Zero Punctuation: Halo Wars

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Zero Punctuation: Halo Wars

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Halo Wars and Unskippable guest reviews X-Blades. See Yahtzee's crossover appearance in Unskippable: Star Ocean.

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Mischiviktus

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Did anyone besides me here ACTUALLY watch it, or just LOLRUN here to attempt a ZOMG I R FURST, I M SHPESHAL!!!...?

Watched this now I think 7 times, and I've question (for anyone who reads this OR if Yahtzee or Graham etc see this or w/e, not very Earth shattering), Was he winging it or did he have a script like Yahtzee does(or just pointed out...I think during the SSBB fan review where he showed a picture of it)? If he did, great job, if not, then I guess the point where Big Y got angry was staged, but was still really, really funny. Still did a great job though, even if he doesn't have years of honed cynical humor talent that we've come to know and love.
 

Sethzard

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he should review DOW 2 instead

also Graham and Paul were bad
 

Strong Intelligent

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Heh, YAhtzee's "RAAHGR I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" seemes like a Homestar ref.

I actually prefered G+P's section to Yahtzee's.
 

WrongSprite

Resident Morrowind Fanboy
Aug 10, 2008
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jeez....unskippable is crap, they really shouldnt do another guest review, especially not before yahtzees.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Wow the guy reviewing X-blades has such an annoying voice. Although I did love Yahtzee's bashing of halo fanboys.
 

Inuprince

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Wooow - didn't like the start honestly - and I also hate RTS-s soo I thought this review was going to be bad - but that rant at the end - it was awesome - and the imp part after the "credits" - I have to say : brilliant work as always!
 

BUG.exe

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unskippable guy wasn't TOO bad, it just sounded like he was trying to be like yahtzee. halo wars part was pretty good. i don't blame his for hating strategy games. the only one i ever liked was fire emblem.
 

BloodyOne

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I have been waiting for this since yesterday, checking every 15 minutes since daybreak. WOO HOO.
EDIT~~~
I just thought of something concerning the Biki Armor.
String Theory.
 

Lord_Panzer

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Feb 6, 2009
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Nice work finally being able to fit in the sarcastic air quotes, Graham.

Yahtzee's bit was great, Graham's was a bit iffy. Certainly an A for effort, but it simply paled too much in comparison.
 

oliveira8

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Ohh 3 reviews in one! Hooray! Graham bit was cool. The Halo Wars part seemed to have too much hate in it. The peedigree one was the best. :p
 

Markness

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I reckon they were about equally funny, good video this week. Also, RTS are awesome
 

NeedAUserName

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It was a shame they didn't make better use of the Unskippable guy. That being said, the Chinese zookeeper joke at the end was brilliant.
 

Spirultima

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Halo wars is bad as an RTS, im not going to rip is review apart but he should play different ones, like Endwars, but oh well, each to there own.

Also the guy from Unskippable was OK at it, not Yazhee greatness though, i do find them funny from time to time on Unskippable, especailly with yazhee this time :p
 

TwistedEllipses

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Best Zp angry reviewers:
3rd - Graham
2nd - ZP
1st - weird demon thing

He always goes out on a great joke...
 

Jack and Calumon

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Dec 29, 2008
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What was up with the imps at the end?

Anyway, it was awesome and also by the way. I am going to throw an RTS title at you

Starcraft! Play the second one when it comes out! I command thee!
 

The Cheezy One

Christian. Take that from me.
Dec 13, 2008
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and i thought yahtzee was getting repetitive
i agree - you cant really have an RTS on a console cept pc - for exactly the same reason yahtzee said
great minds right?
 

JakubK666

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Ditto, I'd much rather have him review DoW2. Yahtzee reviewing a console RTS obviously couldn't end well.
 

Tempest Fox

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It was one thing to see Graham Stark flex his muscles with the Yahtzee-induced insanity, but to see the imp at the end do the same?

Bravo, Benjamin Yahtzee Sebastian Godzilla Croshaw. Bravo.
 

rated pg

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Haven't got to that mission he mentions at the end of the review in Halo Wars yet but otherwise I'm finding it's not so bad. Some control issues when you need to get to one side of the map from the other side, but selecting units isn't too bad. But tactics mostly does turn into zerg rushing so it is a bit dumbed down. Still, I've been playing RTSs for years and I don't mind one bit.

And faulting a game for having a story and characters is just silly. If you don't like it, don't play single player mode.
 

Archemetis

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Aug 13, 2008
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Hey! Here's an idea! Let's talk about, say... The video that we've all supposedly watched in past 1 minute took you all to post aftr ti was uploaded!! :DDDDD

Seriously though I was wondering if the threat would actually be carried out and i'm surprised, firstly by how well Graham was pulling it off until he got lost for words on the soundtrack and secondly by the lack of Paul, unless he was excluded from this for being the essential neutral party.

I hoenstly wasn't expecting miracles from Halo Wars, thanks for confirming that.

(not that I was ever gonna cash in on the franchise anyway... Having Halo 2 is honestly enough for me.)

[for the sack of the few, I'm refering to the first page of comments at the start of my post.]
 

TJ rock 101

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Why did graham's characters eyes go all over his head some times?
...and whats up with that bit at the end?
 

sirdanrhodes

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Mr Smile said:
first yee ha
Reported.

Anyway, the rage at the end of the review is NOTHING compared to the rage I got from retarded AI.

I JUST NOTICED, 6:41, IT'S YUG!!!
 

Horton986

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Very good zp this week, finally shows how RTs should just stay on PC cause thats were they belong
 

Brodden

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Very funny, unskippable was great and it was a good rendition of Yahtzee's traditional gold. I was surprised to see you jump in another program and also have someone else tamper with your baby, even if it was very well done.

I figured you the sort who would coddle your offspring maybe in a hidden basement like someone's popular daughter and fetal abominations.
 

Sylocat

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What the fuck... who WAS that at the beginning? One of the ZP tribute guys clogging up YouTube?

(EDIT: Forgot to include the "[/sarcasm]" line)
 

Powerman88

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I enjoyed both Yahtzee's review and I thought the Unskippable guy is much better suited to ripping off I MEAN paying homage to ZP. Much more enjoyable to watch.
 

stormcaller

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Sorry Graham, you did well for something out of your typical "range"
Sorry Yahtzee, awesome review and good to see you getting into more genres.

But...the Imp's review was offically the best, ever!
 

Jim-a-Lim

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Very, very good guys it's a shame that we may only see one of these cross overs as both halves were fantastic. You can tell alot of effort must have gone in.
EDIT: wow you can tell the people who only come on escapist for zp reading these comments lol :p
 

Lord Doom

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Halo Wars was is a very simple RTS. It is a good starting point for building a Console RTS. Although, those tanks your producing, the Covenant heroes own. Especially the Arbiter. I hope he reviews MadWorld soon.
 

Tanzka

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That.. was.. epic. I liked it. Another great one, couldn't stop laughing, the Unskippable-part was okay but nothing more.
 

Krelle

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I enjoyed the April fool's bit at the beginning, and I think I'll have to add "cunting" to my vocabulary, but I'm glad YC kicked the metaphorical door down and barged back in halfway through.

I do kinda want to know what unskippable is, now, though. >.>

I suspect that RTSesses play better on computers much the same way that board games play better on boards but if he's going to get so cross about running out of time maybe it's not quite the gernre for him. Or maybe he should get the cheat codes.

I dig Yahtzee's reviews, they brought me to these forums.

... that is all.
 

byke

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Quite possibly one of the best ones he's done. It has been a while since I actually "lol"'d.
 

Ophiuchus

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Even ignoring the 'bonus' parts at the beginning and end, that was completely brilliant. The "what arbitrary silliness" and ensuing rant made me laugh harder than anything in ZP since... well I have no idea, months at least.

Lovely.
 

Enlong

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Out4Blood4 said:
I have been waiting for this since yesterday, checking every 15 minutes since daybreak. WOO HOO.
You do know that it always launches at noon, right?
 

Septicor

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Love the Battle Royale reference. Great episode this week. Unskippable guy was great too.
 

bartholen_v1legacy

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This wasn't mind-blowing, but rather interesting to see a guest in ZP. Also that BULL-FUCKING-SHIT was quite hilarious, but the shouty part after it wasn't.

Eww, I'll never cross X-blades!
 

Gamergyrl

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I think I would have liked the opening better if he didn't try to do it Yahtzee-style. Whenever you hear "triple-cunted hooker," you know exactly what's in store for you. The opening would have been better suited at the end. Shame to say it, but no one can do Yahtzee but Yahtzee. It was, however, a valiant attempt.
 

