Are You a Shy Guy? (Girl Problems Thread)

[NightmareExpress]

*blah, blah, blah, dating stuff, blah, blah, blah*

I came in here to say that I am a bemasked Mario enemy that originated in the American Super Mario Bros. 2.

Actually, you are a masked foe that originates from a different Japanese game that would later be re-skinned to be the American Super Mario Bros. 2; the same fate of which Birdo and Ninji share. Your ignorance of DDP's existence shall not escape you, not even one month later!

Anyway...I'm probably not.
I generally know what kind of person enjoys my company and try to avoid extended contact with the others if possible.
More selective, if anything. The real problem is finding that one, you know? Certain relationships are nice, but it's rather frustrating when the other party can't really say much about all your favorite things. Guess that's what other friends are for. Plus, I can be a right bastard sometimes...probably let the "one" slip away a few years ago in retrospect.
Ah well, such is life. The lesson to be learned is that it's positively positive to be positive!

 

[moostar]

I actually have a different problem altogether.

It seems like most people in here who've failed thus far have these issues:
-They're older than they want to be at without dating succes
-They have trouble approaching girls, and then keeping things going

Correct me if I'm wrong, but to me this seems to say that getting a girl, any girl, is a good thing. That this is all about getting a girl for the possibility of sex.

Am I stupid or should that not be a side thing? A bonus of sorts.

Because, it might be silly, but to me personally I would think that a girl is the right person to start a relationship with if your personalities and interests match.

And there's my problem. I'm an underachiever school and work wise. (which has only recently started to bother me, too late to change much) This means I am in a class full of idiots who only seem to like partying, loud repetetive music, and very simple and obnoxious jokes. I know, I know, if you read things like this you will maybe think "You know you could have done something about that." Well I didn't know, not untill now. As stupid as it sounds I have never been at all ambitious, and never anticipated the consequences.

But going back to the issue I seem to be alone in. It's that I have never met a single girl I've been able to connect with. Not the one. I have never talked to a girl about something I like to talk about. They have all so far been obnoxious, irritating and not very intelligent.

That is with the one exception of my niece, who's a smart nerdy type.

Spoiler: Yeah.

How the FUCKING hell am I EVER going to find someone of the opposite gender, at least a little bit attractive, smart and with the same psychological disturbance as myself?!

God, do i feel for ya, trying to find that particular match that shares the same interest with ya, I mean, *sigh* its hard trying to find someone that Actually understands your personally, and that you know if they truly love you for your personality , instead of just how you look.

 

[Spinozaad]

Tip for guys: When opening up a conversation, start with a compliment. Don't compliment her looks (i.e. "Hey, you've got lovely eyes!"), but compliment her fashion. Tell her how wonderfully she's dancing. Stuff like that.

Tip for guys 2: Stand out from the crowd. Bring along some post-its and a pencil, write something nice on them, then stick it on her forehead or her arm/hand.

Tip for girls: Just say "hi!"

A general tip. If you're not entirely confident of your own confidence, honesty works. Like this:

"Hey! I feel kind of uncomfortable saying this, but your dancing is so hypnotic and wonderful, I just had to speak to you. I'm , what's yours?"

-ADDENDUM-

Also: you win some, you lose them. DON'T think of women/men as wonderfully special creatures straight from heaven. They, too, poop.

 

[Angie7F]

Tip for guys 2: Stand out from the crowd. Bring along some post-its and a pencil, write something nice on them, then stick it on her forehead or her arm/hand.

This is cute if your are good looking. A good idea and would cherish the post it forever.
But if a unattractive guy did this to me I would freak out.

You can say I am shallpw, but that is just how the world works.

 

[Spinozaad]

Tip for guys 2: Stand out from the crowd. Bring along some post-its and a pencil, write something nice on them, then stick it on her forehead or her arm/hand.

This is cute if your are good looking. A good idea and would cherish the post it forever.
But if a unattractive guy did this to me I would freak out.

You can say I am shallpw, but that is just how the world works.

Well, yeah. From experience, it also works if you're average/decent looking, as long as you're arrogant enough to pull it off.

Of course, there's something I call the "Scale of Standards". If you're a "6", you can make it with a "7" or maybe an "8" if you're a witty, charming bastard. You can easily get a "5" or lower. But lets be honest, nobody wants someone who's a lot uglier than he/she is. That works both ways. Hot girls and hot guys are out of your reach if you yourself aren't.

 

[Wadders]

I take the train to work about 3 times a week, and there isnt a single time where I dont see this one pretty girl every time as im coming back home, I dont want to freak her out so I dont make eye contact, she looks a little older than me (about 25, Im 22) and I have no idea on a way to approach her, and im not sure if shes noticed me or not... help?

