Zero Punctuation: Top 5 Games of 2013

[Ovrad]

Yeah, Ghosts was so bad that I couldn't even bare to finish it, and certainly deserves to be the worst of the year, while Ride to Hell deserves worst of all time.

And yet somehow Ghosts made it to the Escapist's "Reader's Choice Game of the Year", while a ton of great games didn't...

 

[TheMemoman]

Top
5. Metal Gear Rising Revengeance
4. Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag
3. Saints Row IV
2. Papers, Please
1. Bioshock Infinite

Bottom
5. Star Trek into Darkness
4. SimCity
3. Aliens Colonial Marines
2. Beyond Two Souls
1. Call Of Duty: Ghosts

SPECIAL: Zero Punctuation Life Time Achievement Award For Total Abhorrence:
Ride to Hell: Retribution

 

[DeadCoyote]

It was so slow... I was able to understand almost all words!
What happend to you, Yahtzee? I hope Santa will give you some speed-boost as a present and you will once again speak like a machine-gune loaded with words.

 

[ImBigBob]

I'm just happy that at least someone remembered that there are games objectively worse than Knack. Even if you didn't like Knack it objectively has no place on a list like this because there are plenty of games that are provably worse than it this year.

(And no, I'm not just talking about Jim's video from two days ago. He's one of them, but not the only one by any means.)

I'd be really curious to see what Yahtzee thinks of Gone Home. That's easily my game of the year.

I'd guess he would think it's shit. It's a horror game that fails at being scary which is something he's blasted plenty of games for in the past, and it's less interactive than Beyond Two Souls which he just complained about again in this video.

The only reason Gone Home isn't on my own worst game of the year list at #1 is because I can't in good faith call it a game. I can certainly call it bad, though.

Gone Home pretends to be a horror game to draw players in, but that's nothing but a bait & switch. I personally found it very sweet, even though I saw the ending coming way ahead of time.

 

[Daniel Lowery]

Yeah, Ghosts was so bad that I couldn't even bare to finish it, and certainly deserves to be the worst of the year, while Ride to Hell deserves worst of all time.

And yet somehow Ghosts made it to the Escapist's "Reader's Choice Game of the Year", while a ton of great games didn't...

I guess if you sell enough copies you get in automatically.

 

[themilo504]

List was pretty surprising, don?t get me wrong I knew you hated ghosts but you seemed a lot angrier with beyond two souls or alien colonial marines.

in hindsight I find it very funny that you actually liked call of duty 4.

 

[Trippeh]

I was just thinking to myself "God I hope he doesn't put Ride to Hell at the bottom, that would be a copout, that isn't even a proper game" -- great minds think alike I see.

 

[Phrozenflame500]

I don't entirely agree, but I don't disagree either. You could make a far worst list I suppose.

Happy to see MGRR getting some love, though. Would have hoped to see The Stanely Parable on the best games list but it would have reignited the "but it's not a gaaaaaammmmeee :'(" debate again.

 

[Piecewise]

But...bioshock infinite is a terrible half finished mess of generic shooting, shit characters and more plot holes then a novel made of Swiss Cheese. It eschews all the good parts of the first game for bland call of duty shooting, copy pasted plasmids and even less challenge. Not to mention every single e3 preview they had was full of lies and broken promises. Seriously, go look at those previews and then think back to the game you played. It is a profound disappointment.

 

[Something Amyss]

I still can't believe a game as lazy as Saints Row IV gets as much praise as it does. It's not a bad game, but this? Meh.

Until a worse game comes along...Yahtzee, some manager at a game studio just said 'Challenge Accepted'.

I wonder. If they're actively trying to make a worse game, will they inevitably fail and make something good?

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure we'll see many contenders for the crown, but it always strikes me that certain developers have the same traits as redshirts. That is to say that they will fail miserably at whatever they try to do. So if they set out to make a bad game, would we see a masterpiece?

And yet somehow Ghosts made it to the Escapist's "Reader's Choice Game of the Year", while a ton of great games didn't...

Popularity will never require quality.

 

[Xangi]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdNhwb7iuI4

Not sure if you can embed here, it's been a while, but here's a video summing up what you SHOULD have thought about Bioshit Infinite if you were actually paying attention. Yes you. To sum it up: Story's garbage, gameplay is garbage, message is garbage and Ken Levine's a moron.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

I own BioShock Infinite and STILL haven't played it dammit. What's wrong with me? For once in my life I buy a game on the same year it's released and it turns out to be GOTY material and I haven't even played it yet.