Tharticus

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Unskippable is decent in the beginning. Then Mr. Croshaw does his thing, and apparently the imps at the end was random. And Mr. Croshaw was right about RTS on consoles. Because it's beyond frustrating to control units with a controller instead of a mouse.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Great reviews and good mix-up there and Unskippable gave em a new fun line to say for laughs.

"Gigantic earth shaking boobage"
 

KDR_11k

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America? From what I read X-Blades was actually made by Russians. I think Two Worlds was made by the people who made Earth 2160 and they were from eastern Europe as well.

Anyway, that Halo Wars was retarded in campaign mode comes as no surprise, all RTSes with the possible exception of the Perimeter games (which have an active AI in the campaign and if you wait too long it'll outmass YOU) turn into an outmassing contest in the campaign because usually the enemy has a static unit set that doesn't grow like yours so building up means inevitable victory (unless the game throws some arbitrary goal at you). I stop bothering with the campaign in an RTS after the novelty wears off and go for skirmishes instead. No need for patience in those, in PvP an RTS really turns into an action game with the ability to royally screw yourself over in the buildup phase.
 

Yegargeburble

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BUG.exe said:
unskippable guy wasn't TOO bad, it just sounded like he was trying to be like yahtzee. halo wars part was pretty good. i don't blame his for hating strategy games. the only one i ever liked was fire emblem.
Fire Emblem games are the only type of strategy games I am good at...(them, FFT, and Shining Force, but the latter two to a lesser extent).

It was an interesting review, but I have to say I laughed the hardest at the imp thingy at the end. It was just so odd.
 

Elader

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Sep 7, 2008
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The whole crossover thing was great! I am an RTS fan however, I had hoped that he'd do a DoW II review thanks to Relic's surprising showing in the March Mayhem. Maybe someday.
 

AceofSpadesCard

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Apr 1, 2009
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omg...if you didnt watch the ENTIRE thing...you missed amazingness...nuff said...great episode, yahtzee, even if i really did enjoy Halo Wars thouroughly...
 

Stabby Joe

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This episode was really interesting in its own merit IE first we get Unskippable review, then Yahtzee reviews an RTS and then... what? Gremlins?
 

WolfMage

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Very well done, and I think that Unskippable and Zero Punctuation should have more guest episodes, but only from each others show, as all the others are pretty snooze worthy.
Also, should make an entire episode where Yahtzee does Unskippable alone, and Graham and Paul should do their own ZP episode without Yahtzee.
Yeah, it'd be awesome.
 

Emendo5

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hehehe, I just knew Unskippable would come into ZP this week, sorry john, but you just can't beat Yahtzee.
 

Rodger

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Two great reviews. I actually thought Graham's review was pretty good. The review at the end there came out of nowhere too so that was interesting.

...Huh. Well those comments were rather generic. Can't have that now. Well, Graham might have went a teeny bit overboard with the picture references but I liked the part where Kratos and...err...whatshername were arguing about her game. As for Halo Wars, I'm pretty sure thats not the only game with a silly timed mission like that. I can't think of any specific examples but it does get rather silly when you've more or less completed the mission and yet you STILL have the clock counting down. Actually, I hate timed missions in RTS games entirely because I have a tendency to fail over and over and I will continue to hate them for it. I don't get missions to rescue troops either for that matter because I'll often waste a hell of a lot more troops trying to do so.

By the way, I see Cross Edge's release on the horizon *evil grin*
 

Enlong

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Gamergyrl said:
I think I would have liked the opening better if he didn't try to do it Yahtzee-style. Whenever you hear "triple-cunted hooker," you know exactly what's in store for you. The opening would have been better suited at the end. Shame to say it, but no one can do Yahtzee but Yahtzee. It was, however, a valiant attempt.
That was the point, frankly. If you remember this week's Unskippable, Grahm was saying to Yahtzee that Zero Punctuation was an easy show to do, so he was doing it ZP-style to prove his point. However, when he got to the music, he ran out of steam, and Yahtzee was able to take over.
 

yourbeliefs

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Quite good. Of course, the rant at the end was the best part. ALL RTS players have experienced that at one time or another. And the Chinese thing was also great.
 

Zivlok

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Loved it. I was impressed by how long Graham's bit went on. I mean, he had a good number of images, and even some minor animation and such, so, technically, it was pretty great. I'm used to Graham's voice, so I found his altered voice hilarious (and a joke in and of itself), as well as all the many, many, many digs at Yahtzee. Really, Graham's bit was only that funny if you've watched all the ZP vids multiple times, but, well, most people here have, and if they haven't, WHY THE HELL NOT?

As for Yahtzee's review, I loved his diatribe at the end, but the rest of it was usual Yahtzee fare - humorous and a highlight of Wednesday's, but not Earth-shattering. Really, I don't think Yahtzee will ever manage to be as hilarious as he was in the Prince of Persia Retrospective, but his stuff is pretty much always good.

I was disappointed that Graham made no slights at Yahtzee's mum, but, hey. Also, loved the Imp's bit at the end. Also also, the second or so image in the credit sequence where the imp tackles Yahtzee from behind NEEDS to be Rule 34'd.

I can't think of too much else - Graham obviously put a lot of work into making his 2 minute review (ZP knock-offs are very time-consuming to make, and he's got a comedy website, a video series on the Escapist, and a job), whenever Yahtzee yells it's pretty much guaranteed to be hilarious, and a nice show of support for Unskippable during the credits.
 

Shadow Law

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I'm surprised he got angry at that one mission, for the last group of solders I had to save I took my bloody time with while taking everything out in the map.
 

Signa

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Are the imps at the end doing a Yahtzee review on pedigree chow?
 

Thrashalla

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Well done and nice April Fool's shot in the beginning. It's kind of sad how disoriented I got when someone else voice was thrown over the ZP animation; alas Yahtzee thou hast pampered us with thy dreamy Aussie accent these long months. I could not agree more about Halo Wars and I hate to make your prediction true by adding this last part, but you should definitely try other RTS games in their native mouse selecting, unit-hot keying, PC glory. In the end you will probably still find that the "strategy" of building the biggest shit-kicking armour unit and rolling across the whole map will work best...but the build up is at least distracting rather than frustrating and might shine some light on the permavirgin attraction to the genre.
 

Freedon Nad

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Rly, that mission Yahtzee complained about? Freaking hell it's lame. I watched my friend playing. So here how it goes AND MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS:

so three Flood's bases are blocking off three groups of troops that have Spartans and maybe some heavy armour attached. So you build the base, clear the flood (possibly loosing more troops than rescuing) and then lead the whole bunch of tits back. So my roomate leads the last group back. Ant then there is one Spartan that's not at the LZ, but a stone throw away (stuck behing his base's turret). MISSION FAILED, F-YOU. Smooth, real smooth
 

gunluva

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Eh, the review was kinda bland. The ending where he talks about the mission was really the only interesting portion, imo.
 

Zak Frost

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I'm not going to throw RTSs at you -coughStarCraftcough-, but I will say that you can't judge a genre on 1 game, good or bad.
Especially not a Halo game.
I'm not a huge fan of RTSs(only playing the 'Crafts), but I'm willing to bet a lot that Halo Wars is not the best ever.

Also, "cunting" was great.
 

Enlong

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finalfantasyrules77 said:
extremly funning yet again llol
but it made me confused with the first bit who was that dude llol
One of the guys from Unskippable. Go to the Unskippable video gallery and watch this week's episode. All will be revealed.
 

msobetzko

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Inuprince said:
Wooow - didn't like the start honestly - and I also hate RTS-s soo I thought this review was going to be bad - but that rant at the end - it was awesome - and the imp part after the "credits" - I have to say : brilliant work as always!
Enjoyed it. I love the rants, one of the reasons to tune in.
 

sms_117b

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For me, one of the best in recent memory, I haven't laughed that hard for ages
 

3rd rung

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I like the halo wars review it covered the same problem with the contolls I had, also the same hate of abitrary timed missions
 

yourbeliefs

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WolfMage said:
Very well done, and I think that Unskippable and Zero Punctuation should have more guest episodes, but only from each others show, as all the others are pretty snooze worthy.
Also, should make an entire episode where Yahtzee does Unskippable alone, and Graham and Paul should do their own ZP episode without Yahtzee.
Yeah, it'd be awesome.
Yahtzee has done some "Unskippables" of his own in his older reviews. He did one for PainKiller, Silent Hill 3, and one or two others I think..
 

Balgus

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was a nice change, Grahm really stood out and did well, i mean apart from the sound track...
 

