Zero Punctuation: Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days

KimberlyGoreHound

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Mar 17, 2010
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That's why they were put on probation. People who add absolutely nothing with a comment to a ZP video at a time which it would be impossible to have seen any substantial amount of the video get put on probation. Happens every Wednesday.
 
May 25, 2010
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Damn, finally a reviewer with the balls (or in some tragic cases, the disposable income) to admit this game is a worthless piece of shit!!!

GO, YAHTZEE!
 

BlueInkAlchemist

Ridiculously Awesome
Jun 4, 2008
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Rolling on the floor, laughing. Not even going to abbreviate that, it's worth every word to say.

The final joke is priceless.

And Yahtzee once again proves his clairvoyance, as the DNF business seems almost frighteningly prophetic. It's finally coming out and it's going to be another generic brown FPS. Hoo-ray.
 

NakedSnake

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Jul 30, 2010
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Good video. I expected this game to be nothing more than dog turd, and it turns out I was probably right.
 

Knifewounds

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Not like this is a big deal or anything, but why does your Kane look like ur Niko Bellic?
 

Outright Villainy

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Jan 19, 2010
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Well sir...
Now that was a rant.
I forget how funny Yahtzee can be when he gets a particularly insult worthy game...
 

laryri

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What good are helicopters if you aren't going to strafe buildings with them?
 
May 25, 2010
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BlueInkAlchemist said:
Rolling on the floor, laughing. Not even going to abbreviate that, it's worth every word to say.

The final joke is priceless.

And Yahtzee once again proves his clairvoyance, as the DNF business seems almost frighteningly prophetic. It's finally coming out and it's going to be another generic brown FPS. Hoo-ray.
Actually, it may very well be the exact opposite of that (going by the blowjob, peeing and poo scenes). But that certainly doesn't mean it'll be good, or that it'll even turn a profit.
 

viggih7

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Mar 31, 2009
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Wow, and I thought angry Joe was being unmerciful when reviewing it but holy shit.
I wonder if the lead designer commits suicide when he hears this.
 

Flamezdudes

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Aug 27, 2009
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It does not seem like anything i'd like, i kinda knew this anyway. Looked shit.

Funny as always Yahtzee.
 

The Cheezy One

Christian. Take that from me.
Dec 13, 2008
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they ARE better than this. freedom fighters ruled. but due to a fear of originality and good storytelling, IO went with K&L.
in FF, the protagonist had an actual reason to be there!
sheogoraththemad said:
why does he put the first 3 always on probation or ban,
other than that great review.
cos they are commenting without seeing the whole review. the admins know this because they cant have seen it if they ae commenting at (my time) 5:02
 

Onyx Oblivion

Borderlands Addict. Again.
Sep 9, 2008
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Maybe he'll like Vanquish...If he reviews it. Cover based shooting, but JET PROPELLED!
 

Barry Tannam

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Jul 24, 2010
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i'm suprised that the bit where K&L were getting tortured wasn't mentioned... but considering the game atmosphere i was hardly suprised. it trys a bit too hard to be fucked up and when guys were slits they're own throats and the like i was yawning
 

Paulrus_Keaton

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Apr 23, 2009
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This is the only review I've heard/read thus far that actually hated the low-quality shaky-cam art style. I liked it personally, but that's my thing. Great review.
 

ShenCS

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Aug 24, 2010
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Can someone explain to me what happened with Gamespot and the first one? Were they bribing them for good reviews or something?
 

AugustFall

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May 5, 2009
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Well the vacation was a good thing, best zp in a while. I was losing confidence with recent reviews but confidence is restored.
 

FinalDream

[Insert Witty Remark Here]
Apr 6, 2010
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I saw the game in the shop, brand new on the cheap and picked it up. They have also padded out the shooting bits because it's almost impsoble to actually hit only one.
 

jamescorck

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Jan 25, 2010
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I was expecting a very hars, very funny and very shocking review after I read the tease to this video on his "Extra Punctuation".

But Yahtzee has succeeded every expectation. And for what he says the game must feel like being trapped into the movie "Quarantine", with the wobbly cammera and the terrible lightning. I feel for ya Yahtzee, your pulsating headache is also felt by me. Great review, and I hope you enjoyed your vacation.
 

Mr Companion

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Jul 27, 2009
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I am so glad somebody else in the world is absolutely sick of cover based shooters. Third person? Find. Games where using a large solid object to avoid being shot is a good idea? Also fine. Game where you sit behind cover and slowly pick off blurry black clad enemies amidst a blurry black background? Fuck off.
 

Sylocat

Sci-Fi & Shakespeare
Nov 13, 2007
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I was praying that Yahtzee would review this game, as punishment for the Gerstmann thing over the last one, and lo and behold, he actually mentions Gerstmann! Shine on, Yahtzee!

Also, the sheer number of bodily-secretion jokes make this one of the grossest ZPs yet, but nothing can top the one joke from the Split/Second review just a few weeks ago, so it's all good.
 

crotalidian

and Now My Watch Begins
Sep 8, 2009
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DominicxD said:
I wanted a Mafia II review, though this was pretty fucking funny I must admit.
Also looking forward to this, hopefully it is out in Australia and hepland on reviewing it soon (Would also love to see some jabs at Russ' love letter review although I doubt it!

Very funny review. couldnt care lkess about the game so seeing it get well and truly Yahtzeed makes me smile
 

FlameUnquenchable

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Apr 27, 2010
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I thought the first game looked awful, and I wasn't even going to buy the second, so I'm happy to see it get shredded like so. They just don't get the idea that making bad games....is bad.
 

Forgetitnow344

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You can tell when Yahtzee is simply being a prat for the sake of Zero Punctuation, and he was clearly legitimately ripping on this game. He's never been so openly mad at a video game as he is in this video.
 

Dr Judym

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Aug 27, 2010
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Spot-on review, unfortunately. There's no dynamic in this game, absolutely no variety, and the ending is like a slap in the face, you just exit the location you were in, 3 sec. in-game movie, the end. Honestly, I've never seen such insolence from the developers before. How come this game went through even a hopelessly mediocre QA team is beyond me.

No. 1 candidate in the "WTF of the year" category.
 

UFriday

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Nov 9, 2009
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I think I could feel the rage all the way from Australia.
Well done, Master Yahtzee. Another atrocious game kicked so hard it entered a different dimension.
 

Michael Logan

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ilovemyLunchbox said:
You can tell when Yahtzee is simply being a prat for the sake of Zero Punctuation, and he was clearly legitimately ripping on this game. He's never been so openly mad at a video game as he is in this video.
Maybe, but the game acctually is bad.
 

Tattaglia

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Aug 12, 2008
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Very nice, it's fantastic to watch Yahtzee tear a game a new one.

ShenCS said:
Can someone explain to me what happened with Gamespot and the first one? Were they bribing them for good reviews or something?
http://www.gamespot.com/xbox360/action/kanelynchdeadmen/review.html

A senior game reviewer from Gamespot, Jeff Gerstmann, gave the first Kane & Lynch 6/10 instead of the 8/10 or higher Eidos was probably expecting. Gerstmann was then fired. Coincidentally, Eidos had put up Kane & Lynch advertising all over the site before the game's release. People connected the dots (or thought they did, anyway) and blamed Gamespot and Eidos for being partners in crime.
 

Novur

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Nov 3, 2009
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"The biggest threat in the game could have been outwitted by chucking a fucking Bonio at it."

I found that immeasurably hilarious. My sleeping mother, on the other hand, did not.
 

L4hlborg

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marioandsonic said:
I wonder if Yahtzee has found a new "worst game I've ever reviewed", in place of Too Human.
I'm pretty sure that Too Human is hard to beat. Yahtzee did give this game one compliment (maybe without realizing it himself): It's short. Crappy things that are short are ultimately better than any crap thing that is long. Yahtzee didn't give this praise to Too Human. But I can't read his mind, just saying from a buyers point of view. If I had to play one of the games based on his reviews, it would be this.
 

Imper1um

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May 21, 2008
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Fail game is fail! Yeah, I'll avoid this game. Thanks for the heads up.

