Zero Punctuation: Mafia II

The Youth Counselor

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I've been looking forward to this review, but there are two points that disappointed me.

1. You do not get pulled over and cited for running red lights or stop signs in Mafia II. However the police did do that for the original Mafia I for the PC. This feature was removed in the PS2 and Xbox ports...because....well I guess the developers didn't think much of console gamers.
2. I'm disappointed after your memorable Uncharted, Farcry 2, 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand and Resident Evil 5 reviews that you didn't mention anything about the game's blatant racism. For a long time developers have pussyfooted around this issue, to the point where the only reason that Nazis are bad guys in games was simply because they were assholes. To have racism addressed in video games such as this and the recent Red Dead Redemption and Ballad of Gay Tony seemed like a breath of fresh air.

This focus on authenticity was actually my favorite part of the game, and this made the segment of the story taking place in prison my favorite chapter. I'm Chinese-American and played this next to my best friend who is African American, and laughed at all the lines like "Dem moolies are animals all dey do's is smoke dope and kills each otha." or "A Chinaman? Lemme get him a step ladder and dis'll be a fair fight." However there were some cringe worthy points which me think that the developers weren't portraying racism from another era but instead being racist in this era.

It's surprising that an Italian American group were the only ones incensed enough by this game enough to denounce and protest it. It is true that the game perpetuates the stereotype of Italian people as gangsters, but it does this with other groups as well. And unlike the other groups, Italians are shown in a three dimensional light where they walk all facets of life. With this taken into mind, every black and Irish character is written as a savage brute with diminutive intelligence and every Asian speaks Engrish, is short and is untrustworthy.

Whenever a black character spoke "************" and "cracker" were the most commonly used words, and their speech was exaggerated to the point where I half expected them to ask "Where dems white wimmins at?" or sing about watermelon. After defeating a Chinese inmate in a prison brawl his "Dai Lo" remarks in silly laughable Engrish "Oooh dis not happin, if he yoos tiga style!" After completing a mission where you massacre a Chinese restaurant you gain an achievement called Chop Chop [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethnic_stereotypes_in_comics#Chop-Chop]. These moments made me wince, and the knowledge that immature teenage boys will be reciting them on Xbox Live for years to come made me shudder. However in a game that takes place during Jim Crow, segregation, the height of Klan Power, the holocaust, the Red Scare a non-respectable portrayal is better than avoiding one.

......


But otherwise your points were...on point. The game is very linear and all the driving segments from mission to mission are boring. In the first game you had plenty of side missions and a free roam game, to pass time. Here driving is just a chore.

The first game received a share of criticism that the realistic depiction of the clunky cars made before power steering, fiberglass and polymers were introduced into car design made the driving no fun. Though I did not agree with that, I did see that having the speed limit at 40mph everywhere including on freeways, highways and uphills was indeed annoying. But at least the driving was easy to do. In Mafia 2, I don't know what happened. Getting from point A to point B without getting into a serious accident is next to impossible. Every car handles as if the tire treads have been scraped off, the road lubed with margarine and the airbrakes filled with water.

For those unfamiliar, the game first starts off in the winter, where the roads are slick with ice and sprinkled with generous servings of snow. I had first thought that the lousy driving was simply due to the loss of traction due to slick roads. But once that passed I was proven wrong. The driving experience never improved. The slight tap of the A or D key on the PC or the analog stick on the PS3 sent the car into a 90 degree angle.

The first Mafia's realistic but easy to handle car mechanics was a joy to an OCD inflicted person like me. I would follow all the rules of the road from following the speed limit, not tailgating, turning your wheels toward the curb when parking on a slope, parking eight inches from the curb, and using the turn signals (which sadly you can no longer do in Mafia 2. In the first game you could use the signals only by using your turn buttons. There was an actual push to add a dedicated turn signal buttons to the game, which I see was not only dismissed by the developers but opposed with the total removal of the player's turn signal. Drives then were then a breezy cruise, now they are a dreaded nuisance where I pray I won't wreck my ride and have to pay for damages or steal a new car then be chased by the coppers.

---

The game's save system, is all sorts of fucked up. Instead of segmenting each gameplay change and location of a chapter the chapter selection features just one chapter as a whole, making you play the whole thing right from Vito waking up in the morning. And there were times where I did the tedious chore of driving from one side of town to another to reach objectives, completing said objective to drive to another side of town to complete another, wherein something pressing in reality comes up and I quit the game thinking I would start again in my current location. When I restart the game and click on "Continue Story" I see that it loads the very beginning of the chapter with Vito waking up.

If a game doesn't allow you to save on your own whim, they should autosave after the completion of an objective!

---
Good review although it was cut ---
 

blankedboy

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Onyx Oblivion said:
Is it odd that my favorite part of an open world game is driving around listening to the radio?

Even in Saint's Row 2, I find that the most entertaining part of the game...
I have the perfect game [http://drift.ijji.com] for you.
 

selbie

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Just like Yahtzee predicted the entire story with pinpoint precision before playing it, I predicted Yahtzee would skull**** this game into oblivion.
 

Siege_TF

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Doesn't GTA1 convey the message that crime does pay though? I never got through to the ending, but if that's the case then just remaking it would ironically take the sandbox mafia game to a dimention that's so old it's new ag
 

DanHibiki

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Firstly Goodfellas was based on a true story back when that meant something, so it's not exactly like they custom made the ending to tell a moral tale.

Secondly, didn't it end with the main character doing a monologue about how shit normal life is and that he will go back to crime the chance he gets because it's just that much better?
 

ethaninja

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Yeah the only thing that really keeps me playing this game is the shooting people. And the playboy masturbatory material.
 

ethaninja

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DanHibiki said:
Firstly Goodfellas was based on a true story back when that meant something, so it's not exactly like they custom made the ending to tell a moral tale.

