they've got a positive enough outlook on life to be satisfied with a game which is just fun? No. They will not rest until every person in the world has been utterly convinced that Halo is an abomination and we should all be playing Half-Life, and are convinced that anybody who prefers Halo is a casual dipshit with no taste. It's the very worst kind of fanboyism, and I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, and I just wish these people would see reason and stop.

This militant, elitist and extreme fanboyism of Half Life 2 is incidentally why I hate the game and franchise despite never having played it.

Halo fanboys: Thinnest skins in the west. Saying anything needs improvement is mean, and Halo shouldn't be compared to other games, because that's unfair. It should be judged on its own merits, and every feature of the game judged on how it perfectly matches past Halo games.

And here we go again. You misunderstand me to the extent that you're probably just trolling, and you have no idea how much it is taking me to remain civil here.

As I said, there are some of us with positive enough outlooks on life to be satisfied with a game. For us apparently privileged few, every game doesn't need to be absolutely perfect, totally deep, and completely innovative. We possess the apparently unusual ability to focus on what we think the game does well, and how it's fun. This is why I don't envy game critics - they're paid to be the opposite of this mindset, pointing out every niggling flaw in a game.

There, understand me now?

Yeah... You sure showed me with that post. I'm not at all thinking of an chimpanzee going into a hysterical giggling fit when someone jingles their keys.
I apologize for having standards that require a piece of media to have some amount of substance before I can enjoy it, or as Halo fanboys call it: "trolling".

Man, you people are bad at this. "YOR STOOPID. Now respond to my non-thought-out point, YU STUPED MEENY!"

No no, merely having such standards isn't trolling. What you are doing is trying to assert that your views are correct and being demeaning (or rather, trying and failing to be demeaning) towards those who disagree with you. That right there is either trolling or flaming (or both), take your pick.

See, I would have had no problem with you if you just said "meh personally I don't like Halo, I prefer my games to be deep and all that". What you are instead doing is trying to make enemies by saying "My personal standards mean I look down upon this pathetic excuse for a game from my godly perch and lol at those noobs who like it".

Sometimes I think "the Escapist" should be renamed "the Elitist".

(And by the way, quit with the insults, they don't do much for your credibility or your argument).

Blah blah meanie blah blah elitist blah blah subjectivity. Couldn't possibly care less. This bliss-mommy crap is old hat. Why don't you just start calling people hipsters and complete the "words that don't mean anything and just take up space" trifecta.

That or stop whining whenever someone points out the simple fact (c wut I did thar? lol, i luk 4wd to u wasting a paragraph going "Like... that's just... your opinion, man.") that every Halo game is more of the same. You can like better games where more care is put into them, and bad features are taken out instead of reinforced. All you have to do is learn to invest a little bit in what you spend your time doing.
You're allowed to care about what's happening on the screen.

You have now crossed the line from infuriating to absolutely hilarious. I haven't got much to say to that really, so I'm not even gonna try. I'm glad you are, deep down, so unsatisfied with your life that you have to validate your continued existence by convincing yourself of the inferiority of all those who disagree with you.

Oh, you're a chick. You shoulda said that in the first place so I wouldn't have pegged you as a teenage boy.
Actually, since my big words seem to have confused you, maybe I should just give you a Hercul- um... a challenge: Say something good about Halo Reach.

I know. That was unfair of me.
But now that you're in full thick-headed unphasable "Baaw opinions are subjective" (No duh, Captain) mode, I figured that for your own good, I should put you down with the one question that sends every Halo fan running for the exit. If it can't be answered by "Opinion! Opinion! Stop being mean!", you Halo fans can't answer it.

Say something good about Halo: Reach.

Ahahaha, accusing me of being a girl! Think up that one all by your lonesome did you?

You are one spectacular troll, you know that? If you're doing this unintentionally, it's a feat to remember.

Alright, I'll humour you for a while by taking the somewhat lateral way out.

One good thing about Halo: Reach is the Active Roster. If your friends are online and playing Reach, you can see this the moment you enter the main menu. You can queue to join them, so that when they finish their game you are partied up with them. When in the queue, you can also see details of their game, most usefully how long until it finishes. It's efficient. It's easy. It's a good feature, perhaps even an innovation.

Now I present a challenge to you:

When you try to rebut my point - as you inevitably will - don't try and redefine your parameters. You told me to "name one good thing about Halo: Reach", and I named something. I half expect you to say "lol I meant in gameplay, you stupid chimpanzee", but don't - the extent to which one enjoys the gameplay for any game at all is based around opinion, so "name one good thing about Reach's gameplay" is as impossible a question as "name one good thing about Metroid Fusion's gameplay" or "name one good thing about Homeworld's gameplay" - gameplay features I love, such as the 3D gameplay in the latter (an RTS), may be hated by someone else.

So as I said: "Multiplayer yo" ("you chimpanzee"). Again. Nice.
And no, I made the connection you were a girl since every chick goes for the "You're just arguing with me cuz you hate yourself and are just jealous cuz I'm hot 'n' stuff. No, I can't stick to a subject and yes, I fear forming arguments to defend things. Why do you ask? Also, thinking gives you wrinkles" defense.
I don't have to [pointless meandering and desperate attempt to avoid saying anything good about Halo:Reach that doesn't have to do with making multiplayer a more multiplayery experience]. You've shown me a perfect example of a Halo: Reach fan.

