A Poly relationship

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

jealousy would eventually get to someone, and i hate hurting people's feelings (hell i might even be the one to get jealous) and it would just turn into a clusterfuck of everyone not being mature and straight with each other.

plus when i "love" someone, i feel absolutely no feelings for other girls around me, so if i'm in a relationship, then basically all girls besides her in my mind look like fat smoking truck drivers with beards and crooked teeth.

 

[The Lunatic]

I guess I don't see why not.

However, such would require me to hold two people in each regard and amore.

Something I'm yet to do.

 

[BOOM headshot65]

What I'm saying at no point short of your body or life being endangered, is it ever legally or socially acceptable to attack someone. Even if they're a colossal douche hassling you. You leave, you do something else. Physical violence, not acceptable.

Then you obviously know nothing about where I live. Because it is a general rule of thumb around here if you try hitting on another mans woman or trying to go even futher than just flirting, it is Dumb-lish for "Can you please kick my ass?"

I'm talking worse case scenarios here. But it happens. I've seen plenty of facial trauma in ED from only only or two punches. They could fall and injure themself as a result of that punch. They could die at home "sleeping it off" from a bleed into their brain. Are you willing to take the risk?

Jeez, way to jump to conclusions. Fights happen all the time in my town, and unless someone was shot, stabbed, or has broken bones, if you call the cops/sheriff, they will just say "*chuckle*Yeah, we'll be right there *hangs up phone laughing*." If you arent seriously hurt, its considered you own job to get help.

Just because no calls the police (which is severe negligence on behalf of the bar) doesn't make the act less criminal or unacceptable.

Bars?? I think somewhere along the line we started going down completely different routes. I dont do bars. I do bars AND GRILLS, but I only go there to eat. Even if/when I am old enough, I will very seldom have beer, if at all.

 

[WolfThomas]

Then you obviously know nothing about where I live. Because it is a general rule of thumb around here if you try hitting on another mans woman or trying to go even futher than just flirting, it is Dumb-lish for "Can you please kick my ass?"

Just because something is the "general rule of thumb" doesn't make it legal or acceptable.

Jeez, way to jump to conclusions. Fights happen all the time in my town, and unless someone was shot, stabbed, or has broken bones, if you call the cops/sheriff, they will just say "*chuckle*Yeah, we'll be right there *hangs up phone laughing*." If you arent seriously hurt, its considered you own job to get help.

I'm not saying that this would happen everytime. But I am saying it happens far more often than you realise. Why would you risk ruining two lives?

Then those police are negligent.

Bars?? I think somewhere along the line we started going down completely different routes. I dont do bars. I do bars AND GRILLS, but I only go there to eat. Even if/when I am old enough, I will very seldom have beer, if at all.

You mentioned a local-bar. I was just stating they were being negligent.

 

[darkraven28]

Because it's everybody else's responsibility to just know you two are an item first before engaging. >.>

Actually yes. Because in order to miss the fact that we are an item, they would have to miss the fact that we are holding hands, never more than 2 feet apart from eachother, always talking with eachother, and making goo-goo eyes at eachother, with maybe a kiss on the cheek sprinkled in, and in afew years the wedding ring on her finger. If they miss all that, it was either intentional or they were fricking blind.

EDIT: Oh yes, and the charm bracelet. She wears a charm bracelet with my name on it.

You two are really around each other 24 hours a day? You don't have jobs or even separate lives?

FYI, I'm inclined to believe everyone's fair game until they have a wedding ring on their finger. But, ya know, good luck with threats of violence to protect whats yours.

(Edited.)

I'm not gonna make any comment on what you just said so I'm just gonna sit here and enjoy it...but hey to each their own I'll just let you keep your willy nilly comments so go on enjoy your self we loved hear more *kisses BOOMheadshot65 and smirks at you*

 

[DudeistBelieve]

Because it's everybody else's responsibility to just know you two are an item first before engaging. >.>

Actually yes. Because in order to miss the fact that we are an item, they would have to miss the fact that we are holding hands, never more than 2 feet apart from eachother, always talking with eachother, and making goo-goo eyes at eachother, with maybe a kiss on the cheek sprinkled in, and in afew years the wedding ring on her finger. If they miss all that, it was either intentional or they were fricking blind.

