Zero Punctuation: The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt

[martyrdrebel27]

Witcher 3 box blurb: "Now he's fucking the Trout Bears."-Yahtzee

 

[iller3]

Well someone from the previous week's comments totally called it.... that he was going to start off by unironically taking the piss out of Console peasants to make up for ironically starting the meme that subversively took the piss out of PC elites (and backfired).

Pity he didn't address the bigger issue of legal-bribery non-competition clauses where in console makers get to hardware-shame the graphics for all PC users so they don't have yet another huge leg up. Stymying the competition in the name of equality?


PS:
+1 count to his career score on dolphin and/or equine references also. +2 if you double it for being the outro punchline


PPS:

It is just... sad at this point that you dont know these things. 1 hour of your life?

the irony is officially Poe's Law tier in how much its Schrodinger's-subversively backfiring

 

[Ulquiorra4sama]

Having a bit of a hard time deciding if I should get this for PC or PS4. My PC is barely a year old and would have no trouble running it. But I justified my purchase of a PS4 for Bloodborne and possibly this game. If there is that much of a difference between the console and PC version I may just wait for the steam sale of it in a few weeks.

One of the devs of the game has also gone on record saying he'd rather play Witcher 3 on the lowest setting on PC than play it on the Xbox One. I can only assume he feels the same way about PS4.

 

[WouldYouKindly]

Yahtzee liked a Witcher game. It's over. It's the End of Evangelion of ZP. An End of Punctuation, if you will. Now there's nothing left but a barren, bright yellow wasteland.

Now the nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to get a gaming PC to play the first two games will never go away because of the praise this game's been getting.

Wouldn't that be more of a return to punctuation since the series is called Zero Punctuation?

OT: I'm not surprised he liked this one. It's better than the other two in pretty much every actual game aspect and the storyline is a lot better now that we're not dealing with amnesiac Geralt.

I do wish they could have brought out the book Geralt's flaws though. No matter what, he seems like way to decent a guy... though that doesn't stop him from accepting payment from, well, everyone.

 

[tm96]

Witcher 3 box blurb: "Now he's fucking the Trout Bears."-Yahtzee

There will never be a more glowing recommendation.

 

[Casual Shinji]

There's actually a book in the game which tells you that the tree is evil, although i just picked up on that from the fact that the thing looked like Voldemort just possessed a tumor ... that's on the body of Sauron.
The books name is "She who knows" and tells you that.

Spoiler

The spirit in the tree is basically the mother of the Crones, who reined Velen in Terror until the Crones killed her and caged away her spirit in order to save Velen. And the fact that the Crones are the good guys in this story is pretty much telling something.

Well crap, I hope that horse doesn't come back to bite me in the ass. I just assumed release it since the enemy of my enemy is my friend. And the Crones are vile creatures, so I'd rather annoy them in whatever manner I could instead of actually helping them out.

And eventhough...

Spoiler

...Big Evil Demon Horse killed all those people in the nearby village, those guys were hardly living a swell life doing the Crones' bidding anyway. At least those kids didn't get eating, though I don't know if you can ever follow up on where they ended up.

 

[Adam Jensen_v1legacy]

It sounds like he played the game on easy or normal.

 

[Saika Renegade]

Well, that last newspaper headline made me laugh far more than I probably should have.

Not sure what to say all in all. Kind of nice that there's a pretty rounded story focus, and a bit more streamlined if nothing else.

 

[Jburton9]

Great review Yahtzee thank you, lots of very funny moments : )

Monocle dropping "By Jove!" We need that in more games for aggro moments heh.

Yeah I would love to play Witcher 3 but my back log of games plus GoG summer sales eep! Well those are happy problems at least. So I am hoping I can get to Witcher maybe later summer for fall.... hmm.

 

[Nimcha]

Quite liked this review.

But you really should retire the 'Bioware face' schtick. It hasn't been like that since Mass Effect 2.

 

[Darth_Payn]

Yahtzee is not a fan of fan-fiction, I take it. I'm sure there's good (or at least tolerable) stuff out there, among the sea of gay porn that makes up most of it.
And lo, what is this? Yahtzee, playing a Witcher game, on a console? This is the series that inspired him to invent "Glorious PC Gaming Master Race"! I also had no idea he had these issues with Western RPG's. Knew he hates JRPG's with every fiber of his being.

 

[Evonisia]

So, somewhat lame gameplay with a nice enough story to warrant its existence. Ah well, I hope the living people behind Monty Python can get together to make a Westeros special, 'cos I'd watch the shit out of that rather than attempting to play this game.

 

[Gone Rampant]

I don't remember if this was a joke in the other two Witcher reviews, but it's Geralt, not Gerald.

 

[MiskWisk]

My 2009 ATI HD 5770 4GB RAM i5 750 PC

It is just... sad at this point that you dont know these things. 1 hour of your life?

I never thought a seemingly random string of numbers and letters could make me feel inadequate.

10 points to slytherin while I go and cry in a corner.

 

[xSerix]

It sounds like he played the game on easy or normal.

Nope, it sounds like he played it on hard/hardest. His description of the combat fits all difficulties.

 

[Piorn]

I agree with the outlevelling and hard to foresee consequences.
Like, I had a lvl 15 or so sidequest, but a level 11 quest made the related NPC disappear. Now I'm already 18 and feel like I missed something.
Oh well, can't save them all.

 

[Silence]

It sounds like he played the game on easy or normal.

Nope, it sounds like he played it on hard/hardest. His description of the combat fits all difficulties.

Yes. If you want to break your weapon!

I never had a problem with that. Because I, uh, actually used potions and strong attacks. YOu can literally beat Dark Souls with only using fast attack and dodge rolling, so ... well.

He actually sounded like he was desperate to find everything negative about the game but had to ring himself a "well I recommend it" out.

 

[Miral]

There's actually a book in the game which tells you that the tree is evil, although i just picked up on that from the fact that the thing looked like Voldemort just possessed a tumor ... that's on the body of Sauron.
The books name is "She who knows" and tells you that.

Spoiler

The spirit in the tree is basically the mother of the Crones, who reined Velen in Terror until the Crones killed her and caged away her spirit in order to save Velen. And the fact that the Crones are the good guys in this story is pretty much telling something.

There isn't a "good" or "evil" side in that quest, really -- just a choice between two kinda-****ed-up things.

Spoiler

If you free the spirit, then it rescues the orphan children but kills the old woman taking care of them and all the villagers who sent them into the swamp. The children later turn up at an orphanage. If you kill the spirit, then you save the villagers and the old woman, but the crones cart off all the children to be eaten.

One of the recurring themes in the Witcher series is that decisions are rarely clear-cut between good and evil, they're just choices with different bad consequences, and you have to live with them.

 

[Covarr]

I am glad this video exists. It quite neatly sums up precisely why I don't care for WRPGs, or in fact most open-world games at all.

P.S. Thanks

 

[Ryallen]

Having a bit of a hard time deciding if I should get this for PC or PS4. My PC is barely a year old and would have no trouble running it. But I justified my purchase of a PS4 for Bloodborne and possibly this game. If there is that much of a difference between the console and PC version I may just wait for the steam sale of it in a few weeks.

One of the devs of the game has also gone on record saying he'd rather play Witcher 3 on the lowest setting on PC than play it on the Xbox One. I can only assume he feels the same way about PS4.

If you actually paid attention to what he said, he said that because of the resolution on the Xbox One is less than that on PC and PS4. He never said anything about the PS4.