Secondly, didn't it end with the main character doing a monologue about how shit normal life is and that he will go back to crime the chance he gets because it's just that much better?
 

EightGaugeHippo

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Did anyone else here yahtzee say N***er at 1:29?????

OT: great review. I love the part about the clothing shop standoff.
 

OintmentFly

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Well here we go, another week, another video of rapid fire waspishness that is as conducive to deciding whether I might be interested in a game or not as being kicked in the balls would be to helping me stay upright and not collapsing into the feotal position. Let me point something out to you morons that patronize this pretenders "cutting edge breakout" review videos - IF HE'S FUCKING REVIEWING IT, IT'S PROBABLY (read: as certain as I'm never going to drop by Alpha Centauri for tea and scones with the locals) GOING TO COP A FUCKING PASTING!

Seriously, this guys reviews are utterly redundant. Not only does he seem to be permanently disgruntled with anything that isn't Silent Hill 2 or whatever the hell the other game it is that makes him cream his knickers, his 'reviews' lack any information that is in any way relevant or helpful to actually making an informed choice about a game. Which, last I checked, is what a review is supposed to be for!

Now don't get me wrong, I find Yahtzee's videos side achingly funny - his rapid fire, simile drenched vitriol combined with the simplistic yet graphic nature of the accompanying cartoons is a formula sure to tear a laugh from a rock. Sitting at the bottom of a frozen lake. On the moon. In fact, just last night shortly before writing this I think I was laughing so much I woke up my flat-mates as they slumbered in an adjoining room.

While I seriously do enjoy what you do, what I take issue with is the representation of this fine work as review rather than what it is; notably, one mans mission to shout loudly about how he hates everything to come out of a games studio recently and be thoroughly entertaining about it to boot. Listening to your bitter ranting with that slightly British inflection makes me wonder if you're the progeny of a steamy affair between Alan Rickman and a lemon. This of course would be ten shades of freaking awesome, but isn't exactly helpful when it comes to reviewing games.

Never mind that I agree with you on a lot of the points you make in your videos or that I admire anyone who appears to be this volatile and yet hasn't set about murdering people in a brutal and horrific manner. I'd just like something a little more informative, something that makes mention of the elements of the game as well as your impression of it as a whole and rates it. You know, like a proper review? Something a little more even handed and perhaps something with a little more consistency. I mean, if a games a sandbox, you hate it. If it's too linear, you hate it. If it's from Nintendo, you hate it. If it sticks too closely to the conventions of the genre, you hate it. If it doesn't print money and give you a blowjob every night before you cry yourself to sleep, you hate it.
And this is coming from a guy who started out making adventure games with MS paint? Puh-lease, get over yourself! What I'd like to see is you do a better job of creating a modern game (not one whose genre went the way of the dinosaurs at least 15 years ago) under the high pressure conditions that companies do these days without having every other narcissistic whiner immediately rubbish it in order to give themselves an ego inflating hard-on they could have achieved by ducking down the chemist for some Viagra.

And let it be known that at that point if you do I will, quite deservingly, eat my own hat.

In conclusion: Mr Croshaw, you are not, in fact, a games reviewer - you're a gigantic fucking spleen that's been cut open and is currently leaking bile all over the internet. Please stop telling us porky pies to the contrary and just rebrand what you do here for what it is - fiery dark humour that just happens to use games as its sparking point.

And keep up the good work. I do actually thoroughly enjoy it.

See you at Trivia, you pretentious, whiny narcissistic douchebag ;-)


And now, before you rush across to the report button if you haven't already, a snippet from later in the evening...

CHAT PARTICIPANT ONE says:
lol
go to bed old man
CHAT PARTICIPANT TWO (Me) says:
I can't, I'm busy constructing a rambling diatribe to discredit someone who makes a living performing random diatribes.
CHAT PARTICIPANT ONE says:
oooooookay.
 

DanHibiki

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ethaninja said:
DanHibiki said:
Firstly Goodfellas was based on a true story back when that meant something, so it's not exactly like they custom made the ending to tell a moral tale.

Secondly, didn't it end with the main character doing a monologue about how shit normal life is and that he will go back to crime the chance he gets because it's just that much better?
DARTH VADER IS LUKE SKYWALKER'S FATHER!
 

DarkhoIlow

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Good review yet again Mr.Croshaw.

I just finished the game recently and the vid was spot on.The game was very linear,with barely any sandbox gameplay.
 

ewhac

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EightGaugeHippo said:
Did anyone else here yahtzee say N***er at 1:29?????
"Anyway, Vito and Joe join a Mafia family, get a whole bunch of pretty cars and fast whores, and then everything is lovely forever. Or that could just have been the point where the PCP kicked in."

No, I didn't. (Hell, the text is right there for you to read yourself at 1:37.)
 

Phoenix09215

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Dec 24, 2008
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wow! Out little seaside town is finally famous enough to be part of a Yahtzee joke!? Blackpool must really be moving up in the world!

Great review as always.
 

Slangeveld

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I was sure he would complain about the Vehicles :p As they're worse than GTA 4's and he complained about them too. I guess I was wrong.

Dx Clairvoyance is limited to a few.
 

Legion

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Oct 2, 2008
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Police actually don't go after you for running red lights. One of the many flaws in their programming.

wooty said:
I'm still perched on the fence about whether to buy this one or not, and this review hasnt really helped me to jump to either side.
Rent it, definitely rent as opposed to buy. It will last you about 1-3 days depending on how long you play and has absolutely no replay value beyond achievements.

It's fun, but short and has nothing outstanding.