Attraction explained: how to talk to women

[Sjakie]

snip snip snip

I approve of this message.

Confidence is 75% when trying to get a girl/woman to notice you in a romantic way. The other 25% is knowing how to write down your phonenumber and a bit of proper, witty banter as described.

 

[tavelkyosoba]

You made me laugh. I'm still not sure if you're being serious or pulling a Poe's law on us.

If you're being serious, you're definitely taking your psych textbook too seriously and need to get in to some material that wasn't committee drafted in the magical land of academia.


Get yourself a subscription to Scientific American MIND. Enjoy. And you're welcome.



Edit: Finding the "evolutionary driver" of any phenomena is almost always met with two diametrically opposed drivers.

1a. "Women desire confidence because they want strong offspring"
1b. "Women desire sensitivity because they want assistance in raising offspring."

2a. "Homosexuality is counter to advancing the species because homosexuals don't mate."
2b. "Homosexuality helps drive species by providing 'nest helpers' during times of famine."

I could go on, and on, and on...but you get the point.

 

[tavelkyosoba]

Haha. Page full of tripe. I love it when weird guys who think they are masters of body language and the human psyche tell me what I'm attracted to.

My advice? Be yourself. Don't listen to this shit and have fun.

He's not weird, just misunderstood :'(

 

[blalien]

Wall of text!
I don't care if this is off topic, because this is off topic discussion!

Fixed it for ya.

 

[Lizard Queen]

Men go for looks, women go for status.

No. Just no. All you're doing is stereotyping, that is not analyzing, that is just flat out stereotyping.

I feel a little insulted as a male.

As a male that really couldn't care less about looks, I feel the same way.

And as a female who doesn't care about status, I too feel the same way. I like those who don't put on a show to impress me.

Hortez is clearly trying to connect evolutionary theory and sexual selection with human social interactions. The problem is that the more intellegent a species is, the more complex social interaction becomes.

A female fruitfly might choose the mate with the brightest colour wings. That is basic sexual selection based on a measure of the physical fitness of the potential partners. But even with the flys it is a preference not a certainty. The 'best' male doesn't get every female, just more than the 'lesser' males.

People (and apes, dolphins etc.) are a lot more complicated. Evolutionary pressures to select the fitest male have an effect but it is not the only factor and probably only matters in the initial reactions anyway. Yes I know that I find the Old Spice Ad guy attractive because strong males have good genes, but if I actually met him I would be making judgement based on a lot more than outward appearance and 'confidence'.

My boyfriend isn't a superhunk. But he's funny, intellegent and unfortuneately kicks my butt at TF2.

Sorry about the long post.

 

[Tdc2182]

There is no formula. Considering that all girls enjoy the same thing is Stereotyping.

And stereotyping is usually false.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

Men go for looks, women go for status.

No. Just no. All you're doing is stereotyping, that is not analyzing, that is just flat out stereotyping.

I feel a little insulted as a male.

As a male that really couldn't care less about looks, I feel the same way.

And as a female who doesn't care about status, I too feel the same way. I like those who don't put on a show to impress me.

Hortez is clearly trying to connect evolutionary theory and sexual selection with human social interactions. The problem is that the more intellegent a species is, the more complex social interaction becomes.

A female fruitfly might choose the mate with the brightest colour wings. That is basic sexual selection based on a measure of the physical fitness of the potential partners. But even with the flys it is a preference not a certainty. The 'best' male doesn't get every female, just more than the 'lesser' males.

People (and apes, dolphins etc.) are a lot more complicated. Evolutionary pressures to select the fitest male have an effect but it is not the only factor and probably only matters in the initial reactions anyway. Yes I know that I find the Old Spice Ad guy attractive because strong males have good genes, but if I actually met him I would be making judgement based on a lot more than outward appearance and 'confidence'.

My boyfriend isn't a superhunk. But he's funny, intellegent and unfortuneately kicks my butt at TF2.

Sorry about the long post.

*points rapidly to all the quotes on her post* Yeah, all that stuff.

 

[Criquefreak]

Must. Resist. Rant.

urgh... Congratulations! You've just described how to hit on/pick up approximately 5% of the female population.

