Simulated Cat Brain Heralds the End of the World

Andy Chalk

One Flag, One Fleet, One Cat
Nov 12, 2002
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Simulated Cat Brain Heralds the End of the World


As part of the ongoing quest for artificial intelligence, scientists at IBM [http://www.ibm.com/] have built a computer powerful enough to simulate the brain of a cat, which despite their denials is almost certain to lead to the end of life as we know it on this planet.

True artificial intelligence is the holy grail of computer science. It's also nowhere near reality at this point, but as one of the baby steps toward that goal, researchers have built a series of increasingly powerful supercomputers that can simulate some or all of the brain of smaller mammals. The most recent breakthrough from IBM is a system that simulates the cerebral cortex of a cat.

The computer uses 147,456 processors and 144 terabytes of memory, yet still thinks about 100 times slower than a real cat. But the benefit comes from the ability to see how thoughts are formed across the roughly one billion neurons and ten trillion synapses contained in a cat's brain. In one test, scientists observed the computer as it was shown images of corporate logos and determined what they were. Researcher Dharmendra Modha, who called it a "truly unprecedented scale of simulation," said the work is important because it could lead to computers better equipped to handle a wide range of ambiguous problems without a reliance on the "structured data" required by current technology.

Scientists claim that the computer doesn't actually think like a cat, which is of course exactly what you'd expect them to say once it became public knowledge that they'd essentially created Skynet with the brain of a furry, fanged messenger of death that likes to kill things for fun. On the upside, it'll probably spend about 90 percent of its time in standby mode anyway, giving anyone lucky enough to survive the first round of playful kitty-cat Armageddon plenty of time to pull the plug on the thing.

Source: Yahoo! Tech [http://tech.yahoo.com/news/ap/20091118/ap_on_hi_te/us_tec_ibm_brain_mapping]


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Katherine Kerensky

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Mar 27, 2009
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Wow. I think I'd feel safe if Skynet was controlled by a cat, as they know who their friends are (Cat person here).
And that picture, that cat looks so evil :p
and my favourite line:
they'd essentially created Skynet with the brain of a furry, fanged messenger of death that likes to kill things for fun.
Somehow, that only makes me love cats more :p
 

FolkLikePanda

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Apr 15, 2009
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Well apparently computers will be more intelligent than the human brain. And as humans we can judge whteher if somethging is worthless or not so the computers will judge what data is useless and what ins't and will find us as out of date data and henceforth kill us all! GAH THE CYBERMEN! THEY WILL DELETE US ALL! * becomes drunk bum yelling at everyone *
 

Mray3460

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Jul 27, 2008
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Once again, Sentient Machines=\=the end of the world (or even organic life)

They won't kill us unless we try to "kill" them first.

Edit: Also, if you're still fearful, keep in mind that the computer is still thinking 100 times slower than the animal who's intelligence that they are comparing it to, which means that for quite a while to come, organics (even the dumb ones) will be able to think circles around any AI that the industry can fabricate.
 

hazabaza1

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Nov 26, 2008
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You know what, I don't care what kind of robots they make, so long as I get to play Assassin's creed 2 and DA:O before they destroy the world.
 

Strategia

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Mar 21, 2008
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Hahahah, that's awesome. Now thet just need to increase their funding by several orders of magnitude, and hey presto, human brain simulator. Or they could go one better, and use PS3s [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/96596-Air-Force-Orders-2-200-PlayStation-3s]. That way, they should be able to accurately simulate an entity with a brain the size of a planet chronic depression.

Croaker42 said:
THE END IS NEIGH!!!
It's a cat brain, not a horse brain. :p
 

Ekonk

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Apr 21, 2009
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Why does everyone always assume Artificial Intelligences will think 'Wahey, I think, therefor I am! LET'S FRY SOME MOTHERFUCKING HUMANS'
 

Arbitrary Cidin

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Apr 16, 2009
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Wow. It takes a system of supercomputers to simulate the mind of a small animal? About a month ago, someone asked if the human brain could run Crysis on maximum settings. This sorta puts that into perspective.
 

Croaker42

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Feb 5, 2009
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Strategia said:
Hahahah, that's awesome. Now thet just need to increase their funding by several orders of magnitude, and hey presto, human brain simulator. Or they could go one better, and use PS3s [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/96596-Air-Force-Orders-2-200-PlayStation-3s]. That way, they should be able to accurately simulate an entity with a brain the size of a planet chronic depression.

Croaker42 said:
THE END IS NEIGH!!!
It's a cat brain, not a horse brain. :p
Oh in that case.

THE END IS MEOW!!!
 

Carlston

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Apr 8, 2008
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Least all you have to remember is when Skynet takes over the terminators will be distracted by yawn, laser pointers, balls, rc mice, and will be vunerable everytime they start to lick themselves.
 

RebelRising

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Jan 5, 2008
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After reading this, I opened a tab to comedy website "Cracked," only to find, on the main page, an article titled:

"6 Adorable Cat Behaviors With Shockingly Evil Explanations" [http://www.cracked.com/article/226_6-adorable-cat-behaviors-with-shockingly-evil-explanations/]

[small]...hold me.[/small]
 

Sewblon

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Nov 5, 2008
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If they make a computer that can think as fast as a chimpanzee, maybe then I will start to get anxious.
 

Poofs

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Nov 16, 2009
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if its a cat supercomputer do you have to unplug it 9 times?
Bud-Um Tish!