Basically what this person said. For me, the answer would be "Hell no, of course not!!" But for you, well I don't know; I don't know you.senordesol said:
About Relationship Sanctity....
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In this day and age, relationships should be exactly as exclusive as they're agreed upon to be. If you can't or won't limit yourself to just one sexual partner, but still want to have a primary relationship, that's cool... but make sure that everyone involved agrees that the relationship is an open one. If you can't or won't bring it up, if your relationship isn't important enough to discuss such things honestly, then I think you have to re-examine why you're with this person to start with.
That said, absolutely. As a guy, I would definitely back off from anyone in a relationship already, unless I was told that the relationship was an open one. Whether that in itself would weird me out too much is something I don't know yet, but you don't interfere in exclusive relationships.
That said, absolutely. As a guy, I would definitely back off from anyone in a relationship already, unless I was told that the relationship was an open one. Whether that in itself would weird me out too much is something I don't know yet, but you don't interfere in exclusive relationships.
Well, if you don't know the guy, I say fuck him and go for it. Seriously, it's a competitive world, and courting is just another form of competition. The best man wins (more or less)
That doesn't mean her cheating on the guy. No, that's shitty. Legitimate break-up because you actually do like someone else more is ok.
That doesn't mean her cheating on the guy. No, that's shitty. Legitimate break-up because you actually do like someone else more is ok.
I wouldn't back off. She has a responcibility to be faithful, I don't have one to not ruin their relationship. If she chooses to be with me, then I haven't done anything wrong, but she has. If you can't keep your relationship working, you don't deserve it. If said girl decideds to be unfaithful or dump you for someone else, she isn't worth your time anyway (i.e the current boyfriend shouldn't care).
So, for sake of discussion, if you were single; would you?Maze1125 said:
I find the Golden Rule is a fine reply in a number of situations. If you think it's fine to hook up with whatever hoves into view, spoken for or otherwise, then you should be just as fine if a person you're in a relationship with does the same.
I think it sort of weakens your argument if your answer is 'So long as it's no one I know or care about, I'm cool with it.'
For me, it's about mutual respect. If someone has made the decision to make someone their significant other, regardless of what I feel about them or they me (and this is not hypothetical), I abide by that choice.
So it's fine that you trust your wife just as I trust mine. The trust issue is a different matter entirely. It's a respect issue. Beyond that a relationship forged on the foundation of betrayal is just something I would hope very few people would want to be a part of.
This. I am not responsible for other people's relationships.evilthecat said:
Also, that said...
OP: I find it rare that someone who cheats on their partner is at the same time that forward or informative about their intents. In my experience, the cheater will often claim to be single (or claim that he/she is going to leave his/her partner for the new partner) rather than be open and honest about his/her relationship status and intent to cheat without altering that relationship paradigm.
Individuals who are that open are usually in Open Relationships where extra-relationship sex isn't cheating but rather agreed upon by both partners ahead of time. However, that is outside (and beyond) the example you (the OP) proposed.
...are you guys really serious? You'd propagate a kind of culture that tolerates mistrust and deceit? If you know a girl is in a relationship, you don't accept that. If she wants you, she gets rid of the other guy first.
If you'd fuck somebody and then send them back to their partner so he can deal with the consequences, then you are a coward, and I'd save the partner the trouble of teaching you so.
If you'd fuck somebody and then send them back to their partner so he can deal with the consequences, then you are a coward, and I'd save the partner the trouble of teaching you so.
Would I actively try to hook up with a girl who has a boyfriend? No. Would I attempt to get her to like me more than her boyfriend? Of course I would. That's part of how relationships go. But you need to know both how to do it without being a dick and when to give up when it's just plain old not happening. As someone who's been on the other side of that sort of thing a couple times, when my girlfriend tells you to stop and you don't, you should be prepared to get your ass kicked when I meet you. And when you push it too hard and suggest she should break up with me and go out with you, be prepared to be slapped.
In short, if you like a girl go for it. But don't be a dick. And if you don't know what "being a dick" means, then you're likely already being one.
In short, if you like a girl go for it. But don't be a dick. And if you don't know what "being a dick" means, then you're likely already being one.
Said the rapist.senordesol said:
I'm sorry, I just had to.
Anyway, I usually back off girls that say they have boyfriends but that doesn't mean I give up on them entirely. I can wait until they get dumped or worse.
Clearly not if you're beating your girlfriend!SmashLovesTitanQuest said:
I'm disgusted by the "It's not my problem" approach I'm seeing here; if you know that your actions are going to hurt someone, propagate deceit and dishonesty, and probably most important indulge what is a clearly an uncontrolled mind and its desires, then you don't fucking do it. Stop trying to decide what you can and can't get away with and try and do what's right. Don't put your love of pussy over your sense of compassion. I mean really, obviously hooking up with someone who is in a relationship (unless it's an open relationship that tolerates that behavior) is going to cause a pretty big amount of hurt to at least one person involved, if not all of you, and you're so desperate for pussy that you're willing to deceive and inflict suffering to get it, then that's just depressingly immature, not to mention hugely immoral.