Come back when you realize the other 95% don't fit your nice little stereotype.

Thank whatever god you believe in for saying this.

The problem with the original poster's theory is that he's dismissing the most crucial piece of information: women are people. This tirade of analysis is equating us to simple mathematics and enough bs that anyone willing to believe you will accept the view of women being genetically programmed as gold-digging whores.

It's not so much that the jerks are confident while the nice guys aren't, it's that a woman will never know a guy is interested unless he's forward enough to say it to her. Given a choice between fawning over a guy who's never shown interest but seems nice and the guy who has voiced interest, guess which is more likely to seem like a good choice. There might be a preference to the guy who's shown indiscriminate kindness, but he apparently isn't interested.

As to this theory that women aren't attracted to kindness, you honestly think women are attracted to guys who seem like they'll be abusive and disregard it because of status or confidence? That's crap! Women who get into abusive relationships either didn't suspect the guy was a jerk or became psychologically accustomed to it in childhood. Let's not discount the whole jealous lonely guy angle of just perceiving someone as a jerk because the guy managed to earn a relationship with the girl.

Raging insincerity is a god-awful way of starting a relationship with someone. Teasing a person does not promote attraction, it promotes hatred and disgust. If you want to know if someone's attracted to you, ask, don't rely on a list of potentially misleading cues. Depending on a person's culture, family upbringing, etc nearly all of those items are dismissable as standard social protocol. If she's going to lie to you or shy away from the topic, then just give up on pursuing a relationship, she's clearly not interested or ready for such.

Now here's a bizarre thought to those of you that prefer a girl out of a dating sim to a real woman: just take the long route of getting to know her as a friend and see if, after that, you still want to pursue a more in depth relationship; then, in open and honest communication bring up the topic with her.

If you discover that you don't have any actual interest in a relationship with a woman and all you care about is her looks, get a real doll... the world will be much better off.

 

[someotherguy]

Need to yell "ASPERGERS! ASPY!" increasing. Urge to call you a robot even greater. Only came to thread to laugh.


Okay. I won't.

I had a friend. Well, Have a friend like this. Who assumes that. well, other people aren't people. They're math problems. Or calculated risks. He lives a fairly lonely life.

Sorry to be rude, but as the poster above me said, You're dealing with people Not the haggle or personality system in oblivion.

I really hate that the above sounds rude, but in all honestly the original post is well, rude. And I'm sorry for responding in rage.

 

[Breadroller]

I press F3 and searched for Rock out with your cock out, nothing was found.
Your thesis now has no basis.

Holy crap, F3 enables search. I've been using ctrl f for so long. You sir, have greatly increased my productivity.

Regarding this thread, while I would certainly not consider this information as baseless suppositions (some of it, at least), as the subject has been previously studied by social psychologists using proper scientific methodology, I would also like to say that these are findings from very, very large samples and that while they may apply to women of the western world as a general population, they should definitely not be used on a specific and individual basis. Every woman is different and reacts differently. This information is useful, but should not be strictly adhered to.

 

[Madwurld]

"ME: Hey, I gotta go in a second but, can I get your opinion on something? (Body language turned away as if i was just walking by)
GIRL: Okay.
ME: It's very important, a matter of life and death, in fact. I want you to think very hard about this. (said seriously, but not in a boring way; as if what you say is of dire importance to the main character in a comedic sketch)
GIRL: alright...
ME: Do you floss before or after you brush? I've been trying to figure it out for days! (Said in a joking way, as you would say the punchline of a joke [don't laugh])
GIRL: Laughs."

NO just... NO

What he failed to mention that the laughter was a nervous laughter
a kind of polite laughter a girl gives you wile she calculates the fastest way to escape you...

Speaking as a chick pick up lines turn on this little flashing light in my brain that screams creep! creep! creep!
The thoughts that run in my head are: does this guy really think I'm that dumb ... how many times has he used this line on some one ...
pick up lines make us feel like some kind of conquest and not a real person....

