Zombie Conversations

[E-mantheseeker]

I personally think zombie movies are ill timed, all they ever show are the times when zombies are hungry.

Naturally as humans we barely talk when we're really hungry, we just kind of moan towards our food and attack it until we're full, just like *gasp* zombies.

So assuming zombie are just too famished to talk, what do you think a full bellied zombie conversation would be like?

Examples:

#1. I never ate humans as a... human, so why did i just do it now?

#2. Hey Bob, want to know something messed up? I just ate your girlfriend! Get it? Hahahaha! *jaw falls off*

#3. Uh, Joey? I have this...uh... friend... he ate someone with leprosy yesterday, and someone else who may have an STD, should my uh... friend... be worried?

#4 Is it wrong that I only eat feet?

You get the idea.

 

[Aardvark]

Zombies don't stop eating. They're always hungry. They're meant to be mindless monsters, bent on eating any non-zombies that come into range. The eternal hunger helps with that.

Also, their conversations end in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains...

 

[Gelp]

Apparently they stuff themselves until their bellies are literally bursting with flesh.

They might gurgle conversations.?
I wish I could ask one

 

[Jaythulhu]

Urg, Arg, Ugh, Blerg.

The most conversation yer gonna get from a zombie is stomach noises pouring out of the throat. They're dead. Not like they could form a coherent sentence, let alone a conversation, or even a full word for that matter

 

[xitel]

Hypotheticals are fun folks. I would wonder if they ever question why they can't jump.

Joe: "Hey Bill, look! There's a guy over there on the other side of that low wall!"

Bill: "Damn. If only we could reach him!"

Joe: "The wall's only like, 2 feet high. We can just jump over it..."

Bill: "Jump!? Are you MAD man!?"

 

[kaiZie]

1# Man, yesterday I was stuck in rush hour, now I'm stood here like a goof lookin' for something to do.

2# Ever tried online scrabble?

1# *moan*

That's why Zombies moan! They are just too damn bored

 

[Incompl te]

interesting point. I think that they would actually have proper conversations rather then the generic "urhhhhhhhhh". Just because they're undead doesn't mean they can't have proper intellect. I mean if they're smart enough to plan a way to take siege of the human race they must be able to communicate in ways other than moans. Unless moaning is their language

 

[Bored Tomatoe]

interesting point. I think that they would actually have proper conversations rather then the generic "urhhhhhhhhh". Just because they're undead doesn't mean they can't have proper intellect. I mean if they're smart enough to plan a way to take siege of the human race they must be able to communicate in ways other than moans. Unless moaning is their language

Sign language....as soon as you become a zombie, you gain the uncanny ability to master sign language.

 

[Ursus Astrorum]

Hypotheticals are fun folks. I would wonder if they ever question why they can't jump.

Joe: "Hey Bill, look! There's a guy over there on the other side of that low wall!"

Bill: "Damn. If only we could reach him!"

Joe: "The wall's only like, 2 feet high. We can just jump over it..."

Bill: "Jump!? Are you MAD man!?"

Francis: Hey, Bill! It's... Bill!

Survivor Bill: God dammit, I am seriously fubarred!

 

[Blair Bennett]

Semi-nerdy zombie knowledge-ENGAGE!!

Ok so first of all, zombies don't actually ever stop being hungry, there is never enough for a zombie, the thing about them eating until their stomachs burst isn't just sarcasm (or whatever).

Two, them being undead is good enough reason to not have sufficient intellect to hold a conversation, mainly because there is no intellect to speak of. The zombie mind is capable of two things, identifying its own basic instincts, and acting on them. This includes feeding, and nothing else. There is no strategy involved in zombie outbreaks, at least not for the opposition, there is only human (or...well, live being) stupidity.

Three, even if sufficient intellect was available, the being in question would still be completely unable to form words, sentences, etc. This is because the being's vocal cords and such would be rendered useless due to decomposition.

There are a few holes in the question, as well as some of the responses, but it's an interesting question all the same.

/nerdy zombie rant

 

[Gelp]

I wonder what the ones stuck in cars when they reanimated would be thinking.
since it's likely they were backed up on the highway and such, imagine if they retained the constant emotion of being stuck in traffic.

... God that would suck

 

[Helnurath]

Zombies don't stop eating. They're always hungry. They're meant to be mindless monsters, bent on eating any non-zombies that come into range. The eternal hunger helps with that.

Also, their conversations end in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains...

Vegan zombies go GRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSS!

 

[Helnurath]

Also, in the sequel of Dawn of the Dead (the remake), The zombies do have intelligence.

 

[Aardvark]

Which they grow on the PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!