Phenakist

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hold on, IS there actually any other tactics than steamrolling in Halo Wars? 'cause that's all I've been doing :p
 

Neesa

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Pedigree Chum~ Oh how delicious! Thought it was a decent review, both of 'em. They put a smile on my face. But then again, it's not that hard to get me to smile either...
 

Jursa

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The Pedigree video at the end was epic. Great review this week.
 

BloodyOne

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Jim-a-Lim said:
Very, very good guys it's a shame that we may only see one of these cross overs as both halves were fantastic. You can tell alot of effort must have gone in.
EDIT: wow you can tell the people who only come on escapist for zp reading these comments lol :p
Should I take offense at that statement?
Enlong said:
Out4Blood4 said:
I have been waiting for this since yesterday, checking every 15 minutes since daybreak. WOO HOO.
You do know that it always launches at noon, right?
Eeeeh....
 

jthm

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It was funny and all, but having the Unskippable guy start the review... meh. I dunno, it wasn't bad, but the joke was in the first few seconds and then it just went on (though the renting a high rise to chuck the controller out of something higher was pretty good).

Maybe it's just me, but I don't find Unskippable all that entertaining. I grew up with MST3K and it just seems like it's been done before and much better. But, can't begrudge guys for making a living doing stuff like that. I'd do it too, were the option available. Sadly, I'd just sound like yahtzee only younger and without the accent that sells it.
 

FC Groningen

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Funny as always and the first 2 minutes were a real surprise. I do wonder why Yathzee didn't know from the start that RTS games don't work on consoles in the first place. If you want to play a RTS, do it on a computer with a mouse.

If you want to dodge the tank rush gameplay, try Empire Total War.
 

Dyskresiac

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I'm surprised Yahtzee thought that people would be upset by his "Consoles suck for RTS games" because by no means would he have been the first (or by any means the last) to say it. Even Blizzard admits this! Anyone remember Starcraft 64? It just doesn't fit. Unless, that is, you use a mouse and keyboard USB on your 360 at which point.... why are you not playing it on your PC? I had Halo Wars in my hand at one point, but then I thought "Wait... it's on console. Nevermind." Glad I did.

Really, the Unskippable guy made me skip the majority of his review. Ironic, isn't it? He was trying too hard to be Yahtzee, and it showed. I think if he used his own style, it would've been less annoying.
 

TheColdHeart

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The beginning Unskippable review was pretty funny although I kind of expected it after watching Unskippable with Yahtzee as a cameo.
 

jimduckie

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lmfao hey kids just be happy that yahtzee only reviews games ,could you imagine him at the g20 summit or worse yahtzee solving the economic crisis ? me neither, but a great review
 

Shapsters

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Haha, good try Unskippible guy. Not one of the funniest, but good nonetheless
 

ViviFFIX

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I liked the first review ... It was good to see someone elses take on zero punctuation.

Again a good review however like most recent reviews it lacks the je ne sais quoi that the originals had.

Good review and had some good points in it (like the fact RTS's can't really be put onto a console).

Not played the game and never really intended to ... I prefer to stick to what I know when it comes to RTS games and a game has to show real promise for me to break out of my happy little cuccoon and try something new. Halo Wars showed no promise to me as it is a knock off of a current game and just seemed like an attempt to get some more money out of a dead horse ... Wait ... That doesn't make sense .... Anyway where was my rant going ... Ah yes .... Stay away from drugs!
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Didn't expect the Unskippable thing to pop up but made me giggle, and the big with the imps and Pedigree Chum at the end. =P
 

ssgt splatter

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Graham, you did pretty good for your first time.
Yahtzee, LMAO! especially the last part of the review when you blew your temper over the time limit. I'm going to watch it again!
 

Gormers1

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Would just like to point out that you CAN indeed select all your flying pricks.

And you move the camera fast by holding the LT button, and you can jump to hot spots on the map with the D-pad (like your base), removing the "not being able to jump to spesific parts on the map" problem.

Other than that, his complaints and opinions were spot on. But probably not the funniest of him lately :)
 

Archaon6044

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so why the unskippable crossover? was it a bet or to settle an arguement between you guys? either way, both vidoes were amusing in extreme. i feel this is one of the better vids you've done in recent memory, and i did quite like halo wars for what it was. there was never a chance that it could be a truly good rts, because it's not keyboard/mouse controlled, and the content had to be hugely dumbed down to make it work on a console, still it wasn't too bad
 

Enosh_

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o.k. the video was funny as hell and I loved but, but out of all the rts games he takes a console one althrough he god damn well knows that the controllers don't realy work -.-
 

hoov

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It's weird hearing americans trying to imitate yahtzee, it just doesn't sound right especially when saying words like "cunting" which is just such a yahtzee type word to say.
 

Artorius

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lol it was not what i have been expecting since Unskip- Star Ocean....
but not that bad either.I liked it..
 

SaneIntolerant

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Both (or is that all three?) reviews were hilarious, but your Halo Wars review leaves me with the feeling that you weren't paying attention at some points.

Incidentally, you can usually select all units of a certain type (Hornets, Scorpions, Marines) by double clicking on one of the units, which selects all on-screen units of that type. This could potentially be used to gather all flying units in one place and then use the on-screen select button to gather all of them. But yes, it does essentially boil down to just rushing the enemy base, which has the potential for resulting in several large, very pretty explosions and much glee (at least in my experience).

Also, when the time limit you spoke of ends, the main ship of the game, the Spirit of Fire, is sucked into the shield world you're currently on and will, yes, lose contact with your ground forces.

tl;dr I R HALOTARD DURR HURR HURR.

EDIT: But what I'm really trying to say was that I love Unskippable, and the crossovers were my favorite episodes in both series thus far.
EDIT2: Also, the RTS controls work in Halo Wars, you all just suck at it LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL j/k no hard feelings.
EDIT3: I was lying about kidding, you all probably did suck at Halo Wars.
 

KwarK_uK

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I agree with the comments about RTS simply being incompatable with console controls but think you entirely missed the point of the genre. Yes the campaigns are boring and generally solved by attack moving across the map. It's the PvP that makes it interesting as when playing another human with the same options as you strategy gets a little more complex than just swarming tanks. Of course most RTSs lack any kind of racial balance, bugs generally go unpatched and hard counters turn it into a glorified version of rock paper scissors but there are a few gems out there. I'd recommend playing Starcraft but the difficulty curve online is a cliff and anyone without any real passion for RTS should just give up and play Halo.
 

NC3

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Graaaaham! Aw, I wanted him to finish.

The last bit on halo wars was pretty damn hilarious though. Battle Royale collars and pandas. Yes.
 

Rouzeki

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This is probably the best time to step out of the lurkin' shadow. reviews in one, and All 3 were good. Might have to go look at X-blades so I can laugh harder then I did with Halo Wars.

The minute I heard about that game and every day after until I saw guides in the stores made me laugh. Bias alert because I was foolin' around with the Warcraft and Starcraft games since before I could think, but you NEED a mouse and keyboard to pull the tried and true method off. they just don't go together otherwise... now I just need several dozen Halo fans opinions on this before i get out my last chuckle.

the Imp's pedigree chow review was awesome. more imp reviews!
 

Mask of 1000 Faces

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I've been looking forward to this since I saw monday's unskippable. Guest starring was a great idea for both shows, it added that great sense of diversity that so much in the world seems to lack.

And crazy bonus points for a Battle Royale reference... that made my day.

And the dog thing at the end was hilarious. I never know what to expect from you Yahtzee!

Cheers!
 

Sovvolf

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I enjoyed the guy from unskippable doing a little review at the beggining it was a nice suprise and change, they should do guest reviews more often :). I will admit i'm with Yahtzee on this one, I could never get my head around RTS games. Ive tryed to get into them and be strategic, a freind at college recommended C&C: Tiberium wars to me for the 360, I found it fun for a while but all really ended up doing in the game was spawning 10 shitloads of tanks (dreadnuaghts I think, the powerfull ones) then marching them from one side of the map to the other destroying every think in there path without even a struggle. It was fun watching the enemy crumble under my legion of tanks but I had this niggling feeling that I'm really cheating and I should do it another way that as more depth and stratergy.
 

_Russell_

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Signa said:
Are the imps at the end doing a Yahtzee review on pedigree chow?
Looks like it.

Great Review as always, I loved the Chinese zookeeper joke at the end.
 

IamQ

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Nice vid as always, shame you didn't get into the RTS genre, because once you do...you're forced to wait for starcraft 2 to be released...wich sucks...because they will never release it..ever...

Edit: Oh my god! He didn't mention April first!
 