"Another thing; girls aren't stupid. She knows what you're trying to pull. When guys randomly walk up to them and start asking them random-ass questions, they know they just want to get in their pants."

I would rather a guy ask me random questions than use some weird ploy like the one above...
because asking me random questions = you wanting to know what kind of person i am

ok now I'm ranting
but i just had to get this outta my system =/

 

[Imp Poster]

What is attraction? For men and women, it is a primal biological urge we feel when we find someone who we think is suitable to pass on our genes. The evolutionary theory is that back in our tribal days (for which we are still hot wired thanks to rapid technology increase) the most beautiful women would be the best child caretakers, while the most confident men would be the best providers for those children. And THIS urge comes from one of our most primal urges: the urge to reproduce, and to care for our offspring.

I will reiterate what I just said, but highlighting the important bits:

Men go for looks, women go for status.

I don't believe in absolutes. No matter how good you are at that, how much money/muscles/clothes you have. In the end, if the girl had to choose between you and
Chuck Norris, guess what? You LOSE.

Seriously, You can't win them all, but you gotta try to see if can win though.
It's good start to those not knowing. But I think it is important to be yourself, knowing what you want, and communicate (verbal/non-verbal) well. Hey some women don't mind if you just want to have sex with them and that's it. Just don't come across like you going to give them your life in marriage/world if you do. It already smells like bullshit.

girls aren't stupid. She knows what you're trying to pull.

The only thing I can really agree upon is girls are not stupid. They know what's up. They feel these things. Men try to play smart by trying to outsmart girls by pretending we don't like them to see if they like us first.
In our general society, there is a transfer of power between men and women. Men start with this power. As men, you have the power to go up to ANY girl and ask them out. Women, have to wait to be asked out, wait for this power to come to them. Enhence why women have make-up, better looking clothes(than men), plastic surgery. They need to look good. Since looking good is perception, not all women think this but to a degree, women have to buy into it whether it be make-up or clothes at least. Men need to stop thinking about bottom line, will she say yes or no. And just be a person interested or attracted to another person. Go up and find out what they are about to give you a clearer picture of who they are and willing to give what you want. Give her good signals that you do find her attractive without saying it of coarse. Think about giving this power like landing an airplane, gradual descent, ground touch wheels slightly, little hop, ground touch wheels a little harder, rinse repeat till wheels on the ground, at a certain speed, reverse thrust, complete stop. Once you say you like her, she will have you wrapped around her finger. Too much power all at once, not a good thing. Think of a nose diving plane, hits ground, get the picture?

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

1. Talk to said girl and be confident, but don't act like a dick while talking to her.
2. Act or be genuinely interested in the topic at hand.

Really not that hard.

To this I add a third and a fourth point:

3. Be interested in more than just her body. (Where does she work? What is her hometown? What does she want to do in the future?)

4. Be yourself. Don't roleplay to get the girl; if she doesn't like you for who you are, she is not worth your time.

OT: I've never resorted to any tricks to get a girl nor relied on my social status/wealth. I am who I am and it is my great pleasure meeting women who love me for that. Does it sound cheesy? Of course it does but I think it is the best method.

 

[The-Jake]

Oh, hi.
Your basic assumption, that there is a universal woman code, is flawed, as, even if there are trends, different women do not all have identical standards. Even if they did, not all women are in the same situation. I'll just leave this here: http://www.cracked.com/article_18804_the-6-wrong-questions-men-love-to-ask-about-women.html
Your drastic oversimplification of both "men" and "women" (as if there were any such universal thing -- what is "manly" or "womanly" varies from culture to culture) is both misandrist and misogynist.
Your appeal to evolution-theoretic sociobiology as a justification is oversimplified and an insult to the good men and women of science who crafted it. Genetically programmed instinct is a component of our behavior, but since we're not dumb animals, it's not the only factor -- you may have heard of a little thing called knowledge. Even disregarding that, the instincts of a being as socially advanced as a human are not as "push button, receive bacon" as you depict. You make the all-too-common mistake of injecting animism into science: evolution does not have a grand design. That a trait is common is not 100% proof that that trait has an adaptive advantage; traits can become common for other reasons.
You cite a common wrong opinion, that girls prefer jerks to "nice guys." I'll just leave this here: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml
You contradict yourself when you say that girls aren't stupid and know what you're trying to pull, then explain how to easily keep them from knowing what you're trying to pull. Your guide is ultimately a guide on how to hide your true intentions, which can only possibly lead to the most superficial "relationships".
I like how your disclaimer at the end rescues your thesis from ever being falsified.