EDIT: Oh yes, and the charm bracelet. She wears a charm bracelet with my name on it.

You two are really around each other 24 hours a day? You don't have jobs or even separate lives?

FYI, I'm inclined to believe everyone's fair game until they have a wedding ring on their finger. But, ya know, good luck with threats of violence to protect whats yours.

(Edited.)

I'm not gonna make any comment on what you just said so I'm just gonna sit here and enjoy it...but hey to each their own I'll just let you keep your willy nilly comments so go on enjoy your self we loved hear more *kisses BOOMheadshot65 and smirks at you*

...So you leave a comment saying you're not going to comment.

Well, right on.

 

[Demgar]

I went to a very good friend's wedding last year. His sister was there. With her husband. And her other husband. And her 16yo daughter who was not the daughter of husband #1 or #2. I bet she's had some interesting times explaining her family, but she was a real cool kid.

I didn't ask how it worked in the bedroom, but they seemed quite happy and were all genuinely cool people. It was a bit awkward for the parents, as they had just "come out" as polys, apparently husband #2 had been billed as "roommate" for the last 5 years or so. The parents were fairly conservative older folks, and didn't quite know how to handle it.

 

[kenu12345]

Nah couldnt do it. I'm more of a romance person over sexual one

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

You're arguing against things I didn't say and you're wondering why it looks like you're putting words in my mouth?

Ah. Okay, I think I know where the confusion is.

I'm not arguing. Why would I argue? I'm explaining how I feel, and trying to understand why others feel differently.

I have posed situations that I hope demonstrate my viewpoint, and I've replied to the metaphors of others with counter-metaphors or by embracing their metaphors.

I haven't been arguing. I mean, what would my standpoint be? That I don't get romantic jealousy in a poly relationship? What's there to argue about that - I don't get it. That's a statement of fact.

I have argued that a given example in the thread is either inappropriate, or that I don't really get why the example applies, but that's it. The only thing I recall arguing with you is the concept of "loving one person more than another".

On that, yes, I do love some people with greater intensity than others. If my intensity is lower, then generally I'm not in a relationship with that person. If I cared for a person enough to be in a poly relationship with them, I can't imagine a situation where they felt unloved (I'm a very loving person) so I question the concept that I could love one partner in such a relationship more than another partner. I might love them differently, but if I'm in love, I'm in love.

Or, to put another way, if I have reached the point where a person is living with me in a romantic relationship, then love happened a while back.

But again, that isn't much to argue about because it really only applies to me. Other people go about relationships differently. So I'm not sure why you're trying to have an argument with me about this. We can discuss things, sure, and you can try to make your viewpoint clear to me, but to some extent I'm only going to be able to sort-of understand what you're talking about.

 

[Korolev]

I don't think polyamorous relationships are evil, but I don't think most people are cut out for them. I know I'm not.

Hey, if it works out for all involved, great. But be careful. Most people get attached and the whole thing falls apart. Maybe that won't happen in your case - I hope it doesn't. But just keep that in mind, that things can go south very quickly in these relationships.

 

[sunsetspawn]

If someone was trying to take my partner away from me, then yeah, I'd be pissed. But if someone is pleasuring my partner and I - and we're pleasuring them - then everyone is happy. There is a surplus of joy.

And if that someone wants to be a partner to me and my partner, equally and fairly, then what's not to like?

Okay, your constant Vulcan rhetoric is making the leftover monkey-shit in my brain crazy. I can feel it just ookin and eekin and throwin luggage around. I'm having a very hard time wrapping my head around this DESPITE understanding every word you've typed.

"I get that 2+2=4 but FUCK 4 RIGHT IN ITS EYE!" is basically how I see this.

I still can't figure out if you're crazy or if I'm crazy.

Although, I do find it weird all of the guys saying "I would be upset by another guy having sex with my girlfriend" never mention the idea of another girl having sex with their girlfriend.

This goes back to the leftover monkey-shit in most people. Another woman is anatomically incapable of endangering my reproductive future with my SO, well, if I had one. Therefore I would not feel jealous if my SO did want to have herself some lesbian trysts. I've actually had this exact situation occur in the past and I let her do her thing. Whatever, it didn't matter much, but I think she was perturbed that I neither wanted to watch nor join.

I thought, generally speaking anyway, that guys fantasized about that.

