A "Frank" Discussion

[ElephantGuts]

Well it sounds like you have really low self-esteem. Think about the fact that even really fat, ugly, or stupid people somehow manage to find someone they're happy with. If you aren't even as bad off as these people, why wouldn't you be able to find someone?

I also have fairly low self-esteem. If you asked me, I would say I'm not very good looking at all. But do what I do: Tell yourself that it's all in your head and that someone must like you, and just ask people out. Take Frank's advice: The worst that can happen is they can say no. Eventually you'll find someone whose standards you meet.

But when I say that, of course I only mean that you should ask people who meet your standards. I would rather be alone than be with someone I wasn't attracted to because they were the best I could get. I agree that it's degrading and insulting to force yourself into a relationship you're not happy with.

But I still believe that somewhere between girls that are too good for you and girls you're too good for, there's a balance where you can find the right person. Atleast, I hope so. For both of our sakes.

 

[Paragon Fury]

I would like to point out that "Frank" isn't a "friend - he's just some random dude on my floor.

Just so no one has the wrong idea.

 

[Skeleon]

Dude you spelt opinionated, as opinanated. Which is incorrect. And there was a small typo, you've spelt said as siad.

And you've spelled 'spelt' wrong. In yo' FACE!

Fuck, I did as well. Thanks a lot Firefox, you and your spell checkers add-ons have failed me for the last time.

Nope, it's just British English.

 

[BlindTom]

So you're shy yeah? Stop being so shy.

 

[Ultress]

Oh my god your House.

Wrong. He said that he may be smart and that he isn't particularly attractive. House is an unbridled genius and a sexy *****.
/man crush

Happy face!

Though I think house has called himself not the best looking guy around.

 

[Zac_Dai]

What exactly are your standards? Is it just looks or personality as well.

If its the later you'd be surprised how hidden peoples true personalities are and if you made the effort you might be rewarded.

 

[manicfoot]

I'm kind of like you... the reason I don't talk to girls is because every relationship I've had has done considerable emotional damage. Nowadays I don't think its worth the risk and prefer to be alone.
I think you should stick to your standards but maybe try talking to some girls. There's no reason why you can't have female friends.

 

[Paragon Fury]

Sad excuses

This is the mindset that makes those Japaneese girl-shaped pillows producers profitable.

But its so squishy......*ahem*

But therein lies the problem - most the things I do enjoy doing that involve other people do not usually attract females. Paintball for example, does not usually have a high number of females in attendance.

 

[Agent Larkin]

I feel that your standards are your standards and it shouldnt matter what they are to people around you.

 

[ThrobbingEgo]

If you don't ever talk to girls, how will you know if they meet your "standards" or not? I mean, you don't even know them. You're just judging them on what they look like.

 

[Lord George]

I just force people to shape to meet my standards, much more effective.

 

[EMFCRACKSHOT]

I'm kind of like you... the reason I don't talk to girls is because every relationship I've had has done considerable emotional damage. Nowadays I don't think its worth the risk and prefer to be alone.
I think you should stick to your standards but maybe try talking to some girls. There's no reason why you can't have female friends.

The same has happened to me. Hopefully i'll get over it eventually but it did leave some self esteem issues.
I have few female freinds and there are 1 or 2 girls that i like, it doesnt hurt to talk to them. But for now, i'm better off alone. I'd probably leave the other girl with the emotional damage and ruin another friendship

 

[Lord Beautiful]

Oh my god your House.

Wrong. He said that he may be smart and that he isn't particularly attractive. House is an unbridled genius and a sexy *****.
/man crush

Happy face!

Though I think house has called himself not the best looking guy around.

Certainly he said it ironically.

 

[Snugglebunny]

Is it really more insulting to lower ones standards just to fufill some cultural goal?
-More insulting than what? And its not some 'cultural goal' (most) PRETTY BOYS LIKE SEX WITH PRETTY GIRLS, and vice versa. Nothing too cultural about that.

Is accepting that one may simply be out of league in regards to something like "mates", simply based on personal observation ood, or wrong even?
-Yes. Don't feel to bad about it. And don't say 'mates', what is this, the Discovery Channel. And what is ood?

