8 Ridiculous Rules From the New Warhammer Age of Sigmar

JonB

Don't Take Crap from Life
Sep 16, 2012
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8 Ridiculous Rules From the New Warhammer Age of Sigmar

Warhammer has got a full-on reboot going, and some of this stuff is just completely absurd.

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09philj

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Even discounting the jokes, it's a fairly broken ruleset, even by GW's low standards.
 

Mikeybb

Nunc est Durandum
Aug 19, 2014
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Being an old, old warhammer nerd who can remember when the toughness stat was displayed as a letter instead of a number, I've seen warhammer go through a lot of changes.
Some good, some bad, some horrible.
I haven't had time to play for a long time and by extension no where near enough time to paint and prepare an army for battle, so the shift in scale did interest me, even if being totally honest I knew it was purely out of curiosity rather than a genuine intent to pick up the game again.

You see, while the game lost me as a player a long time ago, the lore never did.
I'd still buy books.
Occasionally even rule books, just to see what directions the game had gone in.
As such, the changes have little impact on me as a customer and a fan.
I still throw money at them for books, art novel and rule, and probably will do so at the same rate until they stop making them.

Though, I will admit my friends and I have taken to calling it "Age of Smegmar" instead.
Why?
Because it conveys the degree of unpleasant cheesiness your looking forward to during a game.
 

SilverHunter

New member
Sep 22, 2014
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So... Age of Unglued...? Ungluedhammer?

That's what 7 out of 8 rules shout at me... All rule 7 is missing is the requirements of some Warhammer-related Tremors series references (movies or tv show) being required for the effect. Naught worse than the BFG, I imagine. A 99/99 with trample is absurdly broken against nothing less than a Phantom Tiger or some such.
 

Rituro

Critwrencha
Sep 18, 2008
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Man. Now I don't feel so bad about selling all but my most cherished minis a few years ago.
 

Silentpony_v1legacy

Alleged Feather-Rustler
Jun 5, 2013
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From what I've seen at my local GW, its a mess. No point values, no force charts, and flat dice rolls. As in your unit of dudes hit on a 4+ and wound on a 3+, regardless of what they're fighting.
The manager said that basically the only real rules are gonna be house rules and in-game ones that require you, the PLAYER, to do something. Like you get Dwarf bonuses if the PLAYER has a beard. Or the Elves player has to keep a straight face during a knock-knock joke so he can reroll something. Dark Elves have to talk to their models in a whispery voice.
Skaven have a rule that if you roll a 13 on 2D6, you win the game. YES! That's an actual rule!

Its such a joke, I think this is GW's fantasy swan song. This is how they chose to end Fantasy once and for all! By MST3King the shit out of it!
 
Jan 12, 2012
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Mikeybb said:
Being an old, old warhammer nerd who can remember when the toughness stat was displayed as a letter instead of a number, I've seen warhammer go through a lot of changes.
Some good, some bad, some horrible.
I haven't had time to play for a long time and by extension no where near enough time to paint and prepare an army for battle, so the shift in scale did interest me, even if being totally honest I knew it was purely out of curiosity rather than a genuine intent to pick up the game again.

You see, while the game lost me as a player a long time ago, the lore never did.
I'd still buy books.
Occasionally even rule books, just to see what directions the game had gone in.
As such, the changes have little impact on me as a customer and a fan.
I still throw money at them for books, art novel and rule, and probably will do so at the same rate until they stop making them.

Though, I will admit my friends and I have taken to calling it "Age of Smegmar" instead.
Why?
Because it conveys the degree of unpleasant cheesiness your looking forward to during a game.
You do know that the fluff is getting changed up as well, right? The AoS fluff is just freaking awful (if I read the word "storm" or "gore" again I'll hit someone) and the 9th edition stuff, while supposedly scaled back, is still going to have to deal with the fallout of the End Times and sending my beloved Lizardmen to the moon.

I'm also much more of a fan of the universe and the novels than I am of the game itself, but unless Black Library declares independence and keeps up the old fluff I'm just going to have to stick to the old Gotrek & Felix.

OT: These rules are like someone's house rules, the kind written by an old grognard who laughs at any joke that includes a reference to Harry the Hammer. It's silly nonsense that doesn't really hurt, but it's really the kind of thing I'd expect to see in a Standard Bearer column of White Dwarf.

Looking forward to seeing a full review of Age of Sigmar, and hopefully 9th, here on the Escapist. I can't wait to see what you guys do with the "models have no point cost, you just put out equal numbers no matter the abilities" rule. Heck, bring back the podcast for a special episode and ream it out.

On a side note, the formatting of the quotes of the rules is off; it's presented like it was copied directly from the rulebook and no one corrected the columns.
 

09philj

Elite Member
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Mar 31, 2015
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My local GW had the good luck for launch day to be the store birthday, so they could also pack in a lot of none AoS events like a Mad Max themed 40k scenario, an auction of stuff sold for Imperial Credits (earned by spending money in store in preceding months.), and cake.
 

