Zero Punctuation: Mailbag Showdown

[Sentient]

So, you've not played the game, yet know the faults Yahtzee came up with don't exist?

Yes, I do. See, there's this amazing thing called the internet, it lets you find out a lot of stuff, even information on games that you haven't played! Amazing, huh? Add that to the fact that I've played Melee to death, and a lot of the complaints Yahtzee has about Brawl apply to Melee too, and you'll find that I do know that Yahtzee is just pulling shit out of his arse.

Here are a list of the "faults" Yahtzee found in Brawl:

1) The camera zooms out too far.
2) The characters are obscured by effects.
3) You don't have everything from the start.
4) You have to unlock stuff in single player.
5) The Subspace Emissary is too long.
6) SSBB is a button masher.
7) Subspace Emissary cutscenes are like Nintendo fanfics.
8) Characters don't deserve to be in the game just because he doesn't know them.

How many of those are complete and utter bullshit? 8 of them. Oh wait, that's ALL of them.

1) The camera is fine, it doesn't zoom too far out at any time, so Yahtzee must have been playing this on a pathetically tiny television in order for this "fault" to have any validity.
2) This is just bullshit. The only times in the entire game where the characters are obscured by effects is when the Smoke Ball has been used (an item DESIGNED to obscure the characters).
3) OMIGOD! YOU HAVE TO UNLOCK STUFFZ? ZOMG THIS GAME SUCKZ!
4) Funny how nearly all of the single player modes can be played in co-op WITH SOMEONE ELSE. There goes that "fault".
5) Usually people complain when a game is too short. The Subspace Emissary's length is fine.
6) If Yahtzee honestly thinks SSBB is a button masher then he should just quit gaming right now.
7) I've never heard of a Nintendo fanfic that remotely resembles the Subspace Emissary. Yet another "fault" Yahtzee made up in a failed attempt at complaining about SSBB.
8) Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawww! He should go to Google and get over his ignorance.

Those were Yahtzee's 8 main "faults" he claimed SSBB had, and I just proved what utter bullshit they all are. I could easily make a list of faults SSBB has, and all of the points I'd raise would be valid and not imaginary. In fact, here's a list of the faults SSBB has:

1) Tripping. A pointless addition that only hinders the gameplay.
2) Clones. They're still here, even after we were promised they'd be gone.
3) Release date. It's taken too long to be released in Europe.
4) Some series are horribly over-represented, whilst others are under-represented.
5) Very similar to Melee.

There you go, five faults about SSBB, and what do you know? All of them are true! That wasn't hard to do, so what's Yahtzee's excuse?

Yahtzee highlights what is essentially a massive FUCK YOU from brawl which is PLAY AS SONIC (after countless fucking HOURS playing, FFS I finished GTA4 before my friend unlocked brawl fully. (and by that I mean got all the characters)) when shit like that happens it's not fun (which brawl is supposed to be), as you're doing the same shit, fighting the same fucking people on the same fucking level over and fucking over until you get a message going "you've played long enough, have a character that 0.1% of westerners give half a fuck about, oh BTW sonics still a fuckload of hours away, enjoy".

You do realize that how long you play Brawl for doesn't factor at all into unlocking any characters, don't you? Obviously not, or else you wouldn't have just made a twat out of yourself.

FANBOY!!!

Oh, I'm so hurt. I just got called a fanboy by some dick who blatantly doesn't know the meaning of the word.

ow and what the hell do you mean "don't review it becasue you'll get half of the complaints". who here can say hand on heart that they'ed watch yahtzee if he didn't rip games to peices.

He could at least find some real things to complain about. He obviously couldn't do that about Brawl (god knows how, it's not hard to do).

The word is existent.

Aawww. That's so cute. You're trying to copy Yahtzee by being a spelling nazi! Go stand in a field you fucking sheep.

Why are you so bothered by someone not liking Brawl?

Wow. How hard did you try in order to completely misunderstand my post as much as you have? I have no problem with someone disliking Brawl. What I do have a problem with is when someone hates on a game and has no real reasons for doing it, and then a bunch of ass-kissers follow his lead and start hating that game without reason too.