Is basing ones interaction's with the opposite sex based on said observations stupid, odd, or even wrong?
-Yes, its stupid. You shouldn't approach every girl you meet with a checklist and a 'yes' or 'no' stamp. And before you go looking for an acceptable 'mate' you need to be willing to change yourself too meet some other girls standards before you expect them to meet yours.

 

[Ultress]

Oh my god your House.

Wrong. He said that he may be smart and that he isn't particularly attractive. House is an unbridled genius and a sexy *****.
/man crush

Happy face!

Though I think house has called himself not the best looking guy around.

Certainly he said it ironically.

After my House marathon I'm inclined to agree

 

[Lord Krunk]

I'm embarrased as to think that this was about "Donnie Darko"....

Er...what?

'Frank' is the undead demon rabbit that haunts Donnie's nightmares... or something like that. Well, at least he tells Donnie the exact moment when the world will end.

Ergo, Frank... a Frank Discussion... that's what he meant.

As for the topic at hand, I don't think that high standards are bad at all. Myself, there have only ever been 3 girls that I ever liked; one being my best friend (which is now my ex, it went horribly wrong), and two being musicians that I met when I was performing with my school band for an international competition (we came third, first the year before). Sadly, those other two I only met for a brief period before we went our separate ways. No one else have really caught my attention before or since.

However, high standards in other categories can mess you up. I am very picky when choosing a job, and as a result have been unemployed for a long time now.

 

[sallene]

In other words, talk to people, they're more interesting than you think.

The 10% of me that is an optimist thinks this is correct.

the 60% of me that is the pessimist thinks this a highly incorrect and will only lead to hurt feelings.

and the 30% of me that is cynical bastard thinks people are not interesting and not worth talking too and should just stay the hell out of my personal space.





there is another 10% unaccounted for but I wont go into that right now.




To be honest I gave up on trying to forge any relationships beyond work/aquantance level a long time ago as I was always being let down/dissapointed by the people around me, esepcailly the girls and later women as I grew.

but thats my damage. I certainly wouldnt listen to me.

 

[Ignignoct]

SNEEEEEEEEP!

...

How dare you entice me to this thread and have no content on the topic of Frankfurters and their processing.

 

[Daveman]

Is it really more insulting to lower ones standards just to fufill some cultural goal?

Is having one's standards too high an insult to those around them, even if the standards only affect the person holding them?

Is accepting that one may simply be out of league in regards to something like "mates", simply based on personal observation ood, or wrong even?

Is basing ones interaction's with the opposite sex based on said observations stupid, odd, or even wrong?

It turns out that often what we perceive as attractive is usually based on some moderately attainable goal. This is why nuts magazines "high street honeys" are so popular as we believe we actually have a chance with them because they're "real people" as it were. This is down to our narcissism apparently, I don't really remember, it was in the papers ages ago. Anyway, the point of this is maybe these girls you find attractive aren't so unattainable after all.
I wrote a bunch of stuff saying how I was exactly the same too but really you can assume that from about half the people on here. Anyway, people are not well known for taking their own advice which is bad for me as I think I'm quite good at giving advice.

 

[Paragon Fury]

Is it really more insulting to lower ones standards just to fufill some cultural goal?
-More insulting than what? And its not some 'cultural goal' (most) PRETTY BOYS LIKE SEX WITH PRETTY GIRLS, and vice versa. Nothing too cultural about that.

Is accepting that one may simply be out of league in regards to something like "mates", simply based on personal observation ood, or wrong even?
-Yes. Don't feel to bad about it. And don't say 'mates', what is this, the Discovery Channel. And what is ood?

Is basing ones interaction's with the opposite sex based on said observations stupid, odd, or even wrong?
-Yes, its stupid. You shouldn't approach every girl you meet with a checklist and a 'yes' or 'no' stamp. And before you go looking for an acceptable 'mate' you need to be willing to change yourself too meet some other girls standards before you expect them to meet yours.

Its supposed to be "odd". Its a typo.


As for a checklist and a stamp - why shouldn't I, if I'm going to try at all, approach something as large and as serious as relationships with a checklist and a stamp? (Assuming of course, we're talking about potenially serious relationships, not just friendships.)