Muspelheim

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Apr 7, 2011
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Some of these are rather cute. If any game could use some lighten-up, it'd be Warhammer.

Of course, on a whole, this whole venture looks bloody awful. I'm not entirely unconvinced this isn't an attempt to wrap up Warhammer Fantasy, bin it and concentrate on that spacehammer everyone seems to like so much more.

Thunderous Cacophony said:
...and sending my beloved Lizardmen to the moon.
What?!

Noooo! Please, come home! All is forgiven!
 

zerragonoss

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Oct 15, 2009
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I think I get where they are coming from, as far as pure execution of mechanics they likely think they cannot compete with video games with a tabletop war game. So they decide to play up the unique part of actually being in the same room as you opponent by making you do wacky stuff. They just happened to forget that just being in the same room as people and having a fun game to play is good enough reason on its own to play something analog instead of digital; and when you bother to do it you may as well play a game with solid mechanics.
 

vallorn

Tunnel Open, Communication Open.
Nov 18, 2009
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I... this... This is just absurd on a million levels. Fuck this shit, My Dark Elves are only playing using proper rules and if someone wants me to use these awful rules I will laugh in their face then proceed to ignore that they exist during the course of the game.

Just... My god removing force org charts from 40k and replacing them with those detatchments and units of units was bad enough but this is just like they let Matt Ward at a keyboard while he was on LSD and decided that the result "WASN'T ZANY ENOUGH!"

I'm just done with Fantasy now. Fuck you GeeDubs. You had something really neat going with your End Times set ups but this is just AWFUL on a million levels.

And now I go to /tg/ to see their reaction to this travesty.
 

Muspelheim

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Apr 7, 2011
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I came up with a few more!

Wrath of the Sands (Tomb Kings)

If you have fielded High Queen Khalida, you may, during the magic phase, dump a bucket of sand (if brought along) on the opposing player's models. Used cat litter may be used instead of sand, which will add the "Poisoned" effect to all models in base contact with the litter.

Hammer of Sigmar (Empire)

If the Empire player has dressed up as Sigmar for the occasion, they may smash the game table with a hammer once per magic phase. Any models knocked over are considered casualties, including models caught under the hammer.

The Darkened Woods (Beasts of Chaos)

If available, the Beastmen player may feed the eliminated opposing player's models to their goat.

Horns and Claws (Beasts of Chaos)

If the Beastmen player is suitably dressed up for the occasion, they may headbutt the opposing player after each resolved mêlée phase.

Dwarven Life and Livery (Dwarfs)

A Dwarven player must drink one shot of an alcoholic beverage for every dice rolled, model moved, test taken and whenever the opposing player calls them a wee sissy that cannae hold their drink.

If the Dwarven player vomits on the table, all models in base contact with the vomit are considered eliminated.

If the Dwarven player starts a fight and break the terrain over the opposing player's head, they win the battle.

This is damn fun.

Captcha: get out.

Oh, captcha, you're a right bore you are!
 

Starke

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Mar 6, 2008
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SteinarB said:
What? Wait, what? Okay, what did they spike the water with over at GW HQ?
They were using Muspelheim's Life and Livery rules.
 
Jan 12, 2012
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Muspelheim said:
Thunderous Cacophony said:
...and sending my beloved Lizardmen to the moon.
What?!

Noooo! Please, come home! All is forgiven!
I'm sorry, it's too late; rain of meteors destroyed Lustria, most of the Lizardmen died (including most of the Slaan) and the rest pulled an Ancient Aliens and flew away in their ziggurats. The End Times did a lot of stupid things, but that was probably the worst (even beating Settra getting smashed in Inter-Skellington Combat).
Muspelheim said:
Those are great. Here's another:
Fey Step (Wood Elves)
During the movement phase, a Wood Elf player may throw one (and only one) handful of leaves over the board to blind their opponent. While the opponent is blinded, they may move every model they can grab up to 6 inches in a random direction until the opposing general calls "no takebacks".
 

008Zulu_v1legacy

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Sep 6, 2009
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Are these serious rules? I thought they were bad jokes (no offense).

If they are cutting the rules, the least they could do is cut the prices on their minis.
 

ccggenius12

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Sep 30, 2010
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After giving the rules a read, the game itself seems playable enough(outside of the IRL nonsense, I'd houserule all of that stuff as auto-happening in a heartbeat. Besides, since when has an Orc player needed INCENTIVE to yell WAAAAAAAAUGH!!! ?); I appreciate anything that makes a GW game take less than a whole afternoon to play. It's the army building that's going to be an issue, at least initially. Seeing as it stands at "we couldn't be arsed to balance this game, so you guys do it". I'm quite certain you'd have something balanced if good points values could be added to everything, and I'm sure some dedicated section of the player base will eventually do that. And, by virtue of it all being on a fan-made wiki or something, it can be updated constantly for balance without justifiable fan outcry. Basically, Smogon for the Warhammer community. Of course, we'd somehow need to get everyone to agree on a third party source, and that seems... less than likely. Still, if the 8th edition rules are readily available we'd at least have a jumping off point, but what are the odds that GW will make a product, (even an outmoded one) open source?
 