AfricanSwallow

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Ugh. Unskippable is clearly a virus that is spreading and infecting anything that is entertaining on The Escapist.

I didn't like it when I had to watch 5 seconds of Unskippable ads before ZP, let alone sit through that garbage.

Yes Escapist, we know you want more ad revenue and are trying to increase the popularity of another web comic on this site.
Please at least choose a half decent one.
Don't punish us like that.
We've done nothing to you.
 

Odjin

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Kudos for the guest appearance. It's hard to keep up with Yathzee and he really tried to get a similar style. A bit mean though that Yathzee really had been on a killing spree. That put the measure damn high this time. Nevertheless thumbs up for the guest, nice job.

And Yathzee gets a plus point for plugging a dragon... but I prefer dragons on the winning side ;) . Long time since I had such a good laugh. Fanboys are always a nice way to put fun into peoples face as they are so retarded. And Halo is retarded.

So long for this week. Good to see a website doesn't do this 1.April crap. Thumbs-Up.
 

Cptn_Squishy

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I dunno...Ive seen a few 'Yahtzee-like' reviews on youtube and they never quite seem to work. Its good to mix things up and as Yahtzee said during his Mirror's Edge review, experimentation is heartening, even if it doesnt work.

BTW, Unskippable needs multiple writers...it really looks as though he fills in commentary during the cutscenes because he's contractually obligated to...its like watching a RiffTrax when its just Mike rather than a team of people chiming in.
 

Frank_Sinatra_

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Dec 30, 2008
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Hmm... He uses the same RTS strategy as me.
Infinite unit cap + relatively cheap tanks + multiple industry facilities = steamroll city!
 

Vlane

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This was one of his better reviews and I like the "guest" review thing a lot. It probably won't happen again but whatever.
 

Jim-a-Lim

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haha no don't take offense by it lol, just interesting seeing peoples responses, and working out which ones are which ^^
 

Vlane

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Cptn_Squishy said:
I dunno...Ive seen a few 'Yahtzee-like' reviews on youtube and they never quite seem to work. Its good to mix things up and as Yahtzee said during his Mirror's Edge review, experimentation is heartening, even if it doesnt work.

BTW, Unskippable needs multiple writers...it really looks as though he fills in commentary during the cutscenes because he's contractually obligated to...its like watching a RiffTrax when its just Mike rather than a team of people chiming in.
Two guys are doing Unskippable not just one.
 

Jim-a-Lim

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Out4Blood4 said:
Jim-a-Lim said:
Very, very good guys it's a shame that we may only see one of these cross overs as both halves were fantastic. You can tell alot of effort must have gone in.
EDIT: wow you can tell the people who only come on escapist for zp reading these comments lol :p
Should I take offense at that statement?
Enlong said:
Out4Blood4 said:
I have been waiting for this since yesterday, checking every 15 minutes since daybreak. WOO HOO.
You do know that it always launches at noon, right?
Eeeeh....
haha no don't take offense by it lol, just interesting seeing peoples responses, and working out which ones are which ^^

(sorry for the double post, missed the quote button :p)
 

ClockworkAngel

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I was hoping that after Monday's crossover that Unskippable would make a showing in today's ZP. And yes .. arbitrary gameplay like that just pisses me off nowadays. It doesn't bother me as much when the game doesn't ask me to assume the game world is real, but if we're to suppose the war between is actually happening, then it doesn't make any sense. Anyway, hilarious stuff as always.
 

Kiutu

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"The Unskippable guy" as you all love calling him did fine, but his lack of accent is what made it not seem right is all. My favorite part was the rant on the timed mission.
 

Abedeus

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Frank_Sinatra_ said:
Hmm... He uses the same RTS strategy as me.
Infinite unit cap + relatively cheap tanks + multiple industry facilities = steamroll city!
I thought only I treat Zerging as the only plausible way of winning. High five!


...God damn Advance Wars, you can't use that there...

Also, while we are at it - Graham Stark? I would LOVE to have a surname like that.
 
Mar 31, 2009
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That last joke at the end killed me, and the opening was perfect considering the day it is. he was really genuinely hatefilled by the end of the review, and that was great. I also liked the Battle Royale reference, it was perfect and a reason I don't play RTSG's.
 

Ronwue

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I wished he'd have let the whatshisname finish the review. I was enjoying it... somewhat.
 

Taojin

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This made me laugh out loud, something I haven't done with the ZP videos since a couple of weeks. This was hilarious, also I liked the Unskippable appearance, another show I really like on here! Keep it up Yahtzee :)
 

Eternal Vigil

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Well as a person who has followed this game for over 2 years, I think I should fly in and counter some of Yahtzee's points.

First off, and I'm a Halo Fanboy. I'm not going to deny it, and feel free to laugh at my views on the game and the fact I must be retarded and incapable of higher thought because I play it.

First off the bat, the story, and I have to agree with him on this. I think the story was cliched and no different from the last game, though I think Anders a wee bit older than he makes out.

Now his strategy of just spamming tanks only works for so long, as you increase the difficulty and reach the endgame, vast numbers of tanks just won't cut it. I know he wouldn't go online on it, but he'd that he strategy would fall apart misberably as everybody else spams air and infrantry, or you get attacked by Covenant leaders who can take on entire armies by themselves.

There are transition issues, espically with a mass of ground vehicles, but if he really wanted to move his bigger units to the front their is a pretty cheap transport power that would of got the job done, even if the issues are questionable to begin with.

As for selecting units, as others have said, if you wanted to select all flying pricks you double tap A on them, and all of them would be selected.

Now for level 10. Shield world. I never had this problem with that mission myself, here is my explanation for that.

1. The enemy in that level regnerates over time, so they could of easily been enemy units on the map.

2. The whole point of that mission was to recover troops and return to your ship before it got sucked into a massive portal and they be trapped on the surface of the planet and chewed on by the alien hordes, hence the time limit. The 'We've lost contact' was about the ship, not your units.
 

FC Groningen

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Kiutu said:
"The Unskippable guy" as you all love calling him did fine, but his lack of accent is what made it not seem right is all. My favorite part was the rant on the timed mission.
Obviously timed missions in such settings are good for quite some annoyance, but a little bit of tweaking would fix this minor problem and aren't necessarily part of the RTS genre. A second victory condition by routing the enemy would fix it in this case, unless Yathzee actually messed up and left some of the enemy alive.
 

timb133

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Ronwue said:
I wished he'd have let the whatshisname finish the review. I was enjoying it... somewhat.
Maybe that's what they'l do, take the spinoff from a working franchise route, like itchy and scratchy in the Simpsons. Can't wait for the spinoff movie. Ben Affleck to play Yahtzee.
 

randomspirits

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Since everyone is flinging RTS names around like feces, and we all know Halo Wars is feces, I will name my favorite RTS: Myth I and II. Great video; right on the money.
 

Jman1236

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The ZP Imps tryed to review! LAMO!

BTW I think Halo Wars is awesome, I'm so glad I brought it over Resident Evil 5.
 

SaneIntolerant

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Eternal Vigil said:
1. The enemy in that level regnerates over time, so they could of easily been enemy units on the map.
I was under the impression he was at the point where the 3rd Pelican had been shot down and was leading the marines back to the base for extraction.
 

Crash486

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Why review DOW2 instead of halo wars? They're practically the same game. DOW2 is 1 step removed from a console RTS.

Also, don't listen to the Yahtzee fanboys Grahm, I thought you did a great job.
 

Snoopster

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did anyone else detect a hint that yahtzee is getting a little full of himself now, something to do with his voice and choice of words but I can't quite put my finger on it
 

Deathfish15

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sethzard said:
he should review DOW 2 instead

also Graham and Paul were bad
I actually agree, he should review Dawn of War 2 instead. It's much more exciting and entertaining than that load of BS that is Halo Wars. To quote Mr. T, "I pity the fool...that tries an RTS on console." Consoles are no place for an RTS game, period.
 

Enosh_

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Crash486 said:
Why review DOW2 instead of halo wars? They're practically the same game.
not realy no

if there is anything he should review it's Company of Heroes^^
 

Sayvara

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Oh good lord, the ending about the zoo keeper and pandas still has me in tummy cramps, laughing like I'm on nitrous oxide. I can hardly type. :D

/S
 

Taranoleion

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Taojin said:
This made me laugh out loud, something I haven't done with the ZP videos since a couple of weeks. This was hilarious, also I liked the Unskippable appearance, another show I really like on here! Keep it up Yahtzee :)
I have to agree with everything said above.
This video was the most hilarious one in the past month or so. Great jokes and the bit of innovation, with the generic baddies reviewing dog food at the end, and Graham at the beginning, added to the greatness of the video.
Graham was great, had awesome jokes and, well, he tried. And succeeded, imo that was the best ZP copy on the interwebz.(Especially considering he doesn't do this sort of thing, so cut him some slack, will you? :p)
I enjoyed both this weeks Unskippable and Zero Punctuation. Keep up the good work guys. :)
 

Brantyr

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I always enjoy unskippable and the guest parts this week were good. Neither fit well into the other's segment - Yahtzee didn't fit in with the great synergy Graham and Paul have on their own and Graham (I think?) had the content for a decent ZP style review but the voice didn't work, he should have stuck with the intonation he had right at the start, there was too much emphasis and 'boomy' aspect to the sound which made it hard to concentrate on the words.

