Zero Punctuation: Just Cause 3

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FINALLY, Yahtzee's reviewed a game I can comfortably predict will be in his Top5 for the year. During the parade of mediocrity these last couple months, I've been worried I'd be stuck at four and forced to convince myself that SOMA really does represent the 5th least-shit game [he has reviewed] this year.

And a rough fucking year it has been: 2015 has been unusually plagued by unnecessary/incremental excretions and forgettable faff. His vivacious vitriol notwithstanding, the normal bell curve of Yahtzee's yearly reviews has turned distinctly pear shaped. It should speak to the copious dreck on offer that finding five "good" games took 350 days.

Top5 predictions
- Witcher 3
- Bloodbourne
- Just Cause 3
- Until Dawn (plot fits the interactive story gameplay; works on every level Everybody's Gone to the Rapture doesn't)
- Invisible Inc. (token indie game; beats out Axiom Verge by being tighter and more original)
Honorable mentions: Axiom Verge, MGS5

Bottom5 predictions
- Godzilla
- Everybody's Gone to the Rapture (not a game)
- Alone in the Dark: Illumination (a franchise so lost and corrupted George Lucas should sell it to Disney)
- King's Quest
- Stealth Inc. 2 (boring, patronizing, and literally insulting gameplay covering up what could have been fun stealth)
Dishonorable mentions: Dex (slightly less shit than Stealth Inc. 2), The Order: 1886

 

[Makabriel]

Is that how Brits pronounce "squirrel", then? Like it rhymes with "Professor Quirrel"? Cute.

That's how Americans pronounce it too. Where is it pronounced like anything else?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejuK8_12Fmg

 

[Saika Renegade]

I'm surprised he didn't make mention of the sticky rockets, which are officially my new favorite thing, if only because you can stick those things on people without them noticing and proceed to launch them into the ocean.

 

[carewolf]

Is that how Brits pronounce "squirrel", then? Like it rhymes with "Professor Quirrel"? Cute.

That's how Americans pronounce it too. Where is it pronounced like anything else?

No, Americans pronounce it "Squirl"

That is the exact same thing just with faster pronounciation.

 

[Aptspire]

FINALLY, Yahtzee's reviewed a game I can comfortably predict will be in his Top5 for the year. During the parade of mediocrity these last couple months, I've been worried I'd be stuck at four and forced to convince myself that SOMA really does represent the 5th least-shit game [he has reviewed] this year.

And a rough fucking year it has been: 2015 has been unusually plagued by unnecessary/incremental excretions and forgettable faff. His vivacious vitriol notwithstanding, the normal bell curve of Yahtzee's yearly reviews has turned distinctly pear shaped. It should speak to the copious dreck on offer that finding five "good" games took 350 days.

Top5 predictions
- Witcher 3
- Bloodbourne
- Just Cause 3
- Until Dawn (plot fits the interactive story gameplay; works on every level Everybody's Gone to the Rapture doesn't)
- Invisible Inc. (token indie game; beats out Axiom Verge by being tighter and more original)
Honorable mentions: Axiom Verge, MGS5

Bottom5 predictions
- Godzilla
- Everybody's Gone to the Rapture (not a game)
- Alone in the Dark: Illumination (a franchise so lost and corrupted George Lucas should sell it to Disney)
- King's Quest
- Stealth Inc. 2 (boring, patronizing, and literally insulting gameplay covering up what could have been fun stealth)
Dishonorable mentions: Dex (slightly less shit than Stealth Inc. 2), The Order: 1886

Not enough people read his Extra punctuation articles, it seems. Or the text at the end of his videos, the one that said "go play Undertale" (I think it was in the BlOps 3 episode).

OT: Just Cause 3 is a sandbox filled with explosions and doesn't claim to be much more than that. Which is why it does its job perfectly. As far as climaxes go, seems like Bayonetta and Portal are the few AAA games who know how to do endings properly, sadly. Ah well,JC3 is still a fun game.

 

[voltair27]

Is that how Brits pronounce "squirrel", then? Like it rhymes with "Professor Quirrel"? Cute.

That's how Americans pronounce it too. Where is it pronounced like anything else?

