A test of illogical creativity.

[Wilko316]

A guy I know gave me a situation and I had to think of a interesting and/or completely stupid way to solve it.

you have 3 items, and with these 3 items you are going to brake out of jail, get the girl/guy of your dreams, kill god and take over the world.

rules were simple:
1.the items cant be magical (they can be weird,like a muffin made out of stone)
2.no times that can turn into other items
3.no nukes or bio-hazards for the "taking over the world" part.

care to have a go?

EDIT: if you want, you can explain how you will use these items

A solar powered night-light,
A triangle with 3 of the sides missing
and a car that runs on tires.

 

[DasDestroyer]

A lockpick to break out of jail, an awesome 'stashe to win the girl and a dagger to kill all who oppose me and god, and take over the world.

 

[Callum Methven]

simples
you only need two things uss enterprise and Captain Picard. enterprise gets you out of jail gets you the girl "you want a ride in my spaceship etc" (failing that a holodeck girl lol) Picard beats god (he beat Q, god cant be much harder) and enterprise finaly gets you the world

 

[FrostyChick]

You offer 3? I can do it with just one.
A paperclip.

 

[2xDouble]

You offer 3? I can do it with just one.
A paperclip.

Just to round it out, you'll also need a gum wrapper and a pocketknife... and MacGuyver.

 

[FrostyChick]

You offer 3? I can do it with just one.
A paperclip.

Just to round it out, you'll also need a gum wrapper and a pocketknife... and MacGuyver.

Nope, just a paperclip... Well and one more thing, but that isnt an item. So it doesn't count towards the limits.

 

[2xDouble]

You offer 3? I can do it with just one.
A paperclip.

Just to round it out, you'll also need a gum wrapper and a pocketknife... and MacGuyver.

Nope, just a paperclip... Well and one more thing, but that isnt an item. So it doesn't count towards the limits.

Let me guess... intricate knowledge of human anatomy and psychology? Then again, once you have that you probably won't even need the paperclip...

 

[The Funslinger]

A handgun, a debit card connected to Bill Gates' bank account and a vortex manipulator.

Use the vortex manipulator to escape, and I'm sure the gun will come in handy if someone tracks me down. The money can be used for many things, and along with the vortex manipulator, I'm set for getting the girl of my dreams.

 

[MammothBlade]

An overpowered stun gun, a British passport, and a lockpick.

To break out of the jail, I stunkill a prison guard or two, torturing them if necessary to obtain the passcode. Then I scour the internet to find one of my old crushes, and take a taxi to their house. Then I stun him or her and sexy time occurs. After that, I go to the airport, and search for lone travellers who are going to Rome. I tell them I have a gun pointing through my coat pocket "just like in the movies", and they should quietly come into the toilet with me. I then lethally stun and gag them, take their tickets and some of their money, lock the cubicle from the inside, then jump over. Then I buy some laxatives and spare batteries, and catch my flight to Rome. Once I get there, I find a pharmacy and pick through the back door, steal some MAOIs and Benzos, and take a taxi to the Vatican. I find some way to lethally stun a cardinal and take his robes. After that, I spike the pope's food with the drugs, the adverse reaction will prove deadly. I don't stick around to find out. Instead I buy some face-darkener and pork chops, and go to Mecca in a similar manner to the way I described, except coaxing people into the toilet trap with laxatives this time. I sneak into the kaaba and desecrate it with pork chops. Following that, I take a plane to Jerusalem, using a skullcap to appear Jewish this time. I desecrate the Temple Mount with pork chops too. Then I watch the news for the reactions. "Atheist terrorist kills pope, desecrates holy sites"

I have nothing against religions nor am I an Atheist, that was just a bit of fun.

 

[FrostyChick]

You offer 3? I can do it with just one.
A paperclip.

Just to round it out, you'll also need a gum wrapper and a pocketknife... and MacGuyver.

Nope, just a paperclip... Well and one more thing, but that isnt an item. So it doesn't count towards the limits.

Let me guess... intricate knowledge of human anatomy and psychology? Then again, once you have that you probably won't even need the paperclip...

That could potentially help, but I was going for something a lot more general than that. A way of thinking to be precise.
It's divergent thinking, in essence the ability to look outside the "normally accepted" parameters of a problem and come up with something almost competely unrelated to the original problem.
For instance if a person skilled in divergent thinking were to be asked to "Name as many uses for a paperclip as you can.". They would likely respond, "Can it be 50 foot tall and made of rubber?" or something else entirely.
So when I say I have a paperclip, in reality I could have anything, it could be a foot long, sharpened to a blade and made of gold as far as anyone really knows.

