Zero Punctuation: MindJack

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Tom Phoenix

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Mar 28, 2009
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Mindjack, huh? I guess it's possible that the developers watched "Gundamjack" one too many times.

 

similar.squirrel

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Mar 28, 2009
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Jack and Calumon said:
I would also like to say I am not brain damaged. Just putting it out there.

Calumon: Why would they think that?
Possibly because of Calumon, Calumon.

OT: Between this and the Big Picture, there's a lot of hilarious bad vibes making the rounds.
 

AssassinJoe

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Oct 1, 2010
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HankMan said:
Very clear indeed Yahtzee, not that I had high hopes for this game anyway. Actually I am a little disappointed they couldn't make good use of the core concept.
I was disappointed with what they decided to call the game. MindJack? That's terrible! Especially considering that it's called MindHack in the game.
 

scw55

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Nov 18, 2009
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So my prediction of "Mind Wank" is pretty much accurate for this game.

(Jack-off being a euthism for wanking-off in Britain).


The suggestion of some etheral parasite using people as hosts while does sound interesting, it would of course fail in a video game if the UI is mentally challenged. The review does imply that the game developers wanted to create a new form of earthquake resistant skyscraper out of Dutch Edam Cheese, but lacked the technology and tools to make it work.
 

Veldt Falsetto

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Dec 26, 2009
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I had a feeling this game would've been pretty interesting, turns out I was wrong. I felt it could've been a sort of, 3D, cover shooter with Abe's Odysee elements. I dunno, too bad it's awful.
 

SABRENOSE

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Dec 23, 2009
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Wow this was the meanest Yahtzee review I have ever seen...he might be a little mad this week.
 

ILTE7

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Onyx Oblivion said:
But Yahtzee shouldn't have made it sound like Square Enix is somehow developing this game, when they published it. Square Enix never develops an ugly game. A bad game, yes. But an ugly one? No way.
I totally agree - while I have no problem with Yahtzee laying into a game and tearing it a new one he has several times bashed square enix (which he's fine to do) for a game that they have not made. published - yes - actually had a hand in the desgin etc. no.

me thinks his bias agaisnt that company (steming from a hatred for jrpgs) gets the better of him...


...just sayin'
 

Kyle Gabriel

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Feb 17, 2011
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I haven't played any Square Enix's games since The Last Remnant since I want to leave that publisher in a good note...

Boy did i come to enjoy that decision...

Edit: I was gonna say FFX-2 but i quickly remembered TLR...
 

BrownGaijin

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Jan 31, 2009
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zelda2fanboy said:
What was with the naked fat female cousin joke? I feel dense because I didn't get it. I went back to the beginning a few times, but I didn't see any setup or anything. Am I missing something?
The imp is unable to make sense of YZ interpretations due to inbreeding.

(At least he didn't put an American ball cap on the him)

OT: I laughed the hardest at the short bus joke. Does that make me a bad person?
 

Rayansaki

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May 5, 2009
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Natdaprat said:
So... did he like it? I couldn't tell.
Yes he did like it. He said it wasn't quite as good as portal but was still probably his second favorite game ever made.

Angry Joe said this was the very worst game he ever reviewed. Wonder if Yahtzee considers this above or bellow Too Human
 

Onyx Oblivion

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Sep 9, 2008
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ILTE7 said:
Onyx Oblivion said:
But Yahtzee shouldn't have made it sound like Square Enix is somehow developing this game, when they published it. Square Enix never develops an ugly game. A bad game, yes. But an ugly one? No way.
I totally agree - while I have no problem with Yahtzee laying into a game and tearing it a new one he has several times bashed square enix (which he's fine to do) for a game that they have not made. published - yes - actually had a hand in the desgin etc. no.

me thinks his bias agaisnt that company (steming from a hatred for jrpgs) gets the better of him...