This goes back to the point that Extra Credit is making. Don't buy the game and perhaps we can get these CRAP games off the shelves.
 

CosmicCommander

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Apr 11, 2009
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BlueInkAlchemist said:
Rolling on the floor, laughing. Not even going to abbreviate that, it's worth every word to say.

The final joke is priceless.
I second this statement.
 

-Samurai-

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Oct 8, 2009
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To be honest, I kind of expect this. But that doesn't mean it isn't funny.

Personally, I loved Kane and Lynch 1, and I loved the demo for Dog Days.

I'll have to pick this game up sometime.
 

Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
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The demo was borderline torture. I couldn't imagine playing the whole game.

I like how he describes the plot as basically being Army of Two: The 40th Day minus any semblance of sense. Not that Ao2 was a deep title, but Salem and Rios had a reason to suddenly go after the boss after spending most of the game escaping....
 

Chewster

It's yer man Chewy here!
Apr 24, 2008
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This sounds about on par with the first, which was buggy and unpleasant and took itself way too seriously. Game developers need to realize that gratuitous violence and loads of swears does not make something gritty. It just makes it childish.

This review seemed especially acerbic though, so good work.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Now that was brutal, good job to Yahtzee, and I also hope IO does something better, like a good Hitman sequel.
 

Vrach

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Rofl, I think the game devs won't be able to sit for a couple of days after seeing this review :p

Best one in a while Yahtzee, keep it coming and bring on Mafia 2, think we need a review to take it down a notch :<
 

Tele-screen

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AugustFall said:
Well the vacation was a good thing, best zp in a while. I was losing confidence with recent reviews but confidence is restored.
This was a perfect target for him: a "AAA" title that is everything he hates in videogames and seriously makes everyone dumber for playing it. I was smiling just from hearing how much he deeply hated it in his voice. He definitely hasn't had one of those in a few reviews.
 

Sronpop

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Back on top form, excellent. 'The plot was about as flimsy as being served coffee by a man with no bones in his arms' Writing everywhere needs to be more like this.
 

megamanenm

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Apr 7, 2009
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I watched an entire let's play of the game, it's just flat-out pathetic. Christ, he beat it in three to fours hours, and he died a lot too. The only good thing I can say is that the voice acting is pretty good, and I actually did sort of like the graphic style it was going for; but that's about it.
 

Uberman5000

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Jul 21, 2010
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Kane and Lynch are such incredibly repulsive characters. I feel like they should be driving a beat-up Chevrolet truck from 1980s barrelling down an unpaved road to check on their weed grow in the middle of the country. How do these people get the entire Chinese army after them?
 

Master10K

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Another hilarious review by Yatzhee. Even the credits were hilariously mocking the games effects, by having a prostitute pole dance with a light streak. ^^

Although I did enjoy the Angry Joe's review [http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/bt/aj/ajsreview/27676-ajkanealynch2-dogdays], just about the same.
 

SAMAS

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sheogoraththemad said:
why does he put the first 3 always on probation or ban,
other than that great review.
There's a good chance it's because the first few posters are often wankers who line up to vacuum the sweat off Yhatzee's scrotum before they've actually seen the video.

Case in point, the first post of this thread was made one minute after this thread came up. The video is five minutes long.

It might just be an automatic system to get mindless sycophants or "First Post!"-ers. Basically, it you post before the actual runtime of the video, your ass is automatically caught.
 

Forgetitnow344

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Rayne Logan said:
ilovemyLunchbox said:
You can tell when Yahtzee is simply being a prat for the sake of Zero Punctuation, and he was clearly legitimately ripping on this game. He's never been so openly mad at a video game as he is in this video.
Maybe, but the game acctually is bad.
I inferred that.
 
Apr 7, 2010
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Now this episode was fucking great, probably my favorite! Is this game from the same developers who did army of two? Because that game by far has to be the absolute ultra shit of games.
 

Falseprophet

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Jan 13, 2009
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Wow, it's like this game brings together everything I hate about current games into one crap sandwich. All it would need is a wretched, ridiculous JRPG narrative as the olive on top.

Knifewounds said:
Not like this is a big deal or anything, but why does your Kane look like ur Niko Bellic?
Yahtzee tends to reuse images, especially the ones that are drawn (like that boat). I'm assuming it's to shave some time off the probably long, arduous process of putting one of these videos together.
 

kouriichi

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I honestly liked this game. What few qualitys it had really shown through.

Sure, i have to agree with Mr. Croshaw on nearly every word he uttered, but this game was definitly worth a rent.
 

icyneesan

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I found the fact that so many people were put on probation a lot more funny then this particular episode of ZP :p
 

Legend of J

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KimberlyGoreHound said:
That's why they were put on probation. People who add absolutely nothing with a comment to a ZP video at a time which it would be impossible to have seen any substantial amount of the video get put on probation. Happens every Wednesday.
And you were one of them this week lol.

Anyway moving on good review however im surprised he didn't give out any *spoiler alert* walking from streets naked or the censor (which i felt got in the way alot of the time. So i sold the game and got ace combat 6.
 

DigitalSushi

a gallardo? fine, I'll take it.
Dec 24, 2008
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ShenCS said:
Can someone explain to me what happened with Gamespot and the first one? Were they bribing them for good reviews or something?
You could personalise the entire website with Kane and Lynch artwork, and do all sorts with basically Kane and Lynch random junk, now Jeff Gertsmann gave a totally horrible review about it and I for one saw it... now it wasn't that he was being nasty about the game but that you hardly got to see it, the video was basically his face obscuring the game, so all in all a vitriol filled rambling mess.

Eidos took away the funding for the marketing on the site which was reported at the time of 600,000 dollars... or maybe it was the equivalant of 600,000 pounds, I forget which.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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ShenCS said:
Can someone explain to me what happened with Gamespot and the first one? Were they bribing them for good reviews or something?
One of Gamespots reviewers gave Kane and Lynch a bad review. Eidos had basically given them infinity million dollars in advertisement. The reviewer got fired.
 

The Root Beer Guy

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It actually depresses me that this game is so terrible. Hitman is one of my favorite series of all time and I love Freedom Fighters. I just hope IO doesn't go under because of this game.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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How did Kane and Lynch get such good reveiws from some publications? The game is honestly horrendous, it'a borderline irredeemable. Myabe they thought they would be fired and have to go off and found a mildly more obscure gaming website that includes the name of some kind of explosive, such is the rule when being made unelpolyed by a Kane and Lynch game. Or so im told.

Personally i think Sqeenix needs to buck up it's ideas when it comes to action games becuase even at their best they never really seem to really nail it.
 

MimeticLie

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The car accident metaphor was perhaps a little tone deaf, given recent events, but overall a pretty good review. Classic Yahtzee.
 
Aug 4, 2009
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Now this may reflect badly on me as a person but what I liked about the first game and the second one until it went sky-scraper-helicopter-batshit-wacko, is the fact the the game feels so inhospitable and unfriendly. I mean it's not the dificulty really it's just that most shooters now-days ESPECIALLY the "grity and realistic" ones are "grity and realistic" untill your partner starts wise-cracking about the head-shot you just pulled of or half-way through the main "anti-hero" pulls a nice guy move out of his ass by saving one damsel in distress or another in a sad atempt to make your homicidal maniac be slightly better than all the other homicidal maniacs you shoot and will subsequintly betray.

While indeed K&L 2 is inferior to the first one I still liked the series the first one especially, because it has no such pretences. You're an unlikable fuck who's partner is another unlikable fuck and all that is happening to you, you most surely deserve. And the same thing reflects in the combat you get shot you either have to pray a partner sticks you with a nedle before you breath your hatefull last or(in the second game) crawl back to relative saftey before you get shreded to little psychopathic pieces. So man up because the world hates you and so deoes everyone in it.

Oh well, maybe K&L just happened to be "THAT" game for me. You know the game everyone hates and only manages to appeal to you, well it happens. In other news awsome review that is geniuenly funny, bravo.
 