 

[Helnurath]

I wonder what the ones stuck in cars when they reanimated would be thinking.
since it's likely they were backed up on the highway and such, imagine if they retained the constant emotion of being stuck in traffic.

... God that would suck

What about the zombies stuck in line at the post office? Or the zombies stuck in line at the Wal'mart Customer Service desk after Christmas. Or even worst then both of them, the zombies stuck in were about to have some wild animal sex, and are tied to the bedpost?!

WWZJD?

 

[Azrael the Cat]

I can't believe no-one has brought this up! Are you all heathens! Is no-one else here over the age of 30! What about the great 'Return of the Living Dead' films, where the zombies not only talked, but had some of the greatest lines in zombie film history! (this was also the series where they discover that Romero lied to them in his zombie series, and the zombies can't actually be killed by headshots)

Anyway, the greatest two lines in zombie film history:

[context: main characters find they are turning into zombies after being exposed to trioxin 253. Call an ambulance. On way out of the building, the paramedics get attacked and eaten by a bunch of other zombies]. Zombie grabs ambulance radio and says 'Quick, send more paramedics!' (10 minutes later in the film you hear in the background another ambulance of paramedics rock up and get eaten)

Later in the same film, a cop car drives into the graveyard to break up the 'disturbance'. Next scene is a bunch of zombies eating them, while one of the zombies says into the cop radio 'Quick, send more cops!!' (again, later you hear in the background the sound of another cop car rocking up and the occupants getting eaten)

 

[Helnurath]

I can't believe no-one has brought this up! Are you all heathens! Is no-one else here over the age of 30! What about the great 'Return of the Living Dead' films, where the zombies not only talked, but had some of the greatest lines in zombie film history! (this was also the series where they discover that Romero lied to them in his zombie series, and the zombies can't actually be killed by headshots)

Anyway, the greatest two lines in zombie film history:

[context: main characters find they are turning into zombies after being exposed to trioxin 253. Call an ambulance. On way out of the building, the paramedics get attacked and eaten by a bunch of other zombies]. Zombie grabs ambulance radio and says 'Quick, send more paramedics!' (10 minutes later in the film you hear in the background another ambulance of paramedics rock up and get eaten)

Later in the same film, a cop car drives into the graveyard to break up the 'disturbance'. Next scene is a bunch of zombies eating them, while one of the zombies says into the cop radio 'Quick, send more cops!!' (again, later you hear in the background the sound of another cop car rocking up and the occupants getting eaten)

I gotta revisit those movies! Thats freakin awesome.

 

[Gelp]

What about the zombies stuck in line at the post office? Or the zombies stuck in line at the Wal'mart Customer Service desk after Christmas. Or even worst then both of them, the zombies stuck in were about to have some wild animal sex, and are tied to the bedpost?!

WWZJD?

I think zombie jesus would use his holy zombie lasers to cut through the ropes, then he would proceed to zombone his lady after thoroughly dousing her in zomboil.

 

[E-mantheseeker]

Semi-nerdy zombie knowledge-ENGAGE!!

Ok so first of all, zombies don't actually ever stop being hungry, there is never enough for a zombie, the thing about them eating until their stomachs burst isn't just sarcasm (or whatever).

Two, them being undead is good enough reason to not have sufficient intellect to hold a conversation, mainly because there is no intellect to speak of. The zombie mind is capable of two things, identifying its own basic instincts, and acting on them. This includes feeding, and nothing else. There is no strategy involved in zombie outbreaks, at least not for the opposition, there is only human (or...well, live being) stupidity.

Three, even if sufficient intellect was available, the being in question would still be completely unable to form words, sentences, etc. This is because the being's vocal cords and such would be rendered useless due to decomposition.

There are a few holes in the question, as well as some of the responses, but it's an interesting question all the same.

/nerdy zombie rant

Wow, you really hit me off with some zombie related knowledge, but this is purely hypothetical, along the lines of "Toy Story"

Zombies need to have their voices heard, unless you're content with Hannibal Lecter's story of "Fa-va beans!" I'd much rather hear what a zombie would say than have Hannibal do that weird Sucking noise at me.

*Does weird sucking noise at no one in particular*

 

[AwesomeHat]

Hypotheticals are fun folks. I would wonder if they ever question why they can't jump.

Joe: "Hey Bill, look! There's a guy over there on the other side of that low wall!"

Bill: "Damn. If only we could reach him!"

Joe: "The wall's only like, 2 feet high. We can just jump over it..."

Bill: "Jump!? Are you MAD man!?"

In the traditional zombie view: Their legs are rotten and decomposing, presumably thats why they all shuffle too. Some of the more traditional climb ladders though. (Original DoTD).