No, Americans pronounce it "Squirl"

I guess I must be the exception.

 

[Darth_Payn]

Nice twist on the "Just Cause!" pun, and I lost it at "sitting in a cowpie burping the alphabet." I would not put it past some developer to make doing that an achievement.

Looks like Yahtzee found his GOTY, or one of his Top 5 anyway.

It's probably going to take spot number 2 for the simple glorious fun of it all. His GOTY will probably be Undertale since it makes major innovations in video game story telling by waging active psychological warfare against what ever goal the player seems to be going for.

At this point I would also expect MGS5, and BloodBorne to definitely make it in, along with possibly Elite Dangerous, Talos Principle or Soma to round it all out.

Well, Undertale is going to present a bit of a dilemma, since Yahtzee always reminds us that the only eligible games for his Top 5 are the ones he has reviewed, ZP-style. Not that there's anything stopping him from breaking his own rule this year. Similarly, Elite: Dangerous is technically a 2014 game, but again, nothing's stopping him from declaring it GOTY 2015.

BloodBorne and Soma are definite contenders. Talos Principle, I seem to remember him being mostly bored by it?

If nothing else, it should get some special mention for inspiring him to write a song. All together now!
Random documents and audio logs...

 

[ZZoMBiE13]

Such masterful pun work, and yet no mention of this seasons big jolly elf? Just Claus.
Shame about the Macaws. I wanted a pet with gills or feathers, but my pet shop had Just Paws.
When I ask people if they like this kind of comedy I always hope for a YES, but all I get are Just Naws.

 

[FirstNameLastName]

Is that how Brits pronounce "squirrel", then? Like it rhymes with "Professor Quirrel"? Cute.

That's how Americans pronounce it too. Where is it pronounced like anything else?

Apparently in America it is also pronounced skwur-uh l, rather than skwir-uh l. I never even knew that, and it seems rather strange since nothing in the spelling seems suggest the American pronunciation, but then again, spelling and pronunciation in English is completely fucked, so nothing surprises me anymore.

 

[voltair27]

Is that how Brits pronounce "squirrel", then? Like it rhymes with "Professor Quirrel"? Cute.

That's how Americans pronounce it too. Where is it pronounced like anything else?

Apparently in America it is also pronounced skwur-uh l, rather than skwir-uh l. I never even knew that, and it seems rather strange since nothing in the spelling seems suggest the American pronunciation, but then again, spelling and pronunciation in English is completely fucked, so nothing surprises me anymore.

Huh, that's interesting. I've always pronounced it like the latter.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

And a rough fucking year it has been: 2015 has been unusually plagued by unnecessary/incremental excretions and forgettable faff. His vivacious vitriol notwithstanding, the normal bell curve of Yahtzee's yearly reviews has turned distinctly pear shaped. It should speak to the copious dreck on offer that finding five "good" games took 350 days.

You do realise that, unless it's your job, you do not have to buy and play these games? It is liberating knowledge!

Snippedy snip!

Welcome to humans! We are all human and do human stuff like other humans. Quite human really. I recommend not putting certain humans on pedestals, or else you will likely be disappointed. That saying of "never meet your idols" comes to mind, for your particular words. Also, are you Jim Sterling? Could you sign my...actually, never mind!

I'm surprised he didn't make mention of the sticky rockets, which are officially my new favorite thing, if only because you can stick those things on people without them noticing and proceed to launch them into the ocean.

Why have i not thought of this?? Thankyou!! I experimented with all but the homo-mounds! Some indigenous people are going to be taking some cheap flights tonight!

Such masterful pun work, and yet no mention of this seasons big jolly elf? Just Claus.
Shame about the Macaws. I wanted a pet with gills or feathers, but my pet shop had Just Paws.
When I ask people if they like this kind of comedy I always hope for a YES, but all I get are Just Naws.

That would be too easy, playing to expectations be a fool's game, i tell you! Nice rhymes however.

Apparently in America it is also pronounced skwur-uh l, rather than skwir-uh l. I never even knew that, and it seems rather strange since nothing in the spelling seems suggest the American pronunciation, but then again, spelling and pronunciation in English is completely fucked, so nothing surprises me anymore.

