Getting Furious Over "Girlfriend Mode"
It?s worth pausing to consider what we?re after before we react.
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It?s worth pausing to consider what we?re after before we react.
Read Full Article
Getting Furious Over "Girlfriend Mode"
- Thread starter Dennis Scimeca
- Start date
Great article.
The whole incident was a bit frustrating. When I first read about the comment, my thought was that it was a really unfortunate thing to call your game mode. It wasn't until the response saying that he wasn't sexist that I myself was thinking "well, he probably wasn't being sexist, just thinking about how the situation would be for him, but it was still a tactless thing to say". I'm sure other people understood that sooner, but the war had already begun, and how do you turn it back?
I think that might be a question to answer: is there a way to defuse the combativeness and inject sense after the fact?
The whole incident was a bit frustrating. When I first read about the comment, my thought was that it was a really unfortunate thing to call your game mode. It wasn't until the response saying that he wasn't sexist that I myself was thinking "well, he probably wasn't being sexist, just thinking about how the situation would be for him, but it was still a tactless thing to say". I'm sure other people understood that sooner, but the war had already begun, and how do you turn it back?
I think that might be a question to answer: is there a way to defuse the combativeness and inject sense after the fact?
So...People saying stupid things on Twitter is now article-worthy?
Not busting your chops, Dennis. Like your writing. Just...Seemed like a weak way to seqgue into this.
Not busting your chops, Dennis. Like your writing. Just...Seemed like a weak way to seqgue into this.
![Fr]anc[is](https://eg-forums-escapist-data.nyc3.digitaloceanspaces.com/data/avatars/l/93/93202.jpg?1620797781){kind=avatar}
I think humans are still adjusting to the fact that in some positions in the modern world, hundreds of thousands of people will be reading and analyzing statements you (one) might make in social media. Many haven't programmed their minds to automatically stop and consider the potentially international ramifications of a single statement, a sentence.
In this case, it backfired, especially with the current atmosphere post "tropes vs. women" and in the midst of a lot of ongoing conversation regarding misogyny in our hobby. BUT I see his point. My wife plays video games, but her favorites are the N64 Zeldas and games where you can take your time and absorb some atmosphere. Twitchy, high reaction speed games like shooters give her a lot of trouble and it has been a barrier preventing us from co-op in Gears and Borderlands 1.
Hell, we had some success with Portal 2, but just navigating an avatar in the first person using two thumbsticks took some time and acclimation before we could tackle any puzzles. I showed her the article in question here regarding Borderlands 2 and she giggled, suggesting that maybe if we picked it up some couch co-op could be more of a possibility this time around.
I understand the backlash, and a member of a company needs to remember that even casual statements can become PR (for better or worse), but everyone is not the same. Political correctness would assume that all women would consider this an attack, when my admittedly small anecdotal example shows that there isn't even an issue here. Intent is what matters. If this Gearbox statement was on purpose knowing the current atmosphere and the thought process of "no publicity is bad publicity", then shame on him. If it was a casual statement about helping our better halves acclimate to a proven male-dominated genre, then this is just a mistake with a lack of understanding the power social media can have these days.
(I never do this, but TL;DR?), I know some women who joke about rape, they're not a monolithic entity who have the same feelings about everything, but either way tread carefully if you represent an entire company. Sorry about the wall of text.
In this case, it backfired, especially with the current atmosphere post "tropes vs. women" and in the midst of a lot of ongoing conversation regarding misogyny in our hobby. BUT I see his point. My wife plays video games, but her favorites are the N64 Zeldas and games where you can take your time and absorb some atmosphere. Twitchy, high reaction speed games like shooters give her a lot of trouble and it has been a barrier preventing us from co-op in Gears and Borderlands 1.
Hell, we had some success with Portal 2, but just navigating an avatar in the first person using two thumbsticks took some time and acclimation before we could tackle any puzzles. I showed her the article in question here regarding Borderlands 2 and she giggled, suggesting that maybe if we picked it up some couch co-op could be more of a possibility this time around.
I understand the backlash, and a member of a company needs to remember that even casual statements can become PR (for better or worse), but everyone is not the same. Political correctness would assume that all women would consider this an attack, when my admittedly small anecdotal example shows that there isn't even an issue here. Intent is what matters. If this Gearbox statement was on purpose knowing the current atmosphere and the thought process of "no publicity is bad publicity", then shame on him. If it was a casual statement about helping our better halves acclimate to a proven male-dominated genre, then this is just a mistake with a lack of understanding the power social media can have these days.
