A Poly relationship

[game-lover]

Wow.

I usually use feeling jealous of sex toys as an extreme example, almost hyperbole, but you actually felt that.

I hope you have worked your way through that and are now comfortable using toys on her. Remember - the toy doesn't do anything until someone (in this case you) uses it - it becomes a metaphoric extension of you when you wield it.

Also remember - dildos are one of the few ways a couple can manage double penetration without additional players. I'm just sayin'. ^^

I'm quoting this because your last sentence I believe is part of what I believe is the difference between feeling such things for an object as opposed to a person.

The object in question does nothing until someone else starts it up basically. Such is not the case with a person.

However, another person will. Another person does. And they do the stuff that you enjoy doing. I guess in this instance, you can say a bunch of us don't get not being jealous. Sure, you want your significant other to be happy but not usually at expense of your own happiness.

And that tends to be the trigger I believe for the majority of us saying NOPE.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

Plus you can buy the kits that make a model of your own. That's a fun activity. Did that with my girlfriend before I went overseas for two months.

^^;;

That's very sweet in a slightly... weird sort of way. Like one of those tiny spiders with the giant, adorable eyes. I can't tell if I should "dwwaaa" or giggle or be freaked out or what.

But yeah, for those who are jealous of sex toys, that might be a creative solution. I approve.

**muses**

You know, I think part of my problem is that I always get the giggles over dildos that are marketed as being based on a real person's penis. Like, this porn star or that porn star. My favorite dildo rotates, has little rotating spheres inside, is ribbed for my pleasure, and has a little humming bird for my clit, so unless you're Inspector Gadget, that isn't going to resemble anyone's actual penis.

....

Wow, I really shouldn't muse about Inspector Gadget's penis. I'm scaring my own childhood.

 

[hazabaza1]

Or...
You could explain and tell the guy to back off.

But that would be reasonable, wouldn't it? Couldn't be having that, oh no.

How many times do I have to say it? Violence is the last resort for someone who doesnt take the hint that "NO MEANS NO!" after being told it multiple times. You guys seem to be making it out like the second another guy walks up to her, winks, and says "Hey, want to come home with me tonight." then 2 seconds later he is knocked out and missing some teeth thanks to either me or her. Thats not it at all.

Yes, because this:

If another girl so much as FLIRTS with me, then my girlfriend will first call her very unlady-like things

If another dude starts hitting on her, I will deck him and make sure he leaves with a limp.

is totally how someone who only uses violence as a last resort responds.

If I were you, I'd probably stay away from threads like these. You're kind of bad at this whole damage control kind of thing and you're looking pretty inconsistent right about now.

 

[KiloFox]

uggg... this topic...

okay lemme preface by saying that i'm a fur, and poly relationships are EXCEEDINGLY common in the fandom so even though i've never been in one (and never will) i think i'm pretty qualified to speak on this.

it's a bad idea. and i wholeheartedly reccomend against it. sure it's great in the short term, but it has a tendency to turn volatile in the long-term. jealousy becomes rampant, and it's just a whole mess of crap that you're honestly just better off avoiding.

don't get me wrong though, it CAN work. but the chances of it working are few and far between. it's much more likely to just blow up eventually.

OT: most i'd go is an open-ish relationship. monogamy isn't how we evolved. it's just a restriction that society has placed on us and it's stupid. as i tell all my mates, "i don't care if you do things with other people, just so long as i'm told *beforehand*, and maybe even invited"

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

However, another person will. Another person does. And they do the stuff that you enjoy doing. I guess in this instance, you can say a bunch of us don't get not being jealous. Sure, you want your significant other to be happy but not usually at expense of your own happiness.
And that tends to be the trigger I believe for the majority of us saying NOPE.

To your main point, fair enough. However...

I've bolded the part that I don't get. Why would someone else bringing your partner to orgasm cost your happiness?

I'm happy when my partner comes. I'm happy when I do it, I'm happy when someone else does it. I could understand if it meant that no one could bring me to orgasm, but everyone I've ever had sex with has two hands and a tongue in addition to whatever they're packing in their pants.

If someone was trying to take my partner away from me, then yeah, I'd be pissed. But if someone is pleasuring my partner and I - and we're pleasuring them - then everyone is happy. There is a surplus of joy.

And if that someone wants to be a partner to me and my partner, equally and fairly, then what's not to like?

