A Poly relationship

[game-lover]

The only time I've been (teasingly) upset with a partner for masturbating was because they could have been taking care of MY needs too, not because they took care of their own.

Anyway, yes, I get that jealousy is the reason. But, as previously noted, I don't really "get" jealousy in the way that a lot of other people mean.

I mean, if you take away my partner (or my slice of cake), I will be upset because you deprived me of something.

But if you join me and my partner (or give me half of your cake in return for half of mine) then I'm not out anything, and I get to enjoy two different people/flavors of cake. And this works even better with people because I don't have to give up half of my partner - I can have all of my partner, and all of a whole new partner. So I give up nothing and gain double!

Hence why I find this baffling. Not upsetting, really, just...

....

Okay, I've been thinking about this on the walk over here (I'm on a lap top, and have eaten lunch between the first half of this post and now), and I think I may have realized something.

I think I'm subconsciously upset with all of the "too jealous" people because that attitude has kept me from gaining a poly partner.

My spouse and I have talked about poly, and we both really, really like the idea. We'd really like a third to join us. And, other than friends-with-benefits, we haven't found anyone. That is, no one who is interested in a relationship beyond sex friends. And, to be honest, with maybe one exception, we wouldn't have been interested in any of them romantically either.

I think I may be subconsciously feeling upset that so few people on this thread think they'd be capable. If only 1% of this site think they could be in a poly relationship (or have been), then that makes it very unlikely that my spouse and I will find a compatible third.

So, I wanted to say - if I have been coming off as judgmental, or as if I'm putting people down for being jealous, then I'm sorry; I didn't mean to. I didn't intend to come off that way, so I am sorry if I did, and I hope I didn't offend anyone.

I didn't interpret it that way so I think you're good.

Anyway, to address that other question: barbzilla seemed to say it nicely enough. Not counting the being jealous of those who masturbate. I mean, unless it's as opposed to be instead of additionally or in substitution when I'm otherwise unavailable, then you can masturbate as much as you want.

But yeah, I'd say jealousy and possessiveness too. Hell, someone earlier in this thread mentioned competition is a nice factor for the poly relationship they'd been in. So that's probably always gonna be a factor. What if you only gave them one orgasm and number 2 gave them 2 or 3? Yeah, I'm sure those are part of the issue.

 

[Radoh]

I have recently entered a poly relationship with another girl and a boy, and while I'm quite happy, I am curious: would anyone else ever consider doing the same? Entering a 3 way relationship?7

Why or Why not? What are your views on it?

Captcha: It's Super Delicious.
Yes...yes it is <3

I don't really see a poly relationship working out for emotionally mature adults.

At the end of the day, someones going to be jealous of someone else because at least one member of the relationship is perceived to be loved more than the other.

Nobody wants to feel like someone elses sloppy seconds, or their plan B. It's insulting.

Not to mention the bedroom scene. Unless you've a fetish for kinky stuff, more than 2 people involved just sucks the intimacy away.

I do believe you went and skipped all of the discussion so far so you could post your opinion.

I'm currently in a hinge Poly relationship, Bara_no_Hime has been in at least one, and there's been a smattering of others who have also done this as well and have posted here.
Somehow you equate emotional maturity with jealousy, that only mature adults will be jealous of other partners involved, which is just silly.

 

[lord.jeff]

I have no problems with others doing it but I myself doubt I could pull off such a thing, two girlfriends would put to much on my plate.

 

[Roguelike]

I don't really see a poly relationship working out for emotionally mature adults.

Why would emotionally mature adults be more likely to have issues? Shouldn't they be able to talk through issues and rationalize situations, if they're emotionally mature?

 

[Stasisesque]

I have recently entered a poly relationship with another girl and a boy, and while I'm quite happy, I am curious: would anyone else ever consider doing the same? Entering a 3 way relationship?7

Why or Why not? What are your views on it?

Captcha: It's Super Delicious.
Yes...yes it is <3

I don't really see a poly relationship working out for emotionally mature adults.

At the end of the day, someones going to be jealous of someone else because at least one member of the relationship is perceived to be loved more than the other.

Nobody wants to feel like someone elses sloppy seconds, or their plan B. It's insulting.

Not to mention the bedroom scene. Unless you've a fetish for kinky stuff, more than 2 people involved just sucks the intimacy away.

