Being cheated on

[Electric Alpaca]

So, my boyfriend cheated on me. He confessed to it, which I suppose makes it easier than discovering the truth yourself.

I could go into more detail, but I'm not really looking for advice, I'm just looking for people's views on, and personal experiences with, infidelity.

I figure it's a good a topic for a thread as any, and I could gain something useful from it, I suppose.

I hope you've left him. With no exception, if he has the propensity to do it once he will do it again.

No matter who you are, you deserve better than the complete lack of respect and cowardice surrounding being unfaithful.

Don't let this discolour your future relationships, and only entertain another when you're truly ready. Even if you notice correlations between this boyfriend and a future one, ignore it.

He's already shown you a disservice, don't let him destroy your future also.

That covers the advice you didn't ask for, now my opinions on the act (which could probably be gathered from the above anyway).

I personally think it is a disgusting act, and there is no justifiable reason for it. It shows a core disregard for another's feelings - regardless of whether they come clean after. Most of the time telling the truth is another selfish act to ease their own mind, rather than thinking of the person they were unfaithful to.

 

[Broady Brio]

My friend accused me of cheating on his girlfriend. I didn't blame him that night, as we was walking to her place, drunk off our arses, we kind of kept to just us two, but we never did anything. I'm just glad he believes me and him not being one of them stubborn types, which would also be understandable.

 

[Nargleblarg]

While to this day I don't know for sure (and don't care) or have proof my first girlfriend most likely did cheat on me. She had many many "close" male friends that she saw more than me, and many of my friends told me she made moves on them. Either way I learned she was a drug addict; couldn't have dumped her faster. The next girlfriend after that was better by leaps and bounds.

Although I myself have never cheated and honestly never could see myself doing so both for the morality of it and the fact I barely can usually get 1 girl to begin with.

 

[remnant_phoenix]

So, my boyfriend cheated on me. He confessed to it, which I suppose makes it easier than discovering the truth yourself.

I'm glad that he confessed. It will hopefully make this a lot easier to get through emotionally for you.

I spent a year in a relationship with a person who cheated on me a lot. Only two occasions I actually found out about while we were dating, and those came to my attention because the two guys (friends of mine) came clean with me out of respect for me, respect that she obviously didn't have. And I stayed with her because I thought that we had "true love" and that she was "the one."

It was only after our relationship was over that I found out about all the other things that she did. The whole relationship ordeal left me emotionally scarred and stunted for a long while and I'm still not completely alright in the head because of it.

I just realized that this reply may have sounded like me trying to "one-up" you, but I promise that's not the case. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel for you. Being cheated on sucks worse than anything else I've experienced in my life, physical pains included, and I hope that you're able to get through it in a better state than I did.

And since I'm not afraid to hug strangers, (hugs). Unless you're made uneasy by touchy-feely expressions of solidarity, in which case, (subtle head nod).

 

[DanielBrown]

Hm, haven't ever been cheated on(never been in a relationship long enough for it to happen), but I've been "the other guy" many, many times.
I regret every time, but when I was younger it was kind of my hobby to go after taken girls...

 

[Relish in Chaos]

If cheaters really love their partners, they wouldn?t have cheated on them in the first place. Simple as. And staying in a relationship with them might give them the wrong impression that they can do it again without consequences.

There?s something called self-control. Man up and pick someone. If you love both of them, then tough shit. You can't have everything.

 

[loc978]

Thankfully, I'm not looking for a long-haul relationship, and I doubt I ever will. in the past 13 years since I started being sexually active, I've had one woman try to "be my girlfriend", and a whole bunch of friends with benefits. Infidelity is kind of my way of life, I suppose. I make sure any woman who has mutual interest in me knows that the standard, implied exclusivity our culture is so fond of flat-out disgusts me. Sorta implies ownership, from where I stand.