Zhukov

The Laughing Arsehole
Dec 29, 2009
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Is anyone else surprised that he didn't mention the naked scene?

I was expecting him to have an absolute field day with that.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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literally gaged on "deep fried tampons"
CosmicCommander said:
BlueInkAlchemist said:
Rolling on the floor, laughing. Not even going to abbreviate that, it's worth every word to say.

The final joke is priceless.
I second this statement.
Was waiting through the whole review to see if he would mention Duke
 

Tipsy Giant

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Making wednesdays since I can remember, last week felt weird clicking around on the escapist humming and harring, hoping your holiday was cut short by pirates so you had to come back and entertain us.

Love the reviews and thanks to the psychonauts review me and my friend have enjoyed multiple hours of genius fun. Cheers Mate
 

Chrissyluky

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You can turn off the drunk cameraman but the camera is still pretty awful and the game is still pretty zzzzzzzz.
 

KimberlyGoreHound

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Legend of J said:
KimberlyGoreHound said:
That's why they were put on probation. People who add absolutely nothing with a comment to a ZP video at a time which it would be impossible to have seen any substantial amount of the video get put on probation. Happens every Wednesday.
And you were one of them this week lol.
Haha, yeah. Dunno why though...I made my post during the final seconds before the closing credits. oh well.
 

Kenny Doyle

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True, honest review. I agree that this game is fucking awful, dull and boring. Nothing new or old is made in this game, no highlights, no interesting sequences, I've roughly forgotten most fragments of the game. There's nothing memorable about it.

Although for a reference, might belong on the "How not to do it." pile that fits comfortably between the first Kane & Lynch and say... Two Worlds.
 

Ophiuchus

8 miles high and falling fast
Mar 31, 2008
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That, my Pedigree Chums, is the best ZP for a long time... as should be evident from the fact that I'm actually bothering to comment on it, something I never do.
 

Alandoril

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Best review in a while.

Yahtzee is so angry he sounds like me when I talk about most fiction/poetry published these days. If only there was a market for book reviews along the lines of Zero Punctuation...ah, a man can dream though, a man can dream :)
 

Sworm

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Is it really as horrible as he said it is? or is he just dispensing the usual bile?

I'm not sure anymore it actually seemed to me like he was agonizing at the very mentioning of the game.

So to those who played it, is it really THAT BAD?
 

Hazzaslagga

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Sep 18, 2009
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Now is this worse than too human. I haven't played either of these games but he really laid into it. Great as always. on another note i hope he reviews amnesia dark descent.
 

Jaranja

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ilovemyLunchbox said:
Rayne Logan said:
ilovemyLunchbox said:
You can tell when Yahtzee is simply being a prat for the sake of Zero Punctuation, and he was clearly legitimately ripping on this game. He's never been so openly mad at a video game as he is in this video.
Maybe, but the game acctually is bad.
I inferred that.
No, you implied that.
 

Booze Zombie

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KimberlyGoreHound said:
That's why they were put on probation. People who add absolutely nothing with a comment to a ZP video at a time which it would be impossible to have seen any substantial amount of the video get put on probation. Happens every Wednesday.

User was put on probation for: Zero Punctuation: Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days. (7 days)
The humour contained in this one comment will haunt me forever, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

"Spunk instead of AIR!"
Oh, if only we could see the bil- oh wait, it's all over Kane and Lynch 2's camera.
 

Evilsanta

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I hope you wont get offed because of your review anyways great as always. And keep that bucket on you head! You never now when they might strike.
 

Dora

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This (sort of) reminds me of a book I (tried to) read once called The Sad Tale of the Brothers Grossbart. (Yes, really.) The whole gimmick was that the two "heroes" were absolutely disgusting; raping, murdering, the whole thing, and apparently you're supposed to read it and go "Oh, those wacky Grossbarts" and maybe some 1950's sitcom music would play. Instead you get to a scene where they burn young children alive in a house while restraining their father outside so he can hear them screaming and pleading, all just "because". Characters that are unpleasant for comedic purposes are still unpleasant, and it's hard to want to do anything but applaud when they leave the stage.

I bring it up both because Yahtzee points out the two characters in this game learn or achieve nothing by the end, and because when I mentioned to someone previously that neither Kane OR Lynch seemed very likable, was told "They're not supposed to be". Well, why the hell do I want to play a game about them, then? At least it looks like my snobbery/whining hasn't made me miss out on much.
 

Orcus The Ultimate

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That's true about the camera, it made me Seasick... and basically this game is a "MASS MURDERER" achievement if you had a result like in the Hitman Series... Why aren't they releasing Hitman games instead of that RUN/GUN crap !
 

JuggernautXUG

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Scrumpmonkey said:
How did Kane and Lynch get such good reveiws from some publications? The game is honestly horrendous, it'a borderline irredeemable. Myabe they thought they would be fired and have to go off and found a mildly more obscure gaming website that includes the name of some kind of explosive, such is the rule when being made unelpolyed by a Kane and Lynch game. Or so im told.

Personally i think Sqeenix needs to buck up it's ideas when it comes to action games becuase even at their best they never really seem to really nail it.
Ahem.... the publishers payed off reviewers to give the game good reviews and thus when it was discovered they did this they all got fired.
 

T0xiCity8

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Lol I loved Kane and Lynch 2 :p It's flawed, sure, but the I loved the look and atmosphere. But damn Yatzhee, you sure know how to tear it too pieces. But I really wish people would stop blaming the developers for Gerstmann's firing.
 

Spelonker

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Dear lord! This has to be the harshest review you've done yet Yahtzee! I'm not even going to rent this game in fear that you'll personally come around to my house and call me something nasty.
 

Vect

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Uberman5000 said:
Kane and Lynch are such incredibly repulsive characters. I feel like they should be driving a beat-up Chevrolet truck from 1980s barrelling down an unpaved road to check on their weed grow in the middle of the country. How do these people get the entire Chinese army after them?
The first mission is Lynch dragging Kane around and chasing some guy down for no reason other than "I gotta settle things with this guy! I'll tell you later!" (he doesn't). At the end, the guy holds a woman hostage and our duo just kills her (Hahaha! Holding hostages! Like we care!). Turns out that woman's the daughter of some corrupt politician/crime lord. Whoops!


I knew that this game was going to be pretty lambasted. I watched a Let's Play of the game and was less than impressed. Problem with the game is that it takes the Dark 'n Gritty premise way too seriously, resulting in characters that you don't care for (at best, they have crappy backstories that tell how much their lives suck). Even Gerstmann's only main compliment of the game is the visual style (even then he stated it's nauseating). And I would have thought that Yahtzee would have made way more fat jokes at Gerstmann's expense. Not saying that he cares much for the whole business, but fat jokes seem like the kinda jokes he'd use when he can.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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The first one did have its plus side as it led to the birth of giantbomb.com IMO the best gaming site on the net (sorry escapist)
 

Captain Pirate

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"So how about that Duke Nukem Forever business hmm" Haha, epic ending. Loved that review, now I'm definately not going to buy it just for the multiplayer. Needed a sixth opinion...
 

ProtoChimp

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Spunk instead of air. Yahtzee's best quote so far methinks. Also expect a P45 from Russ.
 

deth2munkies

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I love it when Yahtzee gets a hold of an unequivocally shitty game. Always much fun and many laughs to be had.
 

mjc0961

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Nov 30, 2009
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Damn you Square Enix! *shakes fist at their general direction*
 

Azaraxzealot

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why the hell does this game even exist? i never knew about it before, now I'll never hear about it again (good)
 

ziggy161

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epic review lmao. And yeah, can't believe people are still going on about DNF rofl.
 

thethingthatlurks

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Bloody hell, I could almost see the loathing ooze from the screen. Brilliant, mate!
I honestly had no intention of playing this game, and the review on the Escapist (as in the real thing, not ZP) didn't exactly inspire much hope in this. Glad somebody had the massive balls to utterly tear this apart.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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First time i knew something was wrong with this game, i saw it was called kane and lynch.