Gremlins also attempting to do their own ZP review at the end (nice subtle payout in that there yahtzee!) were hilarious, only thing which made me laugh out of yahtzees review this week (bit of a generic rant with not much humour this time :( ).

Made me realise there is a lot of similar attraction between RPG and RTS which I hadn't thought about before, Yahtzee should really take a look at something like DOWII which heavily favours on-the-battlefield strategy over building up strategy (though surely he's pulling our leg about never having played a well known (good) rts before... right??).
 

Rossinio

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I liked ther review. I also love the little "Gremlin" version of Zero Punctuation at the end. With the 'review' of Pedigree Chum. I laughed so much at that bit despite knowing its a lot of people with high pitched voices going "Rarrrgh Ruurgh ruurrrgh"...

Anyways, quality review mate. Keep 'em coming.
 

PandarenBa

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Ahahahahahahaa~

Love those small black monsters at the end. Have to make a plushie someday.

Good video. My friend told me that it's "freakin' awesome, dood! i've been playing it fo' six hours now an' ya gotta get it, beetch!", but I really didn't get excited at the idea, since consoles + RTS = strawberry jelly on a sausage.

"Can't take this anymore!" "Oooh crap."
 

SonofSeth

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Just put a little notch on the slider at the bottom of the screen that tells me how far ahead i need to click to skip other boring shit that isn't Yahtzee.
 

Delaxo

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Well, first I have to say that I love ZP and Unskippable. Yathzee was really damn good in the newest unskippable but Graham doesnt really fit in ZP. I almost love him in Unskippable but Yathzee owns ZP XD
 

kavinsky

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I think that if Graham had gotten a better mic and done star ocean istead of x blades it would have been better. But im glad to see that Yahtzee and the unskipable guys are getting out of there comfort zones and trying new things that thye hate, yahtzee should do either driv3r (he hasn't done a drivng game in awhile) or barbie horse adventures next and paul should do zp next week.
 

Dectilon

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Hei I lkei stracfratf! u shuld reviu it lol!

Seriously, isn't Halo Wars basically My First RTS?
 

Crash486

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Enosh_ said:
Crash486 said:
Why review DOW2 instead of halo wars? They're practically the same game.
not realy no

if there is anything he should review it's Company of Heroes^^
DOW2 was a ridiculously oversimplified RTS which was a real letdown to anyone who was a fan of the original Dawn of War and it's various expansions. All the reviewers claim this simplification of RTS gameplay showed true innovation, but all I see is yet another game genre falling to the plague of casualgame-itis.
 
Feb 18, 2009
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OK, now this collaboration thingy has (un)officially become...WIN! Yahtzee was as hilariously angry as always and Graham managed to pull off a good joke on him. Very nice indeed.
 

NOOBSAUCE

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Loved the part about why yahtzee doesn't play rts, plus the guest appearance was hilarious
 

Joreal

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Nice. Good to see collaboration between friends, especially when it results in hilarity like that. Graham was awesome. Glad to see it wasn't straight Graham, or rather just him, because nobody can really rage like Yahtzee. I needs me my cup of Croshaw Rage on Wednesdays.

Also, isn't it time that either A) Yahtzee put up the forum topic for each week's ZP ~5-10 minutes after the episode goes live, or B) puts the thread up and then lock the sucker for ~5-10 minutes? I think that'd put an end to most "ZOOMJ FERST DERP" posts, or if not at least make them look even stupider. Granted, they'd be refreshing like crazy and all that... but then you could put a buffer that locks them out of the forums for 30 minutes due to 3-5 refreshes within the last 30-45 seconds.

At least I'm thinking. :|
 

Kstreitenfeld

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BUG.exe said:
unskippable guy wasn't TOO bad, it just sounded like he was trying to be like yahtzee. halo wars part was pretty good. i don't blame his for hating strategy games. the only one i ever liked was fire emblem.
??? Fire emblem is not an RTS (Real Time), it's a Turn based strategy game. Not saying its bad, its just not an RTS.
 

Aqua Trenoble

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It's nice to see the people at the escapist trying to mix things up a little, as much as it seems Yahtzee would prefer not to. This experimental stuff is pretty good though, and it appears that Yahtzee is finally developing emphasis and emotion.
 

Escapefromwhatever

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This is the funniest Zero Punctuation yet! Don't give up Graham and Imps, all you need to do is, well, come back to life.
 

Logicality

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I totally agree with Yahtzee on those timed missions. I understand that games need to be challenging, but some of those challenges make little to no sense at all.

The first portion was kinda funny. I loved the collaboration on Unskippable.
 

MagusUnion

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The fact that he wouldn't even restart that mission is kinda horrible on his end. HAD he just replayed the damn level, then he would have found out that the ship he was commanding on was FUCKING 3 MILES IN A PLANET at that point. Yeah, you CAN lose contact to a command group eyebrows away when you HAVE NO BASE SHIP TO CONTACT ANYMORE!....

But on that note, Halo Wars is slightly broken. Tanks are overpowered, Infantry is slighty useless unless you are playing that ONE leader who can spam a bunch of those fuckers on the ground. And as far as X Box Live goes, it really just becomes a race for all the human factions to grab their "special unit" first and spam creating them as quickly as possible using "all-peeps-target-kill" button...

BTW Yahtzee, you could select all units of a particular type using the right trigger. So yes, you can send your stupid flying fucks into battle individually. But then again, there's really no point to in most cases...

It's a review that might have made more sense if he had finished the rest of the game, and maybe I'm a bit dissapointed in that. I completed the mission with more than enough time to bone the girl next door, but then again RTS's aren't that unfamiliar to me, probably less so than the female anatomy....

But in conclution to the rant. YES: Halo Wars does suck on the level of dim witted unbalanced unit shit that it has. YES: It's okay to hate it (and yet like it if you are dumb enough to buy the LCE version of it *coughcough*). No: Just because you failed one damn mission for a stupid reason doesn't mean the whole game sucks overall (see: Homeworld 1 and/or 2). and No: Just because you had one bad encounter with an RTS doesn't mean they all reflect the same about of stupidity as a whole....

Only those on a console do, and that may be why only stupid fan boy fucks play the damn game...
 

whaleswiththumbs

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Mischiviktus said:
Did anyone besides me here ACTUALLY watch it, or just LOLRUN here to attempt a ZOMG I R FURST, I M SHPESHAL!!!...?
I watched 3 times, and showed my friends, where it starts with the tanks steamrolling, bull f***ing s*** funny funny funny
 

Tech Team FTW!

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quickpaw said:
Wow the guy reviewing X-blades has such an annoying voice. Although I did love Yahtzee's bashing of halo fanboys.
you seem to have not noticed all the youtube zero punctuation copycats who all have massively annoying voices.
 

ideitbawx

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haven't laughed this hard at a zero punctuation ever! the start was awesome, yahtzee was awesome, the imps were awesome, it was just awesome
 

Quelthazar

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o_O... *facepalm* as i wrote at the Unskippable, the glorifycation is making me sick... Enough of that.
This was a nice ZP. The Z-Blades part was nice but as always the original ZP part was better. Awesome ZP for April 1.
 

almaster88

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I realize everyone wants to be a noob and complain about it in someway, so just to be different, they should have more guest appearences, I thought it was pretty funny.
Little bit hard to catch everything he was saying, but I guess you need a brilliant accent to pull it off completely.

I'll expect my complementary T-shirt someday soon ^_^
 

Enosh_

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Crash486 said:
DOW2 was a ridiculously oversimplified RTS which was a real letdown to anyone who was a fan of the original Dawn of War and it's various expansions.
that still doens't make it anything like halo wars from a gameplay perspective, which was your original comment.

and the original DoW is nothing compared to CoH or DoW2, hell I didn't touch it since I got CoH. CoH yes it is atm better than DoW2, but CoH has 2 years of polishing, dow2 is out for something over a month. But already at this stage it is way ahead of DoW1 (imo ofcourse, I realise there are people that expected DoW1.5 and are now bitter beacose DoW2 is something difrent than just a graphic update)
 

Nazulu

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Jun 5, 2008
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That was brilliant, haven't laughed so hard since I started watching your reviews from the beginning! For a second I thought someone replaced you this time because you were of in wonderland or whatever. Not saying he wasn't funny because he was!