You say he shouldn't have reviewed it if he didn't want to, but at the same time your fellow Brawl fanatics (and likely you) begged him to review it. Was he just supposed to ignore those requests if he didn't like the game? Is that what a reviewer does now, only review games they like?

Nice assumption about me, shame it isn't true. I never begged him to review it. Ever. Yes, I was looking forward to him reviewing it, but that's because I thought he'd be clever enough to rip the game about it's actual faults like the fact you can randomly trip over. Obviously I overestimated his intelligence.

What exactly were these non-existent flaws that Yahtzee pointed out?

See above.

THANK YOU.

STFU.

 

[CodeChrono]

Probably my favorite of your work. Up to this point it was the Turok review, tied with the Peggle review. What I liked most about it was the fact that Yahtzee stood up for himself. I found that very respectable.

 

[KefZ_X]

Let me just state I am not a "Fanboy" ok so that?s cleared up let me say this

Opinion
1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
2. a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.
3. the formal expression of a professional judgment.
4. a judgment or estimate of a person or thing with respect to character, merit, etc.
5. a favourable estimate; esteem

Yahtzee is offering his opinion or expressing it to viewers who choose to view or hear it so people that complain about his opinion confuse me. If you don't like someone?s views on something like religion, sports, weather ect don't attack him for expressing himself. All peoples opinions are or should be valued even if its something you don?t like or upsets you. You can choose to accept, disagree ect, then that is your opinion which you are offering and no one should attack or hate you for it. Seriously people this is how wars start.

 

[NoPantsMan]

Don't worry Yahtzee, I still love you, and I still masturbate to your picture* from the Uncharted: Drake's Fortune review that I keep on my hard drive with the rest of the facebook pics of people I want to duck.


*never put a picture of yourself on the internet...ever....

 

[NekoMimiMode]

So, you've not played the game, yet know the faults Yahtzee came up with don't exist?

Yes, I do. See, there's this amazing thing called the internet, it lets you find out a lot of stuff, even information on games that you haven't played! Amazing, huh? Add that to the fact that I've played Melee to death, and a lot of the complaints Yahtzee has about Brawl apply to Melee too, and you'll find that I do know that Yahtzee is just pulling shit out of his arse.

Here are a list of the "faults" Yahtzee found in Brawl:

1) The camera zooms out too far.
2) The characters are obscured by effects.
3) You don't have everything from the start.
4) You have to unlock stuff in single player.
5) The Subspace Emissary is too long.
6) SSBB is a button masher.
7) Subspace Emissary cutscenes are like Nintendo fanfics.
8) Characters don't deserve to be in the game just because he doesn't know them.

How many of those are complete and utter bullshit? 8 of them. Oh wait, that's ALL of them.

1) The camera is fine, it doesn't zoom too far out at any time, so Yahtzee must have been playing this on a pathetically tiny television in order for this "fault" to have any validity.
2) This is just bullshit. The only times in the entire game where the characters are obscured by effects is when the Smoke Ball has been used (an item DESIGNED to obscure the characters).
3) OMIGOD! YOU HAVE TO UNLOCK STUFFZ? ZOMG THIS GAME SUCKZ!
4) Funny how nearly all of the single player modes can be played in co-op WITH SOMEONE ELSE. There goes that "fault".
5) Usually people complain when a game is too short. The Subspace Emissary's length is fine.
6) If Yahtzee honestly thinks SSBB is a button masher then he should just quit gaming right now.
7) I've never heard of a Nintendo fanfic that remotely resembles the Subspace Emissary. Yet another "fault" Yahtzee made up in a failed attempt at complaining about SSBB.
8) Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawww! He should go to Google and get over his ignorance.

Those were Yahtzee's 8 main "faults" he claimed SSBB had, and I just proved what utter bullshit they all are. I could easily make a list of faults SSBB has, and all of the points I'd raise would be valid and not imaginary. In fact, here's a list of the faults SSBB has:

1) Tripping. A pointless addition that only hinders the gameplay.
2) Clones. They're still here, even after we were promised they'd be gone.
3) Release date. It's taken too long to be released in Europe.
4) Some series are horribly over-represented, whilst others are under-represented.
5) Very similar to Melee.