Second time I knew something was wrong with this game the advertising told me I could play a medicated psycopath as if that was a good thing. Only if i was fifteen, and then i probably wouldn't know what a medicated psychopath was, or at least thought it was someone in a 'mature' game, because this is the kind of game that fifteen year olds think is mature.

Third time I knew something was wrong with this game, 1st trade in to my store after one day, then lots more trade ins and more than a few 'faulty' copies. (by faulty I mean people who thought it was utter shit and wanted their money back, hint people, the person behind the till knows your lying and isn't fucking stupid.We test the games then call you names behind your backs, you were a twat to buy this game in the first place)
 

PrototypeC

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Ugh. Yahtzee, I know your challenge is, each week, to come up with another horrible (in a good way...ish) analogy for something, but that last one actually made me gag. Ulgh, I can't even watch this one again just because I'm afraid I'll magically forget about it and accidentally hear it again.

So, congrats on that? Funny review, as always, and I'm glad to see that even with the same character shapes, same setup and same expectations, you manage to mix it up and keep it interesting week after week. That's a real talent you've got there, and I'm glad the Escapist caught you when they did.

Now I need to think about something other than your analogies for a while. Excuse me.
 

Twin Of Aphex

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It breaks my heart i spent £36 on the 'special edition' and I wont even get half of that if i trade it in...
 

T0xiCity8

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Batsamaritan said:
Second time I knew something was wrong with this game the advertising told me I could play a medicated psycopath as if that was a good thing. Only if i was fifteen, and then i probably wouldn't know what a medicated psychopath was, or at least thought it was someone in a 'mature' game, because this is the kind of game that fifteen year olds think is mature.
Eh... You are aware of games like Red Dead Redemption and GTA etc you play a psychopath and a murderer? Kane and Lynch are mature because they actually paint the characters as what they are - cold blooded killers. They are anti heros.
 

D_987

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Onyx Oblivion said:
Maybe he'll like Vanquish...If he reviews it. Cover based shooting, but JET PROPELLED!
That was also the first thing I thought of when he mentioned how boring cover-based shooters have become.

The rant itself was hilarious though, certainly the best recent Zero Punctuation I remember; almost a throw-back to the older videos in that sense. Though the comments regarding just how ugly the game is were rather interesting. Not as in terms of the graphics, but more the characters; I've only played the demo but as Yahtzee said there appears to be absolutely no redeeming qualities in these characters; there's absolutely no reason to care about them at all - they don't even seem to have a goal the player can agree with, so why should we want them to succeed in the first place?
 

RichardThompson

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Brilliant review, that game is dreadful. My friend got it from HMV today and brought it back 2 hours later claiming it didn't work.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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MimeticLie said:
The car accident metaphor was perhaps a little tone deaf, given recent events, but overall a pretty good review. Classic Yahtzee.
What the fuck are you talking about?
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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T0xiCity8 said:
Batsamaritan said:
Second time I knew something was wrong with this game the advertising told me I could play a medicated psycopath as if that was a good thing. Only if i was fifteen, and then i probably wouldn't know what a medicated psychopath was, or at least thought it was someone in a 'mature' game, because this is the kind of game that fifteen year olds think is mature.
Eh... You are aware of games like Red Dead Redemption and GTA etc you play a psychopath and a murderer? Kane and Lynch are mature because they actually paint the characters as what they are - cold blooded killers. They are anti heros.
yes i'm totally aware that those characters are killers, thieves ect. But they have character arcs, they learn things and develop over time and their interesting which is what makes them way more mature than kane and lynch not the fact they go around killing people. Kane and lynch lack any sophistication, character development in fact they lack EVERYTHING, All they represent is a vision of maturity that involves violence and death... their not anti-heroes, anti heroes are interesting their just twats.
 

jazzkid212

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i love the call out about jeff G, i never looked at gamespot again after they fired him for that
 

ActionDan

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Wow he is completely right about the visuals. The pixelated effect looks like your video card is dying.
 

Kais86

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I think Yahtzee really liked Cooking Mama, he's mentioned it repeatedly, usually while trying to spice up something that would be otherwise extremely bland.
 

T0xiCity8

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Batsamaritan said:
T0xiCity8 said:
Batsamaritan said:
Second time I knew something was wrong with this game the advertising told me I could play a medicated psycopath as if that was a good thing. Only if i was fifteen, and then i probably wouldn't know what a medicated psychopath was, or at least thought it was someone in a 'mature' game, because this is the kind of game that fifteen year olds think is mature.
Eh... You are aware of games like Red Dead Redemption and GTA etc you play a psychopath and a murderer? Kane and Lynch are mature because they actually paint the characters as what they are - cold blooded killers. They are anti heros.
yes i'm totally aware that those characters are killers, thieves ect. But they have character arcs, they learn things and develop over time and their interesting which is what makes them way more mature than kane and lynch not the fact they go around killing people. Kane and lynch lack any sophistication, character development in fact they lack EVERYTHING, All they represent is a vision of maturity that involves violence and death... their not anti-heroes, anti heroes are interesting their just twats.
Have you played the games? They actually do have a lot of backstory and sophistication. It's just not present so blatantly and cliched like something from a Hollywood movie. Take the scene in Dog Days were Lynch breaks down. This is a man who built a new life for himself from nothing and lost it all. And is now driven to the very edge.
 

tiberseptim

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Yes, how about that Duke Nukem development?

Everything I've seen says that both sides are happy with the direction it's going and Gearbox has proven on several occasions the ability to actually RELEASE SHIT, so for time being, I'm cautiously optimistic. Here's hoping they have the sense to go in the direction of self-parody cause playing Duke Nukem straight in 2010 would just be horrific.
 

GuiltBlade

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The holiday leave you with an excess of bile?

It's good to see another one in which Yahtzee simply explodes with anger instead of going through the tedium of making up good points which could have worked but didn't.

Another enjoyable episode in which we are reminded why censoring was invented.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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He comes from his well-deserved holiday to review this piece of shit that was already established as so? Waste of my time, some funny moments but still. Wasted.
 

Rogthgar

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Decent review.

Getting sick of the K&L adds on every page i go to.

Waiting for Yatzee to grow a pair and review SC2.
 

Hafnium

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Why did they have to make another shit-stain on my country's (Denmark) small list of produced games? And the game gets lots of good press and hardly any criticism in our media because it's made here and the most expensive game made here.

The worst thing is that the creators will most likely consider this a success and produce a third. I won't play any of them, and I'm tempted to go to their offices, tie them up and force them to watch this review endlessly!
 

DuskTMoon

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Try watching the review with the volume off. The first half feels like one of those abstract, French, short-films. All you need now is to turn off the color so Yahtzee can express his obscure emotions with varying shades of bland.

Awesome review though.
 

Kurt Horsting

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I saw the first one, and thought it was meh. Saw the Jeff Gerstmann thing, and i though "Is that even legal? Can you seriously give enough advertisement money to a magazine or newspaper and have them phone in a positive review even though you did nothing of actual merit? Are game companies not going to bother to design games anymore because they can make a profit quicker by advertisement and bribing reviews to give glowing reviews instead of making a game thats good?" Then I saw this, and I'm like "thank god for Yahtzee reminding me to never give my money to those fucking sellout and lairs in a hilarious fashion."
I seriously hope that they loose a shit ton of money so other companies will learn that people wont eat your shit because you say its good. You actually have to do work, and make something of quality.
 

Aisaku

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Yahtzee you scatological wordsmith, you've finally succeeded in grossing me out.

That said I do wonder why the people that churned out Kane & Lynch 2 don't think a new Hitman game could be a world better than this. I think the Hitman is great and I'm not much of an action game fan.
 

Mzullos5

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LOL this was fantastic, no mercy whatsoever. I kept seeing this game on the Steam homepage and kept wondering what it was. Thank God I didn't buy it.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Funny episode, but it's pretty impressive that so many reviews I've been reading essentially share the same skeleton of negative points.

How could they screw up the sequel to a game that didn't get a warm reception to start with?
 

unicornninja

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I remember downloading the demo and enjoying it. It had its problems but I thought it was at least average. I wont be picking up the game but I am kinda disappointed that it sucks. Oh well. Great video very witty and funny the deep fried tampon thing was pretty good. Love the show cant wait for next week.
 

