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Johnny Novgorod

Bebop Man
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Feb 9, 2012
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Watched two Argentine "comedies".

Corazón delator (Tell-Tale Heart)

An extremely weak riff on Regarding Henry. The CEO of a construction company suffers a heart attack and gets a fresh ticker from a highway casualty (which I was convinced the CEO was gonna inadvertedly cause, given the way the two incidents are edited together). Following his change of heart, he seeks out the donor's widow and worms his way into her life and her community (the prettiest slums you ever did see) by posing as another dead man's relative and helping build a daycare center in a neighborhood which - holy shit - his company is about ro raze to the ground. He's never worked a day of manual labor in his life, but I'm sure the recent heart transplant helps with the construction work, since we never see him so much as give a single wheeze. Also we don't really know him before the transplant, and he's talking about his new perspective in life before he actually has anything to show for it. The ending is a cop out of the have cake & eat it variety.

Granizo (All Hail)

This one asks for way too much suspension of disbelief. It wants you to accept that 1) a weatherman would achieve so much notoriety as a celebrity that he would be given a 10pm show exclusively about the weather, 2) that the show would be a smash hit that cuts across all quadrants as the hot new thing, 3) that he would achieve overnight infamy by failing to predict a hailstorm and become the most hated person in Buenos Aires (population = 3 million), 4) despite the fact that nobody else would make the prediction either, 5) that he would've inspired such devotion in his prime that people would be actively trying to murder him because their dog died or their car got totaled in the storm, etc. The second half of the movie has the weatherman lying low in Córdoba, where he tries to reconnect with his adult daughter. Then it's back to reclaim his show when he thinks he's discovered an infallible, esoteric method for predicting the weather (it involves burying figurines under rocks and sucking on them). You need something with Anchorman energy to sell this shit, which is played here with mind-boggling earnestness.
 

thebobmaster

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thebobmaster

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Gordon_4

The Big Engine
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I think this is one of those movies that YouTube lawyers (as in actual lawyers on YouTube) like to pick apart because some of the nonsense that goes on is just out line. I've seen Legal Eagle's review, but I suspect there are many others, and according to him that final closing argument is not one that would be allowed because it pertains to character rather than facts.
 
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thebobmaster

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I think this is one of those movies that YouTube lawyers (as in actual lawyers on YouTube) like to pick apart because some of the nonsense that goes on is just out line. I've seen Legal Eagle's review, but I suspect there are many others, and according to him that final closing argument is not one that would be allowed because it pertains to character rather than facts.
Which is interesting, because the original novel is written by John Grisham. Who was a lawyer, and wrote some other fantastic legal dramas like The Rainmaker and Primal Fear.

ETA: And that's probably why in the novel, it is a juror in the deliberation room that makes the argument, not the lawyer.
 
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Casual Shinji

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I just watched The Fantastic Four, and it's still not as good of a Fantastic Four movie as The Incredibles. This movie really lacks charisma - it's just as dry as a wafer. Nothing about it really stands out as bad, but then nothing about it really stands out AT ALL. And it's not like the skeleton of an engaging superhero romp isn't there, it's just the execution. There is some stuff I actually kinda liked; The first arrival of the Silver Surfer feels nice and ominous and isn't undercut by Marvel humor. The Silver Surfer herself feels appropriately otherworldly. The spaceship chase was pretty well done. And I liked that Galactus was just a big giant space guy - no attempt was made to make him palatable to the non-comic book reading audience.

The characters are so-so. Pedro Pascal as Reed Richards is again doing his 'Care Bear in the form of a human' type acting that so far hasn't really worked for me. Ben Grim didn't really have anything to do other than maybe sorta kinda have a thing going on with Natasha Lyonne for about the two minutes she was in the movie. His voice was also distractingly normal sounding, to the point that whenever he spoke while around the other characters it took me a second to hone in that it was actually him speaking. I understand that they didn't want him to speak like a big 'gurrr hurrr' character, but would it have killed them to give his voice just a smidge of reverb? And he sounded exactly like Troy Baker, and once I noticed that it haunted me for the rest of the movie. Johnny was whatever. Sue Storm had the most engaging character presence, though it wasn't the highest bar to clear.