(I never do this, but TL;DR?), I know some women who joke about rape, they're not a monolithic entity who have the same feelings about everything, but either way tread carefully if you represent an entire company. Sorry about the wall of text.
I read this like three times to try find what to say, but all I can say is- I see your point, but I don't agree.
I would love to hear how we can approach conversations about sensitivity with developers without rustling their jimmies and invoking PC-panic, but I don't really think it's do-able.
First of all, I don't know any developers, so it's not like I can sit with them over coffee and explain that saying if you let a woman win your game she will reward you with oral sex is probably a stupid thing to say and why.
Second, I agree that anger is not exactly the right response, but a lot of us are angry. And for good reason. What happens with and to women in our community is not a secret, and it is not new. If I'm at a party where everyone keeps stepping on my foot, I'm not pissed off at why they're doing it, I just want them to get off my feet.
Third, I think, when you're in a boys-club such as gaming development, any critisism is likely to be brushed off as PC. Going too harsh will invoke screams of censorship, but a softly-softly approach risks being ignored altogether.
I wasn't particularly mad about this `Girlfriend mode` thing, just.... a bit fed up. A roll of the eyes moment and little more.
Personally, I think that not a lot will change until more developers actually start listening to female gamers, and perhaps that is why a lot of them are screaming. Because nobody is listening.
Disclaimer- I'm just sending my thoughts out. I don't mind if you disagree.
I would love to hear how we can approach conversations about sensitivity with developers without rustling their jimmies and invoking PC-panic, but I don't really think it's do-able.
First of all, I don't know any developers, so it's not like I can sit with them over coffee and explain that saying if you let a woman win your game she will reward you with oral sex is probably a stupid thing to say and why.
Second, I agree that anger is not exactly the right response, but a lot of us are angry. And for good reason. What happens with and to women in our community is not a secret, and it is not new. If I'm at a party where everyone keeps stepping on my foot, I'm not pissed off at why they're doing it, I just want them to get off my feet.
Third, I think, when you're in a boys-club such as gaming development, any critisism is likely to be brushed off as PC. Going too harsh will invoke screams of censorship, but a softly-softly approach risks being ignored altogether.
I wasn't particularly mad about this `Girlfriend mode` thing, just.... a bit fed up. A roll of the eyes moment and little more.
Personally, I think that not a lot will change until more developers actually start listening to female gamers, and perhaps that is why a lot of them are screaming. Because nobody is listening.
Disclaimer- I'm just sending my thoughts out. I don't mind if you disagree.
People tend not to be directly offended these days, they are offended because they feel that they should be. Women for example, have a habbit of picking on blondes... they have a blonde moment - yet that's not offensive or demeaning. To me, saying 'I'm having a blonde moment' is like me saying 'I feel as wretched as a ginger stepchild'. It's ok for women, because men just don't get as offended at womens stuff, womens adverts portraying men as imbeciles, sex objects, mute fireman-esque douchebags who are just there to make whatever middle-aged fantasy come true. Aren't we entitled to be offended at targetted marketting like that, no matter what sex or race or whatever might be involved?
What if that girlfriend mode is absolutely spot on the truth - that out of the small percentage of girlfriends who will play Borderlands2 with their boyfriend, will absolutely suck at it - to the point of ruining said boyfriends game. I think it's an awesome idea, and call it Girlfriend Mode, and if any women are offended, well buy them 50 shades and a bottle of wine, and that will shut them up, leaving you to enjoy your game in peace.
Political correctness can drag all the fun out of just about anything - it's bad enough on YouTube, but Twitter is just an endless parade of bitter blow-hards... that's why I won't join twitter, too much competition
What if that girlfriend mode is absolutely spot on the truth - that out of the small percentage of girlfriends who will play Borderlands2 with their boyfriend, will absolutely suck at it - to the point of ruining said boyfriends game. I think it's an awesome idea, and call it Girlfriend Mode, and if any women are offended, well buy them 50 shades and a bottle of wine, and that will shut them up, leaving you to enjoy your game in peace.