 

[Blow_Pop]

Must. Resist. Rant.

urgh... Congratulations! You've just described how to hit on/pick up approximately 5% of the female population.

Come back when you realize the other 95% don't fit your nice little stereotype.

Thank you so much for saying that.

As a girl in a relationship with a boy and despite us both being gamers only one of us being socially awkward at all(me) I disagree with your findings. I went for jerks for about maybe a year, got hurt by one, never did it again. The boy I am with is and has always been a nice guy. Holds open doors, is a gentleman, respects my wishes/opinions/ideas.....etc.......... It really depends ON THE GIRL. Writing something like this only includes a small percentage of females. Yes confidence does play into it some but so does what the girl personally likes/prefers and how confident she is in her own self. Best advice, make friends with a girl and ask for advice in proceeding to asking another girl out if you can't figure it out on your own.

 

[MadeinHell]

Seriously I'm not a huge Casanova when it comes to talking to women. In fact till the age of 16 I was just simply "scared" to talk to them, afraid of being rejected (I'm nearing 20 now. Still not a Casanova but doing much better)

Than through the series of random events my personality has changed. I simply didn't care about being rejected no more so when I like a way girl looks or acts I just walked up to her and talked. Of course there were times when the girl stated that she is totally not interested in me. My reaction to that was simple "mkay, have fun". And we were off like nothing ever happened.

It's that simple. Just don't be scared for no reason and act NORMAL. And I don't mean the "cool" normal that people try to be in pubs and clubs, the unnecessarily funny, suave and "fearless" people ("Inside I'm shaking and shitting my pants, but outside I look so cool and calm"). While it might work for some people for 99% it won't. I mean the ACTUAL normal. Like the way you are when you talk to close friends, or family. Tell the bad jokes you always do, make funny faces and noises you always do. BE YOURSELF. If she or he doesn't like that than you obviously shouldn't be interested with him.

That's all I can tell to future generations. Know yourself, be yourself. And never try to act like someone you are not, it will just make you look stupid.

 

[ForensicYOYO]

Dividing by ZERO makes more sense.

 

[thedeathscythe]

ITT: Justifications and rationalizations for romantic shortcomings with a heavy Western bias using largely baseless suppositions as evidence.

Some of these are pretty funny though. My favorite is the one about asking for a light being a sign of attraction. Nothing says "you're interesting" like a nicotine craving.

Or knowing what time it is. Damnit, I better bring my watch or hope my phone doesn't die, or else when I ask people what time it is, they make think I'm flirting...

Some of these could be helpful but whenever someone has a guide on how to talk to women, it generalizes way too much and I think about how I do it much different and yet get similar results. Of course you need to be confident, you need to be confident for everything. Literally, everything. You want to get a job? Be confident. You want to get better at public speaking? Be confident. You want to do good at a game? Be confident, it even works there. Literally everything in life requires confidence to help increase your chances with, it's not some secret.

I have a little tip though for getting better at talking with girls. Go to the mall and go to every store window shopping and try and strike up a conversation with any female employees at any store. This isn't some hidden secret, this is just how you help build said confidence. Some people don't get out enough so they rely on internet articles like this. Just practice talking to girls, and the best way is to pretend you're killing time at the mall or that you're shopping. If it's the first time you've ever struck up a conversation with some employee while you're shopping, you'll be nervous, but after a good 10 stores, you'll start to feel more natural about talking to people you don't know and drumming up a conversation. No secret, just practice.

 

[TilMorrow]

I'll just leave this here for you:

- J

Agreed, wish it wasn't dead though.

OT: I love how he places a wavier at the bottom of his wall of text so that he can try and not get anyone seeking revenge.