The visual effects weren't the best, other than maybe on the Silver Surfer. The Thing looked okay rock-wise, but when wearing clothes the rubbery CGI fabric effects really stood out. The effects on the baby were kinda wonky too. At first I thought it was just a compositing effect that gave it a weird hue around it, but by the end I realized they'd actually incorperated some CGI to mold its acting performance. I have a sneaking suspicion they might've used A.I. for this effect, though maybe that's just me being paranoid. Eitherway it looked screwy.

Also, Galactus by the end really felt like a pushover. His entire journey to Earth felt far more threatening than his actual presence ended up being. All he really did was stomp around for a bit and use his x-ray vision. I figured a billion year old space god would have more to offer in the threat department, but he was seemingly all bark.
 
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Xprimentyl

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Superman (2025): Fucking Great / Great

My expectations were "meh," and I came away just wanting to watch it again. I was smiling the whole time. THIS is a refreshing superhero movie; it's not about the spectacle, it's just about the ride, and I loved every second. Superman (as a character) hasn't been this fun since the '80s. Grab yourself a large popcorn, a tub of soda or mug of beer, and just enjoy; this movie is pure delight.

Give me Deadpool, Venom, Shang Chi, and Superman; you lot can have the rest of the hero slop.
 

Bartholen

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Naked Gun (2025), 8/10

Color me surprised. Nay, shocked.

This is probably the biggest comedy surprise since 21 Jump Street in 2011. This should by all merits have been a total belly flop: a legacy sequel to one of the most legendary parody movies ever, directed by a former SNL cast member with an inconsistent track record, released at a time when there are fewer comedy films in theaters than ever. But something about that trailer gave me hope, and those hopes were beyond well warranted. Naked Gun 2025 is an incredibly energetic, funny and successful bringing of a classic comedy format into the modern age. It slams the gas on the gags from the word go, and barely lets up through its blessedly compact runtime. It absolutely matches the relentless pace and density of verbal, background, slapstick, running and visual gags. I actually had trouble breathing during one scene, which has genuinely not happened in a comedy movie in over a decade. It manages to both stay faithful to the original and feel like its own thing: it alludes and pays tribute to the legacy it's following, but doesn't go for cheap repeat gags or "I know what that is!" moments.

The casting is pretty much perfect. While Liam Neeson doesn't quite match the crazy energy and charisma of Leslie Nielsen, he's more than comfortable following in his footsteps. His overly gruff straight man delivery works perfectly with all the absolute nonsense going on. The casting of the villains with Dany Houston and Kevin Durand, who've both basically made careers playing slimy businessmen and tough guy lieutenants respectively, has to be a good meta gag.

There's not really much to say as with all comedies. Did it make me laugh? Yes, pretty much consistently through its entire runtime. Not all the time, there were weaker gags and occasional valleys in the comedy. But the same applies to the original as well! I pretty much never actually finish that film when I rewatch it, because that baseball finale just slams the brakes on the comedy. So if we're counting laughs per minute as an average, I think the original and the legacy sequel are pretty much neck to neck in quality. What a surprise, hot damn.
 

BrawlMan

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Superman (as a character) hasn't been this fun since the '80s.
90s Animated Series, Justice League Animated Series, Justice League Action, Superman versus the Elite, and My Adventures with Superman, all say hello.

Give me Deadpool, Venom, Shang Chi, and Superman; you lot can have the rest of the hero slop.
Excellent selection. What about Spider-Verse?
 

thebobmaster

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Gordon_4

The Big Engine
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Superman (2025): Fucking Great / Great

My expectations were "meh," and I came away just wanting to watch it again. I was smiling the whole time. THIS is a refreshing superhero movie; it's not about the spectacle, it's just about the ride, and I loved every second. Superman (as a character) hasn't been this fun since the '80s. Grab yourself a large popcorn, a tub of soda or mug of beer, and just enjoy; this movie is pure delight.

Give me Deadpool, Venom, Shang Chi, and Superman; you lot can have the rest of the hero slop.
I would hold Kevin Fiege hostage to get Shang Chi 2
 

Bartholen

At age 6 I was born without a face
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Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, 9/10

I hadn't seen this in like a decade and a half, but saw it about a zillion times as a kid, so I was interested to revisit it. But I already kind of knew going in that this is one of those movies that doesn't need nostalgia goggles to prop it up: Black Pearl is just a really fucking good, fun and exciting adventure movie, and deserves its all-time classic status for a reason. It's kind of marvelous how well it's aged: aside from the CG this movie could as well be released today and it wouldn't feel dated or out of touch at all. One of the best parts is how well the setting is realized: it's almost all location shooting, extensive sets and costuming that absolutely sell the time period. It's got just the right amount of wear and grit to it that it feels lived in and not like a set, something a lot of modern fantasy properties might want to try their hand at. And the soundtrack, my god!