Political correctness can drag all the fun out of just about anything - it's bad enough on YouTube, but Twitter is just an endless parade of bitter blow-hards... that's why I won't join twitter, too much competition
I kinda agree with this, but I can also understand their anger. If I called it "girlfriend mode" while playing it with my girlfriend, she wouldn't be mad. She sucks at shooters. But for the developer of the game to publicly call it that is pretty disappointing.surg3n said:People tend not to be directly offended these days, they are offended because they feel that they should be. Women for example, have a habbit of picking on blondes... they have a blonde moment - yet that's not offensive or demeaning. To me, saying 'I'm having a blonde moment' is like me saying 'I feel as wretched as a ginger stepchild'. It's ok for women, because men just don't get as offended at womens stuff, womens adverts portraying men as imbeciles, sex objects, mute fireman-esque douchebags who are just there to make whatever middle-aged fantasy come true. Aren't we entitled to be offended at targetted marketting like that, no matter what sex or race or whatever might be involved?
What if that girlfriend mode is absolutely spot on the truth - that out of the small percentage of girlfriends who will play Borderlands2 with their boyfriend, will absolutely suck at it - to the point of ruining said boyfriends game. I think it's an awesome idea, and call it Girlfriend Mode, and if any women are offended, well buy them 50 shades and a bottle of wine, and that will shut them up, leaving you to enjoy your game in peace.
Political correctness can drag all the fun out of just about anything - it's bad enough on YouTube, but Twitter is just an endless parade of bitter blow-hards... that's why I won't join twitter, too much competition
Quoting this comment as a sign of total agreement and then getting out of this thread as fast as possible.Phasmal said:
To the OP: No, ~explaining~ the situation in soft voices and a demure tone lest we startle that poor, poor innocent man would not have made any difference. Why? Because you, dear OP, and the majority of your male colleagues would STILL have found reasons to tell us that this is not as bad as we are making it out to be. That we should just chill and enjoy the game. That he didn't MEAN it that way. etc.
It's the same every time.
I personally don't think the whole girlfriend mode thing was anything to get upset about, which is what bothers me about this article. To me, "Girlfriend Mode" doesn't mean "women can't play games." It means that very often the significant others of a gamers are not gamers themselves, and this was clearly the intention.
We don't need to talk about this. He was not being sexist. The use of gender specific wording does not always track to a gender specific meaning, and I firmly believe that his intention was not gender specific. Lets look at this quote, said long before the controversy erupted and everyone lost their collective shit:
"I want to make, for the lack of a better term, the girlfriend skill tree. This is, I love Borderlands and I want to share it with someone, but they suck at first-person shooters. Can we make a skill tree that actually allows them to understand the game and to play the game? That's what our attempt with the Best Friends Forever skill tree is."
It's not even actually called girlfriend mode. We are wasting valuable time and energy bashing this guy for talking like a human being and not using gender neutral wording.
More importantly, we are giving ammo to the people who are against the anti-sexism in gaming movement. We are acting like the over reacting and immature assholes our opposition says we are. By unreasonably attacking this man we have seriously damaged the reputation of the movement. We lose the moral high ground and become part of the problem.
We don't need to talk about this. He was not being sexist. The use of gender specific wording does not always track to a gender specific meaning, and I firmly believe that his intention was not gender specific. Lets look at this quote, said long before the controversy erupted and everyone lost their collective shit:
"I want to make, for the lack of a better term, the girlfriend skill tree. This is, I love Borderlands and I want to share it with someone, but they suck at first-person shooters. Can we make a skill tree that actually allows them to understand the game and to play the game? That's what our attempt with the Best Friends Forever skill tree is."
It's not even actually called girlfriend mode. We are wasting valuable time and energy bashing this guy for talking like a human being and not using gender neutral wording.
More importantly, we are giving ammo to the people who are against the anti-sexism in gaming movement. We are acting like the over reacting and immature assholes our opposition says we are. By unreasonably attacking this man we have seriously damaged the reputation of the movement. We lose the moral high ground and become part of the problem.
That's not a sexist, tired stereotype, that is a fact. All gamer-girls I know don't play shooters. Those who do, may be good at them, I don't know because I have never seen one. But it is known that males have a better spacial sense than females on average.
I thought "girlfriend mode" was what the developers called and it's really just called the BFF skill tree
Not to drag you back into the thread or anything...kogane said:
But I think this is kind of the point: maybe he didn't mean it the way you took it, and if everyone could just be civil about it then they would find that out? Maybe this guy doesn't think that all girls need to be carefully lead into harder games?
