Took a very brief detour from Majora's Mask to play through The Procession to Calvary. So if you've ever watched an episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus, you might remember the bits where they took old pictures and such and photoshopped them around to form animations bridging the skits. Well, Procession to Calvary is basically that same idea but as a point and click adventure game. Or in another way, it's an asset flip humor game but pretty much all the assets are public domain renaissance artwork.
There's a simple plot to this one. The "North" under the leadership of Immortal John and the "South" under the leadership of Heavenly Peter have been fighting a bloody war for some time and the North has just won. You play an unnamed Northern Knight who really, really likes stabbing people and wants to keep the murder party going but due to peace you can't. Upon hearing Heavenly Peter escaped to the South, you volunteer to go there and kill him. The game is working through adventure game puzzles to reach heavenly peter and end his life because murder. Also, the unnamed murder happy knight main character is a woman so Hooray for female empowerment?(Okay, it turns out she's based off a painting of Bellona, the Roman Goddess of War so suddenly all the murdering makes more sense now).
They're not anything particularly amazing and most of the appeal is that everything is some weird mashup of classic paintings from the 1500-1700's with a lot of snark and some toilet humor. Oh, and all the music is pieces of classical music played by somebody playing music on screen. Of note, there's 3 endings, and while two are a binary choice at the end of the game, one is basically you killing everyone standing in your path(and some who aren'y) to get to Heavenly Peter like the sociopathic serial killer you are(and bypassing most of the puzzles). Spoiler: This leads to a bad ending because constant murder gets peoples dander up for some reason.
So it's very niche and I could see that if you're the kind of person who goes the art museum and then makes jokes about the paintings, or really liked those monty Python animations AND likes point and click adventure games, this could be something to take a look at. It's also like 2(maybe 3) hours long which is just long enough to sustain this without it wearing out its welcome and costs $10 on steam without a sale.
With that out of the way, back to abusing the shit out of the timeline with my ocarina. I just got the Goron Mask so I can.....do whatever gorons do? Get Rock Hard? No, that's terrible. Forget I said anything.
There's a simple plot to this one. The "North" under the leadership of Immortal John and the "South" under the leadership of Heavenly Peter have been fighting a bloody war for some time and the North has just won. You play an unnamed Northern Knight who really, really likes stabbing people and wants to keep the murder party going but due to peace you can't. Upon hearing Heavenly Peter escaped to the South, you volunteer to go there and kill him. The game is working through adventure game puzzles to reach heavenly peter and end his life because murder. Also, the unnamed murder happy knight main character is a woman so Hooray for female empowerment?(Okay, it turns out she's based off a painting of Bellona, the Roman Goddess of War so suddenly all the murdering makes more sense now).
They're not anything particularly amazing and most of the appeal is that everything is some weird mashup of classic paintings from the 1500-1700's with a lot of snark and some toilet humor. Oh, and all the music is pieces of classical music played by somebody playing music on screen. Of note, there's 3 endings, and while two are a binary choice at the end of the game, one is basically you killing everyone standing in your path(and some who aren'y) to get to Heavenly Peter like the sociopathic serial killer you are(and bypassing most of the puzzles). Spoiler: This leads to a bad ending because constant murder gets peoples dander up for some reason.
So it's very niche and I could see that if you're the kind of person who goes the art museum and then makes jokes about the paintings, or really liked those monty Python animations AND likes point and click adventure games, this could be something to take a look at. It's also like 2(maybe 3) hours long which is just long enough to sustain this without it wearing out its welcome and costs $10 on steam without a sale.
With that out of the way, back to abusing the shit out of the timeline with my ocarina. I just got the Goron Mask so I can.....do whatever gorons do? Get Rock Hard? No, that's terrible. Forget I said anything.
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