GabeZhul

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Mar 8, 2012
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Muspelheim said:
I came up with a few more!

Wrath of the Sands (Tomb Kings)

If you have fielded High Queen Khalida, you may, during the magic phase, dump a bucket of sand (if brought along) on the opposing player's models. Used cat litter may be used instead of sand, which will add the "Poisoned" effect to all models in base contact with the litter.

Hammer of Sigmar (Empire)

If the Empire player has dressed up as Sigmar for the occasion, they may smash the game table with a hammer once per magic phase. Any models knocked over are considered casualties, including models caught under the hammer.

The Darkened Woods (Beasts of Chaos)

If available, the Beastmen player may feed the eliminated opposing player's models to their goat.

Horns and Claws (Beasts of Chaos)

If the Beastmen player is suitably dressed up for the occasion, they may headbutt the opposing player after each resolved mêlée phase.

Dwarven Life and Livery (Dwarfs)

A Dwarven player must drink one shot of an alcoholic beverage for every dice rolled, model moved, test taken and whenever the opposing player calls them a wee sissy that cannae hold their drink.

If the Dwarven player vomits on the table, all models in base contact with the vomit are considered eliminated.

If the Dwarven player starts a fight and break the terrain over the opposing player's head, they win the battle.

This is damn fun.

Captcha: get out.

Oh, captcha, you're a right bore you are!
Are... Are these rules meant for drunken frat parties? Because I don't think anyone plays WH at drunken frat parties...

Also... Is it just me, or about half of these are about breaking/defiling/making the miniatures unusable? Is this some kind of stealth ploy by GW so increase their sales by making players destroy each other's figurines?
 

xaszatm

That Voice in Your Head
Sep 4, 2010
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Thunderous Cacophony said:
Mikeybb said:
Being an old, old warhammer nerd who can remember when the toughness stat was displayed as a letter instead of a number, I've seen warhammer go through a lot of changes.
Some good, some bad, some horrible.
I haven't had time to play for a long time and by extension no where near enough time to paint and prepare an army for battle, so the shift in scale did interest me, even if being totally honest I knew it was purely out of curiosity rather than a genuine intent to pick up the game again.

You see, while the game lost me as a player a long time ago, the lore never did.
I'd still buy books.
Occasionally even rule books, just to see what directions the game had gone in.
As such, the changes have little impact on me as a customer and a fan.
I still throw money at them for books, art novel and rule, and probably will do so at the same rate until they stop making them.

Though, I will admit my friends and I have taken to calling it "Age of Smegmar" instead.
Why?
Because it conveys the degree of unpleasant cheesiness your looking forward to during a game.
You do know that the fluff is getting changed up as well, right? The AoS fluff is just freaking awful (if I read the word "storm" or "gore" again I'll hit someone) and the 9th edition stuff, while supposedly scaled back, is still going to have to deal with the fallout of the End Times and sending my beloved Lizardmen to the moon.

I'm also much more of a fan of the universe and the novels than I am of the game itself, but unless Black Library declares independence and keeps up the old fluff I'm just going to have to stick to the old Gotrek & Felix.

OT: These rules are like someone's house rules, the kind written by an old grognard who laughs at any joke that includes a reference to Harry the Hammer. It's silly nonsense that doesn't really hurt, but it's really the kind of thing I'd expect to see in a Standard Bearer column of White Dwarf.

Looking forward to seeing a full review of Age of Sigmar, and hopefully 9th, here on the Escapist. I can't wait to see what you guys do with the "models have no point cost, you just put out equal numbers no matter the abilities" rule. Heck, bring back the podcast for a special episode and ream it out.

On a side note, the formatting of the quotes of the rules is off; it's presented like it was copied directly from the rulebook and no one corrected the columns.
Still think the worst name I've heard is Blooodstroker. Like...really? Bloodstroker? I shudder to think what they'll come up with for Slaanesh if KHORNE got BLOODSTROKER!.

OT: This game is an absolute mess. All games result in a giant pile in by turn one and the game encourages you to bring as many special characters as possible simply because of how broken they are. It's just simply terrible.

In other random news, Kings of War is a mass fantasy wargame that allows you to use certain models from other companies to play their game.
 

Elfgore

Your friendly local nihilist
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Dec 6, 2010
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I don't play Tabletop, so note this is from ignorance.

These rules, while funny and wacky, should not belong in an official ruleset. Something like this should be in a secondary rulebook. One filled with just stupid shit. I'm sure if I walked into friday night magic with a unglued deck, I'd be kicked out.