Don't get me wrong - I'm not criticizing anyone. Different stuff floats different people's boats. I don't understand fully straight people, fully gay people, or asexuals either, but I respect their choices.

Although, I do find it weird all of the guys saying "I would be upset by another guy having sex with my girlfriend" never mention the idea of another girl having sex with their girlfriend. I thought, generally speaking anyway, that guys fantasized about that.

 

[barbzilla]

I have recently entered a poly relationship with another girl and a boy, and while I'm quite happy, I am curious: would anyone else ever consider doing the same? Entering a 3 way relationship?7

Why or Why not? What are your views on it?

Captcha: It's Super Delicious.
Yes...yes it is <3

Well for a year and a half I lived with my bisexual girlfriend and her girlfriend. It was fun and interesting at first, but I soon began to regret my decision. The two of them would usually agree on things and leave me to defend my position from both of them. To make it worse if women live together they begin to cycle together... I am sure you can figure out what happened there.

In short the first 6 months or so it was good and we all had a lot of fun, after that 6 months things started going down hill. We still ended the relationship on good terms, but it wasn't going to work.

 

[barbzilla]

However, another person will. Another person does. And they do the stuff that you enjoy doing. I guess in this instance, you can say a bunch of us don't get not being jealous. Sure, you want your significant other to be happy but not usually at expense of your own happiness.
And that tends to be the trigger I believe for the majority of us saying NOPE.

To your main point, fair enough. However...

I've bolded the part that I don't get. Why would someone else bringing your partner to orgasm cost your happiness?

I'm happy when my partner comes. I'm happy when I do it, I'm happy when someone else does it. I could understand if it meant that no one could bring me to orgasm, but everyone I've ever had sex with has two hands and a tongue in addition to whatever they're packing in their pants.

If someone was trying to take my partner away from me, then yeah, I'd be pissed. But if someone is pleasuring my partner and I - and we're pleasuring them - then everyone is happy. There is a surplus of joy.

And if that someone wants to be a partner to me and my partner, equally and fairly, then what's not to like?

Don't get me wrong - I'm not criticizing anyone. Different stuff floats different people's boats. I don't understand fully straight people, fully gay people, or asexuals either, but I respect their choices.

Although, I do find it weird all of the guys saying "I would be upset by another guy having sex with my girlfriend" never mention the idea of another girl having sex with their girlfriend. I thought, generally speaking anyway, that guys fantasized about that.

I think it all comes down to jealousy. These people are jealous that another person is taking care of their boyfriend/girlfriend's needs. These are the same people that will get upset if their boyfriend/girlfriend takes care of their own needs via masturbation. Me personally, as long as I'm involved in the process (talking about adding another partner to the sexual experience here) then I don't see the problem. Now if they are going behind my back and having sex with another partner that doesn't involve me at all, I tend to feel that is cheating. If they want to go take care of their own "needs" via masturbation, I'm completely fine with that.

While I am not in a polygamous relationship, I don't see the problem with it provided that deception does not become involved.


CAPTCHA: Oops! You must have posted since you started writing this post. Please fill in the Captcha below to proceed!, bull poopcycles captcha, I did not. I haven't posted in a while, I think you are suffering from Alzheimer's captcha.

 

[DevilWithaHalo]

I don't understand fully straight people, fully gay people, or asexuals either, but I respect their choices.

Sometimes I have trouble wrapping my head around it to (NOT a pun!). I live in what many would call a fairly progressive city; which is PC talk for promiscuity. I've met quite a few people that have fallen pretty much everywhere you can think of on the Kinsey Scale. Personally; I'm attracted to the feminine, not the masculine. I can count on one hand the amount of men I've been attracted to because of their overly feminine features. It's also the reason I sometimes creep people out with the idea that I'm not against dating transexuals, so long as I'm attracted to them.

And that's pretty much what I determined to be the determining factor in everyone's positions; who and what they are attracted to. Some people get off on fat chicks; I'm not one of them. I'll never personally feel that way, but I *get* it; it's what gets them hot. It's why I could never really date a man; they simply do absolutely nothing for me. And since I'm a firm believer that a good sex life is paramount in any healthy relationship, it simply wouldn't work outside friendship.

I don't feel it's even a choice. Attraction is basic chemistry, and everyone's chemistry varies slightly from person to person. I get super pissed when I start getting into a woman, and her natural scent repels me. As much as I want to fight it and power through because of her character, my body keeps screaming at me to look elsewhere. It weirds me out when people say smell doesn't affect them; loonies I tell ya!