...just sayin'
Oddly enough, Square Enix published his GOTY last year. Just Cause 2. I don't see him mistaking them for the developer in that case.
 

Matt Shi

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Aug 21, 2010
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Mindjack? I'm surprised Yahtzee hasn't reviewed Majin and the Forsaken Kingdom. Majain is a great game and seems like something Yahtzee would like.
 

vxicepickxv

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Sep 28, 2008
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I want to see how terrible this is. When does it go on sale at gamestop for a handshake?
 

MrGalactus

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Sep 18, 2010
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MindWHAT? Never heard of the bloody thing. Squeenix have a horrible habit of never advertising anything without the words Final and Fantasy in it's name.
 

Something Amyss

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Dec 3, 2008
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THEJORRRG said:
MindWHAT? Never heard of the bloody thing. Squeenix have a horrible habit of never advertising anything without the words Final and Fantasy in it's name.
And even then, Fantasy Warrior: The Final Encounter was left out in the cold.
 

mjc0961

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Nov 30, 2009
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Oh yeah, this game. I remember that they made fun of it on Unskippable, and had joked that it might not even come out. I guess it did, and unfortunately so.

Onyx Oblivion said:
But Yahtzee shouldn't have made it sound like Square Enix is somehow developing this game, when they published it. Square Enix never develops an ugly game. A bad game, yes. But an ugly one? No way.
Yes they do. The FF13 box art popped up in the video, and that's the first example I would point to as well. Again, just the box art is all you need: See that thing on the cover? That thing that looks like a man with extremely large breasts? That right there is very ugly. And that's one of the things SE is always doing that makes their games look ugly: they never seem to make characters that look like the gender they are a part of. No Square, slapping giant tits on a character doesn't make it look like a girl when it has an extremely manish face. It just looks like a man with huge boobs, which is very creepy. And very ugly.

samus17 said:
Lovin it, as usual. But I do find it amusing that Yahtzee mentions both over-done, bored to death, done a thousand times, third person cover shooter gameplay AND knocks the innovative idea of multiplayer into single player. Some games just can't win with this guy.
Well, first off, it wasn't innovative. And second, it's still bad. It was a bad game mechanic when I had to constantly kill myself after each boss in Demon's Souls so I could play the game without being interrupted by other players randomly joining my game to try and kill me without permission. And it's still a bad game mechanic now. I will remind you that it is called SINGLE player for a reason. It means one player, not two or three or four or more, but ONE. When you play SINGLE player, it means you want to play ALONE. It does not mean you want random players to join in and try to kill you.

So, not an innovative idea, it's just eating the stale and moldy crumbs that Demon's Souls left behind after finishing its shit sandwich over a year ago. And those crumbs aren't any tastier now.

ILTE7 said:
I totally agree - while I have no problem with Yahtzee laying into a game and tearing it a new one he has several times bashed square enix (which he's fine to do) for a game that they have not made. published - yes - actually had a hand in the desgin etc. no.

me thinks his bias agaisnt that company (steming from a hatred for jrpgs) gets the better of him...


...just sayin'
Or maybe it's just the box:
I see "SQUARE ENIX" printed on it. I don't see "feelplus" on there. When I was watching the video and the box-art popped up and it said only "SQUARE ENIX" on it, I thought they made it too, until I looked at the game info box under the video on the way to the comments link and went "oh, they didn't actually make it."

So I dunno. Maybe more research would have been prudent here. But on the other side of the coin... If Square Enix wants all the credit, why not let them have it?
 

Sparrowsabre7

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Mar 12, 2008
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Just wanted to make a note about voice acting. It often IS done with the actors in different rooms, on different days. Often all the actor may have to go on is some stand in reading the dialogue back to them or dialogue the other actor has already recorded, hence why some voice acting is so weirdly disjointed.

Also it's harder to project emotion etc with just your voice than your entire body like normal actors and requires an entirely different skillset, hence why some proper actors who voice act often sound awful too.