Chrinik

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And once again Yahtzees fanboy crowd hops onto his bandwagon and shuns the game.
It´s always fun to observe this behavior.
Sure the plot isn´t magnificent, the gameplay is repetetive, but hey, ever considered you are actually NOT MEANT to play through it in one sitting...like that thing called "break" or "real life" interrupting people from playing?

After buying Kane and Lynch 1 and playing it with my brother up to the end, while dying a lot and shouting at each other, generally having a good time, I found KnL2 and thought we might continue.
He was bragging about how nobody makes coop games anymore, and only inserts it when it "makes plot convenient sense".
He´s not a hardcore gamer tho, he spends most of his time playing the games weeks after I played through them and then continued to say how awesome they are.
So we played and again shouted obsenitys at each other, blaming the other for why one of us was shot.
AND we had a good time...
Since I judge games by the amount of fun I had, I like KnL2. The mechanics work, the guns kill stuff and the bullshitty "let´s film it handheld!" effect was confusing but worked.
The covermechanic worked amazingly realistic, and this might come to a shock to you, but when you stand behind a pillar you still are exposed when the enemy is standing in a 45° angle to you, and you won´t expect them to shoot the fucking pillar you are hiding behind, now do you?
This is called FLANKING!
So you either move your arse to the other side of the pillar to stop being exposed, or kill the guy who flanked you.
Bad cover is bad cover, this is why you should look WHERE the enemy is, before you choose to hide in a spot he can clearly hit you in...
A solid piece of concrete doesn´t form a magic shield around your arse that prevents you from getting shot<.< So if you are being hit while in cover, move your ass away because it is not covering you!

I do have complaints tho...as Yahtzee said, the ending was fucking dissapointing, even my bro shouted "WHAT, THIS IS IT NOW? THEY HOP THE PLANE AND THEN WHAT?"...altho he didn´t catch all the story anyway because he speaks very faint amounts of english and I bought the import copy.
The two dogs in the end do not count as a boss fight, altho they ARE the last enemys you face.
And I have a complaint about how friggin HARD it is...We played on medium through the campaign and died countless times because the mostly unarmored enemys absorb so much damage and shoot suprisingly well once they start getting SWAT and Military level aiming training.
The Cops also hold up their own fairly too well...
You see the little hit counters appear in the upper torso area and he goes down, then he stands back up if you don´t finish him and has full health as it seems, because he takes obcene amounts of leadpoisoning to finally kick the bucket!

But as I said, I had my fun, my bro had fun, and it is probably going to reside in the higher spot for us...after all, there aren´t so many games that I can play together with my bro.

Oh and, before I forgot, awesome review, very funny. I was suprised he doesn´t mention the self censory with the blocky pixels they do over headshots (and all other things you are not meant to see.)
 

ark123

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I've a feeling they wont use "Sucks so many dicks it now breathes spunk instead of air" as a box quote
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Booze Zombie said:
J1NXY0 said:
Who else reckons that the cartoon of Lynch looks like Bill Bailey? :D
Bill Bailey with sunglasses.
Bill Bailey ramapging naked through the streets of Tokyo with a machine gun? I'd see that movie. I'd see that movie twice.
 

Chrinik

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Kenny Doyle said:
True, honest review. I agree that this game is fucking awful, dull and boring. Nothing new or old is made in this game, no highlights, no interesting sequences, I've roughly forgotten most fragments of the game. There's nothing memorable about it.

Although for a reference, might belong on the "How not to do it." pile that fits comfortably between the first Kane & Lynch and say... Two Worlds.
Nothing memorable? You already forgot the scene they get carved up and run naked around Shanghai? Never found such kind of scene in any game ever. Somehow I get the impression that you didn´t even play it to this point, because at least this scene will stay in peoples heads for a while, for better or worse.
I also thought that Yahtzee WILL rip it apart...he didn´t...what a shame.
 

mental_looney

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After hearing how bad the original was it's worrying how truly awful the second one seems to be. Didn't even know there was enough of a fan base to justify it and they are making a movie last I heard, bad thing when the worst games out there are getting movies and good games just get left on the shelves as they aren't shooty boom fests, but yeah crap game, pro video ^^
 

Aptspire

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Good review...this game DOES contain too much lens flare
also, for your next review, you could do a double Feature with the games 'Q'uantum Rise and 'Y'ahtzee (if there is a video game format of the latter...and even if there isn't)
 

Little Duck

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Oct 22, 2009
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I think I've figured it out. Duke nukem was so good, it jumped backwards in time and landed in Yahtzees lap. Then magically disapeared making Yahtzee it's prophet for the amazingness to come.

I jest. It'll probably be good but I'll get a lot of games before I get the duke. Mostly cos I was a wolfenstein/ Doom player when I was young and I never really played the duke.

I do often wonder how bad games sell. Marketing only does so much in the gaming industry, with most games sales dependent on word of mouth and pre releases in the same genre. If the nfirst one was so succesful (and I dear hope to god it wasn't) how can it exist today as a sequel. Multiplayer sounds cool though, but that's not the basis on which to get a game on in my book.
 

Little Duck

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Oct 22, 2009
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Marmooset said:
Yahtzee's so gonna get fired for this!
This website appears to be add free. I'm sure yahtzee will be fine. Besides, he's too popular to get fired.
 

irani_che

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grittiness and realism is a cover based shooter has finally gotten out of hand and patheticly over the top
 

Tharticus

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I have never expected that Mr. Croshaw reads Video Game news and alast, he actually remembers the Gerstmann gate scandal.

Good review anyways.
 

Phokal

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That was the most brutal review I've seen in awhile. I actually enjoyed KL1, in the same way one might enjoy a crappy action movie. I just wish they built in more army commands from Freedom Fighters (the game that preceded KL1 in gameplay/engine). If you haven't played Freedom Fighters, it would be hard to retro game it, but for the time it was very fun and kind of like Pikmin meets Gears of War set in Red Dawn. KL1 was set up to be like that, too, but set as Pikmin meets Gears of War set in the movie Heat. Unfortunately, the cover system was broken and you only got to control 1 dude each when you played KL1 co-op. Near the end, you got a few more people, but they rarely survived very long and you couldn't recruit additionals throughout the level like you could in Freedom Fighters (@resistance member spawn points, regenerating your squad back up to the maximum number).

It looks like they removed all the dudes entirely and made it a std FPS/3rdPS? That's a real shame. Oh well, maybe it'll still be fun as a co-op shooter for an afternoon. Here's hoping IO moves on and makes a good Hitman follow-up. It's been awhile.
 

Uber Waddles

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Ya know, I agree with Yahtzee, but recently he's just getting droll.

One of his complaints was the graphics style, which looks like its being shot through a camera. Now, while it was not as well executed as it could have been, that was a step towards immersion. However, it wasn't praised; let alone mentioned. The point of being a reviewer, or critic, or whatever the hell he calls himself is to point out the GOOD and the BAD, lately Yahtzee just seems like hes pointing out the bad without mentioning the good.

Yeah, this game sucks. Bad. But the way it was shot was worth noting, as it was a semi-decent attempt at immersion that could have worked with a little more polish.

ALSO; who cares about Gerstmann? He was the worst GameSpot reviewer; he was incredibly biased. BRING BACK GREG KASAVIN!!!
 

Jared

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Jul 14, 2009
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PRetty much like the first game then...does, surprise me at all
 

geekRAGE

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YAY! Finally an accurate review of this hoe bagger of a game. First/third/cover based shooters seriously need to be put on a hiatus, there is way to many of them out and they just seem to get worse with every release.
 

codernator

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How do you set a game in a major Chinese city and come out with a gray-a-thon?

Why do the drooling masses want their fantasy life to be about a pair foul-mouthed morons with no redeeming qualities?

And who thinks POV provided by an 8mm camera on the shoulder of a leper is a good idea?

