GodBlock: Keeping Your Children Safe on the Internet

[Andy Chalk]

GodBlock: Keeping Your Children Safe on the Internet

Parents who worry that their children may stumble across offensive content on the internet can set their minds at ease thanks to GodBlock, the new web filtering software that will block out the "violent, sexual and psychologically harmful" material found in many holy texts.

Are you worried that exposure to harmful media may irreversibly damage your young child's development into a healthy adult? Do you wish you could protect your children from images of violent death, destruction and even globe-spanning apocalypse? Soon you'll be able to with GodBlock, the new web filter designed to ensure a healthy, happy online experience for everyone.

"When installed properly, GodBlock will test each page that your child visits before it is loaded, looking for passages from holy texts, names of religious figures, and other signs of religious propaganda," the GodBlock website [http://www.godblock.com/#sticker] explains. "If none are found, then your child is allowed to browse freely."

According to the GodBlock development team, even children raised in a secular household are at risk of being exposed to religious content on the internet. "GodBlock is a web filter that blocks religious content," the site says. "It is targeted at parents and schools who wish to protect their kids from the often violent, sexual, and psychologically harmful material in many holy texts, and from being indoctrinated into any religion before they are of the age to make such decisions."

Unfortunately, you can't actually block God just yet; hitting the download links, which purport to offer both Windows and Mac versions of the software, opens a message advising potential users that the program is still in development. Interested users can sign up for a mailing list that will keep them abreast of updates and true (non) believers can also donate to the project, for which they will be mailed ten GodBlock stickers.

Is this a legitimate project, some kind of publicity stunt or maybe a twist on the "send me money" formula? Perhaps a sequel to Dante's Inferno [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/96208-Mass-We-Pray-A-Holy-Hoax-or-Just-a-Really-Bad-Game] is on the way? No matter what it is, it's hard to miss how easily "religion" slips into the space normally reserved for other, more conventional forms of "dangerous" media influences - videogames being very near the top of that list. Whether or not a religion-free internet will ever become a viable option, GodBlock is no doubt already catalyzing some pretty interesting online conversations.


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[tomtom94]

I predict a backlash.

In all seriousness this seems like the internet being incredibly closed-minded (and I'm an atheist).

I have to say though, this is pretty funny and to a degree incredibly sensible.

 

[Danpascooch]

Next up: "Oxyblock"

It is 100% guaranteed to never let your child see ANYTHING offensive, by blocking all oxygen from being inhaled.

 

[Danpascooch]

I predict a backlash.

In all seriousness this seems like the internet being incredibly closed-minded (and I'm an atheist).

I have to say though, this is pretty funny and to a degree incredibly sensible.

It's as sensible as other blocks, perhaps more so, but that still isn't saying much.

 

[Hiphophippo]

I hate dumb people, but I'm glad they exist otherwise I wouldn't have nearly as much to laugh at.

 

[Secret world leader (shhh)]

I read somewhere that there is a sequel to dantes inferno being made.

OT: I'm usually against censoring, but this seems like a good idea.

Edit: upon reading the website i think there is something fishy about it. i have a feeling that it could be a marketing campaign.

 

[Karlaxx]

I have to say that this is foremost a satire/thumbing of the nose to the kind of religios folk we don't usually like (Read: the game-censoring ones) because honestly I can't say that a program just for blocking religious content is worth it- there's not enough of it that falls under the psychologically harmful category, I think. The indoctrination angle has... a point, I suppose, but it still seems a little wonky to worry that much about it.

That being said, though.... Awesome. Take that!

 

[SniperWolf427]

Thank God! Now I don't have to worry about accidentally stumbling upon any religious content while I browse the Escapist. For a minute there I was worried I may become irreversably brainwashed.

 

[CJ1145]

If this is serious, then I have one thing to say: isn't this stooping EVEN FURTHER below the level of the intolerant religious types who try to keep their child in the dark about non-religious things? I mean, even those people are starting to let off the pressure, and as soon as that's happening here comes some retard going "It's the atheists' turn to be intolerant!"

Honestly, though, it sounds like trolling on a massive scale.

 

[Baldry]

GOD CAN'T STOP ME READING ABOUT GOD! Wait what?

I'm sure that their are more important things to block then God, say porn! or maybe 4chan?!

 

[whaleswiththumbs]

hehehehe. well.. i don't know what to say. Funny...

 

[tomtom94]

I predict a backlash.

In all seriousness this seems like the internet being incredibly closed-minded (and I'm an atheist).

I have to say though, this is pretty funny and to a degree incredibly sensible.

It's as sensible as other blocks, perhaps more so, but that still isn't saying much.

I personally feel that blocks as an optional product are a good idea, because unfortunately not all parents are incredibly diligent.

I don't know whether potential indoctrination is more dangerous than accidentally-stumbled-across porn or not, but I'm going to say this deserves its shot, both as a satire and as a genuine product.

 

[PumpItUp]

This seems more like a Take That at the people who declare (Pick One: videogames, movies, hip hop, etc.) as the great evil they must protect their children from. Some one the most grotesque stuff found on the Internet can easily be beaten by stuff straight out of the Bible. Really. Check how many people are murdered by either God or in his name. Makes GTA look inane by comparison.

 

[Thedayrecker]

Wait... is this like parental control for Atheists? I'm and Atheist and this seems a little over the top, but whatever. To each his own, I guess.

 

[Silk_Sk]

Sadly, if this is real, I doubt anyone will get it because they are genuinely concerned for their child's safety. It's much more likely it'll be more of a "stick it to the man in the sky" kind of reason.

 

[Imsety]

I would be very surprised if it didn't turn out to be a parody of other "safe surfing" filters, that filter stuff like violence or pornography, most often filtering out useful stuff along the way.

As was said, it's just as sensible as any other *insert subject*-blocker, which is to say, no sensibility whatsoever.

 

[Zhukov]

Ugh. Sounds like the sort of thing that the Christian fundies would come up with.

Please be a joke.