Be a douche!

[Tharwen]

If I had a car as bad as yours, I'd pay someone to steal it for me!

My interwebz are running slowly.

 

[Vrex360]

Yeah, and that's just cause you is so retarded yo interwebz moves as slow as you yerself biatch!!

I can't wait for Halo: Reach to come out properly.

 

[Dr Ampersand]

Yeah, and that's just cause you is so retarded yo interwebz moves as slow as you yerself biatch!!

I can't wait for Halo: Reach to come out properly.

Then take an orphanage full of orphans hostage and demand it in your ransom.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

I kick you in the eye.

I got a game for you.

 

[MachoFern]

I don't bloody care, my friend just quit a board game called Life after I ended up with my little SUV full of children and him in debt, do you know how awkward that is?

I just posted this

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

It's a shitty post! Gtfo the site!

I can't seem to remember where I live...

 

[BrailleOperatic]

Then get a job, and maybe you'll be to afford a real mother-fucking house.

My cat just had babies.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Guess what? I ate the little bastards!

I need somebody to help me test this vaccine.

 

[MachoFern]

TEST IT YOURSELF, YOU STAB YOURSELF WITH A SYRINGE EVERY SATURDAY IN THE ALLEY ANYWAY YOU FRIGGIN DRUGGIE

I need an idea

 

[capin Rob]

Write a book about how bad you mom hates you.


My Cell Phone Is Broken

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Why? Why do you need an idea? So you can fail at writing another damn book to feed your addiction to bad fiction?

I need help with this equation.
Edit: Ninja'd and the ninja's post doesn't follow the rules at all.

 

[Robert632]

I destroy all the work you've done.

I need some sleep.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Sleep? What the hell made you think you ever deserved to rest?! Get back to work you little jackass!

I need somebody to show me how to fly.

 

[shadowhunter2000]

*Pushes you off a building*

I need to listen to some music.

 

[BrailleOperatic]

How about the melodic sounds of my punching your ears in if you keep up the whining?

I lack the ingredients to make breakfast cereal...

 

[Heart of Darkness]

Then go to the store and buy some. You may as well pick up some dignity while you're at it, or a new brain.

My computer keeps crashing.

 

[Stone Wera]

KEEP YOUR PIMP HAND STRONG!



My grandmama's dying.

 

[BrailleOperatic]

KEEP YOUR PIMP HAND STRONG!

I have a horrible habit of copying other people's jokes...

 

[MrShowerHead]

Rip off your ears and eyes, that should help

I have one extra ticket to Metallica concert. Want to have it?

 

[Stone Wera]

I'll take them both.


My pimp hand is weak.