 

[Roguelike]

would anyone else ever consider doing the same? Entering a 3 way relationship?

Yes, my wife has a boyfriend. I've been less lucky lol

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

I think it all comes down to jealousy. These people are jealous that another person is taking care of their boyfriend/girlfriend's needs. These are the same people that will get upset if their boyfriend/girlfriend takes care of their own needs via masturbation. Me personally, as long as I'm involved in the process (talking about adding another partner to the sexual experience here) then I don't see the problem. Now if they are going behind my back and having sex with another partner that doesn't involve me at all, I tend to feel that is cheating. If they want to go take care of their own "needs" via masturbation, I'm completely fine with that.

The only time I've been (teasingly) upset with a partner for masturbating was because they could have been taking care of MY needs too, not because they took care of their own.

Anyway, yes, I get that jealousy is the reason. But, as previously noted, I don't really "get" jealousy in the way that a lot of other people mean.

I mean, if you take away my partner (or my slice of cake), I will be upset because you deprived me of something.

But if you join me and my partner (or give me half of your cake in return for half of mine) then I'm not out anything, and I get to enjoy two different people/flavors of cake. And this works even better with people because I don't have to give up half of my partner - I can have all of my partner, and all of a whole new partner. So I give up nothing and gain double!

Hence why I find this baffling. Not upsetting, really, just...

....

Okay, I've been thinking about this on the walk over here (I'm on a lap top, and have eaten lunch between the first half of this post and now), and I think I may have realized something.

I think I'm subconsciously upset with all of the "too jealous" people because that attitude has kept me from gaining a poly partner.

My spouse and I have talked about poly, and we both really, really like the idea. We'd really like a third to join us. And, other than friends-with-benefits, we haven't found anyone. That is, no one who is interested in a relationship beyond sex friends. And, to be honest, with maybe one exception, we wouldn't have been interested in any of them romantically either.

I think I may be subconsciously feeling upset that so few people on this thread think they'd be capable. If only 1% of this site think they could be in a poly relationship (or have been), then that makes it very unlikely that my spouse and I will find a compatible third.

So, I wanted to say - if I have been coming off as judgmental, or as if I'm putting people down for being jealous, then I'm sorry; I didn't mean to. I didn't intend to come off that way, so I am sorry if I did, and I hope I didn't offend anyone.

 

[MetalMagpie]

I don't have enough time and energy to give attention to more than one significant other. I already neglect my boyfriend when I have a busy week. I think living together has made me complacent about fitting in some good-old "quality time". *guilt*

But a more casual fling with two people? Yeah, sounds like fun.

 

[Syzygy23]

I have recently entered a poly relationship with another girl and a boy, and while I'm quite happy, I am curious: would anyone else ever consider doing the same? Entering a 3 way relationship?7

Why or Why not? What are your views on it?

Captcha: It's Super Delicious.
Yes...yes it is <3

I don't really see a poly relationship working out for emotionally mature adults.

At the end of the day, someones going to be jealous of someone else because at least one member of the relationship is perceived to be loved more than the other.

Nobody wants to feel like someone elses sloppy seconds, or their plan B. It's insulting.

Not to mention the bedroom scene. Unless you've a fetish for kinky stuff, more than 2 people involved just sucks the intimacy away.

 

[game-lover]

The only time I've been (teasingly) upset with a partner for masturbating was because they could have been taking care of MY needs too, not because they took care of their own.

Anyway, yes, I get that jealousy is the reason. But, as previously noted, I don't really "get" jealousy in the way that a lot of other people mean.

I mean, if you take away my partner (or my slice of cake), I will be upset because you deprived me of something.

But if you join me and my partner (or give me half of your cake in return for half of mine) then I'm not out anything, and I get to enjoy two different people/flavors of cake. And this works even better with people because I don't have to give up half of my partner - I can have all of my partner, and all of a whole new partner. So I give up nothing and gain double!

Hence why I find this baffling. Not upsetting, really, just...

....

Okay, I've been thinking about this on the walk over here (I'm on a lap top, and have eaten lunch between the first half of this post and now), and I think I may have realized something.

I think I'm subconsciously upset with all of the "too jealous" people because that attitude has kept me from gaining a poly partner.