 

[DarkhoIlow]

Ah, this list was glorious and so funny for me. Your no.1 was also the one on my own list so happy to see that as well.

Thanks for making the start of the year with this one Yahtzee!

 

[-Dragmire-]

Aliens: Colonial Marines and Simcity was a no brainer but its weird Ride to Hell: Retribution got left out.

But Ride to Hell: Retribution got the worst of all time award. Listed after the number 1 worst at 5:20.

 

[Waddles]

Any chance of an Ashes Cricket 2013 review? Seeing as no other game has been recalled post release, would be entertaining

 

[Varrdy]

I was sure that Ride to Hell: Retribution would be the #1 worst game of the year...it seems even then I was giving it too much credit. First irony bomb of the year has just gone off in the Ward household.

Happy New Year!

 

[Rangerboy87]

So for anyone who loves stats & lists (like me), here is the rundown of Yahtzee's best and worst:

Best Game
2007 - Portal (Unofficial - described as "perfect")
2008 - Saints Row 2
2009 - Batman: Arkham Asylum
2010 - Just Cause 2
2011 - Portal 2
2012 - Spec Ops: The Line
2013 - Bioshock: Infinite

Worst Game
"Honorable Mention" - Too Human (considered worst game reviewed for years)
2010 - Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days
2011 - Modern Warfare 3 & Battlefield 3
2012 - Amy
2013 - Call of Duty: Ghosts
Lifetime Achievement for "Total Abhorrence" - Ride to Hell: Retribution (2013)

There you have it. Happy New Year, Yahtzee. May I earn your never-ending disgust.

A little surprised Resident Evil 6 didn't get a mention (except for that virus comment) but looking at what it was up against I can understand why.

Check last year's list for RE6

Pug! Also, poor Aliens: Colonial Marines, it didn't deserve this.

To adjust your comment a bit: the Aliens franchise didn't deserved this; Colonial Marines deserves its own medal like Ride To Hell but for "Biggest Scam". And this is coming from someone who isn't an Aliens fan.

 

[Pebkio]

My favorite part about the video was at the end with the tagline "I suspect next year will just be a bottom 10 followed by a gunshot".

I agree, mostly, with the bottom five but the top five has me vexxed a bit. Bioshock Inifinte being "better than other fps games this year" does not a best game make. I would rather you have put Paper's Please at the top. Sure, it might've seemed pretentious... but at least you wouldn't be rewarding a game that turned into the JRP of shooters.

Seriously, they kept the story progression and halo-ish shooting on seperate side of a wrought iron fence made of tigers. You can feel the shift like you just dropped from 5th gear to second by accident.

 

[ShinobiJedi42]

I'm just happy that at least someone remembered that there are games objectively worse than Knack. Even if you didn't like Knack it objectively has no place on a list like this because there are plenty of games that are provably worse than it this year.

(And no, I'm not just talking about Jim's video from two days ago. He's one of them, but not the only one by any means.)

I'd be really curious to see what Yahtzee thinks of Gone Home. That's easily my game of the year.

I'd guess he would think it's shit. It's a horror game that fails at being scary which is something he's blasted plenty of games for in the past, and it's less interactive than Beyond Two Souls which he just complained about again in this video.

The only reason Gone Home isn't on my own worst game of the year list at #1 is because I can't in good faith call it a game. I can certainly call it bad, though.

Someone below you mentioned a bait and switch. I agree. It never fully advertises itself as a horror game. And as someone who has read the entire Twilight saga and fully hated the shallow, incessant romance, I disagree that the story is worse than Twilight. The romance in the story was very real. It was subtle romance. No grand sweeps of declaration of enthrallment you see in the Twilight saga. I've felt those feelings before when I was that age. The nostalgia felt hauntingly real and evoked emotions in me I haven't felt since then. That's why I loved the game so much. It's very personal. I also love how it's one of the few video games I've played where the player character is not the main character of the story. I'm sorry you feel that way about the game, though. It's a real shame.

 

[Triality]

Inspired choice for your Lifetime Achievement, Yahtzee.

I swear to Buddha, Deep Silver CANNOT go a single year without either 1) Causing a horrifying controversy with it's Premium Edition game side-item choices 2) Making abhorrent turds imitating games or 3)Doing both at the same time. Seriously, Ride to Hell, Call of Juarez: The Cartel, and Dead Island (including that infuriating decapitated and fully amputated bikini-clad torso babe statue [bleeds internally]).

Dear Deep Silver, in the service of honesty, please remove Silver from your company name and place "The" and then "End" before and after "Deep" respectively. Because that is where your company's business practices take their water breaks.