This seems backward to me, jealousy is not something I would equate with emotional maturity. If anything I'd rank it as emotionally immature, but not with much conviction. It is perfectly possible to experience no jealousy at all in a healthy, adult relationship.

My last relationship was just awful for jealousy. We loved each other, but I was incredibly immature and he was quite inexperienced. I'd seethe with jealousy when he flirted with another woman, to the point it ultimately destroyed the relationship. But my current partner, whom I adore and would do absolutely anything for because he is just the most wonderful man on the planet, I don't feel even a twinge of jealousy ever. And he will flirt with anything. Anything.

I've been on both sides of jealousy and I honestly cannot see it being an emotionally mature response at all.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

OT: Also... so you and the other guy aren't lovers too? I thought that's how Poly worked - everyone had sex with everyone. If it that wasn't the case, I thought it wasn't Poly, but Open.

Yeah, I think this kind of thing can only work if all involved are bi; no jealousy to be had when you're all sharing the love. :3 Seems kind of awkward otherwise, but maybe that's just me? And to answer the original question, I'd be up for that if the right circumstances arose, though at the time being it seems unlikely enough for one person to be into me, so it probably won't be happening anytime soon. XD

 

[Midnight Llamaman]

OT: Also... so you and the other guy aren't lovers too? I thought that's how Poly worked - everyone had sex with everyone. If it that wasn't the case, I thought it wasn't Poly, but Open.

Yeah, I think this kind of thing can only work if all involved are bi; no jealousy to be had when you're all sharing the love. :3 Seems kind of awkward otherwise, but maybe that's just me? And to answer the original question, I'd be up for that if the right circumstances arose, though at the time being it seems unlikely enough for one person to be into me, so it probably won't be happening anytime soon. XD

Why would it be awkward, surely one of the point's of a poly relationship is all parties are open with each other. You don't all have to be screwing everyone else. If A loves B and C, and B and C love A as long as all involved respect that (and are respectful to each other) where's the beef?

You go in to these things with your eyes open or not at all, so you should be able to handle it when in there.

 

[White_Lama]

Whatever floats your boat in my opinion.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Why would it be awkward, surely the one of the point's of a poly relationship is all parties are open with each other. You don't all have to be screwing everyone else. If A loves B and C, and B and C love A as long as all involved respect that (and are respectful to each other) where's the beef?

You go in to these things with your eyes open or not at all, so you should be able to handle it when in there.

It just seems like things would run a lot smoother if B and C loved each other as well; it's more all-inclusive, nobody feels like they're getting side-lined. But then, I don't have any experience with this kind of situation, so my feelings on this are just out of conjecture. Whatever works for you, works for you I'm just offering up my two cents.

 

[mjcabooseblu]

There's no problem with it if all parties involved are consenting.

 

[DRTJR]

No, to have multiple partners I need to have one first. and so far THAT has been an exercise in futility. Also I don't think I would do that anyway.

 

[hooblabla6262]

Polyamory is one of my favorite topics.
It's always been a personal dream of mine to have one giant polyamorous community.
All living together, as one unit. The more people, the more support, the more love.
That's probably the hippie in me.
Of course, it's not for everyone. All about finding the right people. I just happen to not have a jealous bone in my body, and love sharing. And I love Love.

 

[NinjazInside]

Your choice in the end, but in my opinion its not something i'd want to do. I have a tendency to commit to one and only one. And just reading through and when someone commented about Fully Straight and Fully Homosexual relationships and not understanding them well here is my retort. I do not like the idea of Homosexuality, the PEOPLE are okay its just the idea behind it is generally to me disgusting, and i'm a tad different as guy see, i do not want ANYONE else having sex with my partner Male, Female or Transgendered. Remember its just my opinion not homophobic as such as in towards the people themselves just disagree with the idea of it.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

It's not about a limited supply, it's about someone loving someone else more or possibly appearing to. You're only looking at it as physical pleasure.

Actually, I keep addressing the physical aspect because that's what everyone else in the thread keeps bringing up.

And again... why would my partner love someone else more than me?

As love is not of limited supply, it also lacks standardized units. The only time loving something more than something else comes up is if you have to choose. If you don't have to choose between them, then there's no conflict.