There you go, five faults about SSBB, and what do you know? All of them are true! That wasn't hard to do, so what's Yahtzee's excuse?

Yahtzee highlights what is essentially a massive FUCK YOU from brawl which is PLAY AS SONIC (after countless fucking HOURS playing, FFS I finished GTA4 before my friend unlocked brawl fully. (and by that I mean got all the characters)) when shit like that happens it's not fun (which brawl is supposed to be), as you're doing the same shit, fighting the same fucking people on the same fucking level over and fucking over until you get a message going "you've played long enough, have a character that 0.1% of westerners give half a fuck about, oh BTW sonics still a fuckload of hours away, enjoy".

You do realize that how long you play Brawl for doesn't factor at all into unlocking any characters, don't you? Obviously not, or else you wouldn't have just made a twat out of yourself.

FANBOY!!!

Oh, I'm so hurt. I just got called a fanboy by some dick who blatantly doesn't know the meaning of the word.

ow and what the hell do you mean "don't review it becasue you'll get half of the complaints". who here can say hand on heart that they'ed watch yahtzee if he didn't rip games to peices.

He could at least find some real things to complain about. He obviously couldn't do that about Brawl (god knows how, it's not hard to do).

The word is existent.

Aawww. That's so cute. You're trying to copy Yahtzee by being a spelling nazi! Go stand in a field you fucking sheep.

Why are you so bothered by someone not liking Brawl?

Wow. How hard did you try in order to completely misunderstand my post as much as you have? I have no problem with someone disliking Brawl. What I do have a problem with is when someone hates on a game and has no real reasons for doing it, and then a bunch of ass-kissers follow his lead and start hating that game without reason too.

You say he shouldn't have reviewed it if he didn't want to, but at the same time your fellow Brawl fanatics (and likely you) begged him to review it. Was he just supposed to ignore those requests if he didn't like the game? Is that what a reviewer does now, only review games they like?

Nice assumption about me, shame it isn't true. I never begged him to review it. Ever. Yes, I was looking forward to him reviewing it, but that's because I thought he'd be clever enough to rip the game about it's actual faults like the fact you can randomly trip over. Obviously I overestimated his intelligence.

What exactly were these non-existent flaws that Yahtzee pointed out?

See above.

THANK YOU.

STFU.

Okay, guy who thinks Yahtzee just pulled these faults out of his ass, I own the game. The camera does do that (I don't care really, I use it to my advantage), the effects do obscure view (especially Metaknight's) and it is a button masher. You are a fanboy, deal with it, move on, and shut up about a game you don't even own. You are a retard. Really. Go fling yourself from a cliff.

 

[ayoama]

That was lovely. LOL @ Gamespot employee and Xbox 360.

What amazes me is that he gets this many reactions from SSBB, but not enough from Halo 3 to justify something similar there.

I thought Halo fanboys were supposed to be the worst?

I'm just as surprised as you are.

 

[Erridge]

Hilarious.

Don't know anything about SSMB, but regardless of whether Yahtzee was correct or not in his criticisms, that was great entertainment.

 

[Alphavillain]

Yep, Yahtzee, the retards are always guys that cannot for the life of them spell proper. But really, don't reply to morons, otherwise it gives them credence. But I like the Guantanamo Bay thing: all people are indeed shit until they prove themselves worthy of my love.

 

[Kaos Incarnate]

Let me just state I am not a "Fanboy" ok so that?s cleared up let me say this

Opinion
1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
2. a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.
3. the formal expression of a professional judgment.
4. a judgment or estimate of a person or thing with respect to character, merit, etc.
5. a favourable estimate; esteem

Yahtzee is offering his opinion or expressing it to viewers who choose to view or hear it so people that complain about his opinion confuse me. If you don't like someone?s views on something like religion, sports, weather ect don't attack him for expressing himself. All peoples opinions are or should be valued even if its something you don?t like or upsets you. You can choose to accept, disagree ect, then that is your opinion which you are offering and no one should attack or hate you for it. Seriously people this is how wars start.