Jack Sparrow is and remains an absolute icon. Johnny Depp's performance with how the character is written is truly lightning in a bottle, and this kind of character hasn't been really seen since. You question whether he's an omniscient supergenius or just a chaotic mess right up until the very end, and you never really get an answer. It's genius. Not that the rest of the characters are forgettable: Geoffrey Rush is another bit of incredible casting. He has just the right balance of snarling cartoon villainy sprinkled with a bit of almost Shakespearean gravitas that he provides a perfect counterpart to Jack Sparrow. Elizabeth and Will aren't the most blazing, larger than life personas ever, but they work because the pirates can contrast off of them and vice versa.

It really is remarkable just how well this movie is made on just about every level: the dialogue is just a delight to listen to, and further sells the setting. The action is creative, varied and exciting: you've got ship battles, one on one duels, group fights, fights on land, fights on boats, and they're all really fun. The final climax is surprisinly complex with three or four different layers of action happening all at once, yet they're balanced perfectly, and no setpiece drags on. While the CG is unquestionably dated, it's very cleverly woven into the script that it's only used heavily at night, so a lot of the finer details are blurred.

So yeah, not really much to say. Holds up like a diamond, and only shines brighter amids the sea of CG glut of modern cinema. True classic.
 

Xprimentyl

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Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, 9/10

I hadn't seen this in like a decade and a half, but saw it about a zillion times as a kid, so I was interested to revisit it. But I already kind of knew going in that this is one of those movies that doesn't need nostalgia goggles to prop it up: Black Pearl is just a really fucking good, fun and exciting adventure movie, and deserves its all-time classic status for a reason. It's kind of marvelous how well it's aged: aside from the CG this movie could as well be released today and it wouldn't feel dated or out of touch at all. One of the best parts is how well the setting is realized: it's almost all location shooting, extensive sets and costuming that absolutely sell the time period. It's got just the right amount of wear and grit to it that it feels lived in and not like a set, something a lot of modern fantasy properties might want to try their hand at. And the soundtrack, my god!

Jack Sparrow is and remains an absolute icon. Johnny Depp's performance with how the character is written is truly lightning in a bottle, and this kind of character hasn't been really seen since. You question whether he's an omniscient supergenius or just a chaotic mess right up until the very end, and you never really get an answer. It's genius. Not that the rest of the characters are forgettable: Geoffrey Rush is another bit of incredible casting. He has just the right balance of snarling cartoon villainy sprinkled with a bit of almost Shakespearean gravitas that he provides a perfect counterpart to Jack Sparrow. Elizabeth and Will aren't the most blazing, larger than life personas ever, but they work because the pirates can contrast off of them and vice versa.

It really is remarkable just how well this movie is made on just about every level: the dialogue is just a delight to listen to, and further sells the setting. The action is creative, varied and exciting: you've got ship battles, one on one duels, group fights, fights on land, fights on boats, and they're all really fun. The final climax is surprisinly complex with three or four different layers of action happening all at once, yet they're balanced perfectly, and no setpiece drags on. While the CG is unquestionably dated, it's very cleverly woven into the script that it's only used heavily at night, so a lot of the finer details are blurred.

So yeah, not really much to say. Holds up like a diamond, and only shines brighter amids the sea of CG glut of modern cinema. True classic.
Well said. I recall catching some flack here as someone who enjoys ALL of the Pirates of the Caribbean films, Depp's Jack Sparrow being a particular reason. When I heard tell he might be out from the role, the entire franchise lost any appeal beyond the existing films.
 

Johnny Novgorod

Bebop Man
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Feb 9, 2012
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Nonnas

Whenever my nonna's cooking and I ask her about the process she just shrugs and says she "eyeballs it". She eyeballs everything. No big mythology to any one dish neither. It's all modified versions from some cookbook that was hot a hundred years ago.

I'm not going to dispute this movie's credentials but let's just say it's the shmaltzy-but-earnest version of what I know. Lots of talk about heart and history and family.

It's also one hell of a commercial for Enoteca Maria, a Staten Island restaurant where Italian grannies run the kitchen. This is such a no brainer application for people who got nothing but time to cook truckloads of food, I'm surprised I never heard of it being done before.