My spouse and I have talked about poly, and we both really, really like the idea. We'd really like a third to join us. And, other than friends-with-benefits, we haven't found anyone. That is, no one who is interested in a relationship beyond sex friends. And, to be honest, with maybe one exception, we wouldn't have been interested in any of them romantically either.

I think I may be subconsciously feeling upset that so few people on this thread think they'd be capable. If only 1% of this site think they could be in a poly relationship (or have been), then that makes it very unlikely that my spouse and I will find a compatible third.

So, I wanted to say - if I have been coming off as judgmental, or as if I'm putting people down for being jealous, then I'm sorry; I didn't mean to. I didn't intend to come off that way, so I am sorry if I did, and I hope I didn't offend anyone.

I didn't interpret it that way so I think you're good.

Anyway, to address that other question: barbzilla seemed to say it nicely enough. Not counting the being jealous of those who masturbate. I mean, unless it's as opposed to be instead of additionally or in substitution when I'm otherwise unavailable, then you can masturbate as much as you want.

But yeah, I'd say jealousy and possessiveness too. Hell, someone earlier in this thread mentioned competition is a nice factor for the poly relationship they'd been in. So that's probably always gonna be a factor. What if you only gave them one orgasm and number 2 gave them 2 or 3? Yeah, I'm sure those are part of the issue.

 

[Radoh]

I have recently entered a poly relationship with another girl and a boy, and while I'm quite happy, I am curious: would anyone else ever consider doing the same? Entering a 3 way relationship?7

Why or Why not? What are your views on it?

Captcha: It's Super Delicious.
Yes...yes it is <3

I don't really see a poly relationship working out for emotionally mature adults.

At the end of the day, someones going to be jealous of someone else because at least one member of the relationship is perceived to be loved more than the other.

Nobody wants to feel like someone elses sloppy seconds, or their plan B. It's insulting.

Not to mention the bedroom scene. Unless you've a fetish for kinky stuff, more than 2 people involved just sucks the intimacy away.

I do believe you went and skipped all of the discussion so far so you could post your opinion.

I'm currently in a hinge Poly relationship, Bara_no_Hime has been in at least one, and there's been a smattering of others who have also done this as well and have posted here.
Somehow you equate emotional maturity with jealousy, that only mature adults will be jealous of other partners involved, which is just silly.

 

[lord.jeff]

I have no problems with others doing it but I myself doubt I could pull off such a thing, two girlfriends would put to much on my plate.

 

[Roguelike]

I don't really see a poly relationship working out for emotionally mature adults.

Why would emotionally mature adults be more likely to have issues? Shouldn't they be able to talk through issues and rationalize situations, if they're emotionally mature?

 

[Stasisesque]

I have recently entered a poly relationship with another girl and a boy, and while I'm quite happy, I am curious: would anyone else ever consider doing the same? Entering a 3 way relationship?7

Why or Why not? What are your views on it?

Captcha: It's Super Delicious.
Yes...yes it is <3

I don't really see a poly relationship working out for emotionally mature adults.

At the end of the day, someones going to be jealous of someone else because at least one member of the relationship is perceived to be loved more than the other.

Nobody wants to feel like someone elses sloppy seconds, or their plan B. It's insulting.

Not to mention the bedroom scene. Unless you've a fetish for kinky stuff, more than 2 people involved just sucks the intimacy away.

This seems backward to me, jealousy is not something I would equate with emotional maturity. If anything I'd rank it as emotionally immature, but not with much conviction. It is perfectly possible to experience no jealousy at all in a healthy, adult relationship.

My last relationship was just awful for jealousy. We loved each other, but I was incredibly immature and he was quite inexperienced. I'd seethe with jealousy when he flirted with another woman, to the point it ultimately destroyed the relationship. But my current partner, whom I adore and would do absolutely anything for because he is just the most wonderful man on the planet, I don't feel even a twinge of jealousy ever. And he will flirt with anything. Anything.

I've been on both sides of jealousy and I honestly cannot see it being an emotionally mature response at all.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

OT: Also... so you and the other guy aren't lovers too? I thought that's how Poly worked - everyone had sex with everyone. If it that wasn't the case, I thought it wasn't Poly, but Open.

Yeah, I think this kind of thing can only work if all involved are bi; no jealousy to be had when you're all sharing the love. :3 Seems kind of awkward otherwise, but maybe that's just me? And to answer the original question, I'd be up for that if the right circumstances arose, though at the time being it seems unlikely enough for one person to be into me, so it probably won't be happening anytime soon. XD