That is very true. But I never heard an American say "squirrel" before. Is that weird? Should that have happened by now? I can't imagine it sounding like you say without at least 2 litres of mamma's moonshine to soften the tongue. Time to scour youtube for US citizens talking about squirrels! Hope it doesn't stain my totally clean search history.

 

[dochmbi]

I just wanted to say that Just Cause 3 has succesful DRM. It has thwarted the efforts of crackers for more than 2 weeks now and has already promted many a pirate to purchase it. I have tipped off the escapist and hope they will do a story on Denuvo, of course their anti-DRM stance might mean they are biased and would never write it.

Thew new Hitman, Tomb Raider and Deus Ex games will apparently also be using Denuvo, which means they too may remain uncracked for long periods of time. It'll be interesting to see if this impacts sales. Hard to say though, you'd need to survey pirates and that's tough to do since nobody wants to admit to being a criminal

 

[ZZoMBiE13]

Time to scour youtube for US citizens talking about squirrels! Hope it doesn't stain my totally clean search history.

Or you could just watch Pixar's UP. The way the dog says "SQUIRREL!" should see to your unique needs in this matter.

 

[Steve the Pocket]

Is that how Brits pronounce "squirrel", then? Like it rhymes with "Professor Quirrel"? Cute.

In what sane world would "Xabcd", not rime with "abcd"?

I suppose "through", "slough", and "dough" all rhyme in your "sane world" too, then?

Sanity has no place in the English language, regardless of what side of the pond you're on.

I just wanted to say that Just Cause 3 has succesful DRM. It has thwarted the efforts of crackers for more than 2 weeks now and has already promted many a pirate to purchase it. I have tipped off the escapist and hope they will do a story on Denuvo, of course their anti-DRM stance might mean they are biased and would never write it.

Thew new Hitman, Tomb Raider and Deus Ex games will apparently also be using Denuvo, which means they too may remain uncracked for long periods of time. It'll be interesting to see if this impacts sales. Hard to say though, you'd need to survey pirates and that's tough to do since nobody wants to admit to being a criminal

I don't think anyone except the publishers themselves give a rat's wet fart whether it successfully thwarts piracy or not; the concern is whether it causes problems for actual customers. Do you need a working Internet connection to launch the game? Do you need a constant connection to keep playing it afterward? Does it wreak havoc with your performance? Will it crash if you happen to have ISO reading software on your computer? Does it open up security holes that we won't learn about until several months from now when hackers have already used them to steal people's personal information? These are all things that people have had problems with in the past. The only "good" DRM is the kind that has zero side effects.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Time to scour youtube for US citizens talking about squirrels! Hope it doesn't stain my totally clean search history.

Or you could just watch Pixar's UP. The way the dog says "SQUIRREL!" should see to your unique needs in this matter.

Oh i have seen that and now the memory has flung back with force upon thy brain! It sounds exactly like an American accent saying "squirrel," so not particularly surprising. Is it shocking the other way around?
Has anybody noticed this Just Cause 3 main enemy faction in the game is Di Rivello Militia...D.R.M? HashtagJustSaying ya'll! .

 

[Haru17]

Those puns were terrible! I hope they get their just applause.

 

[Thanatos2k]

Is that how Brits pronounce "squirrel", then? Like it rhymes with "Professor Quirrel"? Cute.

That's how Americans pronounce it too. Where is it pronounced like anything else?

No, Americans pronounce it "Squirl"

That is the exact same thing just with faster pronounciation.

No it isn't. Quarrel is not pronounced quarl by Americans. There's an extra sound there.

 

[ToastyMozart]

Thew new Hitman, Tomb Raider and Deus Ex games will apparently also be using Denuvo

God fucking dammit! And here I was vainly hoping there was a ghost of a chance that Deus Ex 4 would have some form of modding scene like the first one. And also not be a gigantic pain in the ass to run.

 

[ToastyMozart]

I doubt the obnoxious social aspects are the reason for the absurd loading times, since they're way better on the PC version (short of the game being installed on a cheap thumbdrive).

Speaking of, hasn't Yahtzee repeatedly railed on the 8th gen systems for being shitty and underpowered? Why'd he opt to get it on there then.