You don't fuck someone if they have made a promise to someone else that they won't. Out of compassion for yourself, the partner who intends to cheat, and the cheated-on partner, you say no. It's not about rights or excuses or shoddy moral frameworks set up to excuse bad behavior; it's just about being a good person.
No man should ever try and date someone already in a relationship. If she breaks up with the other guy that is different. Same for women. My close friend always will cheat on his girlfriends (which makes me sick) but I could not feel sorry for him when it happened to him the other way around.
The same guy also always hits on girls regardless of them being single or not he figures "just because you have already ordered does not mean you can't keep looking at the menu".
Also if someone, male or female, is willing to leave someone to date you, why would you think they would not do the same to you?
The same guy also always hits on girls regardless of them being single or not he figures "just because you have already ordered does not mean you can't keep looking at the menu".
Also if someone, male or female, is willing to leave someone to date you, why would you think they would not do the same to you?
That's her consideration to make, not his.Mortai Gravesend said:
But she is a prize. There is really no way around that fact. You might not like to look at it that way, but why do you think the expression "Winning her heart" (or "Conquer her heart") were invented in the first place?
Whether or not you look at a person as a prize is irrelevant (because it IS a prize). How you CARE about your prize is relevant. Is it the most important prize you've ever won in your entire life, a prize that you will care for a polish every day? Or is it just another trophy to be put on the shelf while you go out and try to get a new one (because you like bragging about how many prizes you won or like "bagging trophies" or whatever)? THAT is what's important.
All life is competition, and looking at it differently is naive. To get a job you have to compete with others applying for the same post. Is this wrong? No, because being the best man for the job means you bring the most benefit to the employer. Competition doesn't mean you have to be a dick about it, you don't go and cripple the other applicants so they can't show up for an interview, no you just display superior ability for the job.Mortai Gravesend said:
A worse person for it? Really?? Competition is the BASIS of all evolution, of all growth.
Prize to be won? No, and that's a very narrow-minded view. In every relationship you've won over someone else simply because you are a better partner to your girlfriend/boyfriend. Making someone happier than they would be with someone other than you is objectifying? Is that really how you think?
Personally, I'm not okay with cheating or allowing someone to cheat. If someone is in a relationship and interested in someone else, there's only a handful things they can do.
First things first. One: That person can suck it up. B... No, Two: That person can up with their current partner [http://images.pictureshunt.com/pics/m/men_in_black-11406.jpg] and get together with their new hotness [http://images.pictureshunt.com/pics/m/men_in_black-11399.jpg]. Three, or C: That person can be in an open relationship. And, coming in a very low four, or D, or that little (iv) in brackets they use in footnotes: Wine.
First things first. One: That person can suck it up. B... No, Two: That person can up with their current partner [http://images.pictureshunt.com/pics/m/men_in_black-11406.jpg] and get together with their new hotness [http://images.pictureshunt.com/pics/m/men_in_black-11399.jpg]. Three, or C: That person can be in an open relationship. And, coming in a very low four, or D, or that little (iv) in brackets they use in footnotes: Wine.
My line of thinking is that if she's the kind of girl that who do that to her boyfriend, then she's not the kind of girl I want to be with. I wouldn't say I was necessarily at much fault for hooking up with her, but I wouldn't be able to because I would feel awful for her partner.
EDIT: Reading through some other posts... Jesus fucking christ people. Some people seem to have no empathy/any experience of relationships.
EDIT: Reading through some other posts... Jesus fucking christ people. Some people seem to have no empathy/any experience of relationships.
If she's up for it and you're up for it, why the fuck not? It's not my relationship I would be destroying so why would I care in the slightest?
In any case, no, I wouldn't be okay with my girlfriend hooking up with some guy but I would be okay with some guy hooking up with my girlfriend. Yes, you read that right. He's allowed to try for her favour and, if he succeeds, claim his prize, it's not his job to maintain my relationship. It is hers though, she shouldn't sleep with him and should respect the relationship. I wouldn't resent him for it, he was simply doing what people do, she would have to deal with the consequences of taking a dump on our relationship though.
Of course it goes without saying that you can swap the pronouns as you please. Gender and sexuality play no role in this rule I hold.
As a general point, people follow that rule when it's convenient for them to. Don't argue me on that, it won't do you any good.senordesol said:
In any case, no, I wouldn't be okay with my girlfriend hooking up with some guy but I would be okay with some guy hooking up with my girlfriend. Yes, you read that right. He's allowed to try for her favour and, if he succeeds, claim his prize, it's not his job to maintain my relationship. It is hers though, she shouldn't sleep with him and should respect the relationship. I wouldn't resent him for it, he was simply doing what people do, she would have to deal with the consequences of taking a dump on our relationship though.
Of course it goes without saying that you can swap the pronouns as you please. Gender and sexuality play no role in this rule I hold.