Well, I am surprised you ended up doing a RTS title but it all ended up pretty well, I learnt from you that there is piss all startegy since you could just clobber them with tanks and that the movement is shit! Tiberium Wars had the worst vehicle movement, having to make them go in reverse whenever they got stuck on EVERYTHING!

What a shame, another RTS down the drain! I swear, Starcraft 2 and Dawn of War better make up for this!
 

Stylish_Robot

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Dec 29, 2008
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his bashing of level...4 right and the Chinese zookeeper joke were definately highlights and Graham didn't do too bad
 

Tom Phoenix

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Catkid906 said:
Anyway, it was awesome and also by the way. I am going to throw an RTS title at you

Starcraft! Play the second one when it comes out! I command thee!
I agree, I really hope Yahtzee at least reviews StarCraft II when it comes out. Since Yahtzee is more of a singleplayer type, I think even he might enjoy StarCraft II (although it would be nice if he gave multiplayer a try). And even if he does not, it would still be interesting to hear his thoughts on the game.
 
Oct 28, 2008
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One of the best episodes so far!
The unskippable-guest review, yahtzee's jokes really hit the point and this pedigree-stuff at the end...Great!

Yahtzee is right about many of the flaws of Halo Wars. I noticed lots of these problems myself(finished it yesterday). It couldn't really satisfy me gameplay-, difficulty- and storywise.
 

Vohn_exel

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Oct 24, 2008
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OH man, that was great! This is the best ZP in quite a while, at least a month. I mean no offense, there was one I enjoyed but this beats that one! I haven't actually laughed out loud in a while at one of these, but this one really took the cake. It had that flair that all of my favorite vids have in them.

Graham Stark did a great job, I enjoyed his review quite a lot. The only thing I was hoping for was more banter between them at the end, the way that they did at the end of Unskippable. Still, I loved it, especially with Graham using as many swear words as he could in strange places, lol. This was a great episode :D
 

LtSvensson

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Sep 10, 2008
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Unskippabel: Graham/Paul did a fair job ^^ but i think they should stay to unskippabel as Yatzee should stay to Zero Punctiation (Good fun though)
 

Eternal Vigil

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SaneIntolerant said:
Eternal Vigil said:
1. The enemy in that level regnerates over time, so they could of easily been enemy units on the map.
I was under the impression he was at the point where the 3rd Pelican had been shot down and was leading the marines back to the base for extraction.
No. He spoke about running out of time as he was leading his forces back after the Pelican went down.

I explained why he failed that mission.
 

megapenguinx

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I was actually wondering if there was going to be a video this week or not. But very glad to see that there is, and thanks for the review!
 

SaneIntolerant

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Jan 21, 2008
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Eternal Vigil said:
SaneIntolerant said:
Eternal Vigil said:
1. The enemy in that level regnerates over time, so they could of easily been enemy units on the map.
I was under the impression he was at the point where the 3rd Pelican had been shot down and was leading the marines back to the base for extraction.
No. He spoke about running out of time as he was leading his forces back after the Pelican went down.

I explained why he failed that mission.
I think we're talking about the same part of the mission. You rescue the first two squads and get whatever special unit(s) they have, but on the third squad the Pelican is shot down so you need to lead the squad to extraction point. I don't think you absolutely need to clear out all the enemies just to lead them back

Also, he probably didn't listen when he was told to blast that generator thing with the Gremlin's EMP to add more time.
 

51gunner

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Jun 12, 2008
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I laughed myself silly, and liked the Unskippable cameo. wooo.

He called it: here comes MY recommendation of favorite RTS: Endwar.
It's voice controlled, to the level where you can get "all your flying pricks"
All the units have a use, to the point where you must use them all.
You get attached to units as they level up, so you actually care and never suicide them all
The story isn't a piece of ass.

Lol, I did exactly what he said I would.
 

Smokescreen

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Dec 6, 2007
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Well done; both Paul's intro piece and the 'actual' review. The creators obviously had a lot of fun, and it shows.
 

Sovvolf

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MagusUnion said:
The fact that he wouldn't even restart that mission is kinda horrible on his end. HAD he just replayed the damn level, then he would have found out that the ship he was commanding on was FUCKING 3 MILES IN A PLANET at that point. Yeah, you CAN lose contact to a command group eyebrows away when you HAVE NO BASE SHIP TO CONTACT ANYMORE!....

But on that note, Halo Wars is slightly broken. Tanks are overpowered, Infantry is slighty useless unless you are playing that ONE leader who can spam a bunch of those fuckers on the ground. And as far as X Box Live goes, it really just becomes a race for all the human factions to grab their "special unit" first and spam creating them as quickly as possible using "all-peeps-target-kill" button...

BTW Yahtzee, you could select all units of a particular type using the right trigger. So yes, you can send your stupid flying fucks into battle individually. But then again, there's really no point to in most cases...

It's a review that might have made more sense if he had finished the rest of the game, and maybe I'm a bit dissapointed in that. I completed the mission with more than enough time to bone the girl next door, but then again RTS's aren't that unfamiliar to me, probably less so than the female anatomy....

But in conclution to the rant. YES: Halo Wars does suck on the level of dim witted unbalanced unit shit that it has. YES: It's okay to hate it (and yet like it if you are dumb enough to buy the LCE version of it *coughcough*). No: Just because you failed one damn mission for a stupid reason doesn't mean the whole game sucks overall (see: Homeworld 1 and/or 2). and No: Just because you had one bad encounter with an RTS doesn't mean they all reflect the same about of stupidity as a whole....

Only those on a console do, and that may be why only stupid fan boy fucks play the damn game...
Fanboy anyone??, Stop crying man, its a review take it or leave it, the intention is to be funny while expressing his opinion of the game, if you dont like it dont listen to it then, ive noticed that this is your first post, did it really upset your fanboy arse so much that you had to sign up to the website just to complain??. Christ man get a life.
 

holy.triforce

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Smart marketing move, involve the unskippable guy and even saying you pitty people who don't watch it.

I did like it.
And no I don't watch unskippable
 

Eternal Vigil

New member
Apr 1, 2009
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SaneIntolerant said:
Eternal Vigil said:
SaneIntolerant said:
Eternal Vigil said:
1. The enemy in that level regnerates over time, so they could of easily been enemy units on the map.
I was under the impression he was at the point where the 3rd Pelican had been shot down and was leading the marines back to the base for extraction.
No. He spoke about running out of time as he was leading his forces back after the Pelican went down.

I explained why he failed that mission.
I think we're talking about the same part of the mission. You rescue the first two squads and get whatever special unit(s) they have, but on the third squad the Pelican is shot down so you need to lead the squad to extraction point. I don't think you absolutely need to clear out all the enemies just to lead them back

Also, he probably didn't listen when he was told to blast that generator thing with the Gremlin's EMP to add more time.
Indeed.

He must of run out of time when escorting them back, and as I said in my original post, the enemy's bases regnerate over time, so enemies could have easily been spawning on the map in the fog of war.

I agree that he probably ignored the plyons.
 

Slousifer

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Jan 16, 2009
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As a fellow non player of the RTS genre (I don't think spreading your brain thin controlling 15 different ingredients, march them to the other side of the map and piling them up to make a sandwich of destruction is fun), I can fully agree that while this is a dumbed down game...its still just not that appealing to me.

My major enjoyment in this segment was the Battle Royale explosive neck collar reference ..grande points there sir.

As for the complainers about Graham trying to rip off Yahtzee...THAT WAS THE POINT
 

SaneIntolerant

New member
Jan 21, 2008
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Eternal Vigil said:
SaneIntolerant said:
Eternal Vigil said:
SaneIntolerant said:
Eternal Vigil said:
1. The enemy in that level regnerates over time, so they could of easily been enemy units on the map.
I was under the impression he was at the point where the 3rd Pelican had been shot down and was leading the marines back to the base for extraction.
No. He spoke about running out of time as he was leading his forces back after the Pelican went down.

I explained why he failed that mission.
I think we're talking about the same part of the mission. You rescue the first two squads and get whatever special unit(s) they have, but on the third squad the Pelican is shot down so you need to lead the squad to extraction point. I don't think you absolutely need to clear out all the enemies just to lead them back

Also, he probably didn't listen when he was told to blast that generator thing with the Gremlin's EMP to add more time.
Indeed.