That's your problem right there

Learn to hold eye contact. Smile at her. Don't be the first one to break eye contact.

Yeah...

Back to the actual topic: I'd be reluctant to suggest going up and talking to randoms at all, never mind girls. It does give off vibes of crazy. I know that if people approach me out of the blue with no context, I feel the urge to get the fuck outta there.

Having said that, I've a friend who is annoyingly good looking who picked up some girl who was a stranger to him on a train once. But as I said, he's the definition of pretty boy and uses this to his advantage

Anyways, I'm distinctly unsuited to offer any advice regarding this issue, but I'd say that speaking to someone who is at least aware of your existence prior to you approaching them would be a better bet, and slightly less scary for them? A friend of a friend or sibling, or acquaintances at work or in class perhaps.

Tip for guys 2: Stand out from the crowd. Bring along some post-its and a pencil, write something nice on them, then stick it on her forehead or her arm/hand.

This is cute if your are good looking. A good idea and would cherish the post it forever.
But if a unattractive guy did this to me I would freak out.

You can say I am shallpw, but that is just how the world works.

The odd thing is, I'm really not sure if I'm good looking or not. But I'm assuming that if I'm not sure, it means I'm not

Sometimes I look in the mirror and think "fuck, I'm lookin' good today" but then I see a photograph the next day and wonder how I haven't been burned at the stake as some kind of devilish mutant abomination. I'm not a virgin so someone must have been willing to sleep with me without the help of booze, but that means very little these days.

 

[Wadders]

I take the train to work about 3 times a week, and there isnt a single time where I dont see this one pretty girl every time as im coming back home, I dont want to freak her out so I dont make eye contact, she looks a little older than me (about 25, Im 22) and I have no idea on a way to approach her, and im not sure if shes noticed me or not... help?

That's your problem right there

Learn to hold eye contact. Smile at her. Don't be the first one to break eye contact.

Yeah...

Is there a point to this?

Yes, there is.

I was using the picture of that young fellow with the unsettling stare/grin combo to imply, in a tongue-in-cheek manner, that your suggestion to smile at her and not break eye contact could possibly be deemed a little creepy and stare-ey, especially if your expression resembles that of the man in the picture, or if the girl in question does not smile back.

 

[Wadders]

I take the train to work about 3 times a week, and there isnt a single time where I dont see this one pretty girl every time as im coming back home, I dont want to freak her out so I dont make eye contact, she looks a little older than me (about 25, Im 22) and I have no idea on a way to approach her, and im not sure if shes noticed me or not... help?

That's your problem right there

Learn to hold eye contact. Smile at her. Don't be the first one to break eye contact.

Yeah...

Is there a point to this?

Yes, there is.

I was using the picture of that young fellow with the unsettling stare/grin combo to imply, in a tongue-in-cheek manner, that your suggestion to smile at her and not break eye contact could possibly be deemed a little creepy and stare-ey, especially if your expression resembles that of the man in the picture, or if the girl in question does not smile back.

Where did I say that he has to stare creepily at her? I specifically said in the post above that he should smile at her. If you want more elaboration, it should be an uncertain, shy kind of smile, like 'why are we smiling?' sort of smile. And no, you must under no circumstances be the first one to break eye contact. That does not mean you have to stare creepily. Rather, it means that you should avoid looking away nervously, in the manner that most men who are not confident do. Being the first to break eye contact places the power with the woman, and places the man in a position of submission. It is extremely rare for women to find this attractive - most women find dominating men attractive, and even women who prefer sensitive men will still look for that dominating confidence in a first glance. This is basic attraction psychology.

Yeah okay, you've made your point and I'm sorry if I upset you.

I'm sorry, but the way you described the situation in your post just made me think of that picture. Like I said I wasn't entirely serious, but surely you can understand how some people following that advice (as good as it may be) might get the wrong end of the stick and come off as a bit creepy, a little like the chap in the photo. Although he's obviously posing, I was using the photo to make a point.

I should have clarified that point, but I thought it might be more amusing to just post the photo. Obviously I was wrong.

 

[HoneyVision]

I am incredibly shy when it comes to girls. 17 years old, never even kissed one. Madly in love with a girl for over a year now; still haven't worked up balls to ask her out yet, know rejection to be inevitability anyway. I understand the message about being confident but I'm afraid that I have very little to be confident about; and I don't want to fake it; I'm am not willing to be dishonest with myself. I doubt that there is anything destined for me other than a lonely death. Have grappled with idea of suicide as solution multiple times, but perhaps thought of never seeing my love again scares me more than never being with her.

haha without wanting to downplay your situation, this is such a typical teenager post. It kinda sounds like something out of a Twilight novel. There are so many ways to ask a girl out discreetly. My favourite one is telling her that you know someone who really likes her, to which she will ask "Who?". From here it's up to you to have a laugh and tease her with clues, but don't overdo it or she'll get annoyed. But if done right, it eases the tension and most girls are suckers for guys who think up of clever stuff like that. It's worked well for me in the past.