It's a shame, too, because the setting could be great for an actually good game about real characters and intriguing story. Maybe Kane and Lynch could make a cameo being served as dog food.
 

TheEnglishman

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Rogthgar said:
Waiting for Yatzee to grow a pair and review SC2.
He's already explained why he wont in Extra Punctuation. It's not a case of balls, it's a case of he isn't into that sort of games. End of.
 

Not G. Ivingname

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Yahtzee Croshaw said:
Where does Kane and Lynch 2 lie on your "worst games I ever reviewed" list? Would you say it is even worse then Too Human? While Too Human had the problem having all the game design problems down to its bone marrow, from how you presented it, the bones of Kane and Lynch 2 might be all right (even if a few are broken) but all the pours spew $%^@ and gets it everywhere.
 

TheEnglishman

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Marmooset said:
Yahtzee's so gonna get fired for this!
The Escapist wouldn't dare fire him, Yahtzee would have websites throwing themselves at him if the Escapist stopped employing him.
 

2xDouble

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Little Duck said:
I think I've figured it out. Duke nukem was so good, it jumped backwards in time and landed in Yahtzees lap. Then magically disapeared making Yahtzee it's prophet for the amazingness to come.

I jest. It'll probably be good but I'll get a lot of games before I get the duke. Mostly cos I was a wolfenstein/ Doom player when I was young and I never really played the duke.

I do often wonder how bad games sell. Marketing only does so much in the gaming industry, with most games sales dependent on word of mouth and pre releases in the same genre. If the nfirst one was so succesful (and I dear hope to god it wasn't) how can it exist today as a sequel. Multiplayer sounds cool though, but that's not the basis on which to get a game on in my book.
Did you know Duke Nukem was a sweet series of action sidescrolling platformers long before Duke 3D? In fact it's the first game to my knowledge that let you use a flamethrower that doubled as a jetpack.

I only remember Duke 3D because, well, the strippers. ("omg! pixel bewbs!", what do you expect? I was 12.) It was the first mainstream 3D shooter (that I know of) that let you pull out a wad of cash, "shoot" it at a stripper, and watch her remove her top and spin pixelated tassels. (kinda like The Saboteur, if it was on the SNES... and starred an ass-kicking, foul-mouthed American killing aliens instead of Nazis with guns from DOOM. So, nothing like that game, really. heh.) Good times... (ah, nostalgia. such a sweet, sweet drug)

Actually OT: Never had any interest in Kane and Lynch. It seemed like an interesting premise, but nobody I knew had anything good to say about either game (and the demo I got to play sucked). Io and Squeenix are both better than this. You'd think at least Square would have learned to focus on perfecting core mechanics BEFORE the ridiculous and/or spectacular story (or high concept in this case). Especially after what happened with Dirge of Cerberus.

Do you feel better now, Yahtzee? It seems like you were suffering from some sort of insult constipation that cleared itself in this review. Great show and keep up the good work.
 

David Eller

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Interesting how much he hated it and yet he still beat it.

Then again, there arent too many good games out at the moment.
 

jp201

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Rogthgar said:
Waiting for Yatzee to grow a pair and review SC2.
Yes because real men play starcraft 2......


played trial version of kane and lynch 2 and just hated it.
 

Gralian

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Sep 24, 2008
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David Eller said:
Interesting how much he hated it and yet he still beat it.

Then again, there arent too many good games out at the moment.
Not surprising considering the entire game clocks in at... what was it? Four to six hours?
Bit different to the 20 hour tutorial of FFXIII.

I was expecting this trashy game to be torn apart and i'm so glad you did. Shitty sequels from even shittier franchises should just not be made, period.
 

repeating integers

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I loved the review, some very funny moments. Also, now that he's found a new game to loathe, he might not be as harsh on Reach. I'm holding out hope. An overwhelmingly negative review of that game would probably send me into an unstoppable screaming fanboy rage and turn me against Yahtzee forever...
 

Unhappy Crow

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I knew he was gonna hate this game. I saw the full gameplay on YouTube and man, did I feel bad for the guy who played it to end. Repititious shooting, bad cover system, and a weak story with a dumb ending that'll you go "What? That's it?"

At least the guy sold the game a couple of days ago cause he hated it with a passion.
 

Whispering Death

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hahaha that was one of the best reviews in a long time! That vacation must have done wonders for Yahtzee's creative juices.

"The plot so flimsy it is painful like a man with no bones in his arms trying to serve you coffee"

I died laughing, had to pause the review for about 30 seconds, and then try again. How do you even come up with something like that?
 

ForensicYOYO

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Ok you said you haven't reviewed a game starting with Q or Y. Well not sure about Y but not before to long you can review Quantum Theory. And about how some game focus on the cover system and fail to add anything else to it, you my might find this new game coming out called Vanquish might have that special something you're looking for. Dont get me wrong though. It won't be without its falts but if you simply download the demo you will see what I mean.
Good video by the way.
 

Crazyshak48

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I think that vacation was good for him, as this is one of the best reviews I've seen in a while. Hate to say it, but his bilefests are always the most entertaining. Excellent work Yahtzee.
 

YoungZer0

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Nice one, Yahtzee, i always thought you were too smart to blindly follow bullshit rumours. Guess i was wrong about that.

Yes, I'm talking about the Gerstmann-Gate Conspiracy. And just like with any Conspiracy, there isn't much too it if you look for the facts.

Disappointing to hear you're one of the monkeys who follows the crowd.
 

Motakikurushi

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This game is so monotonously bland that I didn't even acknowledge its existence until this very review. It seems so deliriously cliched and hideous it defies generic shooter standards and creates its own, the 'Kane and Lynch' genre, where everything is ripped off of everything.
 

Samus Aaron

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I was hoping there would be a more substantial acknowledgement about the irony in Duke Nukem Forever's re-reveal. Oh well, there's always Extra Punctuation.

Great rant, btw. Haven't seen Yahtzee get so angry at a game in a while, and I like it.
 

Zudarkness

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Best review ever to date and sadly truthful at the same time.
LOL throughout the entire seqment while at work yet.
 

YoungZer0

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Motakikurushi said:
This game is so monotonously bland that I didn't even acknowledge its existence until this very review. It seems so deliriously cliched and hideous it defies generic shooter standards and creates its own, the 'Kane and Lynch' genre, where everything is ripped off of everything.
So where did it Rip-Off the camera style? Or the characters? Right ... you're full of it.
 

WayOutThere

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This is the first time in a long time where I've noticed that Yahtzee really does talk quite fast.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Aug 8, 2007
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I'll admit it's not the GOTY or anything close, but it's not nearly as bad as Yahtzee makes it out to be. The biggest gripe I have with the game is the length, but that's only because it left me wanting more of it, but for a 40$ price tag, buying it would not be the biggest game you regretted taking a risk on.
 

wogi1000

New member
Sep 8, 2010
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Wow, he really hammers this one. I don't think he's given a worse review of a game yet.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Aug 8, 2007
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Yahtzee, for the rest of your game reviewing career you are only permitted to review really really bad games and really really good games. Your comedy and critique both rely solely on extremes - games that aren't either extremely bad or extremely good simply don't leave you any room to work or joke with. Mediocre games simply cause you to repeat what you've said in the past (that mediocre games are boring, artless shit), bring up Silent Hill 2 again and then piss off the game's fanbase.

Also it is now mandatory for you to work from a cruise ship because this review was really really funny.
 

xqxm

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Oct 17, 2008
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It never seems to go wrong, the instant a good studio gets bought out by a big evil corporation, especially if said corporation has been making invariably shitty games like Final Fantasy 7 for their entire existence, the good studio never does anything good again.

Here's hoping Hitman 5 breaks all rules of propability and becomes a good game.
 

Ironic Pirate

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May 21, 2009
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Onyx Oblivion said:
Maybe he'll like Vanquish...If he reviews it. Cover based shooting, but JET PROPELLED!
Judging from the demo, he'll make fun of: the loud blaring techno music, the terrible voice acting, and the line "You two are bickering like a pair of MIT graduates!" which I still don't quite get. Is that just a stereotype that I'm not aware of?