If he does, bring on the anger, but first it pays to find that out, to try and understand people.
This. This right here.Phasmal said:
Particularly the bit about the fed-up eye-rolling.
Is the mode a good idea? Yes - I'm all for features that allow anyone to play a game at their preferred difficulty setting. That is the ideal way to make games accessible to everyone.
Is calling it "girlfriend mode" offensive? Yes. It's the same sort of casual stupidity that makes me ashamed to be associated with some (note the SOME) gamers.
I also get sick of the stereotype. I play twitchy games like Bioshock, Saint's Row, etc just as much (if not more) than I play slow, turn-based games (mostly because there haven't been many turn-based games lately, but still).
I happen to know a gamer couple where the male prefers slower games and the female prefers the faster, twichier games. In that case, he would be the one using "girlfriend mode" because he doesn't play shooters - well, aside from Mass Effect 2/3 which he played on Casual. When she plays Mass Effect 3, she plays Gold difficulty multiplayer matches.
Anyway... freedom of expression is important, but saying ignorant, hateful things isn't expressing anything except that one is hateful and ignorant. And if one says such things in an international forum (like twitter), one should expect to be called out on it.
Firstly, if my boyfriend bought me 50 Shades of Grey, I would smack him in the head with it and then proceed to break up with him because obviously he doesn't know me well enough if he thinks I would be into that crap.surg3n said:
Secondly, I actually really enjoy shooters like Halo, Saints Row, and Resident Evil even if I am kind of sucky at them. I would really like this new mode so I can play. However, I believe that most girlfriends of gamers also enjoy games and many of them would be good at this so calling it girlfriend mode is a bit silly. I don't think he meant anything by it though. I think he was just looking at it from his point of view and wasn't looking at the larger picture.
For high schoolers, I would say that no, most gaming guys that have girlfriends do not have gaming girlfriends (let alone gaming girlfriends that play shooters). I have personal experience, at least, to lend support to this, as I had at least six girlfriends in high school and only one played games (but not shooters). After high school, I've had another 3 girlfriends, and again only one was a gamer (and liked shooters). Most of these girls were also the type that hung out with gamers and whose male friends were mostly gamers, as well.Shelley Gelschus said:
I'm interested, now that a large number of adults play games, in how these stats would compare to the average adult gaming relationship. I admittedly have little experience in this field. I'd imagine, at the very least, that you'd be right in that far more adult gaming girlfriends are into shooters than teen gaming girlfriends.
But anyway, I'd agree that the developer seemed to only be saying it in respect to his personal life, in the way that a female marketer might make an off-hand reference to some new 'boyfriend mode' to some stereotypically-female activity or device.
Are you saying that people who find the 'girlfriend mode' name irksome should just shut up and say nothing, because I'm not seeing how J Random Player is going to engage with a developer anyway. I don't even care to do that, I want to engage with the industry so they understand that if one of their dudes says something ill advised to PR then the community and media will let them know in no uncertain terms.
The writer should sit down and think hard about why he's telling people to suck it up and say nothing, not even a polite explanation of how it made them feel.
The writer should sit down and think hard about why he's telling people to suck it up and say nothing, not even a polite explanation of how it made them feel.
I honestly read girlfriend mode as a joke, and as such laugh it off as one. This is like a non-issue. The value of offense is, how invested you are in identifying it with yourself or others.
If you're not a newbie, then why make an issue out of it, and just laugh at it for 5 seconds, and proceed to not patronize the person for it. If you ARE a new player, then you can take comfort in knowing that it's a joke (a silly one, but a joke all the same), and the only harm it'll do is show, if your partner takes it serious.
Why not just embrace the joke, and transcend IT and the issue?
WHITE GUYS CAN'T DANCE! Are you gonna be mad at that statement as well?
If you're not a newbie, then why make an issue out of it, and just laugh at it for 5 seconds, and proceed to not patronize the person for it. If you ARE a new player, then you can take comfort in knowing that it's a joke (a silly one, but a joke all the same), and the only harm it'll do is show, if your partner takes it serious.
Why not just embrace the joke, and transcend IT and the issue?
WHITE GUYS CAN'T DANCE! Are you gonna be mad at that statement as well?