Now, my long sleep has left me refreshed.

You've gone and redefined the parameters. You didn't say "name one good thing about Halo: Reach's singleplayer", you said "name one good thing about Halo: Reach". Period. I named one good thing about Halo: Reach, and you were unable to provide a good counter argument byond "lol multiplayer doesn't count". Are you not even able to graciously concede a single point in a debate?

If I've shown you a perfect example of a Halo: Reach fan, then I feel proud, considering that I've actually been able to construct arguments and point out the flaws in yours. What are your favourite games? I'm sure their communities benefit from having a fan who is so utterly incompetent and childish he is incapable of making any argument beyond "lol you're a chimpanzee/girl/heathen who likes Multiplayer". Maybe you should become a politician, you'd be great!

 

[Candidus]

And vice versa for your last statement, as your first sentence so clearly implies.

Eeeh? I never implied Halo: Reach was a classic. Although Halo: CE was, just as HL 1 was.

If you're suggesting that a Bungie fanboy can't take an unbiased view of a Halo critique, you'd be right. That said, I'm not a Bungie fan. Their Halo series has been a pretty mixed bag. I can only say that I very much enjoyed two of the series: Halo 2 and Halo Reach.

I'm able to credit Bungie when they make an excellent FPS because I don't have Valve's penis in my mouth. I'm able to criticise them when they make an average FPS because I don't have Bungie's there either.

 

[Sheo_Dagana]

It doesn't surprise me that he doesn't play the multiplayer. The only reason I play it is because my friends play it. The Meta-**** joke is right on the money - everyone that plays Halo is a child in the mental sense, regardless of age (I am no exception).

I set it to mute anyone not on my friends list, because no one on Halo is worth talking to. Maybe there are one or two people that are, but for the most part, it's all a bunch of twelve-year olds or people that act like ones. So I would rather think of them as bots that ocassionally tea-bag me.

So I don't blame Yahtzee for not getting involved in the multiplayer. I wouldn't reccommend Halo's multiplayer to anyone else either.

 

[Stephen Bartlett]

well my view on this game is pretty much halo 3 + jetpacks = halo reach = ca$h cow
it hasnt evovled like he said and it never really started great more just it being mainstream and publicised

some people said he liked the jetpacks which is why he found the game bearable compared to halo 3, note formula above

 

[kurtzy23]

Nice review it isn't a good game

 

[CynicalMarcus]

Keep in mind he didn't hate GTAIV at first either. It wouldn't surprise me if he completely smashes Reach when Bulletstorm comes out.

 

[Darth_Dude]

Repetitive gameplay? Are you kidding? Every headshot, every twitch kill is a completely new and different experience from the last. Like in the degrees you turn. And who you're killing. And stuff.

Sarcasm? In case in wasn't, of course it was repitive, you're just shooting the same enemies for 6 hours. I got bored playing for 5 minutes.

 

[Orzene]

Well, it's made me jump into the singleplayer bit on their 'Legendary' setting and I guess I forced myself to play the GOD-AWFUL multiplayer enough to try and achieve the best armor in the game, but after that.. why would I bother playing? I'm more interested in ODST, and at least they're human beings, save captain "Player1', with his face constantly hidden from everyone...

 

[Sandaime]

I'm actually a bit surprised. from what I've seen, Yahtzee normally takes to shooters of any sort like a fish to burning oil. Unless I'm much mistaken, he actually sort of likes it.

Which leave me skull-fucked in a ditch.

 

[Orzene]

It's a localized phenomenon I believe. It involves 2 kids in a 'Shang-Ri La' setting visiting some WWE fuckwad who spouts the same "Eat this to feel cool and do awesome stuff" jargon, then we have a montage of the kids and their shorter, monstrous 'spicey sides' going around beating up ninja's and becoming wrestling superstars...

All of which has no bearing on anything this site offers really. I could understand an Army commercial, as Medal of Honor is the next big EA event or whatever.. but this is indeed insulting...

Like I said though, it's probably just a localized thing... as Slim Jim is the name of an over-priced stick of beef jerky..

 

[Eldarion]

Yeah, I'll rent it. I can't believe some people actually reacted ti this game just like Egoraptor's Awesome Reach (look it up). This is NOT going to be the end of Halo, and there's something wrong with people who think otherwise.

One last thing, Escapsit. Please, please, please, please, PLEASE stop with that stupid Slim Jim commercial. I know they're giving you money, but can you please just put a banner ad or soemthing? It's too long, it's stupid, it's geared to six year olds, and it definatly doesn't make me want to buy any. Frankly, I'm insulted everytime I see it, and I have to put up with it almost every time I watch a damn movie here. I go on this site everyday, but I'm concidering stopping if this keeps up and I'm probably not the only one.

Except for the part about leaving, I agree with this guy. Hate that one so much.