Zero Punctuation: Wolfenstein: The Old Blood

JagerBombastic

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I don't really care for bringing back old games like DOOM and Wolfenstein. To me those games where great for there time but that was a time when limiting hardware forced developers to be more creative with how they present games.

Video games where such a niche hobby that the people who played them where so taken back by what was cutting edge at the time that they forgave, and lets be honest here, really stupid story plots.

Now a days with hardware boasting about how it could launch your bedroom to the moon if it wanted to; I don't see why story lines are still given a free pass, to me a story line should be on par with the graphics of the game. To me a great example of a game with a good, if not predictable, story is The Last of Us; it spoke as well as it looked and that game looked great!

But in the end I can't help but think about how this reminds me of a desperate father going threw a mid-life crises and trying to hang out with his son and his mates saying: "I still cool, I can play the guitar and drink until I vomit out all of my shame." Just buy the kids some cheap boo's and piss off. :)
 

Callate

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So I took a moment to look up the "choose who to save" and aftermath on a couple of walkthrough videos, and I have to say... It really looks like it ought to have been possible to save both if the person you did save didn't spend so much damn time monologuing.
 

Xman490

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May 29, 2010
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aegix drakan said:
German uberprecision screws them over yet again!
I wonder how their uberprecision (as in, if a Nazi sees you in this game, they will hit you with shots) screwed them over before. I made my Blascowitz decide to screw them with shotgun blasts at least once, for example. That "assault rifle, then go nuts with the shotgun" strategy worked well until the horrible bridge section with not only one of the gatling-gun robots but also a big robot dog tearing me up. That kind of abuse made me uninstall this game.
 

Bedinsis

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FC Groningen said:
I would like to make a request like that many people here. I know you're reading the comments Yahtzee, you magnificent narcistic bastard! I was wondering if you were willing to review Crusader Kings II.

Why?

- Crusader Kings II can be more hard and cruel to you than Minecraft and Dark Souls together.
- You seem to like history; the game has a few flaws but gives a fair description of noble life in the medieval times.
- The game is deep and takes quite some time to master. (the tutorial might be insufficient) You can achieve your goals by conquering your enemies, plotting against them, killing all of their family members including a decent sized elementary class of children, breed them out, or just betray them in whatever way you see fit.
- This is as "Free roam" you can get and each game you'll play will be completely different than the one you played before.
- There's incest, adultry, kinslaying, anti semitism, an anti christ, death by snu snu and many more surprises waiting for you.

So, if you're ever in the mood of being the dwarf, lisping viking king of the "Dogbollock dynasty", then this is your chance!

9/10 review btw...
I'd also like to see this but I'd add an additional reason(or maybe two).

Remember when you said tat one way to improve the Sims would be if you could kill your family members? Well CKII is partially about maintaining a family, and you can plot to murder various family members.

Failing that, I suppose I could just watch some let's play videos. There is a new one uploaded at least every five hours, so it can't just be me and FC Groningen that enjoys the game.
 

Saika Renegade

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I am ever so slightly disappointed that he didn't end it with something like 'bockwurst.' There was a golden opportunity just waiting for a shot.

That said, kind of sad that an interesting Wolfenstein has kind of...devolved into this weird, sort of generic backstory. First time in a while that Yahtzee's started and ended with comedic bits that made me burst out laughing, which I am incredibly appreciative for.
 

Miral

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Jun 6, 2008
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I don't know, I see "Spunk Notwithstanding" as more of a band name than a movie title.
 

DrownedAmmet

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Excuse me while I go retrieve my ass, I seemed to have laughed it off while I was rolling on the floor...
 

Scrythe

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1) Yahtzee's German accent had my sides in orbit
2) Really close! He had "Blaskowicz", and was off by only one letter: "Blazkowicz"
3) Not too long ago, I showed my partner this character's name. She has a cursory knowledge of Polish, and I asked her to attempt to pronounce it. After starting at it for a while, I leaned in an said "If you need a hint, it's supposed to be Polish". The response: "Whoa, they really dropped the ball on that one."
 

-Dragmire-

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Mar 29, 2011
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Talking about nazi zombies had me thinking of South Park: Stick of Truth where the general laments how overused nazi zombies are.
 

Bindal

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Johnny Novgorod said:
Now I wanna ask Yahtzee "What makes a good prequel?", since you always know how one ends, yet surely there're good prequels.
There are quite a few things. For example, set it early enough so that the outcome of the prequel has barely any influence on the previously released games and "Protagonist survives" is the only knows - because obvious - outcome you can make sure. Assuming the Prequel even has the same protagonist as lead.

-Dragmire- said:
Talking about nazi zombies had me thinking of South Park: Stick of Truth where the general laments how overused nazi zombies are.
Let's see... next to the obvious Wolfenstein Series (from the third onwards minus New Order), we had the Sniper Elite Nazi Zombie Army Trilogy, four of the first five maps of Call of Duty Zombies (Nacht der Untoten until Kino der Toten, minus Shi No Numa which had Japanese and the following ones went all over the place) and South Park with its attempt at "it's overused"...
That's barely overused at all, if you ask me. Two series which have it as their focus anyway plus four (out of about 20) Call of Duty Zombie maps is hardly much.
 

Evonisia

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Jun 24, 2013
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Callate said:
So I took a moment to look up the "choose who to save" and aftermath on a couple of walkthrough videos, and I have to say... It really looks like it ought to have been possible to save both if the person you did save didn't spend so much damn time monologuing.
That was my thought as well. Meh, at least the saving option doesn't change anything other than the ending, I couldn't stand how the lockpicking minigames changed in The New Order.
 

sXeth

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Nov 15, 2012
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For additional roasting value, the final boss can also be stealthed.

By which I mean, its completely blind, and you can just hide in a corner plinking out a shot, then resume hiding (or simply not shooting) for 3 seconds while it kills the Nazis for you.

I mean, sure the series started as a stealth game, but the enemy AI in that game was better then the enemy AI on the stealth segments in this game. By the way, the whole second mission is a stealth segment where you kill Ubersoldaten with switch puzzles. The space in between that and the final boss is a decent shooter though.
 

-Dragmire-

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Mar 29, 2011
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Bindal said:
-Dragmire- said:
Talking about nazi zombies had me thinking of South Park: Stick of Truth where the general laments how overused nazi zombies are.
Let's see... next to the obvious Wolfenstein Series (from the third onwards minus New Order), we had the Sniper Elite Nazi Zombie Army Trilogy, four of the first five maps of Call of Duty Zombies (Nacht der Untoten until Kino der Toten, minus Shi No Numa which had Japanese and the following ones went all over the place) and South Park with its attempt at "it's overused"...
That's barely overused at all, if you ask me. Two series which have it as their focus anyway plus four (out of about 20) Call of Duty Zombie maps is hardly much.
The Call of Duty mode, South Park game and now this particular game are the only instances of nazi zombies I know of as well. I was merely saying that Yahtzee reminded me of that scene, considering the subject matter.

I will say though that separately, nazis and zombies are rather common concepts.
 

ccggenius12

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Nearly two pages of comments, plus the Facebook comments section, and while I have seen several people mention Yahtzee's German accent, no one has called it "Nazi Yahtzee" yet. I feel that the rhyming nature of the phrase would have made it a shoe-in for someone to slam down already, but I'm officially calling dibs. You're welcome.