'Be a man'!

[Scarecrow]

There have being a few threads reactly about men being sad and depressed, which have being met with the crys of 'be a man and grow a pair', which persnaly think is one of the most stupid things to say to a depressed person.

But what do you think about the 'be a man' saying? Is it right or is it wrong?

 

[DefunctTheory]

Its right.

Stop crying and man up, god damn it.

 

[6unn3r]

Last time i checked men can cry. Yes belive it or not its true we do have tear ducts and feelings! Of course this is no excuse for blubbing at a wimpy film or crying because you lost in the cup final...i cried the day my daughter was born and im not ashamed to admit that.

 

[vento 231]

Well, if you sit there and cry, nothing gets done except you feel sorry for yourself, In my opinion, sometimes people need to be whipped into shape. SO BE A MAN ABOUT IT.
Edit: honestly, I don't want to hear your crap, keep it at home, and to all of you who say "If I don't cry, I'll do other things", maybe you should try to control yourself and not resort to extreme measures so easily, assuming someone didn't die, you should learn how to control your emotions.

 

[lovest harding]

Gender roles are a confusing mess.
I just choose to believe that if it feels alright for me (if I feel okay crying over an emotional event in a novel or movie or game, then I'll do it).
Anyone who wants to tell anyone else what a man needs to be is just wrong. Being 'manly' is one of those opinion things that can't be proven to be one way or another. Like religion or politics.

 

[Imp Poster]

saying something like that maybe a band-aid if the person takes it like that, but getting to the root of the problem would be more effective.

 

[jamradar]

To be a MAN you are only allowed to do the following things:

So manly!

 

[Bon_Clay]

Actually a think a lot of the time it is a valid point. Its fine to vent stuff out and analyze why things are the way they are, but eventually you need to man the hell up. Suck it up if shit has happened and move on. Being able to do that will show you its possible to get over shit, that you are stronger than you thought, and let you regain some confidence.

 

[Labyrinth]

I don't agree with it first of all on feminist grounds. "Be a man" is one of the most sexist statements I hear in common use. Not only does it imply that being a non-man, ie. female, is something that makes one emotional and unstable, it also shoehorns all men everywhere into an emotional iron maiden. The idea that "a man" is stoic and relatively emotionless causes all kinds of untold damage due to repressed issues that need to be dealt with. Let me take rural Australia for example. There's been a drought here for the past decade or so. Out in rural areas that takes its toll. Men who ascribe to the Stoic and Manly ideal find it difficult to seek help for the problems, such as depression, that arise out of having a failing farm when it's been in the family for generations. Stereotype, but you get the idea. The suicide rate in those areas and in this situation shoots right up.

The other reason it irks me is because it demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding about mental illness. I differentiate here between medical depression and "I'm down, need someone to talk to." While the latter is valid as a request, the former runs far deeper. For someone with depression it is impossible to "be a man" and cheer up because of chemical imbalances and other physiological factors upon which no amount of stoicism can have an effect. Stephen Fry related an anecdote during an interview about a fellow bi-polar man in the depressive swing of his illness. This guy had walked in front of a truck and wound up spending six months having the bones in his legs re-broken and re-set repeatedly in an effort to enable him to walk again. The guy said that while yes, the pain of having his legs mended was truly terrible, "it was nothing compared to the pain that made me step onto the highway."

Manic depressives do have the manic part of that cycle to reassure them. It will get better for them because that's a part of their illness. People with depression don't, and it's not fair to burden them with masculinity crap atop everything else. It won't make them better, it could well make them worse. The most likely result is that they just stop talking about their troubles.

 

[Asickorphan]

Its right you just got to live with your life! I mean hell you arent gunna get anyhting done by crying! Real men grow up take care of their problems! When I hear it I think "damn you are right!" So to my conclusion be a man!

 

[CarpathianMuffin]

It completely depends on the situation. If somebody's depressed for a good reason, they should actively seek to treat it. That's what's meant by people telling others to being a man, I think. Or at least I hope, since it isn't easy to shove those nasty thoughts out of your mind and just carry on with your life.

 

[CloakedOne]

I don't agree with it first of all on feminist grounds. "Be a man" is one of the most sexist statements I hear in common use. Not only does it imply that being a non-man, ie. female, is something that makes one emotional and unstable, it also shoehorns all men everywhere into an emotional iron maiden. The idea that "a man" is stoic and relatively emotionless causes all kinds of untold damage due to repressed issues that need to be dealt with. Let me take rural Australia for example. There's been a drought here for the past decade or so. Out in rural areas that takes its toll. Men who ascribe to the Stoic and Manly ideal find it difficult to seek help for the problems, such as depression, that arise out of having a failing farm when it's been in the family for generations. Stereotype, but you get the idea. The suicide rate in those areas and in this situation shoots right up.