 

[Frokane]

I am incredibly shy when it comes to girls. 17 years old, never even kissed one. Madly in love with a girl for over a year now; still haven't worked up balls to ask her out yet, know rejection to be inevitability anyway. I understand the message about being confident but I'm afraid that I have very little to be confident about; and I don't want to fake it; I'm am not willing to be dishonest with myself. I doubt that there is anything destined for me other than a lonely death. Have grappled with idea of suicide as solution multiple times, but perhaps thought of never seeing my love again scares me more than never being with her.

haha without wanting to downplay your situation, this is such a typical teenager post. It kinda sounds like something out of a Twilight novel. There are so many ways to ask a girl out discreetly. My favourite one is telling her that you know someone who really likes her, to which she will ask "Who?". From here it's up to you to have a laugh and tease her with clues, but don't overdo it or she'll get annoyed. But if done right, it eases the tension and most girls are suckers for guys who think up of clever stuff like that. It's worked well for me in the past.

Hey look! someone with low self confidence, as this is a forum of insecure geeks lets bully him to make ourselves feel better!!!

 

[lacktheknack]

I am incredibly shy when it comes to girls. 17 years old, never even kissed one. Madly in love with a girl for over a year now; still haven't worked up balls to ask her out yet, know rejection to be inevitability anyway. I understand the message about being confident but I'm afraid that I have very little to be confident about; and I don't want to fake it; I'm am not willing to be dishonest with myself. I doubt that there is anything destined for me other than a lonely death. Have grappled with idea of suicide as solution multiple times, but perhaps thought of never seeing my love again scares me more than never being with her.

haha without wanting to downplay your situation, this is such a typical teenager post. It kinda sounds like something out of a Twilight novel. There are so many ways to ask a girl out discreetly. My favourite one is telling her that you know someone who really likes her, to which she will ask "Who?". From here it's up to you to have a laugh and tease her with clues, but don't overdo it or she'll get annoyed. But if done right, it eases the tension and most girls are suckers for guys who think up of clever stuff like that. It's worked well for me in the past.

Hey look! someone with low self confidence, as this is a forum of insecure geeks lets bully him to make ourselves feel better!!!

suddenly bumps it even after "no bumping" is added to the rulelist
>focuses on the one slightly insensitive line, ignores the meat of her post that is encouraging and helpful

Why you do this? D:

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

SNIP

This might sound really dumb, and to be honest reading it it sounds ridiculous.

But this guy is 100% right. It works. it freaking works and its the weirdest thing.

I started as a joke, i was the quiet tiny nerd in school and one day i started this shtick to basically pretend I was the most amazing fantastic person ever out of nowhere and people loved it. People found it really funny for me to act so uncharacteristically despite having no incentive to do so. I kept at it, i just said whatever I would say if i went under the assumption im great and interesting and funny. Still went over well. Eventually the whole "fake ego" helped boost my real ego. Of course acting like an arrogant tool REALLY seriously is bad, I sort of parodied it for laughs, but it taught me HOW to be an arrogant tool, the fundamentals of self belief that can be applied in moderation to make you genuinely outgoing. Its so easy to just do and say whatever you want if you just assume people will enjoy it. I just took that lesson and slowly let it bleed into my real personality until I was happy with my self confidence. Now im extremely outgoing and dont need the fake ego facade. That ran its course and taught me a lesson.

The issue im having is I want to know how to approach women i dont know yet without seeming creepy. Im great at parties or through friends of friends, give me a start of a conversation and ill run with it for ages. I feel confident talking to people i dont know AFTER im given an obvious reason to start talking to them. Im just not sure how to initiate it with a stranger unless I have a specific scenario to start a conversation with (Like a band shirt or a book shes reading or whatever). I dont want to come across as creepy but I really just want to get a conversation going so i can do what i find to be the easy part (the actual talking).

Theres a cute girl who sits in front of my in lectures. I hear her talk and I know we would get on really well. She always has about 6 friends though so unless i can weirdly "arrange" a meeting I dont know how to start a conversation when I only ever see her with a huge group of people.

Always say "Im funny, and nice and awesome" and pretend its true, then say whatever that person would say.

EDIT: AH SHIT NECRO! NECRO! My bad! Sorry Krazy Kid. Balls >.>