I Wrote That Crap (For America!)
- Thread starter MovieBob
- Start date
No Bob, we won't stop you; You want to tell us about terrible screenplays and we enjoy hearing about them. If you want to tell us about someone else's work, we won't mind.
On the other hand, I wouldn't say you're poisoning your chances at making real movies: Warlock sounds like a possible C-movie.
On the other hand, I wouldn't say you're poisoning your chances at making real movies: Warlock sounds like a possible C-movie.
I kind of want to see the first and third, maybe even the second if I was altered to show Icebreaker for the jerk he was rather than celebrating his "this is because of mixed signals attitude", from what Bob says of Pain and Gain I can imagine Michael Bay directing iit (Icebreaker)
The first idea was similar to the plot of Salt, only Bob's makes more sense. I assume because in the early 2000s we still expected scripts to at least attempt to have a cohesive narrative?
The second one has that kind of sudden genre/tone shift that can be really awesome if done well, but most of the time turns out really, really poorly.
The third one reminds me of the novel Shadow Ops: Control Point [http://www.amazon.com/Shadow-Ops-Control-Myke-Cole/dp/1937007243/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1379089319&sr=8-1&keywords=shadow+ops+control+point] (basically, about a US special forces unit of wizard-soldiers).
The second one has that kind of sudden genre/tone shift that can be really awesome if done well, but most of the time turns out really, really poorly.
The third one reminds me of the novel Shadow Ops: Control Point [http://www.amazon.com/Shadow-Ops-Control-Myke-Cole/dp/1937007243/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1379089319&sr=8-1&keywords=shadow+ops+control+point] (basically, about a US special forces unit of wizard-soldiers).
I read the intro to "Icebreaker" and the very first thing that came to mind was Dane Cook's "My Best Friend's Girl", then the whole "Confusing Modern Woman" deal led to "Hitch." So yeah, leave out the military action thing and you've combined two star-vehicle films into one reasonable-sounding story.
The third one also sounds interesting if it had focus - never crossed my mind to combine pagan-spiritualism with secular machismo.
The third one also sounds interesting if it had focus - never crossed my mind to combine pagan-spiritualism with secular machismo.
Icebreaker, initially, did not sound too bad of an idea. The part that turned me off completely was the part where the CIQ (character in question) was framed for murder and has to save the US. I'm thinking if Bob continued to work on the parts after the CIQ was beaten up for reals (like, if he was hospitalized and his love interest came to visit wanting an explanation as to why he got beaten up, he confesses that he was the Icebreaker jerk... know what? This is getting too cliche, so I'll stop), as opposed to the whole action parts that would seem shoehorned in even to the most braindead of moviegoers, I think this would have been a decent idea for a rom-com.
The other two films... Bob had to be stoned while thinking up those ideas. I could not read the synopses of either without a straight face.
Excuse me while I repeatedly elbow myself in the groin for saying "rom-com".
The other two films... Bob had to be stoned while thinking up those ideas. I could not read the synopses of either without a straight face.
Excuse me while I repeatedly elbow myself in the groin for saying "rom-com".
I have to admit...The Sleeper sounds like a pretty interesting idea. One that I'd want to watch actually. The rest....well, they sound rather silly and straight to video-ish.
Bob, what are you talking about? These movies sound awesome!
The confusing modern woman thing kinda reminds me of this talk I had with my sister; she said "dude, girls don't know what they want. You'll have to watch yourself."
Icebreaker kinda sounds like if Hideo Kojima made Catherine.
The confusing modern woman thing kinda reminds me of this talk I had with my sister; she said "dude, girls don't know what they want. You'll have to watch yourself."
Icebreaker kinda sounds like if Hideo Kojima made Catherine.
I'm glad you explained the logic behind "Icebreaker" being the name of an action hero, because otherwise I would have had no clue how you went from the premise to the guy having to save the world. I actually kind of like the idea of a work of fiction exploring the possibility of a "hey you, get your damn hands off her" guy for hire. Maybe not as the lead, but he sounds like some one-off character I might run into in a webcomic or modern sitcom. Hell, someone like that would fit right in with the sorts of weirdos they've had on Arrested Development.
The first movie probably could have worked, at the time, and even been well regarded, provided that you replaced the climax with something less stupid.
The first movie probably could have worked, at the time, and even been well regarded, provided that you replaced the climax with something less stupid.
Sleeper and American Warlock both sound really good.
Sleeper, in particular, could be like an action movie version of American Dreamz. I'd see it just to look at the faces pulled by those morons on Fox when it comes out. As per A.W., I don't think that the combination of those themes is weird at all. If anything, it could be an amazing cross over film.
Either way, I love these articles Bob, and for the most part, I love your ideas.
Sleeper, in particular, could be like an action movie version of American Dreamz. I'd see it just to look at the faces pulled by those morons on Fox when it comes out. As per A.W., I don't think that the combination of those themes is weird at all. If anything, it could be an amazing cross over film.
Either way, I love these articles Bob, and for the most part, I love your ideas.
You know the funny thing? There is actually a movie with almost the exact premise (premise, not plot) of Icebreaker from 2008 called My Best Friend's girl [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1046163/?ref_=nm_knf_t3]. I was very surprised he didn't point that out. From what I've heard of it, though, it would seem Bob's version might have been way more interesting. Apparently some Hollywood executive nicked the script while he wasn't looking.Vault Citizen said:
That is freaking fantastic. I was thinking it sounded like Michael Bay making My Best Friend's Girl.Machine Man 1992 said:
Oh, and Bob... if I ever see that 3rd movie on SyFy channel, I'll know who to blame.
As for the 1st movie, Sleeper... I was getting a real 'The Siege' vibe from it, not a bad thing, until it went off the rails at the end with the over-the-top stuff. That same script, minus the 90's fight scenes, with a modified ending where his love interest is killed by the big bad in NY then it skips ahead a few months to him having went to Afghanistan to track down the guy, now all epic-beard-of-sorrow'd, and concludes with him frantically tracking then chasing him through the fall of Kabul or battle of Kandahar... I could see Ridley Scott putting butts into seats with that circa 2004. Hell, you could even add the modern liberal angle by having it finally end with him settling the score, but being picked up by ISAF and renditioned anyway because of his present location on the battlefield and past associations actually biting him in the ass.
Bob, stop being so hard on yourself, these movie ideas sound crazy-awesome! Hell, these sound better than almost every other "current event inspired" flick from Hollywood. I'm talking about the ones that say the REAL bad guy is the Government or the U.S. Military (and I think you reviewed and eviscerated some of those, too). To me, that stuff doesn't reflect the viewing public's paranoia, they foster it.
Ha ha! Zing!Falseprophet said:
The Sleeper has already been made and made much better, its called Traitor and stars Don Cheadle.
I would totally watch The Sleeper if it was made; it seems perfect to walk the line between "tongue-in-cheek" and "jokingly-sincere"
Okay Bob, you win this time. There is absolutely nothing on that list I would even remotely consider paying money to see, not even for unintended comedy value. 