He must of run out of time when escorting them back, and as I said in my original post, the enemy's bases regnerate over time, so enemies could have easily been spawning on the map in the fog of war.

I agree that he probably ignored the plyons.
Well, he did mention that he cleared out the way. And as I said, I don't think new enemies prevent you from finishing the last part of the level. So the obvious answer is that Yahtzee rushed in, got in over his head, missed the part about the pylons, and took considerably longer than he should have.
 

Operations

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Mar 11, 2009
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Thought this was good all the way through, even the add at the start was funny this week.
"Wednesday at the Leeroy Jenkins memorial coliseum"

I am so glad the escapist has the balls to let Yahtzee deliberately try and offend the overly sensitive without editing it.

"dumbed down enough to be accessible to the legions of twitching inadequate dog fuckers that are halo's fanbase"
"Hey lets run away from home and fall off a tree"

The second part might be considered bad taste, but it did make me laugh as im evil :)
 

Eternal Vigil

New member
Apr 1, 2009
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SaneIntolerant said:
Eternal Vigil said:
SaneIntolerant said:
Eternal Vigil said:
SaneIntolerant said:
Eternal Vigil said:
1. The enemy in that level regnerates over time, so they could of easily been enemy units on the map.
I was under the impression he was at the point where the 3rd Pelican had been shot down and was leading the marines back to the base for extraction.
No. He spoke about running out of time as he was leading his forces back after the Pelican went down.

I explained why he failed that mission.
I think we're talking about the same part of the mission. You rescue the first two squads and get whatever special unit(s) they have, but on the third squad the Pelican is shot down so you need to lead the squad to extraction point. I don't think you absolutely need to clear out all the enemies just to lead them back

Also, he probably didn't listen when he was told to blast that generator thing with the Gremlin's EMP to add more time.
Indeed.

He must of run out of time when escorting them back, and as I said in my original post, the enemy's bases regnerate over time, so enemies could have easily been spawning on the map in the fog of war.

I agree that he probably ignored the plyons.
Well, he did mention that he cleared out the way. And as I said, I don't think new enemies prevent you from finishing the last part of the level. So the obvious answer is that Yahtzee rushed in, got in over his head, missed the part about the pylons, and took considerably longer than he should have.
I say that mission was hard to get through, and I did use tanks and Wolverines to get through it, after chipping away at each base.

I concur with that scenario.

I'd like to add, just because I'm part of Halo's fanbase, I haven't ever had the inclination to fornicate with a dog.
 

RogueDarkJedi

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The x-blades review wasn't funny. Graham needed to talk way faster. I loved the last review. It was fantastic.
 

SaneIntolerant

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Jan 21, 2008
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Eternal Vigil said:
SaneIntolerant said:
Eternal Vigil said:
SaneIntolerant said:
Eternal Vigil said:
SaneIntolerant said:
Eternal Vigil said:
1. The enemy in that level regnerates over time, so they could of easily been enemy units on the map.
I was under the impression he was at the point where the 3rd Pelican had been shot down and was leading the marines back to the base for extraction.
No. He spoke about running out of time as he was leading his forces back after the Pelican went down.

I explained why he failed that mission.
I think we're talking about the same part of the mission. You rescue the first two squads and get whatever special unit(s) they have, but on the third squad the Pelican is shot down so you need to lead the squad to extraction point. I don't think you absolutely need to clear out all the enemies just to lead them back

Also, he probably didn't listen when he was told to blast that generator thing with the Gremlin's EMP to add more time.
Indeed.

He must of run out of time when escorting them back, and as I said in my original post, the enemy's bases regnerate over time, so enemies could have easily been spawning on the map in the fog of war.

I agree that he probably ignored the plyons.
Well, he did mention that he cleared out the way. And as I said, I don't think new enemies prevent you from finishing the last part of the level. So the obvious answer is that Yahtzee rushed in, got in over his head, missed the part about the pylons, and took considerably longer than he should have.
I say that mission was hard to get through, and I did use tanks and Wolverines to get through it, after chipping away at each base.

I concur with that scenario.

I'd like to add, just because I'm part of Halo's fanbase, I haven't ever had the inclination to fornicate with a dog.
I did once, but then it turns out it was an anthro dog and I was a furry.

...shit, did I say that out loud?
 

1337mokro

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Dec 24, 2008
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x-blades review was funny but only a bit, though the Halo Wars thing was awesome I think Yahtzee should try out the Total War series sort of an RTS mixed with Civ, so the next gen hybrid and Stormrise is actually quite excellent. It has this weird new element of multiple layered combat which enables you to have units in a building shooting at units 2-4 stories down. Also the whip system works to satisfaction, still the mouse is the king of RTS and FPS land but this is definitely a step closer to a easy to control console RTS.
 

DigitalSushi

a gallardo? fine, I'll take it.
Dec 24, 2008
5,718
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0
Mischiviktus said:
Did anyone besides me here ACTUALLY watch it, or just LOLRUN here to attempt a ZOMG I R FURST, I M SHPESHAL!!!...?
you ever played starcraft?, you know the whole "ZERG RUSH" tactic?, I think the groups who post nonsensical bullshit on a yahtzee thread within the first 30 fucking seconds should be known as "ZOMG RUSH".

Also, well fucking done, G-Stark needs a fucking raise, Yahtzee had the best video he's done so far possibly owing to hating RTS games.
 

Skeith2005

Master Of Mashed Potatoes
Aug 31, 2008
45
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0
Graham's part was just pure epicness! Also, Great review Yahtzee! I'm a major RTS player and Halo Wars made me go to the nearest corner, curl into a fetal position and cry.
 

DigitalSushi

a gallardo? fine, I'll take it.
Dec 24, 2008
5,718
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0
Eternal Vigil said:
I'd like to add, just because I'm part of Halo's fanbase, I haven't ever had the inclination to fornicate with a dog.
I disconnected myself from the halo fanbase a while back, and I must say, I do miss the dog fucking.

Some might say I could just carry on fucking dogs, but without Halo playing in the background it just wouldn't be the same.
 

Sledgimus

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Aug 15, 2008
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SaneIntolerant said:
You're just pissed because Halo keeps bringing formerly PC exclusive genres to consoles and doing it well.
Um... what? I'm fairly sure I'd played FPS and RTS games on consoles before Halo arrived.
 

shadowelancer

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Mar 18, 2009
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I have to agree with yahtzee, arbitrary time limits suck.

ColdStorage said:
Mischiviktus said:
Did anyone besides me here ACTUALLY watch it, or just LOLRUN here to attempt a ZOMG I R FURST, I M SHPESHAL!!!...?
you ever played starcraft?, you know the whole "ZERG RUSH" tactic?, I think the groups who post nonsensical bullshit on a yahtzee thread within the first 30 fucking seconds should be known as "ZOMG RUSH".

Also, well fucking done, G-Stark needs a fucking raise, Yahtzee had the best video he's done so far possibly owing to hating RTS games.
Yes he should, and yes it should be called a "ZOMG RUSH"
 

Kukakkau

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Wow like nobody seems to have watched Unskippable?
I liked both parts of it Graham did a good job of acting like yahtzee and in fact so did the imp.
 

DigitalSushi

a gallardo? fine, I'll take it.
Dec 24, 2008
5,718
0
0
shadowelancer said:
I have to agree with yahtzee, arbitrary time limits suck.

ColdStorage said:
Mischiviktus said:
Did anyone besides me here ACTUALLY watch it, or just LOLRUN here to attempt a ZOMG I R FURST, I M SHPESHAL!!!...?
you ever played starcraft?, you know the whole "ZERG RUSH" tactic?, I think the groups who post nonsensical bullshit on a yahtzee thread within the first 30 fucking seconds should be known as "ZOMG RUSH".

Also, well fucking done, G-Stark needs a fucking raise, Yahtzee had the best video he's done so far possibly owing to hating RTS games.
Yes he should, and yes it should be called a "ZOMG RUSH"
EXCELLENT!, so we are in agreement, any persons banned on a yahtzee thread within the first minute "ZOMG RUSH".

If anyone disagrees please say so now?.
 

Eternal Vigil

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ColdStorage said:
Eternal Vigil said:
I'd like to add, just because I'm part of Halo's fanbase, I haven't ever had the inclination to fornicate with a dog.
I disconnected myself from the halo fanbase a while back, and I must say, I do miss the dog fucking.

Some might say I could just carry on fucking dogs, but without Halo playing in the background it just wouldn't be the same.
Yes, the sounds of dogs screaming in pain when I have my mike in when I play the game never gets old.

