'Be a man'!

[Mr. Omega]

I think the idea of the overly-macho jerk being manly is outdated and frankly stupid. a true man knows how to be open-minded and intellectual.

or you can just be a man by doing this.
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Ninja's, with both the statement and the video. Curses!

 

[BlueberryMUNCH]

99 out of 100 times, its the wrong thing to say
But its actually one of the...hmm...well, i spose you could say pillars that i try to live my life by nwadays.
Ive experienced extreme depression and one of the ways im keeping it at bay is by telling myself 'mate, just grow a fucking pair and get over it, your a bloke'

Most people will be at the stage in depression where this is the totally wrong thing to say, but theyll probably look back and realise that it was good advice, really.

Thats what i think anyway:].

 

[nofear220]

But what do you think about the 'be a man' saying? Is it right or is it wrong?

Oh its right, sometimes.

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[Phantomess]

All I can think of is this when I hear it

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who thought of that song. ^_^

But I would say that any man who is unashamed to cry has guts. My grandfather would never cry in front of his family, but I remember hearing him cry through a door once and it was heart-breaking. But it reminded me that he had feelings just like everyone else. So yeah, I've got no issue with guys crying.

That said, I am guilty of telling people to "Eat some concrete and harden up, princess". Just not when they're obviously hurting some.

 

[spartan1077]

Gender roles are a confusing mess.
I just choose to believe that if it feels alright for me (if I feel okay crying over an emotional event in a novel or movie or game, then I'll do it).
Anyone who wants to tell anyone else what a man needs to be is just wrong. Being 'manly' is one of those opinion things that can't be proven to be one way or another. Like religion or politics.

This!... I'm adding more to this post for no reason lalalalala. Also where is the expression BE A WOMAN! I don't know, they always push equality but do they ever push that?

 

[Omikron009]

It's right...sometimes. If someone genuinely has psychological issues like depression it can be tough (I do suffer from occasional depression and one of the best ways I'm able to get through it is by telling myself to man the hell up, but it doesn't work for everyone.) If someone's just being a whiner, it's absolutely okay to tell them to grow a pair.

 

[WOPR]

I think "be a man" is a bad phrase

but the meaning that "crying won't help anything so get over it" is better

so I'd say "grow up and get over it"

(plus I personally am sick of all these "I'm depressed" posts... stop coming online looking for a pity party when there are people like me who have it far worse but keep quiet about it which is the polite thing to do... selfish self-centered wastes of space...)

 

[whittaker]

All I can think of is this when I hear it

This is the correct answer!

 

[SovietSecrets]

Depends on what they are complaining about. If its something minimal, then I would say suck it up princess. If its something really serious then I would not dare to say something like that.

 

[RamirezDoEverything]

Right.
Bitching and complaining will get you no where in life, unless your goal is to appear to be that loser who talks about feelings.
Man up.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

How about this... instead of "be a man" how about "Grow the fuck up. Stop whining like you're 12 years old and you ripped your teddy bear's leg and now the stuffing is pouring out."

It all boils down to this: "I didn't get my way so I'ma cry about it"

Did someone hurt you? Is it lasting damage? Even if it is an adult goes about dealing with his or her problems, not crying about it.

Point of it all is, whining about a problem doesn't solve it. If you don't know how to fix something, FIND SOMEONE WHO DOES and learn from them. Then do it yourself. Thats how grown-ups handle their problems.
And yes I realize not all adults do this. Mostly because they've refused to take responsibility for their lives. The others are permanent children due to mental issues and that is forgiven. At least as long as its a problem that cannot be solved.

Face your problems, be an adult. Quit whining and complaining because honestly no one really listens to complainers/whiners, and even if they do listen they still don't really give a fuck.

 

[kaveradeo]

Its right.

Stop crying and man up, god damn it.

I can't believe how dangerously old fashioned your thinking is.
I guess it's your opinion, but by my personal experience, by telling someone that, I just feel like I try and wash my hands of helping them, and that just sounds weak to me. I'd rather stand and take people's pain away than let them handle it themselves and hurt themselves.

Well it's the "they obviously can't handle the pain so a man like me must take it for them"

 

[Private Custard]

I don't agree with it first of all on feminist grounds. "Be a man" is one of the most sexist statements I hear in common use. Not only does it imply that being a non-man, ie. female, is something that makes one emotional and unstable, it also shoehorns all men everywhere into an emotional iron maiden. The idea that "a man" is stoic and relatively emotionless causes all kinds of untold damage due to repressed issues that need to be dealt with. Let me take rural Australia for example. There's been a drought here for the past decade or so. Out in rural areas that takes its toll. Men who ascribe to the Stoic and Manly ideal find it difficult to seek help for the problems, such as depression, that arise out of having a failing farm when it's been in the family for generations. Stereotype, but you get the idea. The suicide rate in those areas and in this situation shoots right up.

The other reason it irks me is because it demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding about mental illness. I differentiate here between medical depression and "I'm down, need someone to talk to." While the latter is valid as a request, the former runs far deeper. For someone with depression it is impossible to "be a man" and cheer up because of chemical imbalances and other physiological factors upon which no amount of stoicism can have an effect. Stephen Fry related an anecdote during an interview about a fellow bi-polar man in the depressive swing of his illness. This guy had walked in front of a truck and wound up spending six months having the bones in his legs re-broken and re-set repeatedly in an effort to enable him to walk again. The guy said that while yes, the pain of having his legs mended was truly terrible, "it was nothing compared to the pain that made me step onto the highway."

Manic depressives do have the manic part of that cycle to reassure them. It will get better for them because that's a part of their illness. People with depression don't, and it's not fair to burden them with masculinity crap atop everything else. It won't make them better, it could well make them worse. The most likely result is that they just stop talking about their troubles.

Thats what got me too make this thread. People were telling people who where depressed to 'be a man' and it really made me made. These people really had no understanding of depression and had no place telling these people what they should do.

Exactly.

As well put as Labyrinths post was, I'll just be far more blunt. If there's a thread about depression and you don't fall into one of these categories,

- You're a doctor
- You're suffering from depression
- You're living with/friends with/related to a depressed person
- You've suffered from depression

then it's probably best you just stay the fuck out of the discussion! Telling someone to 'man-up' or 'grow a pair' helps no-one. There is no manning up to be done, times have changed, dinosaurs be gone!

You have put it far better then I could have. All those dickheads on the forums where telling these poor people to man, without having any idea what it's like. Having gone through depression myself, it really pissed my off.

I'm amazed one of the 'real men' hasn't had a go at me yet!!

 

[TWEWER]

"Be a man" is ALWAYS the right answer.

 

[Lim3]

Be a man = eat a spoon full of cement and harden the f*ck up.

 

[Stoic raptor]

The idea that "a man" is stoic and relatively emotionless causes all kinds of untold damage due to repressed issues that need to be dealt with. Let me take rural Australia for example. There's been a drought here for the past decade or so. Out in rural areas that takes its toll. Men who ascribe to the Stoic and Manly ideal find it difficult to seek help for the problems, such as depression, that arise out of having a failing farm when it's been in the family for generations.

Hey, I dont have problems with talking about my feelings. Although I am not a man, I am a raptor.
Would that make a difference?

 

[Manicotti]

I want to punch my mom whenever she says "Eat like a man!" for most of the discussed reasons and also because it reminds me of that terrible ad campaign for...Hungry Man TV dinners, or something.