Porn Detection Stick Will Find Your Hidden Stash

Tom Goldman

Crying on the inside.
Aug 17, 2009
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Porn Detection Stick Will Find Your Hidden Stash



A new gadget has become popular due to its supposed ability to detect massive amounts of porn hidden on a computer.

The Porn Detection Stick from Paraben is a device that the majority of internet-using males should be horrified of. It's a USB dongle that, once plugged in, will search a hard drive for all pornography downloaded to it, even images that have been deleted.

It's currently being sold here [http://proofpronto.com/porn-detection-stick-by-paraben.html] for $98.95, which should make many breathe a sigh of relief as it's not cheap enough for mom to pick up on a whim. The advertised purpose behind the Porn Detection Stick is to "protect your family, business or organization" from the irreparable harm that porn can bring them. Mac porn-lovers rejoice, as it only works on Windows XP, Vista, or 7.

The product's description says: "The Porn Detection Stick uses advanced image analyzing algorithms that categorize images as potentially harmful by identifying facial features, flesh tone colors, image back grounds, body part shapes, and more. With less than 1% false positive indications, your search for contamination on your computer won't waste your time." It's admittedly not 100% accurate, but should give a good idea of the types of filthy images little Billy has been looking at after you've gone to sleep.

The Porn Detection Stick is living somewhat in the past, as it can only find images and not the newfangled moving pictures often found on the internet today. It really sounds like something being sold based on fear, as the description hints that porn is often downloaded to a computer even if you only visit Wikipedia to find information about unicorns, but I guess it's possible it could actually help someone, somewhere. And, of course, get a whole lot of people in trouble too.

(Via: Gizmodo [http://gizmodo.com/5484601/the-porn-detection-stick-is-like-the-hot-tub-time-machine-for-smut])


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Feb 13, 2008
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Tom Goldman said:
The product's description says: "The Porn Detection Stick uses advanced image analyzing algorithms that categorize images as potentially harmful by identifying facial features, flesh tone colors, image back grounds, body part shapes, and more. With less than 1% false positive indications, your search for contamination on your computer won't waste your time." It's admittedly not 100% accurate, but should give a good idea of the types of filthy images little Billy has been looking at after you've gone to sleep.
Surely just scanning the hard drive looking for a folder that's mostly jpgs will do the same?

Add in a trace for skintone hues and you've got the 99%.
 

thenumberthirteen

Unlucky for some
Dec 19, 2007
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Such a device would also be extremely useful for recovering and organising all your lost porn. A force for good.
 

delet

New member
Nov 2, 2008
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I wonder how much 'research' had to be done by them programmers who made this work... hmmmmm?
 

quiet_samurai

New member
Apr 24, 2009
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I think if you are a guy and are afraid of this little thing then you are either still living at your moms house or have a wife who wears the pants in the family. The only reason you should hide porn is because of small children in the house. But anyways, it's kinda neat I guess. I wonder how it differentiates them from other files.
 

Arachon

New member
Jun 23, 2008
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"Advanced Image Analysing Algorithms"? Why does this term come up so often, both in advertising and in TV-shows, yet no one cares to bother explaining how they work.
 

Dr.Susse

Lv.1 NPC
Apr 17, 2009
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It whould be great if it made a mistake and found hundreds of pictures of kittens or something. I can just imagine the wife thinking "THIS is his porn!"
 

BlindMessiah94

The 94th Blind Messiah
Nov 12, 2009
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I suppose it could double as an evidence eraser for your computer. Granted if anyone found all the porn I've looked at I'd just shrug. Nothing to be embarrassed about. It's not like I have beastiality or something similar on here.
 

Snowalker

New member
Nov 8, 2008
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The end is night for us single males. Its only a matter of time. I'm going out on the street with my cardboard sign.
 

Julianking93

New member
May 16, 2009
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I don't have porn on my computer.

I've got hentai comics stashed in a secret place in my room
 

RvLeshrac

This is a Forum Title.
Oct 2, 2008
662
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Short answer: It doesn't.
Long answer: Iiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt doooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssnnnnnnnnn'ttttttttt
 

Cherry Cola

Your daddy, your Rock'n'Rolla
Jun 26, 2009
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There are so many jokes I want to do right now...

Damn it, why such a teasing thread!?
 

SnootyEnglishman

New member
May 26, 2009
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The beginning of the End is here...now suspicious wives and girlfriends with 100$ to spare have their all-powerful tool /sarcasm
 

Timotei

The Return of T-Bomb
Apr 21, 2009
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Any smart porn surfer doesn't keep their stash on their hard drive. They keep it on something they can remove and hide easily like an external or a flash drive. If you get caught because it was on your hard drive, you deserve to get caught.

Also what if this stick happens to bring up mundane pictures of friends or your children? How the fuck to do explain your way out of that?