Vince Vaughn plays the real-life dude. He puts together a great stable (Susan Sarandon, Lorraine Bracco, Talia Shire, Brenda Vaccaro) but most of the movie is taken up by the old bags bickering (one of them is from Bologna and another is from Sicily, you see) and Vaughn struggling to make ends meet, failing inspections, fighting over money, not catching any customers, etc. The restaurant catches a lucky break like 5 minutes before the credits roll when it finally scores its first review, and that's all the taste of success you get. Wish we got some more.

I thought the whole thing was very charming and endearing and I have a soft spot lately for cozy movies. It teeters on getting a little too sappy but you have Vaughn anchoring the mood with the usual dry sarcasm and there's something earnest about the casting. Always nice to catch a Sopranos reunion too.
 

Bartholen

At age 6 I was born without a face
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The Astrologer, 2/10

This is a truly batshit one. This is a film from 1976 that was considered lost media and was never even officially released. It was made by a man called Craig Denney, who'd never made, and never did make anything else, and who might have faked his death. The story behind its production and rediscovery is insane, and I highly suggest you look into it. The Astrologer is nominally a story about - you guessed it - an astrologer who's trying to make it big in the entertainment business. While that is technically what the plot entails, the movie is structured so haphazardly and edited so incoherently that you're bound to completely forget what the fuck was happening multiple times during its paltry 75-minute runtime.

This is one of the most bizarrely incompetent movies you will ever see. You could almost pass it off as an experimental student film that's deliberately aiming to break every single rule of filmmaking: conversations are shot by showing the face of the person who's not talking. The editing is utterly baffling, it's shot incredibly awkwardly, about 20% of the film consists of just random montages, and most of the dialogue is done as offscreen ADR or voiceover. The story meanders pretty much randomly from completely different situation to situation, making it feel like it's starting over multiple times. It's probably the most aggressively "tell, don't show" film ever made. There's just sooooooo much explaining things. It's also a shameless vanity project, equivalent to the director (and main star) drawing himself as the gigachad meme.

I wish I had more to say, but the movie's escaping my mind even as I'm typing this. Watch it, you'll never see anything else like it. Also don't confuse it with the 1975 film of the same name.
 

thebobmaster

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Johnny Novgorod

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Final Destination Bloodlines

Pretty thrilling for something so shackled to repetitive shtick. There're a few neat twists to the formula and some pretty effective baiting and switching when it comes to the how and the who. Makes the last few FDs feel like straight to streaming compost. I just wish we didn't have to waste so much time waiting for the characters to figure out what's going on with every new movie.
 
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Johnny Novgorod

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War of the Worlds (2025)

The worst movie of the year. Makes The Old Guard 2 look like Passage to Marseille.

It's one of those movies that take place entirely on a computer screen, a genre which apparently we're now calling "screenlife", and aims to adapt the H.G. Wells novel with Ice Cube in the role of a DHS analyst. Yeah.

It was produced by Amazon during COVID, which explains the decision to make a movie where no two actors will ever share a screen together or indeed leave the safety of their homes. It also explains why Amazon Air - a drone delivery service that launched in 2022 - is presented as a revolutionary, game-changing technology. Amazon Prime Air (or simply Prime Air) utilizes delivery drones to autonomously fly individual packages to customers. And yes, the drones are fully electric and produce zero exhaust emissions during flight! Transitioning to renewable energy is one of the most impactful ways to lower carbon emissions. As part of Amazon's commitment to reach net-zero carbon by 2040, they're on a path to purchase enough renewable energy to match 100% of the non-renewable electricity consumed by our global operations by 2025.
 
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Xprimentyl

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Fantastic Four: First Steps: Really Good / Great

Another superhero movie that didn't feel like a superhero movie, and is better for it. If you had told me two weeks ago that I'd pay to watch a Marvel AND a DC movie in theaters, and that'd I'd thoroughly enjoy both, I'd have burnt you as a witch on the spot. FINALLY, some are starting to realize you can make a decent movie about characters that doesn't lean on "the characters" everyone recognizes to justify it. At no point did this film feel pandering; it wasn't a CGI masturbation-fest, but it told a meaningful story that wasn't just about the Fantastic Four because "Marvel movie." Was it a great story? No, but it wasn't one that felt beholden to anything other than itself, and that's the refreshing kind of tightness the hero genre has lacked for quite some time.
 
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