Dudebro fallacy. Sounds great on paper but when confronted with it in real life seems more meh.

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

Not for me... I can rarely put up with one other person's shit, fuck trying to put up with 2 people.

 

[geK0]

I've been in love with multiple people at the same time, but I can't see myself actually attempting a relationship with more than one person; I feel like jealousy and favouritism would be too big an issue. I wouldn't want to cause undue stress to my girlfriends by attempting to openly have more than one at a time.

 

[axlryder]

I rarely see this sort of thing working out. From what I've observed, it tends to create problems/complications if it goes on for any period of time. Personally, I've considered it, but in the end I feel like it would just create far more issues and leave all the parties involved more miserable. Though, a large percentage of mutually exclusive relationships seem to end similarly anyway (though I suppose that might be taken as all the more reason to avoid poly relationships). Maybe it'd be worth it just for the sake of experience.

 

[NoeL]

At first I was like "Not for me, but take a crack at it if you want" but after reading this whole thread (including Mr. Headshot's hilarious religious-conservative-Bible-belt-macho-schtick, which immediately led to backpedaling when it turned out people weren't as impressed as he thought they'd be) I'm more open to the idea. But like everything, it depends on the people.

If I met an awesome couple (preferably a straight girl and an effeminate bi guy) that were genuinely nice people, down to earth, honest... I could see myself getting in on that. As weird as it sounds, even though I'm straight I'd actually prefer that configuration over two girls. Girls are cool and all, but as sexist as it sounds I'm not sure I could handle two of them. Like that other guy's experience, with them always teaming up against him... I'd just prefer another dude there (and hopefully the girl can deal with the imbalance better than I could XD ). Also, an effeminate gay boy wouldn't be as readily seen as competition by my "monkey-shit" brain, and despite being straight I could experiment and perhaps enjoy sex with a smooth, soft guy (or better yet, a ladyboy ). And it would be a win for the girl too, since she gets the variety of both a soft ladyboy AND a manly manly man like myself (i.e. slightly more masculine than a ladyboy).


But deep down I'd still be worried about favouritism. Either she'd prefer me and the other guy would get hurt, or she'd prefer the other guy and I'd get hurt... or we'd prefer each other and she'd get hurt (probably not a romance, but a bromance could be just as damaging). In the words of Michael Scott's mother, "The third wheel is what makes it a tricycle".

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Okay, your constant Vulcan rhetoric is making the leftover monkey-shit in my brain crazy. I can feel it just ookin and eekin and throwin luggage around. I'm having a very hard time wrapping my head around this DESPITE understanding every word you've typed.
"I get that 2+2=4 but FUCK 4 RIGHT IN ITS EYE!" is basically how I see this.
I still can't figure out if you're crazy or if I'm crazy.
This goes back to the leftover monkey-shit in most people. Another woman is anatomically incapable of endangering my reproductive future with my SO, well, if I had one. Therefore I would not feel jealous if my SO did want to have herself some lesbian trysts. I've actually had this exact situation occur in the past and I let her do her thing. Whatever, it didn't matter much, but I think she was perturbed that I neither wanted to watch nor join.

Ah! See, this suddenly makes sense to me. Reproductive jealousy - you are upset by the idea of sharing or poly because it would make you question the paternity of your potential children.

I think this may be part of why I'm so laid back about this - if I get knocked up, I know that the kid is mine. It is physically impossible for it to not be mine - it's not like there are random other women's eggs just wandering about.

Okay. You have successfully explained why men are more upset about other men than other women having sex with their female Sig Others. Great job!

Dudebro fallacy. Sounds great on paper but when confronted with it in real life seems more meh.

Dudebro fallacy? I didn't realize there was a fallacy of that name. ^^;;

As for imagination vs real life - I dunno, maybe women enjoy them more? I've enjoyed all of the three-ways and four-ways I've been in. **shrug**

 

[James Joseph Emerald]

Ah! See, this suddenly makes sense to me. Reproductive jealousy - you are upset by the idea of sharing or poly because it would make you question the paternity of your potential children.

I think that's a pretty broad oversimplification which is, for the most part, disproven by the fact that gays and lesbians often choose to have monogamous relationships.

The real reason, I believe, is simply because monogamy is a societal norm in the Western world these days. There's no real "logic" to it, it's just how our culture has evolved.