The other reason it irks me is because it demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding about mental illness. I differentiate here between medical depression and "I'm down, need someone to talk to." While the latter is valid as a request, the former runs far deeper. For someone with depression it is impossible to "be a man" and cheer up because of chemical imbalances and other physiological factors upon which no amount of stoicism can have an effect. Stephen Fry related an anecdote during an interview about a fellow bi-polar man in the depressive swing of his illness. This guy had walked in front of a truck and wound up spending six months having the bones in his legs re-broken and re-set repeatedly in an effort to enable him to walk again. The guy said that while yes, the pain of having his legs mended was truly terrible, "it was nothing compared to the pain that made me step onto the highway."

Manic depressives do have the manic part of that cycle to reassure them. It will get better for them because that's a part of their illness. People with depression don't, and it's not fair to burden them with masculinity crap atop everything else. It won't make them better, it could well make them worse. The most likely result is that they just stop talking about their troubles.

Very intelligent and eloquent. Well done.

I too believe that to "be a man" implies that a male should act a certain way. Gender roles are becoming mixed up and distorted and I believe that this is a positive thing. If society can finally stop placing the sexes into categories that must act a certain way, it can finally move toward letting people truly be themselves. I do not follow many of the "male" conventions and I'm proud of it because I shouldn't have to do that and no one else should either. If they believe that men and women should do some things while refrain from doing others, that's their privilege to believe that and they can apply it how they wish, but I take issue when some of us grow up in places that try to insist that sexes fit into a specific role. If to "be a man" implies being stoic, forceful, controlling, and stubborn, you can count me out.

 

[Ampersand]

Personally i prefer the term "SACK UP!!" spoken loudly and with gusto. It's funnier so it's actually more effective at raising someones spirits.
I maintain that the expression is gender neutral.

 

[Drakmeire]

I think the idea of the overly-macho jerk being manly is outdated and frankly stupid. a true man knows how to be open-minded and intellectual.

or you can just be a man by doing this.
<youtube=p0qcXjMQyWk>

 

[CaptainCrunch]

OOOOHHHH YEAH! BE A MAN!
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Discussion value: it's just an expression. Being male doesn't confine you to any predetermined set of behavior. I use it sometimes as a way of saying "don't be so sad over something that doesn't really matter that much." It is always followed by something a person can actually do to feel better about whatever has them feeling down.

Sometimes (admittedly rarely), I even tell females to "be a man." So far, it's been about 50/50 between a laugh (the intended consequence) and a lecture about the oppression of women (which at least redirects the negative feelings into something substantial, if misguided).

 

[Scarecrow]

I don't agree with it first of all on feminist grounds. "Be a man" is one of the most sexist statements I hear in common use. Not only does it imply that being a non-man, ie. female, is something that makes one emotional and unstable, it also shoehorns all men everywhere into an emotional iron maiden. The idea that "a man" is stoic and relatively emotionless causes all kinds of untold damage due to repressed issues that need to be dealt with. Let me take rural Australia for example. There's been a drought here for the past decade or so. Out in rural areas that takes its toll. Men who ascribe to the Stoic and Manly ideal find it difficult to seek help for the problems, such as depression, that arise out of having a failing farm when it's been in the family for generations. Stereotype, but you get the idea. The suicide rate in those areas and in this situation shoots right up.

The other reason it irks me is because it demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding about mental illness. I differentiate here between medical depression and "I'm down, need someone to talk to." While the latter is valid as a request, the former runs far deeper. For someone with depression it is impossible to "be a man" and cheer up because of chemical imbalances and other physiological factors upon which no amount of stoicism can have an effect. Stephen Fry related an anecdote during an interview about a fellow bi-polar man in the depressive swing of his illness. This guy had walked in front of a truck and wound up spending six months having the bones in his legs re-broken and re-set repeatedly in an effort to enable him to walk again. The guy said that while yes, the pain of having his legs mended was truly terrible, "it was nothing compared to the pain that made me step onto the highway."

Manic depressives do have the manic part of that cycle to reassure them. It will get better for them because that's a part of their illness. People with depression don't, and it's not fair to burden them with masculinity crap atop everything else. It won't make them better, it could well make them worse. The most likely result is that they just stop talking about their troubles.

Thats what got me too make this thread. People were telling people who where depressed to 'be a man' and it really made me made. These people really had no understanding of depression and had no place telling these people what they should do.