Also, you could turn off the shaky cam, at least in the demo. And I don't think there's a reason they'd remove that option since then.
 

Yureina

Who are you?
May 6, 2010
7,098
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0
Wow... that was harsh. But good. That review made me chuckle a fair bit. :)

Hope you do Mafia II soon! :)
 

Gormers1

New member
Apr 9, 2008
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Another fun thing is that Jeff on the other hand complimented this game for for instance the graphical effects. ;P
 

WaderiAAA

Derp Master
Aug 11, 2009
869
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Wow, that was one of the best ever.

Wonder which game it will be next week. Mafia II? Metroid Other M?
 

imaloony

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Nov 19, 2009
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God, this was one of the best reviews of recent. That last joke still has me grinning.

The game looks awful, and after this review and Angry Joe's 3/10, I won't even give it a second look.
 

katsumoto03

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Feb 24, 2010
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He mentioned a lot of things I first thought when I saw the box art. K&L2 looks positively unpleasant.
 

OceanRunner

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Mar 18, 2009
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So it's basically a cliched story with stolen cover mechanics and motion sickness inducing camera.
 

Dhatz

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Aug 18, 2009
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2 very rare things occured in this eppisode: yahtzee didn't pay any attention to the story at all and therefore he doesn't know shit, but on the other hand KnL 2 forgets why games are the way they are, so in conclusion you only view the singleplayer as tutorial included with a glitched multiplayer game(random rank resets) with zero support for modding. there is a reason why realistic games aren't popular(in case it's a racing game it's because IT DOESNT SUPPORT THE ONLY TYPE OF CONTROLLER IT SHOULD BE PLAYED WITH!!! OMFG). and as implication of this STALKER had to go with more traditionalistic approach(like artifacts spawning in logical areas only) for Call of Pripyat to become the best issue in the series.
 

ninjajoeman

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Mar 13, 2009
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duke nukem is serious business. as serious as the guy that procrastinates for 4 months while everyone waits when he promises it will be good but we all know he didn't work on it then bam he shows a quickly drawn picture of a pie chart saying how great our business is.
 

GeorgW

ALL GLORY TO ME!
Aug 27, 2010
4,806
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Congrats to Yahtzee for finally getting his review of a game that starts on K. It was my first thought when I saw which game it was this week, since he mentioned it in another video when he refused to review Killzone 2. Now, since Halo Reach is coming soon, I'd like to make a request. Yahtzee, please play it in multiplayer on the first day, just so we can hear your delicious RAGE!
 

The_ModeRazor

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Jul 29, 2009
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Hey, I didn't realize Niko Bellic was in the game.
All the more reason to throw it off a building.
(cause, you know, throwing that slavic dude off of building and outta helicopters with god mode is pretty darn fun)
 

Zakarath

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Mar 23, 2009
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Ah Yahtzee, you're always at your best when reviewing utterly terrible games... :D great episode
 

ironlordthemad

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Sep 25, 2009
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I wasn't really interested in this game but its putting up a few flags for Gears 3 in april. Since it made Cover Based Shooting popular (and I know it was done before I'm just saying Gears made it popular) and is a corner stone of the series, then Yahtzee is probably going to really let loose on it to make a point about all cover based shooting.
The rest of the month should be interesting, Halo Reach, Dead Rising 2 and I'm honestly hoping he will look at R.U.S.E for something different.
 

WiDEEyeDSmILes

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Aug 11, 2010
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Wow.. lot of angst in this one.

Getting a little aggravated with STD filled red light district that the gaming world has stumbled into Yahtzee?
 

flosy

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Feb 1, 2010
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I was quite tempted to get this so I could pretend one of the main characters was Bill Bailey on a homicidal rampage.
 

Harlief

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Jul 8, 2009
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So... Q and Y.
I'm guessing the quake franchise accounts for at least two thirds of games starting with Q, and according to Cheat Code Central, the only games starting with Y are:
Yoda Stories
Ys Origin
Yu-Gi-Oh! Online
 

Impluse_101

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Jun 25, 2009
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Three words, Best Review Ever.

Thank you Ben Yahtzee Crawshaw for doing your job to dam near the FULLEST YOU'VE EVER DONE.
For you I burn a JRPG.
 

civver

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May 15, 2009
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So much hate. All the better to fuel Yahtzee's style of comedy. You've entertained and amused me again just like old times past. That last line is just perfect. The final nanoangstrom-sized gold lettering of "hate" on the proverbial circuit board.
 

Godfather912

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Aug 24, 2010
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This was hilarious but man you were REALLY angry Yahtzee! I mean REALLY, REALLY angry! It almost seemed like this was worse than Too Human by the sound of your voice... Still, I agree and again it was still awesomely funny! :D
 

Zanaxal

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Nov 14, 2007
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Yay now i don't have to think of buying it, thank you yahtzee for saving me the trouble of having to try it.

I did like the first one for the characters and plot(like a prison breakout, bankrobbery) but it got boring and pointless and almost chesthigh to the end (Colombia? Whole army want to kill u wtf?). But they do indeed seem to been thrown out the window in favor for a money making sell out scheme.
 

Jake the Snake

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Mar 25, 2009
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Wow, that was one of the funniest reviews you've ever done Yahtzee, have some Branston pickle as a reward. Maybe that'll take the sting out of how bad this game was.
 

DanHibiki

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Aug 5, 2009
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With the market so saturated by FPSs, TPSs, and SSSs, you'd think they would have worked out basic shit like controls and cameras by now.
 

Mangue Surfer

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May 29, 2010
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DanHibiki said:
With the market so saturated by FPSs, TPSs, and SSSs, you'd think they would have worked out basic shit like controls and cameras by now.
You don't get it. The game was designed to be unpleasant.
 

fullbleed

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Apr 30, 2008
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Surprised you didn't mention the level where Kane and Lynch are stripped naked and tortured and you play the rest of the level naked and bleeding.


Seriously what is that about?
 

ImprovizoR

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Dec 6, 2009
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This is probably the first ZP review that I agree with almost completely. I only played the demo and I immediately knew the entire game was gonna be shaky camera, gritty realism and mandatory cover system. Even the demo sucked for crying out loud. I did like the visuals however but I wish these guys would just stop making Kane and Lynch games, it obviously sucks and people don't give a shit about the game. Focus on the god damn Hitman series. It already has a huge fan base, bigger than this stupid series will ever have.

I'm looking forward to Mafia 2 review, hopefully next week.
 

eyefork

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Mar 17, 2010
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BlueInkAlchemist said:
And Yahtzee once again proves his clairvoyance, as the DNF business seems almost frighteningly prophetic. It's finally coming out and it's going to be another generic brown FPS. Hoo-ray.
So you've played the game already, huh? As for it being a prophecy, the game was either going to come out or it wasn't. 2 outcomes. I'd say it was a guess more than a prophecy.
 

Enigma6667

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Apr 3, 2010
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THANK YOU!! Just a big fat fucking thank you!!

I'm so glad there's someone else who thought that this game was putridly awful. I only played the demo, and it was one of the worst damn demos I've ever played, and the fact that you played the full game without gouging your eyes out amazes me.
 

ALPHATT

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Aug 15, 2009
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BlueInkAlchemist said:
Rolling on the floor, laughing. Not even going to abbreviate that, it's worth every word to say.

The final joke is priceless.

And Yahtzee once again proves his clairvoyance, as the DNF business seems almost frighteningly prophetic. It's finally coming out and it's going to be another generic brown FPS. Hoo-ray.
oh f you. I knew the escapist was notorious for asking practicly anyone to contribute but you take the cake. Oh, alright I may have been a little too harsh but fuck it I won't change my mind about you.
 

gphjr14

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Aug 20, 2010
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Played the first one on PC and played the demo for the 2nd, didn't really care for it. The movements are too sluggish and like Yahtzee stated the camera wobbles too much which at first it was neat but during gun fights its a annoying.
 

OrpheumZero

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Feb 25, 2010
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Hehehe. Had a feeling the review would go something like this. It's like the Nostalgia critic ripping on turds like Quest for Camelot. No point to the plot, unexplained instances, and a plot thinner than a cracker.