 

[milna64]

Hmm. A molecule of water. ie 2 atoms of hydrogen, 1 atom of oxygen.

 

[ShindoL Shill]

200 gallons of nitric acid mixed with sulphuric acid
some glycol (about the equivalent of 200 gallons ish...)
10 cases of throwing knives.

pour a bit of that little cocktail around a bottom floor guard room, the guard tower nearest where i want to leave by then wait for lunch.
someone goes to the tower and enters the room... boom.

now, that wouldnt take much... and i can always use poetry to get the girl/guy.

i would say to God "I bet i can find one unexplained thing in this copy of the Old Testament (Genesis). if i win, you remove yourself from existence and transfer 20% of your power to me. if you win, then i'll become Jewish AND a rabbi.
lessee here... ah, you killed all the people except Noah and his family? where did the Egyptians come from later on?"

taking over the world? well, i do have the nitroglycerine... and god-powers...
so i'd turn myself into all the world leaders and hand power over to me under threat of the destruction of the government.

the throwing knives are to get rid of extra guards, the police and 'remove' the actual world leaders.

 

[Muspelheim]

Hmm... For jail, an Itcher.

For god, a Death Lamp.

For the world, the Wish Machine.

 

[DiMono]

Duct tape. There's nothing you can't do with it. Although, since I'm supposed to have two other items as well, I'll go with a very tasty sandwich, and another very tasty sandwich.

 

[2xDouble]

So when I say I have a paperclip, in reality I could have anything, it could be a foot long, sharpened to a blade and made of gold as far as anyone really knows.

So it's not really a paperclip, it's a gizmo. A hidden item that has no form or function until needed or used, but in this case with the ability to revert back to its hidden/unknown/formless state once used, allowing it to change its own parameters again and continuously.

Pretty sure that's banned by the rules... Thankfully, the paperclip is also flash key that can hack the OP and rewrite the rules of the exercise.

heh.

 

[ThePurpleCube]

A copy of The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy (charm the girl of my dreams with British wit and prove that God doesn't exist through the Babel Fish theorem), the meaning to life (persuade the people in power and the jail guards to let me out/ give me power) and an entire orchestra to complete my overtaking.

 

[FrostyChick]

So when I say I have a paperclip, in reality I could have anything, it could be a foot long, sharpened to a blade and made of gold as far as anyone really knows.

So it's not really a paperclip, it's a gizmo. A hidden item that has no form or function until needed or used, but in this case with the ability to revert back to its hidden/unknown/formless state once used, allowing it to change its own parameters again and continuously.

Pretty sure that's banned by the rules... Thankfully, the paperclip is also flash key that can hack the OP and rewrite the rules of the exercise.

heh.

I don't think you quite get the concept to be honest...
The paperclip is irrelevant, the only thing needed is the idea.
It only really applies to hypothetical situations such as the one in the OP.
Essentially I wasn't really giving a serious answer.
It's not about what the paper clip is, but what it could be.
Essentially the paperclip will ever only have one form, but that form could be anything.

 

[2xDouble]

So when I say I have a paperclip, in reality I could have anything, it could be a foot long, sharpened to a blade and made of gold as far as anyone really knows.

So it's not really a paperclip, it's a gizmo. A hidden item that has no form or function until needed or used, but in this case with the ability to revert back to its hidden/unknown/formless state once used, allowing it to change its own parameters again and continuously.

Pretty sure that's banned by the rules... Thankfully, the paperclip is also flash key that can hack the OP and rewrite the rules of the exercise.

heh.

I don't think you quite get the concept to be honest...
The paperclip is irrelevant, the only thing needed is the idea.
It only really applies to hypothetical situations such as the one in the OP.
Essentially I wasn't really giving a serious answer.
It's not about what the paper clip is, but what it could be.
Essentially the paperclip will ever only have one form, but that form could be anything.

The normal gizmo rule: "It always was. You just didn't know it, or I didn't tell you." (also known as the "Shonen Jump solution", or the "Because I'm Batman" argument). It is what it is, or it wasn't what it isn't for it will be was not what it is.

Truth is, there are no serious answers to illogical rationale. Including this one.

 

[Lizardon]

What if God is the guy/girl of my dreams?

Item 1 - Evidence proving my innocence
Item 2 - The girl of my dreams
Item 3 - The world