Zero Punctuation: Split Second: Velocity

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Loonerinoes

New member
Apr 9, 2009
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This one had a lot more content in it than usual, so twas ace!

And you're not the only one with that sort of drive school experience, I can assure you.
 

rubysoho18

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May 30, 2010
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I liked the review as usual, but the D&D huge banner thing was a bit strange. Preferred it to the pre-video ad for a game though, those never load right.
 

AfterAscon

Tilting at WHARRGARBL
Nov 29, 2007
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I'm going to be really super geeky tomorrow and drive around those fake courses Yahtzee drew on that map since the red one goes past the village I'm in. I'll record the lap times, although the blue one may be a bit too long.
 

SamElliot'sMustache

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Oct 5, 2009
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Kekon3 said:
... so wait, did you like it?
The constant stream of insults and criticisms of the game's core mechanics didn't clue you in?

hawk533 said:
I'm pretty good at racing games. I've gotten the S Class license in Gran Turismo 2 and 3.

Yahtzee, you failed your driving test? Here in Michigan you're not a man unless you can drive a car.
Hey, a fellow Michigander :).

I thought we weren't men here until we ramped a car off the Mackinac Bridge in December...while wearing only our underwear.

Oh, and yeah, I think Yahtzee reviewing this game is about the most only interesting thing related to it. Sure looked dumb from the commercials.
 

ForensicYOYO

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Jun 12, 2010
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Freebird. said:
ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
And crying about it will make it better?

Anyway, the episode was pretty good. The Thatcher comment was hilarious.
O ya you're real cool. Well Im sorry if I find the reasons for getting put on probation on this website to be pointless. Like grade school teachers sending you the principles office for not having your shirt tucked in. I was wondering if anyone else on this website felt the same. Not to cry. I sware it was dirt in my eye lol.
 

migo

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Jun 27, 2010
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Don't worry, you were a prick before touching Split/Second, but now you have something to blame it on. Or you can fall back on delayed Australian release times. That said, I think you could have gone more into the slash, it makes me twitch every time I read it.
 

jordanwb

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Apr 19, 2010
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I laughed through the entire thing. Fantastic review Yahtzee. I wonder if he'll review Blur.
 

orangeapples

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Aug 1, 2009
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ForensicYOYO said:
What the hell! Probation? all I did was post the number1 to save my spot so I could come back after I watched it and edit my message. Was that so wrong? O and I got 7 days for it!?! what a load of crap.
OT: I liked your review as usual.
haha. yes. it is very wrong, because its against the rules. posting without watching/reading is a violation, and especially if you only did it to be first.

and yes, I always thought that whole "watch your enemy explode" thing would get distracting especially in a game where at any split/second you yourself can die if you're not paying attention >_>
 

OceanRunner

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Mar 18, 2009
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Any game that tries a T.V style presentation is doing it wrong, and need reminding that they're working on a game. Plus a racing game needs as many tracks as can be fit without compromising the gameplay. Also, if the game involves power-ups they shouldn't punish a player for doing well, like the Blue Turtle Shell in Mario Kart.
 

TheYellowCellPhone

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Sep 26, 2009
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Holy shit, no one got probation/suspension on a ZP video. This is a new record.

Other than that, nice review, and I'm disappointed in myself for laughing at the pregnant women joke.
 

Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
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I actually passed my driving test because the guy administering it thought he was going to die and didn't want to do it again.

The review actually seemed to cover my experience with the demo. I was wondering if there was anything more, and even taking ZP with a grain of salt, it appears not.
 

wooty

Vi Britannia
Aug 1, 2009
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I played Michael Bay racing at a friends house, it was ok but personally it has nothing on the Burnout series. Essentially, its been done before.
 

Therumancer

Citation Needed
Nov 28, 2007
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I think Yahtzee missed commenting on the obvious, or perhaps avoided it. The reason why they have so few tracks is probably not because Micky Mouse lacks talent as a gay S&M dominator and his legion of computer programmers/boy toys were as a result not working hoping he'd punish them better (or whatever sick thing Yahtzee was implying), but simply because Mickey realizes he can sell additional courses to the players, especially ones from this demographic, as DLC. Will you pay $5 for them to recycle art elements and let you drive down the same track in reverse? Will you pay $15 for three new courses? Well if "you" are the target audience for this game, like most "shooter" players the answer to this is probably "yes".

I'm pretty sure as Mickey has a bunch of well oiled, whip mark covered computer programmers resting in a form of contented fear in the cages he keeps in the dungeon under the Magic Kingdom Castle (in hopes Minnie won't find out), having produced plenty of maps that are simply being held back until Scrooge Mcduck tells Mickey that his analysis of the market dictates that it's the ideal time for a release.

Also you can now thank Yahtzee for scarring me for life, the image of a whip wielding Mickey (or at least a guy with mouse ears) lashing a computer programmer will cause me never to view him the same way again. The pain... oh god the psychological pain...
 

Onyx Oblivion

Borderlands Addict. Again.
Sep 9, 2008
17,021
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You know...you can DODGE those things...

And you have to time your explosions. Yahtzee here just seems to randomly hit the button when the big icon pops up.

Christ, if I sucked as hard as Yahtzee at the game, I'd hate it, too.