I don't have to decide if I love vanilla or strawberry ice-cream more if I can have both.

 

[GistoftheFist]

I don't have any input of my own to contribute here. I do however, have this: If you've got the time, clear the next 90 minutes from your day and watch this video.

 

[Elate]

OT: Also... so you and the other guy aren't lovers too? I thought that's how Poly worked - everyone had sex with everyone. If it that wasn't the case, I thought it wasn't Poly, but Open.

Poly is just multiple relationships, you could only be with one person while they're with someone else as well.. At least I think that's how it works. Someone should right a guide book for this kinda crap, it would life a whole lot easier.

OT: Yurp, I be poly up in this. Also in relation to the penis-dildo-mold thing, this has given me a great idea.. I mean, I can't clone myself yet but that might do for the time being.

I don't have to decide if I love vanilla or strawberry ice-cream more if I can have both.

Also we both know chocolate and raspberry are the best, heathen.

 

[an annoyed writer]

I'm not much for poly relationships. I won't knock anyone for it, it's just not my thing. I'm wired to be extremely intimate with my partners, and that means that I like it when my attention is laser-focused on a single individual, rather than being diverted by two or more. And then there's the downside of a poly relationship: sometimes there's a dynamic that leaves you feeling like the third wheel, or the dynamic of leaving another feeling like the third wheel. I've been in both places with basic friendships, and it wasn't fun then. Like I said, it's just not for me.

 

[game-lover]

It's not about a limited supply, it's about someone loving someone else more or possibly appearing to. You're only looking at it as physical pleasure.

Actually, I keep addressing the physical aspect because that's what everyone else in the thread keeps bringing up.

And again... why would my partner love someone else more than me?

As love is not of limited supply, it also lacks standardized units. The only time loving something more than something else comes up is if you have to choose. If you don't have to choose between them, then there's no conflict.

I don't have to decide if I love vanilla or strawberry ice-cream more if I can have both.

But is there one that you're prone to eat more than the other? Or what if you can eat 3 ice cream cones today? You'll have to have one of those flavors twice compared to the other. Unless you just eat two. Which one is the first that comes to mind.

You might not even have to decide consciously. It might be something that's automatic. You notice strawberry is sweeter and prefer extra sweet. Vanilla is better in a waffle cone so you only eat that ice cream in a waffle cone. Or other such examples.

There's a reason, isn't it? That favoritism exists?

 

[disgruntledgamer]

I have recently entered a poly relationship with another girl and a boy, and while I'm quite happy, I am curious: would anyone else ever consider doing the same? Entering a 3 way relationship?7

Why or Why not? What are your views on it?

Captcha: It's Super Delicious.
Yes...yes it is <3

No because I'm smart enough to figure out it probably wouldn't last. Put 3 of anything in a tank together odds are one of them gets left out in the cold (or killed). And in some cases it's the guy. Hey it happens Girls figure out that they like each other better and it's so long Jimmy.

If were just talking a 3 way I'd have to be talked into it, but still probably no. For starters usually girls that are ok with it are bi, and if shes not bi she's probably not going to be ok with it in the long run, and if she is no guarantees she might decide she likes Jill better than you.

Also ladies if your man is ok with having another man in the bedroom there is a good chance he's hiding something from you and perhaps himself. Not judging but you being there maybe just a means to an end, his end if you get my drift.

Edit: It's also a good way to get HPV/STDs. Warts and Blisters on my genitals is seriously something I can live without, not going to miss that one bit.

 

[barbzilla]

snipped for verbosity

I don't think you come off as Judgmental at all. I do think you want to skew the results of your question to suit your needs though. I think if you and your SO are prepared to try an extra partner, you should go for it by all means. I also think that this is one of the more common sexual fantasies that gets played out. For the couple that only do it once and a while and are only doing it for sex, they tend to be able to move through it with no issues. Now people who are in the situation I was in, they tend to break up. It becomes very difficult to keep an open mind when your significant other has an emotional attachment to another person. You start to feel left out and it triggers a jealousy response.

I don't mean to imply that will happen to you, I was just telling you what normally happens. I have a gay friend who is in a 3 way relationship with a bisexual guy, they have been going at it for 5 years now without breaking up. So it can be done, I just advice caution, that is all.