I regret that most people did not offer their opinions in the right way to Yahtzee, sure it wouldn't have changed his mind, but it may have made Yahtzee respect them a little more.

 

[Kaiscir]

Haha, the cartoon figure with the black bar censoring his eyes looks like one of the Daft Punk robots!

Heil, Grammar Nazi!!! (Really, I support your cause.)

 

[Shadedwill]

Bloody brilliant, Yahtzee. Way to turn those letters of pure e-ignorance into something we can all enjoy!

 

[trose]

This was the funniest ZP I've seen. The man is brilliant. Hopefully people continue to ***** so we can see their skulls bashed in some more. I got yo back Yahtzee.

 

[Conqueror Kenny]

So, you've not played the game, yet know the faults Yahtzee came up with don't exist?

Yes, I do. See, there's this amazing thing called the internet, it lets you find out a lot of stuff, even information on games that you haven't played! Amazing, huh? Add that to the fact that I've played Melee to death, and a lot of the complaints Yahtzee has about Brawl apply to Melee too, and you'll find that I do know that Yahtzee is just pulling shit out of his arse.

(addressing the entire comment)I think that you might be taking this to close to heart. Why should you care if people don't like a game that you do? Especially over the internet you don't know or care about these people so you don't have to sit their and wait for the next person to say something bad about Brawl because it will happen and not just here. Not everyone will like a game. Yes Yahtzee has a fanbace that will follow him to the end of the earth and back but that doesn't by any means make you have to take them all on in a battle to the death. Please just Leave it as it is and don't stoop to their levels.

What amazes me is that he gets this many reactions from SSBB, but not enough from Halo 3 to justify something similar there.

I thought Halo fanboys were supposed to be the worst?

I'm just as surprised as you are.

I'm not the average age for a wii owner must be around 5-10 so would spark more of a reaction in their young impressionable minds.

 

[A Username Not In Use]

Let me just state I am not a "Fanboy" ok so that?s cleared up let me say this

Opinion
1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
2. a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.
3. the formal expression of a professional judgment.
4. a judgment or estimate of a person or thing with respect to character, merit, etc.
5. a favourable estimate; esteem

Yahtzee is offering his opinion or expressing it to viewers who choose to view or hear it so people that complain about his opinion confuse me. If you don't like someone?s views on something like religion, sports, weather ect don't attack him for expressing himself. All peoples opinions are or should be valued even if its something you don?t like or upsets you. You can choose to accept, disagree ect, then that is your opinion which you are offering and no one should attack or hate you for it. Seriously people this is how wars start.

No they don't. Wars start for many different reasons, previous examples include;

An ear being cut off
One country deciding it wanted a big navy
Paying for goods with drugs
Removal of a nearby guard patrol
Recruitment of sailors into a forign navy
A dead pig
Self government
Home rule

Violent difference of opinion rearly starts wars, it grows because of wars.

 

[Ishinken]

Rofl Sentient is the kind of person that made games suck today. He's the reason even Nintendo lowers their standard greatly to become a "fast-food" game company.

 

[Gerrark]

Well, I haven't read all the comments here (Yeah, it's laziness, and people are racing to make themselves heard here quite quickly), but that person with the name of "Patronizing"? I hope it's all an elaborate joke, or I've never seen a more accurate name someone inadvertently gave themselves. I doubt he'll ever read this, but if so: Patronizing, you are not Yahtzee's personal attack dog. People are entitled to their own opinions. If someone likes his older reviews or style of reviewing better, that's perfectly valid. It's not as if they took a swipe at your mother or kicked you in the balls or something. Damn. Please just calm yourself. Not everyone has to be worshiping Yahtzee or saying every single one of his reviews is "lol this is the best yet!" to actually like him.

 

[luieburger]

OMG 401st post!

Yea ban me.

Anyway, GREAT REVIEW!! Nothing like some good console bashing to start my morning. Especially SSBB. That game hasn't brought anything new to the table since it's first release on N64 and apparently Yahtzee is the only reviewer these days who has the balls to say the truth about a game. The fact is that most games these days ARE shit and should be treated like it until they prove their worth. Hurray Yahtzee!

 

[Obbi]

So did he like Mailbag Showdown, or what?