I wouldn't be closed to the idea, but I can't really imagine the circumstances that lead up to such an arrangement. If you're satisfied with your relationship the way it is, why involve a third person? And if you're not, then surely there are deeper issues involved that won't be resolved merely by bringing another person into the mix as a distraction.

 

[maxben]

Ah! See, this suddenly makes sense to me. Reproductive jealousy - you are upset by the idea of sharing or poly because it would make you question the paternity of your potential children.

I think that's a pretty broad oversimplification which is, for the most part, disproven by the fact that gays and lesbians often choose to have monogamous relationships.

The real reason, I believe, is simply because monogamy is a societal norm in the Western world these days. There's no real "logic" to it, it's just how our culture has evolved.

I wouldn't be closed to the idea, but I can't really imagine the circumstances that lead up to such an arrangement. If you're satisfied with your relationship the way it is, why involve a third person? And if you're not, then surely there are deeper issues involved that won't be resolved merely by bringing another person into the mix as a distraction.

The thing is that you are thinking of a poly relationship as a couple +1 which is not how it is. As someone in a less than traditional relationship, I promise you that this is not what I expected ending up as.
There are "sexual radicals" that seek things outside the norm out, but usually it really is a mixture of chance and making hard decisions that lead to this.
Specifically for the poly crowd (my relationship is more open than it is poly), its complicated because it usually involves strong emotions that a couple has towards a third wheel that is always around them and acts as the best friend and confident of both the partners in the couple. As a triangular emotional relationship develops, a sexual relationship may develop whether it is triangular or through one person ("the hinge") with strong emotions being played out. When you reach the emotional triangle, though, there other directions it could go. Either the emotional triangle is enough until the third wheel finds his own significant other and the triangle is forever broken, or the couple must reject the third wheel and break the triangle themselves (or, in terrible cases, the couple breaks up and one joins the third wheel).
So that's just it, we end up emotionally invested and are basically in a position of either accepting the new frontier that has opened up by chance or ending something that feels emotionally significant. It is not enough to reject the new frontier, you have to reject the old relationship that brought you to the border as once you are there there will always be that uncomfortable haze in the air.
But honestly, I wouldn't choose to be in my relationship if my significant other wasn't so amazing and consistently making it up to me. Otherwise I'd have a tough time accepting her other lovers.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Ah! See, this suddenly makes sense to me. Reproductive jealousy - you are upset by the idea of sharing or poly because it would make you question the paternity of your potential children.

I think that's a pretty broad oversimplification which is, for the most part, disproven by the fact that gays and lesbians often choose to have monogamous relationships.

...?

Did you only read that last post? You've taken my comment entirely out of context.

I was saying that I found the concept that a man would be jealous of another man having sex with his female SO, but not a woman having sex with his female SO. I couldn't figure out why that would be an issue. Sunsetspawn wrote the text I quoted about reproductive jealousy, and I said "Oh! That makes sense!"

It had nothing to do with jealousy in general, which still baffles me. Just the above situation where a male would be jealous of another male but not another female.

I have been in similar situations. When I'm having sex with people other than my Sig Other, I take extra care with any men I'm with, because I don't want to accidentally get pregnant (once intentionally was more than enough, thanks). It isn't an issue of jealousy for me, but rather an issue of extreme care - I do NOT want unexpected pregnancy. I can understand the concept that a man would be worried about his girlfriend/wife getting pregnant accidentally - that makes sense as a cause for worry, which might translate as jealousy.

The real reason, I believe, is simply because monogamy is a societal norm in the Western world these days. There's no real "logic" to it, it's just how our culture has evolved.

That I firmly disagree with. Our culture has not 'evolved' that way - it had that dictated to it by prudish authority figures. It only comes off as a big deal in the USA because of the puritan influence on the nation's founders.

See Europe, where "arrangements" are more common and acceptable. See the ancient world where monogamy was not the norm.

Monogamy is fine - I've been in a monogamous relationship for 10 years now (assuming you don't count causal group sex as non-monogamous) so I'm not saying it can't be great. However, there isn't some societal or evolutionary reason why it is superior to what anyone else gets up to.

 

[Robot Number V]

Seems like it's just asking trouble. Like a hydrogen bomb of drama and unpleasantness just waiting to happen. But if you can make it work...Knock yourself out, I guess.