Definately wonder how he will treat Mafia II. Eh, probably with some favor.
 

Waif

MM - It tastes like Candy Corn.
Mar 20, 2010
519
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I was actually thinking about getting this game when it first came out. It seemed different and unique, and something that might actually be fun. Though now I see that it is indeed both different and unique, in the capacity that it's discovered a whole new level of horrible game that was until now previously undiscovered. Good thing I saw this before I spent the money on it. Though yeah, about that Duke Nukem Forever...

Anyway, thanks for the epic video Yahtzee ^~^!
 

alittlepepper

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Feb 14, 2010
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Wow. I haven't seen him rip into a game like that in a while, or maybe I was just not expecting him to be so scathing when he usually goes for more subtle wit.
Not that I mind that at all, I was laughing like hell during the whole thing, but Christ he tore that one up like he's rarely done before.
I wasn't planning on getting the game in the first place, but there's no way in hell I'll get it now, even if it's on Amazon for $0.01 + shipping.

Awesome video as always, Yahtzee. Well done.
 

Forgetitnow344

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Jan 8, 2010
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Jaranja said:
ilovemyLunchbox said:
Rayne Logan said:
ilovemyLunchbox said:
You can tell when Yahtzee is simply being a prat for the sake of Zero Punctuation, and he was clearly legitimately ripping on this game. He's never been so openly mad at a video game as he is in this video.
Maybe, but the game acctually is bad.
I inferred that.
No, you implied that.
Actually, you'd have to really dig into my post to find any implication. I inferred the quality of the game from the actual ZP video, so I felt it was excessive to remind me that the game was in fact bad.
 

Darkhawk18

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Sep 8, 2010
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LOVE IT But.......

This is what the 4rth or 5th time you mentioned Hitman Blood Money? Is there a new game inching into your top great games list?
 

Rasputin1

Don't panic
Apr 6, 2010
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KimberlyGoreHound said:
That's why they were put on probation. People who add absolutely nothing with a comment to a ZP video at a time which it would be impossible to have seen any substantial amount of the video get put on probation. Happens every Wednesday.
Oh the irony of that statement.
 

ShadowCoH316

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Nov 16, 2007
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We get it, you didn't like it.

I would honestly like to see you review something you actually enjoy to a point now and then. Next time you review something and plan to boringly repeat how you hated it, save me an extra 4 minutes and shorten it to "It sucked, save you money".
 

health-bar

New member
Nov 13, 2009
221
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pity this didn't come out before the voting bracket ended

this would have won at least a couple rounds
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Aug 8, 2007
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Why are so many people on probation here for pretty innocent and on topic statements?

Never played kane and lynch but if that's how the game really is...wow. That's beyond lazy, it's almost like they were trying to be ironic or something.
 

Yahtzee Croshaw

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Aug 8, 2007
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ShadowCoH316 said:
We get it, you didn't like it.

I would honestly like to see you review something you actually enjoy to a point now and then. Next time you review something and plan to boringly repeat how you hated it, save me an extra 4 minutes and shorten it to "It sucked, save you money".
There are plenty of reviews where he says he likes the game.
GTA 4
Saints row 2
Psychonauts
orange box
Alan Wake
The fact is he's not a reviewer, he's a comedian/critic. He's not entertaining when he's complimenting a game.
Even if he likes the game he has to tear it apart because that's why their funny.
 

Knifewounds

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Nov 18, 2009
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Falseprophet said:
Wow, it's like this game brings together everything I hate about current games into one crap sandwich. All it would need is a wretched, ridiculous JRPG narrative as the olive on top.

Knifewounds said:
Not like this is a big deal or anything, but why does your Kane look like ur Niko Bellic?
Yahtzee tends to reuse images, especially the ones that are drawn (like that boat). I'm assuming it's to shave some time off the probably long, arduous process of putting one of these videos together.
Still, it wouldn't be to hard to make a new model. He could have at least put a little red clown nose on him to disguise to fact its the old Niko Bellic model. Whatever, found it a bit weird.
 

Linkassassin360

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Dec 28, 2009
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Heh, I truthfully though the game was decent, but that must have come from the fragile allience. Other than that, yes... its pretty much true, the story is kinda loose with no real closure, gameplay gets pretty samey around the middle and never changes, and cover was pathetic at being cover. One thing I did like is how gritty the game was, and I know everyone hated it, but the whole film style was what made this game unique for me. The blurring, flashes, all that stuff made it a bit more violent than it would have been without any effects. Just my personal input.
(Also, I bet yatzhee was a bit harsh dcause he wants the next hitman, I know I do >.< )
 

Duffeknol

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Aug 28, 2010
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Seriously what's up with people ALWAYS whining about the 'old Yahtzee' or whatever? Is it some kinda joke that everyone has to constantly nag about him selling out and that his 'old stuff' was a lot better? Am I missing something here? He didn't change his style. At all. Never.
 

TimeLord

For the Emperor!
Legacy
Apr 5, 2020
7,507
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1
Wow, I was actually considering buying this game because it was on sale at my local game store....

Now I know why it's on sale!

Excellent review! One of the funniest in a while!
 

hype23

New member
Sep 8, 2010
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I haven't laughed this good since the Painkiller review; very good review :) ; your R&R sure paid off, Yahtzee. It may be a little bit too grosse , as Sylocat noticed, but I think that original jokes should remain in the review, no matter how grosse they are :)

I also think that he cursed a lot because of the time that he had to waste with a shitty game.

Cheers !
 

beema

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Aug 19, 2009
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Wow that was brutal! The vacation did you well! KL2 deserved every insult you hurled its way. Man what a piece of crap. I mean, not as much of a giant flaming piece of crap as the first one, but still pretty awful. I can kind of appreciate what they tried to do with the visual presentation, but it's completely overshadowed by the rest of the game, which is a crappy to mediocre 3rd person shooter full of flat characters flinging obscenities like they are going out of style. Attempting a conceptual presentation is pointless when the rest of the game is so juvenile.
 

adderseal

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Nov 20, 2009
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KimberlyGoreHound said:
That's why they were put on probation. People who add absolutely nothing with a comment to a ZP video at a time which it would be impossible to have seen any substantial amount of the video get put on probation. Happens every Wednesday.
Oh dear, delicious irony...
 

jebara

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Nov 19, 2009
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awesome review...im gonna make a guess but it seems like next review is gonna be peace walker
ive been waiting some time for that!
yahtzee and MGS dont go well together but they do make for a great episode!
 

crystalsnow

New member
Aug 25, 2009
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A great review that made me laugh very hard. Most of the recent ones have been amusing, but haven't really made me LOL.
 

Lunar Templar

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Sep 20, 2009
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wow o.0 come on Yahtzee, tell us how your really feel and don't hold back this time, but good to see my non interest in the game was well founded :D
 

Kermi

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Nov 7, 2007
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Shit this was a funny one. About halfway through I was actually thinking "this sounds like it might even be fun once you get past all the generic action stuff" but by the end I was thoroughly convinced. I'll stick with Mafia 2.
 

Martin Clarke

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Mar 2, 2010
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That last joke slayed me, primarily I think to the flawless derisive delivery. Yahtzee you are coming on leaps and bounds, keep it up.
 

JWAN

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Dec 27, 2008
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Awful games make hilarious reviews.

Finally someone who calls em as he sees them.
 

bloodshed113094

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Jul 16, 2010
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Yahtzee, please tell us what game you have for next week, maybe mafia 2 or halo reach?
please, just a hint so i wont be disappointed you tried a game that from the cover looks like shit. I mean, seriously, why even give this one a chance to fail, when it was obvious, are you just at the bottom of the barrel or were you forced to rate this shit for a pay raise? Did you just want to bag on this game so someone would? seriously, be nice to us next time and rate an interesting game, even if its 3 years old, like shadow of the colossus which i am trying to find a copy of right now for anything, because i noticed a copy of it for pc and was hoping to see it again. please, just not two fat idiots 2 again.