Ask a Scotsman

[Gaz6231]

Surveys* have shown that Scotland is a land of mystery and intrigue, rumours and hearsay, pies and chips.

It's entirely possible I'm not the only Scotsman on the forum, but if I am then I will do what I always do, and that's provide a service. Have you always wondered something about Scotland? Are you unsure as to what Scotland actually is? Well FUCK Google, go straight to the source and ask me anything!


*Lies

 

[Paksenarrion]

Is there really a Scottish Korean like in those starburst commercials?

 

[Ultrajoe]

What makes you a good demoman?

 

[zombiestrangler]

What the fuck is black pudding and why the fuck would you eat that?

 

[Roamin11]

I have a friend visiting there, with her fiance, how's she holding up??

 

[Floppertje]

didn't we do this like 3 months ago?

 

[Gaz6231]

Is there really a Scottish Korean like in those starburst commercials?

If there is I've never met him. Hell I've never even seen the commercial.

What makes you a good demoman?

Shitloads of bombs.

What the fuck is black pudding and why the fuck would you eat that?

It's essentially oats held together with blood, and we eat it because it's fucking delicious. Any meat you eat has blood in it, holding it together. Black pudding just cuts out the middle man/cow.

I have a friend visiting there, with her fiance, how's she holding up??

Ahh, the old 'Scotland is tiny and everyone knows eveyone' line.
I will refrain from implying that she left him to come round to mine and taste my black pudding.

 

[Revolutionary]

Is your accent similar to the Demoman's from TF2?

 

[LandoCristo]

What makes you a good demoman?

I came in here to say that.

That said, Scotland freaking rocks. All those highlands, and stuff.

 

[AvsJoe]

I have a friend visiting there, with her fiance, how's she holding up??

Ahh, the old 'Scotland is tiny and everyone knows eveyone' line.

I'm sure every country smaller than China, India, and the States gets that at one point or another. I'm from Canada, a country of 36 million and second only to Russia in size, and I've been asked if I know Suzy from Toronto.

OT: The guy who created haggis, what the hell was he smoking?

 

[Gaz6231]

Is your accent similar to the Demoman's from TF2?

Mine particularly, no. In general, the Demoman is a pretty poor attempt at a Scots accent, it swings between Scottish, Irish, Welsh and Jamaican (which I could accept if it blended, which it doesn't) and uses stereotypes that dont even fit the nation (scrumpy being a cider popular in rural England).

That said it's pretty fucking funny, which I suppose is the point. If you want to hear my generic Scots accent, check out my Youtube channel (youtube.com/gaz6231).

 

[Gaz6231]

Is the reason you guys wear skirts because getting pants on is too hard when drunk or hungover?

Actually we do it because if you ask any woman anywhere what the sexiest national attire is, they will say 'a kilt' 100% of the time.*

Oh and fun fact, you know William Wallace aka Mel Gibson? Historically he never wore a kilt, his clan wore yellow tartan pants. So there's that.

The guy who created haggis, what the hell was he smoking?

Probably the only thing on the sheep he couldn't eat. I mean come on, animal offal piped into a sack made out of more offal? No thanks, I'll have a hot dog. (/sarcasm)

*not a statistic

 

[Megalodon]

Oh and fun fact, you know William Wallace aka Mel Gibson? Historically he never wore a kilt, his clan wore yellow tartan pants. So there's that.

There is nothing true about that film, Wallace wearing a kilt is one of the more minor things wrong with it.

What the fuck is black pudding and why the fuck would you eat that?

Hey, Black Pudding isn't special to Scotland, its made all over the UK. Plus it's awesome, just had some for breakfast. As far as I'm aware only the Scots deep fry them though.

 

[Gaz6231]

Scots will eat anything if it's deep fried in batter. In fact the majority of Scottish food is just other people's food deep fried in batter. Shit, haggis is actually Belgian or something but we battered it and called it our own. Along with pizza, sausage, Mars bars...

 

[Something Amyss]

Is it true no true Scotsman would put sugar in his porridge?

 

[Swny Nerdgasm]

True or False; Scots are just Irishmen who aren't cool enough

 

[Gaz6231]

Is it true no true Scotsman would put sugar in his porridge?

It used to be true, but have you actually tasted porridge? Frankly if breaking a national stereotype lets me enjoy an otherwise bland foodstuff then pass the Tate & Lyle.

True or False; Scots are just Irishmen who aren't cool enough

Scots are actually descended from the Celts. Given that they moved somewhere which was even more rainy and desolate, it could be claimed that the Irish are just scots who aren't HARDCORE enough.

 

[Swny Nerdgasm]

True or False; Scots are just Irishmen who aren't cool enough

Scots are actually descended from the Celts. Given that they moved somewhere which was even more rainy and desolate, it could be claimed that the Irish are just scots who aren't HARDCORE enough.

Well either way, the Celts, who are both mine and you're ancestors, I'll forgive the line about me being not Hardcore enough, weren't hardcore enough for the Romans, who chased us to the godforsaken north of Europe

 

[Gaz6231]

No argument there, the Romans were l33t.

 

[EmzOLV]

If I was on tour and we were visiting any one of Scotland's major cities/towns, where would be the best places for me to go out and get my party on?