Wait.....
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Yahtzee was pretty harsh on RTS games in this review, but then again he is harsh on almost all types of games.
 

BurroDiablo

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I didn't mind the first bit, it was quite amusing but didn't top Yahtzee. I expected Halo Wars to be utter bilge, most new RTS's are since they tend not to make full use of Tactics or include some sort of semi-realistic damage system, even after Company of Heroes being out for 2 years now. I love CoH because its got a cover system, its got semi-real damage and Relic have made simply one of the most beautiful Game engines ever devised by man for it to run on. The gameplay doesn't clog up your mind with unnecessary shite like some of the more complicated RTS/RTT types. Some of the realism in those is verging on the perverse and un-called for.
 

Jack and Calumon

Digimon are cool.
Dec 29, 2008
4,190
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Tom Phoenix said:
Catkid906 said:
Anyway, it was awesome and also by the way. I am going to throw an RTS title at you

Starcraft! Play the second one when it comes out! I command thee!
I agree, I really hope Yahtzee at least reviews StarCraft II when it comes out. Since Yahtzee is more of a singleplayer type, I think even he might enjoy StarCraft II (although it would be nice if he gave multiplayer a try). And even if he does not, it would still be interesting to hear his thoughts on the game.
Well it didn't take you long to make a profile pic out of this video! Looks awesome by the way!
 

SaneIntolerant

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Sledgimus said:
SaneIntolerant said:
You're just pissed because Halo keeps bringing formerly PC exclusive genres to consoles and doing it well.
Um... what? I'm fairly sure I'd played FPS and RTS games on consoles before Halo arrived.
The only notable console FPS before Halo was Goldeneye, and every FPS game since Halo has copied the button layout or had some variant thereof. And it is a well known fact that console ports of RTSs are generally not very good, and Halo Wars has the advantage of being built from the ground up for the Xbox 360 and pulls of the controls very well.
 

KaiRai

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Jun 2, 2008
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Who the hell are Graham and Paul?
It was a good review though, especially the bit at the end with the rant about timings. Oh how RTS's screwed me out of many a mission on this basis! (And many other things. DOW NECRONS WITH YOUR BLOODY REGEN!)
And the bit with the panda, that was hilarious. He should play more though, I can see why Halo wars would seem like a pile of shit
 

Mr.BucketHat

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Mar 28, 2009
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I actually agree with Yahtzee on the control things. RTS's were made for mice, not controllers. At least, thats what I've always thought. After playing C&C red alert and Battle for middle earth. I like RTS, but damn if you can use it with 10 buttons and a couple of stalks. You need a keyboard and a mouse.

And there were a couple of good moments in the xblades part, but nothing exceptional, and I don't think '****' is a verb. I could be wrong though.

KaiRai said:
Who the hell are Graham and Paul?
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/unskippable
 

Arcyde

New member
Nov 16, 2008
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Yahtzee is on a murderous rampage.

First Graham. Then a poor defenceless imp.

Who's next?
 

Sonic the s---t

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Mar 26, 2009
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XD Excellent review...I enjoyed the Unskippable cameo. Very clever. XD You should review that new Sonic game (Black Knight or whatever--I can only imagine what you'd do with the talking sword), if you Australians ever get it.
 

kaiser_what

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KaiRai said:
Who the hell are Graham and Paul?
It was a good review though, especially the bit at the end with the rant about timings. Oh how RTS's screwed me out of many a mission on this basis! (And many other things. DOW NECRONS WITH YOUR BLOODY REGEN!)
And the bit with the panda, that was hilarious. He should play more though, I can see why Halo wars would seem like a pile of shit
Those two guys from the Unskippable videos
 

Rajin Cajun

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I enjoyed the ending the rest of it was a confirmation of what I already thought of Halo Wars. Oh yes and the beginning was atrocious almost made me close the browser.
 

Jupsto

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agreed unskippable is crap. its not that funny even with yahtzee on it. its not hard to do, anyone could do it. with a bit of skill anyone could do their own zero punctuation, this is proven by G+P doing the start of this ZP really well, it was funny alot funnier than unskippable. but it would just a be rip off. yahztee came up with his own unique style which delivers really well, unskippable is simply talking over cutscenes making easy jokes. but each to his own.
 

lojik98

New member
Oct 21, 2008
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Another awesome ZP. Nice marketing plug for Unskippable, he wasn't terrible. Not nearly as good as Yahtzee though.
 

runtheplacered

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That sucks he attempted such a lame RTS to see if he liked RTS's or not. Of course Halo Wars isn't any good. Not a big surprise.
 

Geo Da Sponge

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Eternal Vigil said:
2. The whole point of that mission was to recover troops and return to your ship before it got sucked into a massive portal and they be trapped on the surface of the planet and chewed on by the alien hordes, hence the time limit. The 'We've lost contact' was about the ship, not your units.
Quoted for truth. I didn't particularly want to type the exact same thing that someone else has undoubtly said before, but I would like to bring this up again so that anyone else missing the point can understand.

EDIT: Wait, if Yahtzee didn't make it to the end of the game, he can't have seen the last few cinematics! No wonder he doesn't like them!

Overall, I would say what I always say about Halo Wars. You may not enjoy it, you may think it's a cash in, but it has had effort put in. Some games, eg. Lord of the Rings: Conquest look like they were squirted out in an afternoon. Games like that don't get nice prerendered cutscenes and (mostly) inventive missions.
 

Eternal Vigil

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I personally thought the X-blades review was pretty good.

If you guys really want to see a bad imitation of Zero Punctuation, I suggest you go onto youtube and type Zero Punctuation in.

There a plenty of very bad videos on there.
 

sky14kemea

Deus Ex-Mod
Jun 26, 2008
12,760
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wooo! loving the crossovers!
it'd be awesome if Yahtzee went on Unforgotten Realms aswell :p

btw great Battle Royale reference ^-^
 

dorianlink

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Mar 30, 2009
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The only problem I could see with the first part was that they ran out of ideas. otherwise I rather enjoyed it.
 

Lothae

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I'm going to buy Pedigree Chow immediately once the stores open again, your imp's review has convinced me Yahtzee! (The scary part is I have a dog and I feed him pedigree already 0.o)

Graham's review got a few chuckles out of me, which is better than I expected it to.
I also have to say that Halo Wars is probably a pretty bad example of the RTS genre, try SCII when it comes out.
 

katsabas

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OH MY GOOOOOOD. Best episode since Mercenaries and Spiderman! Fuck that in CHINESE! I do like it when Yahtzee gets angry.
 

luieburger

New member
May 7, 2008
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The PC is the only place for RTS. Yay for Zero Punctuation and their endless bashing of the console games!
 

solidstatemind

Digital Oracle
Nov 9, 2008
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Hrm. "Call a great big all-map prick hoedown" actually made me to knock my soda over, into my keyboard, killing it. Thanks for the laugh, I'll be sending you a bill, however.

Seriously, funny funny stuff. Best in a while. The opening 'guest' review wasn't terrible, but it's kinda sad that Yug's review of "Pedigree Chum" was funnier.
 

goodman528

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I can't remember the last time I finished a single player campaign in RTS either. Despite RTS being my favourite genre.

And yer, Yahtzee should definite go back to reviewing RPGs and shooters.
 

Eternal Vigil

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Geo Da Sponge said:
Eternal Vigil said:
2. The whole point of that mission was to recover troops and return to your ship before it got sucked into a massive portal and they be trapped on the surface of the planet and chewed on by the alien hordes, hence the time limit. The 'We've lost contact' was about the ship, not your units.
Quoted for truth. I didn't particularly want to type the exact same thing that someone else has undoubtly said before, but I would like to bring this up again so that anyone else missing the point can understand.

EDIT: Wait, if Yahtzee didn't make it to the end of the game, he can't have seen the last few cinematics! No wonder he doesn't like them!

Overall, I would say what I always say about Halo Wars. You may not enjoy it, you may think it's a cash in, but it has had effort put in. Some games, eg. Lord of the Rings: Conquest look like they were squirted out in an afternoon. Games like that don't get nice prerendered cutscenes and (mostly) inventive missions.
Thanks for quoting me.

If he didn't finish it, he can't really give a fair view on it, my like I think his overall opinion on the entire franchise is a little biased as he's only played Halo 3, and that's one of the weakest in the series.

I agree. Ensemble really did put some effort in this game and making it more accessible to RTS newbies, and I think it's control scheme is better than the other console RTS' which are all ports.

I not going to deny the game have problems, as it does and it know where near the best RTS game ever made, but for what it is, and who's its aimed at, I don't think it came out that badly.