 

[Qmonster]

I did the "I forgive you because I'm so nice and understanding" thing once, and I really don't think it was the right idea. Now, that doesn't mean there is no possibility of a relationship recovering after someone cheats, but I think it's pretty slim. In my own experience, everything about the relationship after that point was tainted.

 

[ElPatron]

Can't really decide what I would do in the OP's situation because I have never been cheated on. Just a severe broke of trust that I still haven't forgiven. Now I feel bad for remembering it.


Anyway, the dude will probably do it again. If infidelity is a big deal to you (I suppose it is) then you should consider it a deal-breaker and balance your options immediately.

For the love of everything don't pretend everything is fine. He might have been an ass but it takes a really cold heart to pretend that it isn't a big deal and that "you rather think about it".

Just explain what you are going trough, and end it quickly afterwards. No point in dragging it out, no point in keeping him oblivious.

I had a girlfriend cheat on me with 2 guys at once. While she was sober.

While drunk? Complete nightmare. Sober? That's "pull gun in mouth depressing" and the prescription is playing God of War until your fingers bleed.

Had a few girls cheat on their boyfriends with me because as far as I'm concerned no one's twisting their arm, if they choose to cheat on their boyfriend they're the ones breaking someone's trust, not me.

I like that. To me the best option is "don't ask don't tell".

 

[ElPatron]

I like that. To me the best option is "don't ask don't tell".

It did get weird this one time when a girl kept telling me how much like her boyfriend I was. I was tempted to say "You do know that's not an excuse, right?"[/quote]

Girls cheat a lot while they are deployed in the army. 4chan even had the meme "SHE IS GOING TO FUCK A LOT OF DUDES".

Some of them actually convinced themselves that being thousands of miles away isn't considered cheating...

Nah, you're just encouraging them to.

Passive encouragement is still encouragement, but does that mean that every man should sue Orlando Bloom for giving their girlfriends a standard on what to look for in a man?

They were going to cheat anyway. Just saying.

 

[Irridium]

Been cheated on once. Got insanely pissed, hatched a plan to humiliate the girl, succeed.

On one hand, in hindsight it was a bit much, but on the other hand, she was a cruel, manipulative, goddamn horrible person, so I don't feel much regret.

What would I do if I was cheated on again? I don't know. I'd like to say I'd just up and dump the person, but that's what I thought I would do the first time, too. I just don't know.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

the standard, implied exclusivity our culture is so fond of flat-out disgusts me. Sorta implies ownership, from where I stand.

Could I ask you why exactly it "disgusts" you?

I always thought that, if you were going to be in an actual relationship with someone beyond mere sex, it would be hard to become emotionally invested in them if you're basically sharing it between a bunch of other people, making none of them particularly special.

And I mean, I couldn't blame anyone for feeling unnerved if they found out they were just their partner's "bit on the side" or just another plaything. I mean, it works for casual sex, but not for mature relationships.

I don't want to be "that guy", but after a while, if you're just moving from one girl to the next without any real connection beyond genitalia-juggling, you'd start to get bored, wouldn't you?

 

[game-lover]

My life has been affected by infidelity on all sides.

As a result, I have a very evil, vengeful and usually unforgivable view on the whole deal. Not just those who cheat on their significant others. But to those who play the other man/woman.

I'm sure cheating is forgivable. I'm just not sure I could do it. I get so angry and upset at the thought of it that sometimes I come close to angry tears. Just... it drives me insane. Part of me is afraid of being cheated on. I don't know how I'd react but I believe I'd probably go nuts if I found out.

Matter of fact, reading some things here just on this thread piss me off so much. It's probably only restraint that's keeping me from turning this into a flame war. Because oh the murderous fires that burn in my soul.

Yeah... I have issues.

 

[Berithil]

Never cheated, never been cheated on. Of course that very well might be due to...

Spoiler

Nah, I don't really care. Never been interested in the emotional rollercoaster that is the relationship. But, who knows, maybe that will change someday.